Raising your kids right

There are moments when you know you've raised your kids right...

• like the time some random strangers came up to applaud us over the kids' dinner table manners and how well they eat.
• or the time NN went on her service trip and spelling out her Bon Jovi knowledge.
• today... she kept up with all the boys and was able to sing Linken Park on karaoke.  

"And in the end... it doesn't really matter....."

40 Days of Prayer and Fasting

After a weeklong holiday full of tension and angst... we've decided to come together to pray and fast during our 40 Day Prayer Journey. 

Day 3... and we've settled to praying together after dinner at the dinner table. The kids don't resist... it's almost like those days when we prayed as a family during advent.

As for fasting...  SW is fasting Crash Royale.  NN is fasting Tik Tok, Youtube, IG, and her favorite game Rock Blast.  Joyce is fasting Royal Crush... a mobile game she's been playing for over 2 years.  And me....I'm fasting speeding.

Not even 6 hours into day one... NN started to regret overfasting.  And now on Day 3... they've re-neg'ed.  SW is now fasting social media but he can play Crash Royale.  NN still fasts Rock Blast... but she's changed her fasting to doom scrolling.  She can still watch long videos.  

Heh... let's see how long this lasts.  

1 v 1

 On a day the WiFi went down... SW wanted to go shoot some hoops.  No rebound 1v1.  

I easily took the first game... and he caught his groove in the second game.  Third game... I started to find my rhythm and you can tell he was gassed... his legs weren't there and his 3's were consistently off.  Ended the battle by sinking a 3... nothing but net.

Then it got to pickle ball and it wasn't even close. 

Today... I'm paying for it.  So sore..... but oh so worth it.

Why so serious??

An off the cuff comment about SW running for StuCo... and how he would flourish because he's very nonchalant actually became prophetic.  Later in the evening, we played Scattegories.  First of all... I crushed the entire family.  I may not be the fastest.  I may not have the best reaction time.  I suck at Clue, Catan, and other board games.  But when it comes to non-sensical creativity, I'm still king.  SW.... who has really come into his own... is actually moving up the ranks into 3rd if not 2nd.  In a family of 4.... if you come in 3rd or 4th... face it... you're coming in last.

At the end... it was boys vs girls... and while the boys were goofing around and having fun, the girls got pissed off at us for not being serious and worst off... winning.  We weren't cheating or anything... it's just how the chips fell.  Sigh... it's just a game? Why so serious?? (Says the dad who crashes out every time the Niners play)

New Year's Resolution - attained.

A week after hitting the 9 minute mark... SW told me he'll pace me so I can hit 8:30.  We went to the track and with some trepidations, I started pacing him.  And every time we turn... I can feel him speed up.  He was cheating.  We weren't just hitting the 8:30 mark..... and that was confirmed when we crossed the finish line.  7:56!!  I PR'ed (in my 40's). 

I don't listen...?

One of the toughest part in being a parent of a club athlete... the drive home.

NN didn't have an exceptionally good day.  She didn't have a bad day.  But on a scale of 1-10... it's on the lower end of the scale with her stock trending down.  Not sure what it is with her play.  2 years since Tropical Touch... and she still doesn't hit as well as 14 year old Kelly or Devon.  Excuses... excuses... excuses.... but no breakthrough.  I've tried.  Numerous coaches have tried.  And we still can't figure it out. 

I already knew it wasn't a good time to bring up any "suggestions" or "critiques."  It was... play the "I agree" card.  But when she started talking about her elevation and how she isn't getting her height... I carefully (and regretfully) agreed.  I started by saying she wasn't exploding cuz the sets weren't there.  Then I said... from my vantage point... it was just her hands over the net.  Either she's just jumping with her ankles/calves.... or she's not using her quads.... or she's not getting the timing. 

But that spiraled into a "all I have is my elevation... without that... I have nothing."  And it continued to go downhill from there.  She says I'm not listening.  I told her I was agreeing with her.  Then she said she doesn't want me to go to another game again.  (I paused.). "Really??"  "Not if we end up fighting like this."  I said, "Fine."  Door slammed prominently in my face.  And even though I know she doesn't mean it... deep down... there's probably some truth to it.   It's almost like... "You don't support me?? I don't want you in my life!"

