Tradition, Superstition, or a big waste of time...?

Today was my 細舅父's memorial.  The event was intimate.  Quaint.  Special.  常言道：外甥多似舅.  Not sure if it applied in this situation.  In my entire waking life, I may have spoken no more than 50 words with him.  Usual high-bye.  New Years and holiday greetings.  Probably the most we've conversed was at Amy's wedding.  At that point... his larynx was so damaged I can barely hear him.  Regardless... he's still one of my closest relative.  In the ranking family members... 見舅如見娘.  You don't much closer than that.  And it is on this day... that I found myself in the weirdest of weirds.  Trapped in a vortex of tradition... superstition... taboo... or a downright waste of time. 

In Chinese Memorials... or any memorials... it's tradition that the family will hand out 利是 as a token of appreciation for attending or as a means of gratitude for condolences.  But... but.... BUUUUUUUT.... you must... must.... MUUUUSSSSSTTTT spend that money and not pocket the money.  Go buy some candy.  A drink.  Donate it if you have to.  Never bring it home with you.  Otherwise you'll have a streak of bad luck. You'll be cursed.  Fire and brimstone will rain down on you... without an umbrella!!

All these years... after all the funerals and memorials I've been to.... I've held a steadfast grip on that tradition.  Look... I'm a God-loving, Christ-following man.  Do I really believe in these 文間小見??  Well... let's see.  

I collected a total of $101.25 altogether.  Now I was on a mission to spend it.  Boy was I giddy!!!  I was goin to town!!!

My first stop,,. Arsicault Bakery on Arguello.  There's usually a line around the block.  First thing I ask, "Do you take cash???" Can't assume.  Not these days.  For sure I can spend a bunch of cash there.  Nope!!  I bought like 3 things... and even a fat, fat tip... I barely scratched the surface.  

So I headed back to the Speciality Coffee shop.  "Do you take cash???"  Then I ordered a jaw-dropping $7 cup of coffee and a $12 piece of cake.  Never in my right mind would I ever spend $2 for cake... let alone $12.  But here's where the problem starts.... the total came out to $21.90 and I only had $20's and a $1.  I'm out of practice.... I haven't spent cash in so long.  I could've given the cashier an extra $1, to get $0.10 back. But for whatever reason, I gave him a $20 and went into my wallet to fish out a $5.  Why??? I have no clue.  Now I got a bunch of change and didn't know what to do with it.  My mind was a mess. So I tipped the rest.  Only now... I didn't just spend the 利是錢， I'm dipping into my own money.  Ugh....

Ok... whatever.  The Lady M cake is good.  Coffee is above average.  Not worth $20.  But I still have money to spend.  So off I go to Pineapple King.  This place was a lot easier to deal with.  "Do you take cash???" After a quick exchange... I still had about $40 in my pocket. 

Next stop... was at Target.  I orignally wanted to get a grill brush, but they were out.  So I ended up getting two drinks and two containers of breathmints.  The total came out to like $13.12.  I popped the guy a $20.  He asked if I had $0.12.... he didn't want to make change.  I said I didn't.  (But I did!!! I forgot about my quarter!!!)  So he started fumbling around to make up the $0.88.  I was losing patience.  I kept thinking... "What's the quickest way to end this transaction???"  For some reason, on the cash register, I saw the number $3.72.  So I just rounded down and said, "Just gimme $3."  The cashier said, "That's it???" I said, sounding annoyed, "Yeah."  He said, "Ok."  Handed me $3... and I stormed out.  As I was walking out... I started to do mental math.  Wait a minute... I should be getting at least $6 back..... why did I round it to $3?????  But it was too embarrassing to turn back...

All in all... I had $8 left in cash.  Went to downtown Mt. View to pick NN up and I was early.  So I slipped into a boba place to get a Thai Milk Tea.  Nowadays a Thai Tea runs you $8-10.  I was pretty confident I can spend the rest of the cash and be rid of this baggage... this load.  But the cashier rung me up and said, "$5.50."  I said, "WHAT?!?! That's it?!?!?!"  She looked at me like I had two heads and 8 eyes.  I wistfully handed her $6.... got $0.50 change back.  And with along with the remaining dollar bills... it all went into her tip jar.  Like trash day... I just wanted to get rid of everything.

Sigh..... done.... all the cash.... spent.  Took a lot of work and now I have a car full of pastries, pineapple buns, soda, and candy.  What a healthy way of life.  Ohhhhh... but it gets better.

After dinner.... I suddenly remembered... there was a smaller red envelope with the $0.25.  Why a quarter... I don't know.  What I know is, it's resting in my blazer pocket.  I gotta go spend it... or toss it... or do something with it.   It can't stay in the house.  As I was searching for that quarter... I asked Joyce if she spent her 利是錢.  She pitifully chuckles at me and says, "No, not yet."  And marches upstairs to get it and said, "Go.  Go to Safeway or Trader Joe's."  And that was it.

