Smile to my face

While in a car... I couldn't help but take a quick snapshot of this older couple going for an evening stroll.

What's their story? How did they end up in Sunnyvale? Are they immigrants from a far off country? Escaping persecution or natural disasters? Or perhaps they're both well-off academics with 3-4 degrees each and have succeeded in pursuit of the American dream.  Have you considered them being siblings... and having to walk over to mom and dad's house for a Friday night game of Scrabble? 

They're in no rush... not like they can walk any faster.

They own the street... not like anyone will push them down.

They're living life.. one step at a time, one moment at a time.  That... moment in time. 

Painful realities - NN version

 The reality is... both my kids are not physically built for volleyball... the one competitive sport they love.

NN has always been an overachiever.  Not entirely gifted in anyone one thing, but just excelled due to natural talent.  Whether it was academics, arts, sports... she never had trouble with anything.  Joyce and I even had discussions of how we want her to trip over a hurdle or two... and be humbled in life.  That not everything is smooth sailing... and how sometimes, hardwork itself won't be enough.  How dare any parents wish that onto their children.

Slowly, her natural talents stalled while her friends moved onto the next level through training and hardwork... and being unequivocally tall.  You can't train height.  You just are. 

After two years of stress and relief... NN opted to go the non-competitive route and not deal with the unknown.  She had an offer in hand and she stuck with it.  Her new coach kept glazing her at tryouts and she fell for it.  Even though deep down... she wanted to tryout for the more coveted clubs and possibly make it as a DS or Lib... she thought otherwise.  Not worth it.  Regrets? Probably.  

Then it came time for TKA tryouts... something she was suppose to make for sure, because last year, the coach saved a spot for her.  But it's a new coach this year.  All the old promises were forgotten and she had to start from scratch.  Throughout summer... she was suppose to work on her legs and core.  Did she?? Questionable.  She keeps saying she has elevation and ups.... for her height, yes.  But against naturally tall girls, she can barely keep up.  And whatever bad habits she's built over the years... they're sticking out like a sore thumb.  

First day of tryouts... those that are tall and put in the hard work got offers right away.  NN had the whole weekend to sulk about it and hopefully buckle down and get locked in.  Day two of tryouts roll around... we pick her up... hoping to see a big smile... all we got was her shaking her head.  "I did so bad today."  And the rest of the night... the whole family kept scrolling and updating our phones, waiting for the announcement.  It wasn't until 10PM... we finally got the email.  

The coach originally wanted 12 players... NN made it as player #14.  She eek'ed by the skin of her teeth.  Probably because she knew the assistant coach.  Probably because she actually does have talent (despite the height).  Probably because she's a Jr that will get to play next year as a a Sr.  And probably because... divine intervention?  

Who knows.  But she has no where to go but up.  She has to claw and scratch and do whatever it takes to earn playtime.  Serving.  Defense. Diving.  Digging.  Every moment you get... you have to show you deserve to be out there.  Make it hard for the coach to bench you.  And maybe.... this will be that hurdle you trip on... but eventually, leap over.  With the culmination of bringing all glory and honor to our Lord and Savior.... 

Painful realities - SW version

 The reality is... both my kids are not physically built for volleyball... the one competitive sport they love.

SW has always had a giant heart.  Sweet Siu Wah.  Always looking out for others.  Never talking back.  Loves reading Garfield, but his first comment will be, "I feel bad for Odie." Life was never easy for him... but he's a fighter.  And I tried to arm him with all the tools needed to fight.

I purposely trained him to be a setter cuz that's a coveted spot regardless of height  And yet... it's still not good enough with setters these days being 5'8 - 5'9.  So he goes and tries out for lib... a position he's never played.   Last weekend... each of his friends and former teammates slowly got offers during the pre-tryouts.  Yes... they're good, but not great.  And one at a time... the numbers increased while SW just sat and wait.  

This weekend as the official tryouts... wasn't even worth going.  The whole weekend... driving from one gym to the next trying to maximize opportunities to shine.  "Coaches aren't even looking.  Whenever they're on my court, I'm in line."  The one club that all his friends want to play for... nothing.  The worst part is... the 3rd string setter from his old team made it.  3rd string!!!! SW is the setter-1.... and he got relegated to the 15-2's team.  Horrible.  Then on Sunday night... he and Kyle tried out for one last time.  SW told me he got an offer 15 minutes into the tryouts - which is great!! Someone recognized his talents.  But he turned it down... cuz the other players were bad.

Later that night... Kyle also turned down the offer thinking maybe his friend will come back to his original club with him.  Only to find out... Kyle is joining the rest of his friends at that new club.  I didn't know about this until the next morning when Joyce texted me and said, "SW was super sad last night."  I was completely drained.  Couldn't pay attention in the meeting.  Just sank in my seat and stared into space.

Why.... why do my kids have to go through this punishment??? Aren't they too young for such disappointment? Can't they form teams and play with their friends?? Why can't I have a bigger influence and sway... make my voice be heard in the volleyball community?? I hate this.  I hate the fact the kids have to go through this.  Yes... this will make them stronger.  Yes... eventually they'll have to face this.  And yes... they'll probably have a chip on their shoulder now which they can use in life in other ways. 

The silver lining is... SW did make it back to his old team and he'll probably have good playing time.  While most of his friends went to the new club... I'm confident SW can make new friends.  And there was also another TKA friend who recently discovered love for vball... .that has zero offers.  Those parents are going through what we went through 2 years ago.  And I get to advise them on next steps.  So hopefully... there'll be a happy ending for everyone.  But right now... that knife in my heart simply won't go away

They don't fit!!!!

Tried on a pair of jeans that's always been tight... and it was loose!!! I guess there's no real way to check other than wearing your own clothes... the clothes that don't fit... suddenly do... or they don't cuz they're too loose!! WOOHOO!! SUCCESS!!!

Diet and Cleansing

 Been on a fast and now moved onto a low carb/no carb atkins diet.  Approaching my 2nd week and the only time I've had any carbs (aside from fruit) is the few bites of rice and some lumpia at lunch the other day.  Tonight... decided to make some chickpea pasta with italian sausage.  

The first bite... you don't really think about it.  It just feels... crunchier.  Or more al dente.  Then after the 4th or 5th bite... something is definitely wrong.  This ain't pasta.  

Sigh... the things we do to ourselves to lose weight.  I guess if you eat it every day.. you won't realize it.  But we did.  And it's not really good.