This is so stupid.  I agree with her.  And I get in trouble.  I try to be supportive.  And I get called out for raining on her parade and not understanding her.  It must've been my travel... where I'm still recovering from lack of sleep.  Or from waking up early and being at a tournament all day.  I was tired.  My guard was down.  I wasn't filtered.  And I chose not to back down.  "No... I'm not taking the fall for this.  You asked for my thoughts and I gave you my observation.  If it's not the truth... fine."  

I didn't want us to go to bed angry.... or at least... didn't want the sun go down in anger.  So I did the adult/fatherly thing, walked into her room, and apologized for what happened.  She wasn't ready to talk and I don't blame her.  These things take time... and it's not like they're all 100% going to be done by sun going down.  We shall see.... 

Sigh... to be a father. 

Talking talking talking

 Day 2 of NN’s last tournament of the season (that she can attend).  She already missed day 1 cuz of her AP exam. I hinted we can avoid the 2 hour drive… but she insisted.  I had a bunch of podcasts and songs prepared.  And then… we started talking and talking and talking some more.  She threw out memes about Trump and the Trade Wars, but everything she said lacked critical thinking of research.  I started explaining to her some of the math and data behind what was happening.  She was flabbergasted at how the world is shaped… how unfair the world is.  The talk then moved to relationships… family history… I gave her my view of recycling.  My pet peeves.  My view of church and religion.  At times, she got upset at me for making a hot take and being argumentative.  I didn’t take the bait… I simply explained how I can easily argue the other way, and probably win the argument.  But the point wasn’t to win… but to understand all sides… and make an informed decision, instead of believing what social media tells you in an IG short.  After a frustrating day on the courts… we grabbed a quick bite… picked up a Dutch Bros… and started on a 2 hour drive home.  And once again… we talked, talked, talked.  Didn’t even need to play any of the podcasts. 

 As much as I complain about these club trips… I truly, madly, deeply cherish every single one of these moments… these moments in time.

Thunder-snore

 Came home in time for SW’s 14^th birthday… and longing to do anything to please the kids these days, I threw the idea of out of watching a sneak preview showing of Thunderbolts… an MCU movie that SW was supposedly interested in. The 8PM showing was already sold out… so we opted for the 9PM showing.  With a two hour run time… three days of traveling… a dark room… a full, hearty dinner… it was the perfect formula for a nice $18 nap.  $36 if you count Joyce’s nap.  The kids loved the movie though… and really… that’s all that matters. 

Happy Birthday SW!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

The Chasm

 That chasm between me and SW is growing wide and fast… and it’s a tsunami that I simply can’t stop nor do I wish to weather. 

 After practice… NN wanted to go shopping at Valley Fair.  So we went for lunch and immediately after lunch, she pulls Joyce to go Mommy/Daughter shopping while I was left with SW.  I immediately got worried…. And pulled Joyce aside.  “What do I do with him??” I don’t like shopping… nor do I know how to shop for a teenage boy.  She said, “You guys can go home if you want.  Come pick us up later.”  I exhaled…. and took the opportunity to bond with my son.

 I had some high hopes… went from one store to another.  Tried pointing out interesting clothes for him to try.  Tried drawing remarks from him or things to discuss to which I was volleyed sarcasm or silence.  He seemed disinterested in every thing I wanted him to try.  Either I have no sense for fashion (possibly).  Or he has zero interest in shopping (maybe).  Or he simply doesn’t know how to pick clothes or accept clothes his dad picks for him.  And doesn’t know that he can go try-them-on and check himself out in the mirror.  Ugh… after about 4-5 stores, I got sick of the routine.  So I clammed up.  I told him to lead… and I’ll follow.  It got really icy.  He knew I was happy… but he didn’t want to rock the boat any further.  So he reluctantly walked around the mall a few more times.  We didn’t talk.  We didn’t joke.  It ended with him waving the white flag…. “I’m done.”  I mirrored his surrender and decided to find a place to simply sit and wait for the ladies.  

