Shaws-HANK 2023 - Day 4

For the first time in 5 days... I slept through the night without waking up 4-5 times, drenched in sweat.  Getting better.

Then when I finally did wake up... I spent 90 minutes on Insta.  What is my life coming to?

Shaws-HANK 2023 - Day 3

 Binging Suits on Netflix... gwarsh I wanna be a corporate lawyer, oozing with confidence, not a care in the world, with men and women swooning over me and my 50th floor office overlooking Manhattan... 

Shaws-HANK 2023 - Day 2

 Quaratining sheds new light into someone's life... particuarly mine.  

Was able to stare at myself in the mirror for a long period of time today... and I just noticed how many more strands of gray/silver hair I have all over my head now, not just the sides.

What can possibly be stressing me out so much these days? I know.... every night... at 9PM... I do this thing called Immaculate Grid.  A3x3 grid of baseball IQ.  I admittedly was never a huge fan of baseball.. but for those 5-15 minutes every night... I am in deep, DEEP, thought.  Go through roster after roster.  Play after player.  Overturning every lost or hidden memory or shadow of a baseball card.  All in hopes of chasing that elusive dream of calling myself.... Maculate.  That day... has yet to come.  But the gray... is here to stay. 

Shaws-HANK 2023

Shawshank Redemption is a novella written by Stephen King.  It was a one and done movie that supposed ended at Zihuatanejo with Red and Andy spend the rest of their days in paradise.  Never has there been a mention of... what's next??

Well... there is a what's next!!  Andy... out of the kindness of his heart... takes care of the inmates left in Shawshank.  He cooks and cleans and does everything (and then some) for them.  He sleeps on the couch.  He's fighting off feverish symptoms but never run a temperature.  His body is weak from expiration.  And when it's all said and done... I won the lotto, for the second time.  Back to Shaws-HANK I go! 

Zihuatanejo - Day 11

"All I want is to be back where things make sense. Where I won’t have to be afraid all the time. Only one thing stops me: a promise I made to Andy.”

Day 11 - or is it Day 10.  

Whatever.  It's the day that, per the CDC, I can break from quarantine and escape isolation.  Why?? Why do anything?? Why not hide in my cave... my cell.. my prison? Warm meals are served 3x a day. I get coffee in the morning and tea in the evening. I now can take a stroll up and down the stairs (with a mask on, mind you) and be with the family.

What is it... that the first thing I do this Saturday morning... is drive 20 minutes to someone's house, to help her fix her iPad and fill out a bunch of low-income housing forms?

Then after lunch and some Mario-Kart... from 2PM - 7PM sharp... I gutted and sweated under the sun.  Lifting. Carrying. Setting up A/V. Directing traffic.  Taking control of the carnival games. Then breaking down everything I set up. More lifting. More carrying.  To a point... where my muscles were screaming, "Take a damn break!!  You just recovered."  And to which I slapped back, "Shaddup...."

Why not ease back into society? Why?  Cuz I made a promise.  I promised 小嫻 I would. I promised 大家姐 I would.  

Shaws-HANK 2022 - Day 10

 "Same old sh!t. Different day." 

Shaws-HANK 2022 Day 9

Today's quote... brought to you by Red who misses his friend, Andy.  

“I have to remind myself that some birds aren’t meant to be caged. Their feathers are just too bright. And when they fly away, the part of you that knows it was a sin to lock them up does rejoice."

Around 10:15AM... Joyce texts me, "Omg.  It's the worse.  Worst!" 

Apparently... a bird flew into our garage yesterday.  SW thought he saw it fly out.  Or maybe there were two birds. But this morning when she was in the garage, she saw the bird banging into window trying to fly out.  (Birds aren't that smart).  

She hates birds.  Afraid of them.  No matter how big or small.  She summoned the kids and they ended up scaring and cornering the bird underneath the dryer. The next two hours were video calls and texts on how to lure and free the bird.  Oatmeal. Water. Cheerios.  They just couldn't get the bird out.  

And then... at 12:52PM, "We released the bird."

Turns out they let the bird alone of a bit.  When NN snuck back down to the garage... she saw the bird on the garage window sill.  She "scoops" it into a box... traps it... and then liberates the beast.  Some birds... aren't meant to be caged.  When will I be freed??

Shaws-HANK 2022 Day 8

Taking a break from Shawshank Quotes today to bring you.... one of the most intense near-real time texts from a NorCal Little League championship game.

6:17PM: 4-1

6:17PM: We're losing

6:20PM: 4-2

6:51PM: T scored

6:51PM: 5-3 I think

6:52PM: Or 5-4

6:55PM: 5-4

6:55PM: He (T) had an amazing hit

6:56PM: Pass 1st 

6:58PM: It was a triple

7:09PM: 5-5

7:10PM This message was deleted

7:19PM: 5-6

7:20PM: Bottom of the 6th

7:20PM: They're batting

7:21PM: 6-6

7:21PM: 😬

7:22PM: Swamping in another pitcher

7:23PM: No outs

7:23PM: Aye

7:23PM: Runner on 3rd

7:23PM: Aye

7:24PM: They won

7:25PM: Kids crying

Then I started crying.... sports.  It can be so lift you to cloud nine.  Or rip you up apart into shreds.  So real.  So pure.  

