Grand Salami

Sunday evening... the rays raining down on us.  Bases loaded.  Bottom of the 6th, 2 outs.  The count is 2-0.  This happened.

Sad thing was... I lost track of the ball and didn't even know where it went.  New Vine won our first game of the season.  My son was there to witness it.  My girl was in the stands. One of the best moments of my life.  

Poignancy hits hard

Spent the day with mom to help her post cataract surgery.  Lots of driving... lots of caretaking... more than I expected.  She was literally blind as a bat this morning when I got there up till her dressings were removed. 

I actually gave myself plenty of time and expectation to spend the day there with the goal of organizing her kitchen which never seems to not smell like TCM or mildew when I walk in.  And as I was pointing out all the plaees that were messy or disorganized... and mom parried with the reason why things are the way things are... she finally sat down on the sofa.  Defeated.  Didn't want to argue anymore.  And started reflecting on how she wants to clean.  

Including... all the games and toys she had on her shelf.  And how all these years... she's been longing and waiting for us to visit her, so the kids can have something to do.  Or she can gift them with the toys and games.  But we never visited.  Or when we did... I was busy troubleshooting while the kids were on their devices.  And now that they're high school and college age... it's past that age ready to be trashed.  

She didn't say that out of shame... but just matter of fact.  And it's the matter of fact... that hits harder than targeted shame.

World Class Epic Fail

I don't ask for much... I really don't.  I just want the family to have a good time.  Create core memories.

This Sunday... after a couple of weeks of an icy, cold war, at home, I thought about taking everyone down to San Pedro Square for a nice lunch and then over to the MLK library for a Comic Book museum.  A nice Sunday afternoon, stress free, family time. 

Only for me to realize much later... that it's the World Cup Finals!!! Against my better judgement, I decided to go anyways.... and it turns out... traffic was horrible.  I dropped the family off first... but the place was over-capacity and not letting people in.  It was hot... they were hungry... lots of walking and crowds.  I got hangry and frusturated and snapped at them.  It made it for a very quiet lunch.

Then things got better after we refueled.... we walked to the library... got to the 5th floor for the exhibit only to see that it's closed on Sundays!! OMG.... all that walking and waiting.  

So soften the overall blow... we drove to HeyTea which was BOGO if you brought any ball to order.  The line was soooo long and slow... it took us 40 minutes to order.  Then it took another 45 minutes to get our order.  

俗語有雲：頭頭碰著黑。 That's how I felt today....

And to cap it off.... went 1 for 2 with like 3 errors playing Short today.  OMG.... when does this freefall stop!!!

Wasted opportunity

Picked up SW from open gym today and for some reason... I started sharing about my recent woes and depression.  I didn't exactly phrase it that way... but summarized it to the likes of "It's been a rough couple of weeks. You try to find a song on the radio, and nothing fits.  You doom scroll, and there's nothing to watch.  You want to do stuff, but you're just not motivated."

He responded by sharing... "That's when you gotta lock in, go for a run.  Or set up a playlist.  And let the playlist carry your run."  

At that time... I didn't realize how serious he got, cuz I got quiet.  I drawed him in.  He leaned in.  And when he did, I yelled, "龜波氣功！"  It startled him and he laughed thinking how funny it was.

Later tonight... I realized... SW was actually maturing up and opening up to share in my problems.  Dad has issues too.  And he was empathetic and willing to bear my burden.  And here I ruined it with a stupid joke.  Typical me... wasted opportunity. 

For the first time

Met NN’s boyfriend’s parents, officially, for the first time. Well.. .I’ve kinda known them for years from various SJCAC capacities. But it was the first time for Joyce.

Then at dinner… NPY (aka Nippy) chose to sit next to me. That was brave of him.. but valor pays off. A great first impression. Actually.. I’ve known about the Sihoe boys for years. Not of the rest of the boys… particularly during the all church retreat, they did the ropes course with their parents. And c’mon… with names like Caleb and Gideon, how do you not know them. In terms of church boys… I think we hit the jackpot. Maybe God bless… and continue to nourish this relationship.

Depression Mounts Again

 This all too familiar feeling of suffocation.  I can’t shake it.  I can’t ignore it.  This is the third one the past month… and there’ll probably be more.  They deserve it.  I should be happy for them.  And yet.. I’m here wallowing in my own sorrows or even pity that I will never be that man.  Maybe I’m not.  Maybe I’m not all that I think I am.  I compare… and I can’t help but think, why not me?   Too familiar are these feelings.. when the kids didn’t make the sports teams’ cuts.  I know that gut punch suffocation… and there literally is nothing that can help me breathe.

Family Getaway

It’s always an adventure in it of itself… to go on a family getaway… and / or a family getaway with Grace and her kids.  To start things off… as we rolled off the driveway… I said a prayer that we don’t get into a fight.  To which NN smiles and admits… it’s usually me and her that get into a fight.  How sad.

 All summer… I’ve been apprehensive about this trip.  Going to a lake… where we’re not big into water sports… and in an Airbnb that I know absolutely nothing about.  The silver lining my friends told me… was I can get some quiet / down time to catch up on reading or to disconnect. 

 Living in an Airbnb presents its own challenges… the sharing of rooms, beds, bathrooms, kitchen space, living space, and fridge space.  I can’t say enough of how much we are different family units that can come together and share. But there are also lines that you never expect to lay that are crossed… such as bringing a pack of 24 eggs.. .and within 2 days, only 5 were left.  Or the tub of butter that was nearly gone after 3 days.  Or the 24 cans of soda and 24 cans of Chi… that was nearly completely wiped out.  Geez louise… how much do people eat? And then…there was the who mix up of making steak.  I didn’t want to make it.  Didn’t want ot bbq it… and then I was asked to do it… only to find out it wasn’t even marinated!!!  Omg…. The little things.  But those little things are quickly overshadowed by greater things… the core memories that are created.

 Dining and laughing with family is priceless.  Mah jong as a family is priceless.  SW… unexpectedly growing up to be the cool favorite cousin is unexpected.  And I’m totally utterly completely outmatched in Mario Kart and Super Smash Bros…. My two little nephews are not that little anymore.  They’re still sweet as can be… and have their moments.  Don’t know how much longer they’ll want to hang out with us.