In Chinese Memorials... or any memorials... it's tradition that the family will hand out 利是 as a token of appreciation for attending or as a means of gratitude for condolences. But... but.... BUUUUUUUT.... you must... must.... MUUUUSSSSSTTTT spend that money and not pocket the money. Go buy some candy. A drink. Donate it if you have to. Never bring it home with you. Otherwise you'll have a streak of bad luck. You'll be cursed. Fire and brimstone will rain down on you... without an umbrella!!
All these years... after all the funerals and memorials I've been to.... I've held a steadfast grip on that tradition. Look... I'm a God-loving, Christ-following man. Do I really believe in these 文間小見?? Well... let's see.
I collected a total of $101.25 altogether. Now I was on a mission to spend it. Boy was I giddy!!! I was goin to town!!!
My first stop,,. Arsicault Bakery on Arguello. There's usually a line around the block. First thing I ask, "Do you take cash???" Can't assume. Not these days. For sure I can spend a bunch of cash there. Nope!! I bought like 3 things... and even a fat, fat tip... I barely scratched the surface.
So I headed back to the Speciality Coffee shop. "Do you take cash???" Then I ordered a jaw-dropping $7 cup of coffee and a $12 piece of cake. Never in my right mind would I ever spend $2 for cake... let alone $12. But here's where the problem starts.... the total came out to $21.90 and I only had $20's and a $1. I'm out of practice.... I haven't spent cash in so long. I could've given the cashier an extra $1, to get $0.10 back. But for whatever reason, I gave him a $20 and went into my wallet to fish out a $5. Why??? I have no clue. Now I got a bunch of change and didn't know what to do with it. My mind was a mess. So I tipped the rest. Only now... I didn't just spend the 利是錢， I'm dipping into my own money. Ugh....
Ok... whatever. The Lady M cake is good. Coffee is above average. Not worth $20. But I still have money to spend. So off I go to Pineapple King. This place was a lot easier to deal with. "Do you take cash???" After a quick exchange... I still had about $40 in my pocket.
Next stop... was at Target. I orignally wanted to get a grill brush, but they were out. So I ended up getting two drinks and two containers of breathmints. The total came out to like $13.12. I popped the guy a $20. He asked if I had $0.12.... he didn't want to make change. I said I didn't. (But I did!!! I forgot about my quarter!!!) So he started fumbling around to make up the $0.88. I was losing patience. I kept thinking... "What's the quickest way to end this transaction???" For some reason, on the cash register, I saw the number $3.72. So I just rounded down and said, "Just gimme $3." The cashier said, "That's it???" I said, sounding annoyed, "Yeah." He said, "Ok." Handed me $3... and I stormed out. As I was walking out... I started to do mental math. Wait a minute... I should be getting at least $6 back..... why did I round it to $3????? But it was too embarrassing to turn back...
All in all... I had $8 left in cash. Went to downtown Mt. View to pick NN up and I was early. So I slipped into a boba place to get a Thai Milk Tea. Nowadays a Thai Tea runs you $8-10. I was pretty confident I can spend the rest of the cash and be rid of this baggage... this load. But the cashier rung me up and said, "$5.50." I said, "WHAT?!?! That's it?!?!?!" She looked at me like I had two heads and 8 eyes. I wistfully handed her $6.... got $0.50 change back. And with along with the remaining dollar bills... it all went into her tip jar. Like trash day... I just wanted to get rid of everything.
Sigh..... done.... all the cash.... spent. Took a lot of work and now I have a car full of pastries, pineapple buns, soda, and candy. What a healthy way of life. Ohhhhh... but it gets better.
After dinner.... I suddenly remembered... there was a smaller red envelope with the $0.25. Why a quarter... I don't know. What I know is, it's resting in my blazer pocket. I gotta go spend it... or toss it... or do something with it. It can't stay in the house. As I was searching for that quarter... I asked Joyce if she spent her 利是錢. She pitifully chuckles at me and says, "No, not yet." And marches upstairs to get it and said, "Go. Go to Safeway or Trader Joe's." And that was it.
I drove to Safeway with $21.50 in my pocket.... thinking I can get some fruit, cuz we're out of oranges. And maybe some healthy snacks. As I'm climbing up and down the aisles... I'm calculating and counting. Don't want to spend too little... gotta use up the funds. But don't want to spend too much... cuz I'll be using my own money!!! Must've walked around the store 3 times... and I finally found the right combo. I got to the cashier... got my digital coupons... punched in telelphone number... got my member rewards.... and boom... $23 and change!!! BOOM!!! I did it!!! Haha!!! I pulled out my phone and apple paid it and was about to leave when.... "Oh no!!" I literally said it out loud, "Oh no!!!!" The cashier looked at me, concerned. I closed my eyes in disappointment. Looked to my left and saw a long line. "Nevermind... it's ok." All that work... of counting and calculating... of shopping for things we don't need. And I ended up... NOT using the cash!!!!!! That $21.50... was still sitting in my pocket!!!! That was the whole point. Use up the cash!!!!
So what do I do??? Return everything and buy it again with cash???? That'll look so stupid. Ended up rolling everything to the car... loaded it into the trunk and walked back into Safeway with my tail between my legs. What am I doing???? In this desperate attempt to keep Tradition... to ward off Superstition.... I now have to go back and buy even more junk that we don't need!!!
What a big..... waste.... of time......