 We found these soft cushy chairs in the middle of the mall and sat down.  Both of us busted out our devices and tried to kill time.  I texted Joyce, “911 – don’t know how to shop with him.”  She aptly replied… “Bring him to me, I can take him.”  I was so despondent.  I’m the “fun” parent.  But I couldn’t find a way to connect with my son.  There use to be an Apple store and Microsoft store that can help us kill time.  But that was when he was younger… without his personal device.  There’s a Bowlero there…but we’re sick of arcades at this point.  So we just sat.  Sat.  Sat.  Sat.  Finally enough time passed where lunch wore away… and I said, “Let’s get some pretzels.” 

 Anything to break the monotony of sitting…. We walked to map and looked for Wetzel Pretzel.  Found it.  And I told him to lead.  We walked in circles for a good 10 minutes.  After the third time around the same section… I finally piped in.  “Do you even know where we’re going?!”  And that’s when the fun began.  We found another map…. And this map… for whatever reason… showed a different location for Wetzel.  I pulled out my phone and found a third location for Wetzel.  Ok… confirmed it still exists.  But where is it???

 SW proposed he’ll race me to it… and off he dashed.  No idea where he think he was going.  But I knew exactly where I was headed…. The same ol place it’s been the past 10-15 years.  I purposely walked slowly… to give him a chance to beat me.  After taking the long, scenic route… I arrived there.  But SW was no where to be found!!  5 more minutes passed and he finally called.  Apparently… he ran around the 2^nd floor twice and still couldn’t find it.  Ok… the laughter came back. The fun was back. 

 I guess deep down… he wants exactly what I want.  To have fun again.  But he also didn’t know how.  Poor guy… full fledge teenager.  Wanting to be Fonzie cool… but deep down… he’s still Richie Cunningham… looking for a thrill on that blueberry hill.  Sigh…

"Why not?"

Teenagers are hard to talk to.  You try to engage in decent conversation by not asking Yes / No questions.  And even if you try and ask questions like “How was school?” It’ll be quick answers like, “Good.” Or “Fine.” Or “It was Ok.”

Then you get into the Why? And there comes the all powerful, “Why not?” 

It’s a seemingly simple answer that pretends to be engaging.  But in fact… it’s a rude, slap in the face remark where all it does is throw the question back at the initiator with zero response other than a tsunami of, let’s change the subject. It’s a sure sign of shutting off any desire to continue a conversation.  A proverbial slamming of the door.  And taken the wrong way… but really the only way… stop bothering me.

 

重出江湖

 After a 10 month hiatus… I’m back drumming on a worship team. But to make it so much more special… serving alongside me as a vocalist is my Nui Nui Ju.

There were some kinks… NGL… we had 40 minutes of practice and I was so raw… especially the third 6/8 song where during practice, I was completely lost. But thankfully… it all came together in time for a wonderful, spiritful worship session. 

Thank you Jesus!!!

Broken Hearted

As a parent... you ironically want your child to experience failure, as that'll be the norm throughout their adulting and adult lives.  But at the same time... it sucks a phat nut. 

May all Glory and Honor be upon our Lord and Savior, Jesus Christ. 

Family Softball

Towards the end of the school year... SW was gloating how he's awesome at softball, batting 1.000 in PE.  So when the announcement came out asking for players... I signed us up for the church league.  A couple weeks ago... they had finals... so they didn't play.  This time around... they got to wear a glove, get in the box, and take a mighty swing.  

NN went 2 for 3 with a walk.  No defensive plays but impressed a lot of people with her hustle on the base paths.  She was a clam.

SW went 1 for 3 with a walk.  His first hit came at a clutch moment in the game too... when it was two outs and I was on third.  "Bring dad home! Bring dad home!!" was the chant.  Defensively, he picked up a fly ball and threw it to the cutoff man.

I went 3 for 4... with 1 error at short, when the ball was hit hard up the middle and took a tricky bounce.   Nate had me batting cleanup!! HA!! He must think I'm good or something.  Ah wellz.