Shaws-HANK 2022 Day 7

 Andy: I understand you're a man that knows how to get things.

Red: I'm known to locate certain things, from time to time.

Depending on when you start to count "1", today is Day 7.  Or is it Day 8?  Does it even matter?  

Was scheduled to take a COVID test at the Wellness Center so I can get back to work.  But when I told the lady I failed an at home test... she said don't even bother coming in.  Now... I'm cleared to go back after the 10 day period.  Again.  When do you start with "1?" 

Moving the spotlight away from me during a depressing day... we focus on New York where Nita and Brandon are suffering, but in a different way.  They're battling a vicious cough where they've gotten zero rest.  Worst yet... they don't have any meds at home.  They don't have friends or neighbors nearby.  And they're reluctant to walk to their nearest drug store.  After being on the receiving end of so many care packages... it was time to pay it forward.  

It was a simple gesture, really.  As long as you're willing to pay a little.  Got on Target.com and had them deliver some meds, Pringles and Swedish Fish to their townhouse.  The price, indeed, was a little steep.  Probably 2x what you would pay in person.  But if there was ever an instance where you can feel joy seep through Whatsapp.... it was today.  

I don't have everything up my sleeve.  But I can locate certain things from time to time.

Shaws-HANK 2020 Day 6

Parole Board: "Please, sit down. Ellis Boyd Redding, your files say you've served 40 years of a life sentence. You feel you've been rehabilitated?"

Red: "Rehabilitated? Well, now, let me see. You know, I don't have any idea what that means."

Day 6.  Finally slept through the night - with the help of a little Nyquil.  Not like I didn't take Nyquil the first few nights, but this time... I don't have to wake up to bouts of sweat or chills.  In fact... woke up to the familiar feeling of being over-medicated and not fully flushing the meds out of my system. 

Joyce shows up with a wooooooooonderful breakfast of instant noodles.  And what's even more wonderful is an Abbott Anti-gen Rapid Test.  This is it!!! 5 days since initially testing positive. My symptoms are clear.  I slept well.  Time for a negative test so I can be free from this life sentence. 

If it took a full 10 minutes for the line to come up on the first day.... this time, it took 10 seconds.  And the line was bold. And red. And bold.  My viral load is still off the books.  

Parole? DENIED!!!

Shaws-HANK 2022 - Day 5

“Zihuatanejo. It’s a little place in Mexico on the Pacific Ocean. Do you know what the Mexicans say about the Pacific? They say it has no memory. That’s where I want to live the rest of my life — a warm place with no memory.”

Day 5 of Quaratine.... It's like I'm in trapped in a heinous experiment... where some scientist is observing me and measuring my level of joy by turning on that light at the end of the tunnel... then shutting it off.  On.  Then off.  On.  Off. 

The Giants game started at 8:35AM PDT.... a day game in the East Coast.. sunrise game for us. Had you slept in... you woulda woken up to a no-hitter through 5.  After the game ended... after ended up streaming Sunday Service... I was stuck with the rest of the day with nothing to do.  So I jokingly... (unjokingly) try to test my memory by memorizing the Greek alphabets.

15 minutes.  It took me a whole 15 minutes to do it. COVID fog? Old age?  But I did it....

Then... for whatever reason... patriotism... memorial day... I felt like memorizing the New Colossus, the poem on the dedicated to the Statue of Liberty.   24 hours later.... I still don't have it.  Is that where I'm headed? Or am I at my destination... a place where I now have no memory.

 

Shaws-HANK 2022 - Day 4

“I guess it comes down to a simple choice, really: Get busy living, or get busy dying.”

Day 4 of Quarantine. Fever finally broke.. I think.  I scan myself every 15 minutes to see if it'll bounce back.  Holding steady at 97.  Yes - I run cold.  Maybe I'm a reptile - cold blooded. 

The day started out with a pleasant surprise.  One of my dearest friend IM'ed me to see how I was doing.  Now I get a glimpse of what a prisoner feels like to have a visitor... even if even through a glass wall.  To have some human contact. 

Then we find out... not only does B has it... but Nita finally succumbs to it too.  Now they're both quarantined.  But at least they can be in common areas together. 

Fourth day in a row... salty food still tastes bitter.  But citrus tastes fine.  The verdict on Orange Chicken is still out. 

Had the Giants game on the radio in the afternoon to keep me company. But after the game... it was back to my lonesome self.  Trapped.  In solitary confinement. In an asylum.  Desperate for some outside connection. Every 4-5 minutes, I would check Whatsapp to see if there is a new message. And just like 4-5 minutes ago... there will be none. Of course not. People have lives. They're busy working. They're busy living. While I'm busy dying.

Shaws-HANK 2022 - Day 3

“In prison, a man’ll do most anything to keep his mind occupied.”

Popped a couple of Nyquils and Zzzzz I went... for like an hour. Then I was covered in sweat. That's what happens when you're running a temp. Your body regulates and sweats thereby cooling the body down. Which in effect, is sheer torture because I'm dizzy from the meds... burning from within... yet freezing from the outs. I've lost track of how many undershirts I've gone through. 