I drove to Safeway with $21.50 in my pocket.... thinking I can get some fruit, cuz we're out of oranges.  And maybe some healthy snacks.  As I'm climbing up and down the aisles... I'm calculating and counting.  Don't want to spend too little... gotta use up the funds.  But don't want to spend too much... cuz I'll be using my own money!!! Must've walked around the store 3 times... and I finally found the right combo.  I got to the cashier... got my digital coupons... punched in telelphone number... got my member rewards.... and boom... $23 and change!!! BOOM!!! I did it!!!  Haha!!! I pulled out my phone and apple paid it and was about to leave when.... "Oh no!!"  I literally said it out loud, "Oh no!!!!"  The cashier looked at me, concerned.  I closed my eyes in disappointment.  Looked to my left and saw a long line.  "Nevermind... it's ok."  All that work... of counting and calculating... of shopping for things we don't need.  And I ended up... NOT using the cash!!!!!!  That $21.50... was still sitting in my pocket!!!! That was the whole point.  Use up the cash!!!!  

So what do I do??? Return everything and buy it again with cash????  That'll look so stupid.  Ended up rolling everything to the car... loaded it into the trunk and walked back into Safeway with my tail between my legs.  What am I doing???? In this desperate attempt to keep Tradition... to ward off Superstition.... I now have to go back and buy even more junk that we don't need!!!

What a big..... waste.... of time...... 

Grand Salami

Sunday evening... the rays raining down on us.  Bases loaded.  Bottom of the 6th, 2 outs.  The count is 2-0.  This happened.

Sad thing was... I lost track of the ball and didn't even know where it went.  New Vine won our first game of the season.  My son was there to witness it.  My girl was in the stands. One of the best moments of my life.  

Poignancy hits hard

Spent the day with mom to help her post cataract surgery.  Lots of driving... lots of caretaking... more than I expected.  She was literally blind as a bat this morning when I got there up till her dressings were removed. 

I actually gave myself plenty of time and expectation to spend the day there with the goal of organizing her kitchen which never seems to not smell like TCM or mildew when I walk in.  And as I was pointing out all the plaees that were messy or disorganized... and mom parried with the reason why things are the way things are... she finally sat down on the sofa.  Defeated.  Didn't want to argue anymore.  And started reflecting on how she wants to clean.  

Including... all the games and toys she had on her shelf.  And how all these years... she's been longing and waiting for us to visit her, so the kids can have something to do.  Or she can gift them with the toys and games.  But we never visited.  Or when we did... I was busy troubleshooting while the kids were on their devices.  And now that they're high school and college age... it's past that age ready to be trashed.  

She didn't say that out of shame... but just matter of fact.  And it's the matter of fact... that hits harder than targeted shame.

World Class Epic Fail

I don't ask for much... I really don't.  I just want the family to have a good time.  Create core memories.

This Sunday... after a couple of weeks of an icy, cold war, at home, I thought about taking everyone down to San Pedro Square for a nice lunch and then over to the MLK library for a Comic Book museum.  A nice Sunday afternoon, stress free, family time. 

Only for me to realize much later... that it's the World Cup Finals!!! Against my better judgement, I decided to go anyways.... and it turns out... traffic was horrible.  I dropped the family off first... but the place was over-capacity and not letting people in.  It was hot... they were hungry... lots of walking and crowds.  I got hangry and frusturated and snapped at them.  It made it for a very quiet lunch.

Then things got better after we refueled.... we walked to the library... got to the 5th floor for the exhibit only to see that it's closed on Sundays!! OMG.... all that walking and waiting.  

So soften the overall blow... we drove to HeyTea which was BOGO if you brought any ball to order.  The line was soooo long and slow... it took us 40 minutes to order.  Then it took another 45 minutes to get our order.  

俗語有雲：頭頭碰著黑。 That's how I felt today....

And to cap it off.... went 1 for 2 with like 3 errors playing Short today.  OMG.... when does this freefall stop!!!

Wasted opportunity

Picked up SW from open gym today and for some reason... I started sharing about my recent woes and depression.  I didn't exactly phrase it that way... but summarized it to the likes of "It's been a rough couple of weeks. You try to find a song on the radio, and nothing fits.  You doom scroll, and there's nothing to watch.  You want to do stuff, but you're just not motivated."

He responded by sharing... "That's when you gotta lock in, go for a run.  Or set up a playlist.  And let the playlist carry your run."  

At that time... I didn't realize how serious he got, cuz I got quiet.  I drawed him in.  He leaned in.  And when he did, I yelled, "龜波氣功！"  It startled him and he laughed thinking how funny it was.

Later tonight... I realized... SW was actually maturing up and opening up to share in my problems.  Dad has issues too.  And he was empathetic and willing to bear my burden.  And here I ruined it with a stupid joke.  Typical me... wasted opportunity. 

For the first time

Met NN’s boyfriend’s parents, officially, for the first time. Well.. .I’ve kinda known them for years from various SJCAC capacities. But it was the first time for Joyce.