I was quite happy tonight.  Quite happy!  To be able to hang out with the kids at their age and at mine... what a blessing. Was burnt to a crisp from a day long outdoor volleyball tournament though... but today... was a good day.

Part of your world

Growing up... I hated the story of the Little Mermaid.  I guess the first taste of it was a Chinese Story book that was based really closely on the Hans Andersen version where the star character dies and becomes sea foam. In the 90's... when Disney took a stab at it and rocked the animated and soundtrack world... I didn't like it because it was about a girl and Ursula was simply hideous.  Fast forward to becoming a dad and the Disney Princess era... I hated it because the story is about a girl defying her father, getting herself in deep doo-doo, almost getting her dad killed, then she gets what she wants!!!! HORRIBLE!!!  

So in the Leung household... we watched all the Disney animated features, except Little Mermaid.  

Then last night... after a week of boiling and simmering at home... I come to realize that a gut wrenching father/daughter story this truly is.  Rewind 10 years... my younger more brash self would say it's a disobedient teenage daughter wreaking havoc to everyone's lives.  10 years later.... the father drives the daughter away because he chooses to decide what's best for her/for him.  

Several times I teared up during the show.... and at the finale... the wedding scene... I simply couldn't watch anymore. If All the world’s a stage, And all the men and women merely players...then NN, would you allow me... to be part of your world? 

少女心事

Volleyball tryouts... there are 70 girls trying out for 3 teams of 12.  Almost half the girls are getting cut.  Sixers... being the noobs to the school, will form their own team by default.  So it's really ~50 people for 24 spots. 

Tuesday - First day of tryouts and first day of cuts.  I'm standing outside the gym to greet her.  She's about to burst into tears to a point where Nina cautiously walks away.  "I didn't get cut, but I did horrible."  I gave her a hug... and asked her to say Hi to Auntie Nina.  (manners, girl, manners!!).  Apparently... she didn't get a chance to shine.  In the hitting lines... setters didn't give her good sets.  When she was playing setter... another hitter pushed her away and took the second ball.  None of the coaches saw her two 叉燒s.  On and on and on.... "I don't care which team I make.  I just don't wanna get cut."

Wednesday - Meeting runs long and I couldn't pick her up.  But Joyce texts me, "She's happy." I get home... and it turns out the girls were split up into two groups.  Group 1 - all 9 club players, the 2 most athletic 8th graders.... and NN.  Group 2 - 12 other girls.  Those who weren't in those 2 group - probably getting cut. Wednesday night... we get an email welcoming her to Team A.  She was on cloud 9.

Thursday - First official day of practice and it's the Mandatory Parents Meeting. She comes to look for me in the quad shaking her head. (Oh no.... ) After the meeting, she's in tears again, "I wanna quit daddy." Without skipping a beat... without even asking her why... I said, "Ok... let's go.  We're quitting." (Heh... bad parenting?) I knew she was just being hot-headed and emotional.  But it turns out... she's the "worst player on the team."  She "has no friends."  It's so "lonely out there."  "You won't understand daddy."  So I just heard her out... tried not to add fuel to the flame.  Agreed with her on 90% of the things.  Tried to reason with her about objective volleyball skill evaluations.  And at the end... convinced her to talk to her coach.  That's why she has a coach.  She wasn't gonna listen to me.  She convinced herself... that she needed validation from the coach.  

My eyes rolled so far back I can see the back of my brains.  

Ugh.... parenting teenagers.  

The Classic

Busted out a classic video game for the kids today... and they're addicted. Nope. Not Super Mario Brothers. Not ATARI. Not Tetris on the black and white Gameboy. Those are all good in their own sense. But today... I downloaded and introduced the kids to... Minesweeper!!

After some explaining... SW's first "Easy" game took 294 seconds. Then he played by himself and he finished in 170 seconds. Then I played... and finished in 30 seconds. I thought that record was gonna stand for a few weeks (or a few days). It took SW all of 3 tries and he chopped it down to 23 seconds. NN couldn't stand it anymore...she had to come and learn. And she was addicted. Not so much to the game, but to the fact she had to beat SW's time.