The day actually started out pleasant.  Spent the first 1.5 hours recapping Obi Wan with a couple of buds.  Then found out B randomly came down with COVID (misery loves company, sorry).  And then.... OMG.... and then.... it was the closing arguments in the Amber Heard / Johnny Depp trial.  All morning... I was live streaming the trial on Youtube (while drifting in and out sleep).  I really couldn't keep my eyes open due to sleep deprivation. 

When the trial was officially over and jurors were sent to deliberate... I see a long list of complaints that my team isn't supportive.  Ugh.... the last person I want to piss off and there she is, irate.  So I login and hunt down my team.  Heh.  I wonder how long it'll take for them to know the source of their tattle. Then I realized I missed an important meeting this morning.  I quickly sent a note to apologize... (no apologies needed, really). 

The lowlight of the day... was probably getting pictures of SW's 5th grade promotion Luau.  In 2020, NN's luau was cancelled cuz of COVID.  In 2022... I missed SW's luau... cuz of COVID.  As if she knew the anguish I was going through in missing this event... NN knocks on my door and delivers me lunch.  Once again, I take the lonely walk from my dresser to my desk... when my phone rings.  It's a video call from NN.  She wants to have lunch via FaceTime. 

In the middle of the day... Joyce took the kids out to run some errands... so I snuck out of the room and walked around the house.  Goodness gracious, the house is a mess.  Books and clothes everywhere.  Homework and projects all over the place. Dishes overspilling the sink.  Garbage can is at its brim.  Then I peek inside SW's room and see that there's a camping mat on the floor.  Turns out all three of them have been sleeping in the same room together.  (Awwwww).  I guess in times of trouble and questions... you really do need some sort of reassurance and guarantee that you're not alone.  

Rest of the day was a haze.  I got so bored I started looking for random podcasts to listen to... a man'll do just about anything to keep his mind occupied.  I remember drifting in and out of consciousness.  At one point, I could've sworn I was on vacation on the Galapagos Island.  

Because I did absolutely nothing today... and because I "slept" throughout the day... I started to go to sleep at 8:30PM.  It's 12:30AM... and I'm still wide awake. 

Shaws-HANK 2022 - Day 2

“These walls are funny. First you hate 'em, then you get used to 'em. Enough time passes, you get so you depend on them. That's institutionalized.”

Day 2 of quarantining. When you're held in a confide space against your will... every time you look up, the walls seem to inch closer and move in tighter.  I'm "locked" in a master bedroom suite in the Silicon Valley... I'm going stir-crazy.  It's indescribable how much hope and excitement I felt when I rolled up my blinds and opened the window for some fresh air.  No, I wasn't outside, but outside came within. 

My body continued to struggle... like Jordan in the 1998 Flu Game. Calling into all these meetings.. no one will know how I'm physically struggling.  But after every call ended... my body collapsed.  

My meals were delivered to me like a prisoner.  Joyce would open the door... leave a dish by the dresser... take the used plates and walk out.  I will happily go grab the dish.  But those 4-5 steps from picking up the plate to sitting down at my desk... is the loneliest walk known to man.  Yes, it's a warm meal... but it might as well be Lean Cuisine without being nuked... if I'm to eat another meal by myself.  That feeling of loneliness... of isolation... is more suffocating than COVID itself. 

Then here I am... complaining some more.  When almost all the people I know who are COVID stricken lose their sense of taste/smell... I can still enjoy my cup of brown water in the morning.  But last night's lasagna was so salty... it was downright bitter.  I wanted to hurl.  Hyper-sensitive tastebuds? Ultra-sensitive stomach? Or I'm just physically trying to revolt and rebel against this situation???  

The night ended someone more pleasant... as the sun started setting and the cool eastern winds chilled the air... I was able to listen (not watch, mind you) the Warriors close out the WCF.  And then... at 9PM PDT sharp... I was able to stream Parts I and II of Obi-Wan Kenobi on Disney+.  After that... popped a couple of Nyquils... and Zzzzzz I went.  

It’s a matter of when…

Past two days... been feeling icky.  I attributed it to high pollen.  And yet... as I was driving to work this morning, it took every fiber of my being to not hurl in the car.  Something was not right.  But I just tested negative last night.  

Instead of heading to work... I veered a right and came home for a quick 15 minute test.  

1 minute. 

2 minute. 

I kept staring at the white window of hope.  The "Control" line was dark and steady.  Then... I swear, my eyes are playing tricks on me.  That's not a line. No way!! I tested negative yesterday.  This is food poisoning!!  That line is the standard groove that's there... you'll see it under special lighting.  3 minutes.  3.5 minutes.... it was like the morning sky revealing itself from behind the some cotton tail clouds. 

Disbelief.  This happens to other people.  The careless. The anti-maskers. Not me! 

My moments of denial were strengthened by the whims of a false negative. So I grabbed another rapid-test.  And this time... the dual lines of death revealed themselves quicker than I can say, "KELLY CLARKSON!!" 

This is it... I got it.  Won the lotto.  Now I get to quarantine and plan for my cruise with all the other super-humans.