Just move it, already!!

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Pet Peeve #97 - if something is in your way... move it OUT OF YOUR WAY.  It'll serve you better.  And serve you well.

Case in point... a chair is jutted out in the dining room.  You walk by twice... but have to dance around it.  Why don't you just scoot the chair back in?  

Case in point... you're doing dim sum on a lazy susan. For some weird reason... the dim sum lady puts in out of reach of anyone.  You see that anyone who wants that dim sum have to stand up and reach for it... why not just scoot the bamboo basket closer for yourself and anyone else to follow??

Case in point... same lazy susan... the soy sauce/chili sauce/salt and pepper rack is block people from snatching their aforementioned dim sum.  Why can't you just push it closer to the center, out of everyone's way??

Why can't people simply be more considerate??  Make life easier for yourself...and each other. 

被關心

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At 9:30PM...got a call from PAL and C-mo. They wanted to talk.

I guess they sensed something was wrong... and I would give them a gold-star... if anything... for trying.  No... I'm not holding a grudge or hiding any ill-wills against anyone.  Credit them for noticing and taking immediate action.  It truly is a blessing that someone would notice and reach out right away.  This is beyond any leadership course on Empathy or Emotional Intelligence.  But it's just a matter of caring... and I can say... I sit on a different tier and class than most other people.  

It turned out to be a venting session for all parties... but in the end.. I have to recognize and acknowledge that my pastor... the ones who are charged with caring for their sheep... reached out to care for me.  I will not take that for granted...and I know that this isn't something that everyone else gets.  To be open... to be "naked" enough to have a dialogue about things... that's what true leadership is.  

I can only imagine how many private conversations Jesus had with his 12.  I have zero hesitation that God put me in this church-family to bless me and show me what a community ought to be.  And if I need to take this type of caring to my next destination than that will easily be my next step. 

The Art of... Moving On

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On the night my beautiful and wonderful sister-(in-law) graduated with her MBA... we find out that her ex is now engaged. "I'm happy for him, really."  And in a way... I find that to be the truth.  It's time to move on and not dwell in the past.  The past got us here... it has every meaning and every fold of memories.  But let the past be the past... and let's focus on now... and look towards the future.

I couldn't help but ask... "Did you measure yourself up to her?"  cuz I truly think the world of my sister-(in-law). Her response was classic.... "No, cuz I don't really care."  Then her next response just anted up on her priceless answer.  "I did say... 'I'm their mom. No one else.' "  

So maybe... it's just time to move on. 

The Art of Not Caring

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I ask myself... why am I so high-strung? demanding? strict? Why do I care??

I see some of my friends... I see Grace... their kids are.... wild. And they don't say anything. They let kids be kids. Everyone is happy. Then there's me. There's SW... who once again.. violated the sacred sanctity of the dinner table. He was in the middle of a battle on his Switch so he brought it to the dinner table. It was one more match... can't I just let the guy finish his game? Have his fun? I tried to keep it in... and for the most part... I succeeded. But I didn't... I got pissed anyways.. but I didn't yell at him. I simply clammed up and shut up due to the pent up anger. C'mon dude!!! Pause the game for just 15 minutes. Can you do just that?? Play after dinner. Why do I do this to myself?? Why do I even care??

Why?

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Why?! Why do bad things happen to good people?? As I type... Tears are streaming down my cheek. It’s not fair!! Of all people... 

To imagine how the conversation with the parents will be like. To imagine... how the conversation with the kids will be like.

And oddly... I immediately think of Job. And that God allows this to happen... to the strongest, most outstanding of his children. 

I stand with you, sis. We will get thru this. We will.

點解

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點解、今日TWA、最後生係我？！

For the sake of change...

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Back in the late 90s... when Tiger roared to a Masters win by 12 strokes, he shocked the golf world by changing his swing.  Then after a year of suffering... he went on a tear again... including the Tiger Slam - 4 majors in a calendar year (not a PGA season).  Right after that... he changed his swing again.  Many attribute that two years stint as wrecking his chance of Nicklaus' 18 or Snead's 82.  But regardless... his dominance can only be mirrored by the likes of Ali in the 60's... Russell in the 70's... Hogan in the 80's and Jordan in the 90's.  

