Empathy vs Sympathy

 At our Parents' Small Group - we had a whole discussion on "What is empathy?"

"To understand...."

"To wear one's shoes...."

"To identify...."

"To not judge..."

I piped up (cuz that's what I do...) and said, "Sympathy... is understanding what someone is going through because you've experienced a similar event.  Whereas Empathy... is identifying and validating what someone is going through... but you can't truly understand it."  And my example was Menstrual Pains. That lauched a whole discussion on kidney stones... and gender... and generation.

Modern society and contemporary psychologists have hopped on this hot take bandwagon and branded sympathy with a scarlett letter of being a hand-wave, robotic response.  Whereas empathy... is trying to understand, to walk that mile, to be at the level of.  At the end of the day... does it really matter? Not really. I'm just easily annoyed and like to be that gum under a desk.

Not a garbage can!!!

Pet Peeve #331 

When someone sits in my collapsable lawn/beach chair... leave trash in the webbing cupholder... and walk off!!!! 

School of Rock

NN got invited by her buddy to catch a gig at a local dive bar in Felton.  I volunteered to drive her and her friends.  Gwarsh they're talented!!  So young... so vibrant... so much fun.

After The Chilling... how I wish I can actually join a band and rock out!!

 

Mile Stone

A day after running a 9 minute mile.... and well on my way of achieving my goal of 8 minute... today I run a 9:30 mile.  Geez... did I screw up my timing/distance today or yesterday? 

The Franchise

Been polishing about a book a week... barring any unforeseen meetings or functions.  This was a a tough read for a number of reasons.  Pavlovic is probably the least favorite of all the beats.  Some of the players and event outdate me... so I don't have a first person passion for it.  But the toughest of tough was... of course... 2002.  5 run lead.  6 outs.  Why give him the ball???  Why Dusty?!?!?!?

No... 2010, 2012, 2014 will not make up for it.  It helps... but no.  

Pacing... and passing

SW actually wanted to go running with me today.  Started out fine... he wanted to push me.  Then he was pacing me.  Then.... he blew me away and left me in his dust.  Haha,..  

廿載情

 

Family Affair

Another one bites the dust... another checkmark or two off the bucket list. Worshipping not just with my wife... or my daughter... but both!!!  And to be on the worship team for Mission Conference.  That one is huge. Never in my wildest dream...  will see if things can keep up and I'll get to do Deeper Life also!! Haha..

Jurassic Park

Finished reading the classic, Jurassic Park, by Michael Crichton.  It was an amazing page turner... if I wasn't so tired at night... I would've stayed up and finished it in one sitting.  The book goes much deeper into the science, the nuance, and the ethical dilemmas of technology. 

The character Ian Malcolm even says (along the lines of), "In the olden days, our forefathers would work 20 hours a week on their farms.  With the dawn of technology and the industrial revolution, we find ourselves working longer hours and be more stressed out to a point.  Are we moving forward or backwards?"

As the old saying goes... the book is better than the movie.  In this case... I dunno.  I have to hand it to Steven Spielberg.  His reimagining of Jurassic Park and the lasting images branded into our hearts really puts that old adage to a test.  From the casting... to that first encounter with the brontosaurus... down what to cut and add to the plot... it was downright impeccable.

Jurassic Park also has a special place in my heart.  Went to watch the movie during the last week of freshman year when I was still trying to find friends in high school.  AMC Kabuki... with lunch at Sizzler on Geary.  And it was a little sad or embarrassing that I had to almost beg to be allowed to go with that group.  Still vaguely remember those phone calls or sitting by the phone waiting for Susan to call.  Thankfully... it followed by a great beach day... followed by the summer that broke the dam.  And the rest is history.  On all the backs of the T-rex and those annoying velociraptors. 

I don't listen...?

One of the toughest part in being a parent of a club athlete... the drive home.

NN didn't have an exceptionally good day.  She didn't have a bad day.  But on a scale of 1-10... it's on the lower end of the scale with her stock trending down.  Not sure what it is with her play.  2 years since Tropical Touch... and she still doesn't hit as well as 14 year old Kelly or Devon.  Excuses... excuses... excuses.... but no breakthrough.  I've tried.  Numerous coaches have tried.  And we still can't figure it out. 

I already knew it wasn't a good time to bring up any "suggestions" or "critiques."  It was... play the "I agree" card.  But when she started talking about her elevation and how she isn't getting her height... I carefully (and regretfully) agreed.  I started by saying she wasn't exploding cuz the sets weren't there.  Then I said... from my vantage point... it was just her hands over the net.  Either she's just jumping with her ankles/calves.... or she's not using her quads.... or she's not getting the timing. 

But that spiraled into a "all I have is my elevation... without that... I have nothing."  And it continued to go downhill from there.  She says I'm not listening.  I told her I was agreeing with her.  Then she said she doesn't want me to go to another game again.  (I paused.). "Really??"  "Not if we end up fighting like this."  I said, "Fine."  Door slammed prominently in my face.  And even though I know she doesn't mean it... deep down... there's probably some truth to it.   It's almost like... "You don't support me?? I don't want you in my life!"

This is so stupid.  I agree with her.  And I get in trouble.  I try to be supportive.  And I get called out for raining on her parade and not understanding her.  It must've been my travel... where I'm still recovering from lack of sleep.  Or from waking up early and being at a tournament all day.  I was tired.  My guard was down.  I wasn't filtered.  And I chose not to back down.  "No... I'm not taking the fall for this.  You asked for my thoughts and I gave you my observation.  If it's not the truth... fine."  

I didn't want us to go to bed angry.... or at least... didn't want the sun go down in anger.  So I did the adult/fatherly thing, walked into her room, and apologized for what happened.  She wasn't ready to talk and I don't blame her.  These things take time... and it's not like they're all 100% going to be done by sun going down.  We shall see.... 

Sigh... to be a father. 

Quick trip to NOLA

Took another quick trip down to NOLA... this time... I made a point to actually look up "best gumbo" online and a couple of places pointed me to the Gumbo Shop in the French Quarter.  Ended up getting the Cajun Combo... seafood gumbo... rice and beans, jambalaya, and shrimp etouffle, a corn side dish, and a praline sundae.  It was.... meh.  Not gonna come back and not going to recommend it if people were to ask.  It wasn't bad... it just... wasn't great. 

 

Then the next morning... woke up and had breakfast with Jason and Trey at Ruby Slippers.  Kinda like an upscale Denny's that can be found everywhere.  Had a "special" with fried chicken and pulled pork bennies.  Definitely worth going back to given the opportunity to do another breakfast in NOLA!