Friday, February 09, 2007

New Bathroom Jabbers

The bathroom by my office finally opened. An entire building was demolished and re-constructed before this bathroom was halfway done! If not for a vice-president moving into the area mandating this bathroom to be finished...I'll still be trekking a mile a day for my moments of relief.

FIRST IMPRESSIONS
My first impression upon entering this new fortress of solitude is...."Did I walk into the Ladies' Room!?!" (No offense to the other gender that shares this planet we call, earth.) But geez louise!! I walk in there and I see 4 urinals and 9 stalls. How many stalls do men need?!?!? Why can't they maximize real estate, and stick in a few extra urinals?

STALLING
There are a few times in a week when all the stalls are full. Monday morning...after a football Sunday. You walk into the mens room and all the stalls are occupied. You can hear the crinkle of Sports section in virtually every stall... people are catching up on their football stats. Occasionally, you'll hear the crinkle of the business section...but that's because that person was already done with the Sports section.

EXTRA-LONG LUNCH HOUR
The other time the stalls are full is when the cafeteria is serving "Mexican" Food. Never fails... you can almost guarantee that around 1-1:30PM on Mexican food day... the company water bill goes waaaaaaaay high due to high amount of flushing.

So why all the stalls and lack of urinals??? I have no clue.

SAVE THE TREES
Another thing I noticed right away... there is only 1 paper towel dispenser. We're talking about the good ol' mechanical, manual paper towel dispenser. The kind you crank a lever on the right side...and out peeks a spec of brown recycled paper that almost, kinda soaks water.

In a bathroom with 9 stalls and 4 urinals with 6 sinks...we have 1 paper towel dispenser. Help me out here...did the company spend all the money on toilets...and had to cut cost on something else?? Did someone assume that men don't bother washing hands...so they won't bother drying their hands?

MIRROR, MIRROR ON THE WALL
Why do men need a full size mirror in our bathroom?? This isn't just any full size mirror...this is a complete wall!!!!! More signs that this bathroom was PROBABLY...most LIKELY...designed for the opposite sex. How about taking the mirror out and putting some more paper towel dispensers there?

IN-NO-VATION
For some unfathomable reason, other than the 1 single paper towel dispenser, we have 1 automatic hand dryer!!! Why on earth do we have 1 of each?? Other than some Rest Area restrooms in the middle of Hwy 5, who in their right minds still use hand dryers???

GOOD SMELLY THING
True story...I was in there with a friend, discussing all the short comings of the bathroom. (No, we were not discussing it while in the stalls.) I introduced him to the hand dryer. Introduce, meaning for an entire week, he thought that thing was an air freshener!

VERTICALLY CHALLENGED
When the average height of Americans are 5'10"... how on earth can anyone come up with the idea of installing the dispenser / hand dryer below waist level? Talk about being ergonomically correct, eh?

LOOK MA...NO HANDS!!
I do credit the company for moving into the 21st century. Sort've. All the toilets are now automatic flushers. The urinals flush themselves 3 seconds after you walk away. The toilets flush the moment you get up. That's right...the exact moment!!! So if you're not quick...the toilet might suck you in.

I don't know about you... but if I go #2, I have the habit of flushing the toilet first to get rid of any floaters that are undetectable by the naked eye. I want to be sure I'm starting with a clean bowl of water in case any splashing happens. (Yeah...splashing. Don't ask.) But with these new "automatic" flushers...I have no way of making the darn thing flush!! I wave my hand in front of a black dot...which I think is a sensor. I press my hand up against it, count to 5 and remove my hand. No avail. I can't force the toilet to flush. Only thing I'm left to do... sit down and bounce right back up.

CONFUSING CODES
By some California Code...we're required to have double doors and an entry way. Okay...I'm fine with it. But I have a Personal Code of drying my hands with a paper towel...and then using the paper towel to grab the door handle to open the door. But ohhhhhhhhhhhh.... the cost-cutting genius was working hard that day. Inside our bathroom, we have ONE and ONLY ONE trash can. I can do the "paper-towel-grab-handle" trick on the first door. But what about the 2nd door?

CALLED FOR TRAVELLING
Back to the "Paper-towel-grab-handle" trick for the 1st door for a moment. I guess I'm not the only one that practices this trick... and it's particulary annoying when the garbage can is about a mile away from the door. You try your best to aim and shoot...but it almost always lands on the floor. Can't bring the door to the can...bring the can to the door, right?!? NO!!!

The other day, a sign was posted by the garbage can saying:
DO NOT RELOCATE GARBAGE CAN. THANKS.

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