Many years ago... I too made a change when I switched to using the mouse with my left hand.  And yesterday... after over 30+ years of basketball... I decided to change my shot.  It's not that I was bad... but I wanted to get better.  And with the recent dawn of Klay.. and Steph and Dame... and the long game... I needed to get away from the Jordan / Kobe step back, jack and launch.  Rather... needed to create that smooth uppercut one fell swoop motion that creates a rainbow tear drop swoosh everytime I'm on target.

Ohhhh it was bad.  Air ball after air ball.  But the times it did go in... the swoosh was as pleasant as a baby's sneeze.   This is just hoops... it's a game.  But in life and in relationships... there also needs to be a change. 

T's & C's

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Since when did installing software come with that screen of terms and conditions that you have to click "Acknowledge?" Probably when people started complaining and suing saying, "I didn't know your software was gonna do XYZ!"  Or "You didn't specifically say ABC was going to happen."  

Well, what about friendships and companionships? Do we need T's & C's? Isn't there just some fundamental understanding that when you share something, say something, it shouldn’t be reshared? "Well... you didn't say I couldn't share."  Or "I didn't think that was a secret...."  

My fault for not stipulating these things.  Or maybe... the whole, "Don't tell anyone about this but..." is just an empty promise anyways   People click the "Acknowledge" button and don’t read the terms and conditions anyways...

Through the eyes of a child

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Took the opportunity of a 3 day weekend to head out to the city to see the folks. I knew it was gonna be an uphill battle. The day was going to be long... and there'll be some unhappy moments (sprinkled with unforgettable moments).  

We first went to see dad... picked up some San Tung chicken wings and headed to his place for lunch.  We then headed to his rec center and played a long awaited yet much anticipated game of ping pong with his grandson.  Very much forgettable... and possibly a top 10 moment of the 20's.  But the forgettable thing was... dad couldn't stop thanking "SW" for making his wish come true.  Even though he really did have a dream of playing with SW... not once, did dad make any mentions of playing with NN. ***grrrr***

Then we headed over to shoot some hoops together.  Dad has been bothered by an ailing back problem but he muscled through it and we got some 2 on 2 action in there.  Seeing dad really struggle there towards the end... I ended the game in a hurry.  NN continued to shoot... to which dad was thoroughly impressed by her shooting strength and accuracy.  And NN continued to shoot... in a way... to show dad that she's not "just another girl."  It was a statement moment for her.  

We then wrapped up the afternoon and evening spending time with mom.  Taking her Costco shopping... then trudged through traffic to take a short hike at Golden Gate Park.  I really didn't know what else to do with them.  By that time... everyone was exhausted and emotions started bubbling.  I tried to handle it in stride... to which... I too, finally collapsed and couldn't bite my tongue anymore and snapped at mom.

At night..  while putting NN to sleep.. she game me a synopsis of the day.

"No matter what happens... 爺爺 will always see past me and see SW and CT."  To which I can only reply.. "So true.  Just be glad that 嫲嫲 can't stop talking at you or about you."

Then she made some keen observations...

"It's obvious you and 爺爺  have a closer relationship.  I see you laughing and joking with him.  With 嫲嫲, she's doing the talking and you're listening.  And she gets on your nerves sometimes and you snap at her."  Crap... not a good example to be setting.  And frankly... nothing much I can do to hide it anymore.

She then goes on and on about how she sees our family relationship.  About how I deal with the in-laws... and then how I have a bias even to her and SW.  To which, I denied nothing and simply listened.  NN is coming of age... she knows what's going on.  She knows the right things to say... and how to look for that unicorn of a silver lining.  But when it's all said and done... our family is very much broken... like most other families out there, I guess. 

損魚頭

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Growing up... mom (and almost all moms) would love to suck on a fish head for dinner. It's satisfying.. tasty... full of juice.. full of essence. And yet.. it has zero nutrients.. next to no meat... and is highly disgusting. Then why do mom's do it? For the same reason.. when we have bulgogi for dinner... I would cut off the meat fot the fam... and gnaw and nibble on the bones.  Is it really that good... course not.  Who doesn't want to sink their teeth into a mouth full of juicy meat? Rather... we tear off the little meat and cartilage there is left and allow the sauce to wash down the rice in our bowls. All... in hopes that the kids and spouse gets a good dinner.