It got to the point where we flossed, brushed our teeth, and were about to go to bed when NN finally came up the stairs to proudly announce, "21 seconds." Immediately... SW woke up, raced downstairs, and disappeared for the next 10 minutes. We finally heard footsteps, coming up the stairs when he said, "家姐，we tied. I also got 21."

Phew.... glad he got 21. If he got anything else... NN would've rushed downstairs and they would never sleep. Little did they know... that after they're tucked away and snoring and dreaming... that I would come down... demolish their times... and hold the record of 11 seconds for "Easy" mode. Can't wait till we get to Intermediate and Expert!!

Tahoe

Never thought it'll happen.. but our family finally hit the slopes.  I last went in he mid 2000's before getting married.  Since then... the economics have driven me away... and when I tried to make it back, there was every reason not to go.  

The Tat's made a fine recommendation, site wise and economics wise where it was fairly attractive but within dollar reasons.  The Leung's finally kept up with the Jone's and we took our kids to Tahoe; really, Reno, but Tahoe sounds sexier. 

First day... the place was packed!! The lines were so long and the equipment rental rooms has the heat turned way up... and it was filled with so many people, SW got nauseous from altitude sickness.  Not since his allergic reaction to nut where we hit the emergency room did I feel so helpless and cranked up my fatherly skills.  (Don't worry.  Everything will be fine.  Keep him calm.  Stay calm yourself.  Look for help). I ripped his jacket off... took him outside for some fresh air... and he slowly recovered.  Meanwhile.. NN, the teenager, was on her own with the equipment guys.  She didn't need an overbearing parent. 

After about an hour of getting set up... they were finally able to join their lesson, which was also packed.  And here's where I could no longer join them, as they were fenced off.  Lessons aren't fun, but they're needed.  How to get in and out of your skis.  How to get up from a fall.  How to turn around.  How to stay safe.  The lessons lasted two hours... and they were exhausted.  From afar... in the cold... we were watching as they fell.  Tried to get up.  Just to fall again.  Heh... then came time for lunch and they were done.  Spent. No mas.  Once again...the altitude was getting to them.  Along with the fact... skiing is a tough sport!!!  

During lunch... which SW barely had an appetite... they just wanted to sit down and watch Youtube/Netflix.  I'm looking at my watch... "Dude!!! I paid $160 for each person!! Get your butts out there!!"  I held my tongue for as long as I can and I finally slipped.  The kids obliged begrudgingly.  

SW was skeptical...cuz he was sick.  NN was determined.. cuz that's how she's wired.  They went back to the bunny slopes just to get their bearings straight.  And off the chute... SW lost control and bowling- balled into a bunch of kids.  NN did a little better... she veered left and made a gymnastic landing into the fences where her she got stuck and needed help untangling herself.  Joyce thought they were gonna be done when they removed their gear and walked back towards the lodge.  Turns out... they were done with the bunny slopes and wanted to hit the mountains.

It was only uphill from there, figuratively. They lined up for the Green Circle and it was no turning back.  Without any instructions... they approached their first lift.  And of course... they didn't know what to do and caused a stoppage.  Heh... after that, they were off.  I have no idea where they were going... as they ascended to the heavens. Just nervously paced at the bottom of the hill hoping and praying that they arrive safely... and not on the back of a snowmobile.  The next 10 minutes... I spent staring at a million people wearing black jackets and pants.  (Mental note, wear orange or yellow next time!) 

Out of nowhere, NN slid down one trail and SW glided another.  Both in one piece.  Barely any damages.  They admitted, one of them wiped out.  But that was it.  They were in love and kept going and going.  Lessons were tough... but skiing was actually fun. We quickly retreated back to the warm confides of the lodge where we brought snacks and libations.  Ahhh......life is good.  Life would've been great... had I been able to join them.  I so wanted to... so so wanted to.  The fear of falling and not getting up outweighed my need for speed... or more so... the wife giving me a look of not ditching her outweighed that jonesing feeling.  Sigh... 

But alas... we can finally make claim... "We went to Tahoe." 