Then at dinner… NPY (aka Nippy) chose to sit next to me. That was brave of him.. but valor pays off. A great first impression. Actually.. I’ve known about the Sihoe boys for years. Not of the rest of the boys… particularly during the all church retreat, they did the ropes course with their parents. And c’mon… with names like Caleb and Gideon, how do you not know them. In terms of church boys… I think we hit the jackpot. Maybe God bless… and continue to nourish this relationship.

Depression Mounts Again

 This all too familiar feeling of suffocation.  I can’t shake it.  I can’t ignore it.  This is the third one the past month… and there’ll probably be more.  They deserve it.  I should be happy for them.  And yet.. I’m here wallowing in my own sorrows or even pity that I will never be that man.  Maybe I’m not.  Maybe I’m not all that I think I am.  I compare… and I can’t help but think, why not me?   Too familiar are these feelings.. when the kids didn’t make the sports teams’ cuts.  I know that gut punch suffocation… and there literally is nothing that can help me breathe.

Family Getaway

It’s always an adventure in it of itself… to go on a family getaway… and / or a family getaway with Grace and her kids.  To start things off… as we rolled off the driveway… I said a prayer that we don’t get into a fight.  To which NN smiles and admits… it’s usually me and her that get into a fight.  How sad.

 All summer… I’ve been apprehensive about this trip.  Going to a lake… where we’re not big into water sports… and in an Airbnb that I know absolutely nothing about.  The silver lining my friends told me… was I can get some quiet / down time to catch up on reading or to disconnect. 

 Living in an Airbnb presents its own challenges… the sharing of rooms, beds, bathrooms, kitchen space, living space, and fridge space.  I can’t say enough of how much we are different family units that can come together and share. But there are also lines that you never expect to lay that are crossed… such as bringing a pack of 24 eggs.. .and within 2 days, only 5 were left.  Or the tub of butter that was nearly gone after 3 days.  Or the 24 cans of soda and 24 cans of Chi… that was nearly completely wiped out.  Geez louise… how much do people eat? And then…there was the who mix up of making steak.  I didn’t want to make it.  Didn’t want ot bbq it… and then I was asked to do it… only to find out it wasn’t even marinated!!!  Omg…. The little things.  But those little things are quickly overshadowed by greater things… the core memories that are created.

 Dining and laughing with family is priceless.  Mah jong as a family is priceless.  SW… unexpectedly growing up to be the cool favorite cousin is unexpected.  And I’m totally utterly completely outmatched in Mario Kart and Super Smash Bros…. My two little nephews are not that little anymore.  They’re still sweet as can be… and have their moments.  Don’t know how much longer they’ll want to hang out with us.

Super Girl

Bravely ventured out to the city to check up on mom cuz of a local power outage. I take for granted how people can, or in many cases, can not communicate. But whatever… no harm no foul. Was able to make it out to the city with the entire family… found mom at the HPOE… got her what she needed, mostly, and headed to the old AMC1000. The remnants of this place and a ghost of what it use to be… long gone are those happy memories and good ol days. Here to stay… is a creepy theater where they don’t even have concierge to sell snacks… bu you havet to go back down to the 2nd floor of a 9 floor theater to pay. And then there’s the movie it self… omg… I want my 108 minutes back. What an abomination of story telling and movie making. I had such high hopes for this story after the end of Super Man. Where you don’t have to stick with the boring story of a mild-mannered reporter that’s there to defend goodness. You can spin this into a dark, self discovery, coming of age alien movie. Instead… it was a snoozer that completely wasted the set up and the actors. Even mom… with her lowered standards… gave a chronicle man sleeping or empty chair. So disappointed in this…. and all the summer movies. Worst of all… after watching so many trailers for Odyssey… I feel like skipping out on that venture and go straight towards spidey and then doomsday.

Sci-Fi just not my jam....?

Finished a book called Piranesi…. A sci-fi/fantasy book recommended by a colleague/co-worker. I powered through it and finished it… but not at any moment, would I say this is a good readable book. On reddit.. this book is one that is polarizing… either you love it or hate it. I’m in the latter camp. But this gives me hope… that if I can power through this, I can / might power through war and peace

The Bonds Treatment

In 2004... Barry Bonds drew a historic and unprecedented 120 intentional walks.  The opposing team was so afraid of his bat, they rather put him on base and let his teammates earn their pay and make them pay.  As fans... we would boo... cuz we paid to go watch Bonds hit.

Yesterday... I got my first taste of the Bonds Treatment aka Operation Cluck.  My first AB... I nearly cranked a HR to right field.  Second AB... the outfielders started stepping back... and I hit a standup triple, probably could've made it home had the 3B coach not held me up.  I come up for my third AB... and the outfielders are now so far out I can bloop a single and turn it into a triple.   That's how much fear I've struck in them.  

Then came the treatment.  Low.  Low.  Didn't even make the plate.  Outside corner - my only pitch to hit. Way outside.  The pitcher didn't even give me a chance.  Wave those rubber chicken folks!!!!