We do it.. cuz we love them. No... this isn't a piece that's inadverntely praising myself. Cheers to all moms and dads... who choose to give up the choice dinner, for what's leftover.

Speed up to slow down...

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It has come to my attention.. that life.. is moving so fast. NN is already in middle school. SW will be in 5th grade this year. Before we know it.. we'll be studying for SATs, going on college tours, picking out prom dresses and renting tuxes... and all this... will be done while we spend more than 1/3 of our days in our car, stuck in traffic, listening to an audio book or KLOVE.  During COVID, we've adopted a family practice of going hiking or at least walking together... to spend time together.  But all those times... we'll drive there, walk while the kids grumble... and drive home in time for them to hop on their devices.  

So today... I thought.. let's walk to downtown Campbell for lunch, then walk back.  We're going to walk anyways.  We're going to eat anyways.  Why not just walk??  We have a destination.  We have a goal.  We have a reward going one way and another coming back.  

Course... they complained.  Obviously... they grumbled.  And even with my explanation.. that we need to slow down and not let life pass in front of us... they were not truly satisfied.  We got home.. and indeed... they hopped on Netflix or their devices again.  I think... these are the afternoons that'll be etched in our shallow memories of spending time together as a family.  

I'm a sucker for it...

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Life has suddenly slowed down to a snail's pace. Work is about to transition. I've largely paused my way out of church activities. And I'm generally so depressed that I'm not looking for a project or two to start on, yet. So at night... I suddenly have some time to Netflix surf. Or Hulu surf. Or Prime video surf. (Not Disney+ surf... there's nothing of interest on there except for Star Wars).

Again and again... I find myself drifting back to Rom Com's. What is it with these fairy tale stories? Boy meets girl.  Boy falls for girl.  Boy goes after girl.  Boy loses girl.  Boy... more often than not... ends up with girl.  Maybe... it's just the mood it evokes insofar as I get a boost of happy-feeling.  I don't want a murder mystery keeping me up at night. I don't want to fall asleep with explosions or murders or heists.  Just something that feels good.

I love Julia Roberts.  She is a goddess from her looks alone (I think). But it's her acting ability.  The turn of the face.  The movement out of the corners of her eyes.  The mischievous raising of the eyebrows while revealing those signature pearly whites.  

I love Tom Hanks.  His goofy puffing of the cheeks.  The shaking of his head while he searches for his lines.  The down to earth look of awestruck when he realizes the girl standing in front of him is the oasis in his desert.  

I love serendipity... where it was happenstance or divine intervention... that two people happen to bump into each other in a nonassuming cafe.

I love childhood sweethearts and best friends going through the turmoils of their own lives only to realize that their soulmates were under their noses all this time.  

I love the extending of a hand to grasp another.. and the look of "Really?! Really?? Finally.... no more playing hard to get." Reciprocated with an extension of a mutual limb to secure each other in this world of loneliness.  

Deep down... I think everyone deserves their own love story.  And as the name of the genre says it... let's have a laugh along the way.  Because if you can't laugh at yourself... what is there really to laugh about aferall? 

Reggie!! Reggie!!

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In spite of COVID, been so many years... years!!! I finally made it back to a public court for some pickup basketball.  

My rhythm was off.  My lungs were burning.  My feet were weighed down with concrete. For moments there... I couldn't buy a basket.  Then after those embarrassing, awkward moments... my DNA kicked in.  Like riding a bike... swoosh... swoosh... swoosh.  Nothing but net (with an occasional airball).  For those few moments... "Reggie" was back, the name I earned when playing pickup ball in my early 20's.  

Then they wanted to play 2 on 1.  Really?!?!? You're gonna pick on an out of shape, old man with back problems? Fine.  Bring it.  You wanna drive into my house. IN YO FACE!!!  

Today... "Reggie" was king of the hill.  

Today... "Reggie" was the man of da house.

Today... "Reggie" defeated SW and NN.  

Ground Hogs Day

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Once again.. betrayed. She’s a budding woman... is it a surprise? I realize.... that something is not working. The definition of insanity is doing the same thing and expecting different results. I am insane. I need to change something.

What is it with pies?