First taste

(The background is... after a full season of Jr. High V-ball and Jr. High Hoops... NN has yet to win a game of any kind.) 

A few weeks ago... after a lot of begging and rejection... out of the blue... NN asks me if I really wanted us to play together in our church volleyball league.  I said, "Yes."  And I was already on cloud 9.  To play on the same team as my teenage daughter....?? Hardly any dad gets to say that!!!

Yesterday... she was so stressed... her stress got to me!  We practiced a little on our driveway. And at night... she was so nervous she couldn't sleep.  "I just want to win once!  Maybe just one set. Maybe just to get one serve in."  

I wasn't as hopeful.  Our opponent won last week... against a pretty good team mind you.  They have youth and height.  Our team... had 4 girls.  One is a Jr. Higher... One was so bad in week 1 she quit on the team.  One is a mom with a lot of heart.  And one is a mystery.

Half hour before game time... we find that 2 of the 4 girls can't make it and we only have 5 people.  No worries.  Between me and Wayland... we got this.  When we got there the opposing team's Captain... who happened to be our Young Adult Pastor... said he'll give us his extra player.  SCORE!!!!  A young man with skills... athleticism... and most importantly... what we gain, is what they lose!!!!

From an underdog... down 5 vs 6 players... we're suddenly evened at 4 guys and 2 girls. 6 on 6... GAME ON!!!!  

They had 4 athletic players that's clearly played before.  We have 2 dads in their 40's and 2 young guys with novice experience. And the ladies evened each other out.  

Back and forth.  Back and forth.  We pull ahead... but they come right back.  I get into a serving frenzy... but my heart grows soft and I purposely mess up a serve.  Then we started to pull away. This is happening!!!  We're doing it!!!!  Wayland!!! The Great Wall of China!!! With the block!!! We win game 1!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

This wasn't time to let up.  It's pedal to the metal. Foot on the throat moment.  When I was serving... I was on a row.  I seriously thought about letting up.  Giving the other team a chance.  Then I thought of NN and how desperately she wanted a win. I kept going and going.  Hard serve after hard serve.  Ace after ace.  After 10 in a row... I gave in.  I served into the net.  Dang it... I made it too obvious.  Everyone knew I gave that up.  

Back and forth... we couldn't put them away.  With every sideout... we got a point.  And our 10 point cushion was enough for. 24:18... Our serve.  All we needed to do was hold serve and the game was ours.  

Sue served.

They passed.  

Good set.

Decent hit.

But we dig.

Bump.

OVER!!!!

Free ball.

Set.

Spike.... but wait.... Wayland jumps!!! THE GREAT WALL OF CHINA!!!!!  Ball hits the ground!!!

VICTORY!!!!!!

FIRST TASTE of VICTORY for NN!!!! NEVER TASTED SO SWEET!!!!!!!!

Continuous Improvement

Spent a good portion of today studying the SSAT's with SW.  We went over the Writing section... of how he'll be given two prompts to choose one... and how he should brainstorm, outline before drafting and finally proofreading.  Then we dove into Analogies... to which he scored 50% both times he tested... and to which I could've done at most... 10% better.  

But the alarming thing was... I was brought back to 2 years ago when I was doing the same thing with NN.  I was impatient, short-tempered and literally made my daughter cry when I drilled her in the very same exercises.  Conversely, 2 years later, SW and I are laughing and giggling the entire way.  I quickly walked over to NN, apologized and gave her a hug.  She aptly returned the hug... but raising the question, "Why didn't I get that same treatment?"

Ohhhh how far I've come as a person and as a father.  

Tip Off eve

Once upon a time... there was a dad who would peel oranges for his daughter for her lunch.  He did this religiously throughout elementary, middle, and high school.  Out of love... out of overbearingness... out of whatever you coined it... he never had his daughter dig her nails into the nasty skin and rind.  Then on the last day of high school... he packed her lunch with an unpeeled orange with a note, "You're an adult now. It's time for the passage. =*(."

On the night before Tip Off... I find myself watching Youtube videos of Junior High basketball, wishing and hoping tomorrow goes well.