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Never been a fan of pies... just don't like the concept of cooked fruit. And either the fruit is lathered in syrup and caramel which really...defeats the purpose of the fruit.  or it's so tart you might as well be sucking on a lemon.  The only part about a pie that's semi palatable is the crunchy, buttery crust.  

I fed SW just the crust tonight and it was tainted with a bit of the berry jam.  His face scowled... "Bleah!!!  So sour!!!"  Heh... like father like son. 

Just because

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After writing over 1600 posts... I ask myself... what am I doing? Why do I even write? For the joy? For the pain? For the memories? 

Why would it be for the memory? The past few days have been a few of the worst days of my life.  How do I even document this? I joke... that when I write a memoir... a leadership book... this will take up several chapters.  And here I am... another sleepless night.  Last night... I woke up at 3AM to chest pains.  I couldn't fall back asleep until 630.  It was a panic attack.  Why am I submitting myself through this? And who do I have to vent to? Who can lend me a shoulder to cry on? Who.... can remove this cup? 

I'm lost.  I'm aimless.  Directionless.  Don't have the motivation.  Realizing life is.... just is.  And what of tomorrow? When I wake up again... at 3AM... only to realize... it's still here. Marinating.

Do you ever feel that way? Where you don't want to turn the page to tomorrow... and yet... you can't stand to live another day? So you put on a mask to face tomorrow... why??.... why..... Just because.... 

Why bother asking me...

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Pet Peeve #89 - 你若然問我， 就要信我。 你若然唔信我，就何必問我？

Addiction

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It isn't every day... you run across a book you can't put down.  And when you do.. you want to run out and share it with everyone.  In my lifetime... there's only been several books that way, where you're reading it to a point that the blood stops flowing to your arms and it falls asleep.  That happened to me in the early 2000's when I was laid off and read 金庸 for the first time.  The most recent happening of skipping meals, sleep and family time to read... was the Percy Jackson series.

I love Greek Mythology.  Ever since big bro introduced me to it with that one book that described the Olympians.  I've poured over all the books... the fan fiction... the movies and TV shows.  And when I come across a book about demi-gods that brought the Olympians to modern day... I was in 7th heaven.  Last year... during SIP... NN finally came across these books.  And just like Star Wars... I woefully made a rule that SW can read it when he's 10.  We got the books on Sunday... and he finished 3 of them in 3 days.  I'm not sure if he's reading them or skimming them... but he's devouring them.  What's worse...(or better) is Joyce is into it too.  And what's even worse.... I'm re-reading my favorite book from that series.  Only... the 2nd time around... it's not that good. Hmm.... 

Heh... a family addiction.  Gotta love it.

The Minority

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This mom at school continues to text me... saying there are appointments open.  We had a church meeting and even the leaders are saying, "Everyone's vaccinated now... why aren't people headed back to church?" At work... they're "highly encouraging" everyone to get vaccinated and fill out a "voluntary" form to help with planning. 

While I know many are educated... I can't help but think that there's a minority that believe the vaccine will give you COVID immunity.  When it actually... all it's doing is reducing your symptoms.  You can still be infected... you can still be a carrier.  If anything.. the vaccine can give people the false sense of security.  And in these meetings... I'm going to stay very, very quiet.  Until you overstep... and then I'll unleash my wrath unto you.  

Haiku

<writer's block>

I just like playing

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You don't want it to ever happen to you... or worse yet... your kid. But to see your son being "that kid", the one that inadvertently get picked on in school... is heart breaking and gut-wrenching.  It's genetics... it's nature... he's just short.  And when you play with boys... the rules of the playground dictates the bigger, faster, stronger boys will dominate.  It's part of growing up... you will encounter this in life sooner or later.  Whether it's classism.  Sexism.  Racism.  Learning to deal with it is a life long journey.

After 2-3 rounds of this "game" they were playing... I saw enough and grabbed SW to head home.  I asked him, "That game you're playing... sure looked silly.  Why do you even play with them?" "I dunno... I just like playing."  

Then he goes off on how the other boys cheat and complains.  And SW is one of the biggest cream puffs out there.  He'll never argue.  But he just wants to play.  

Sigh... Is he really that pure and naive where he is having fun? Or is he at a point where... to fit in... to be part of the crowd... he's willing to get picked on, stepped on, taken advantage of? 

What does the parenting book say about this one....? Hmm.... 

Haiku 

<writer's block>