From dream...to nightmare...

After so many years at SJCAC... Amy c-mo gave me one of the best Christmas presents ever.  She gave me the opportunity to lead worship.  (all the other worship leaders were out of town... and she didn't want to do it herself)

The practices were great! The worship team was formed perfectly for a newbie like me. But when it came time for the real deal... ohhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhh.... So many mistakes.  I missed the beats.  I entered at the wrong place.  My mouth and throat were dry. I went waaaaay too long.  And I don't think I really had the worship effect I wanted.  In a way... I think I was seeking the results of the worship from the congregation instead of from God, Himself.  Shame on me.

That was me, living my dream, for one day.

Then came the time for me to live (or relive my nightmare).  After watching Moana with my mom and family, we had some time to kill before dinner.  So we went to Union Square in SF - the very site where I put my precious daughter in the emergency room last year when I skated over her thumb which resulted in 7 stitches.  (Posted here)

When we first arrived... she did not recognize the place.  Nn was enjoying herself as any child would - sucking in the Christmas atmosphere.  Then she walked ahead with grandma while I stayed behind with SW to watch a street performer.  When I caught up with them... I saw her eyes.  I saw her face.  She remembered.  She stared straight into me.  I couldn't look away.  All I could do at that moment was.... open up my arms and invite her to run towards me.

She ran and jumped into my arms and said, "I never want to talk about this again."  This.... while she pointed to her thumb.  And at that moment... I had to relive one of the worst nightmares I've never forgotten. Not one day goes by...where that moment doesn't haunt me and send chills down my back. 

Merry Christmas.... and may God's joy and peace come upon you and your family.  I hope His peace can finally come upon me where I can find forgiveness within myself. 

Bah humbug!!

It's been one of those Christmas Seasons.  No matter how hard I try... just not in the Christmas Mood.  More than any year... I'm soooooooo disgusted with gift exchange for the kids.  Party after party... we buy gifts for our friends/relatives kids.  They buy it for our kids.  Each party... we come home with 6-7 presents that the kids don't need or want.  Then come Christmas Morning... the kids finally open the gifts we buy them.  And by that time, they're so desensitized to gifts they won't even cherish it.  What is the true meaning of Christmas....?!?!? 

Next year... I want to ban gift exchange.  I want to ban white elephants. 

My dream (far fetched) is for my family to go caroling - at senior centers, at gas stations, at street corners, in front of our neighbor's homes.  Spread the good news... share the joy... experience the true meaning of Christmas.

Joyce says, "This will only last for a few more years."  A few more years of this crap?!?!?! I don't think I can handle it.  

膝頭上嘅功夫

幾日前， 難得可以同長老，長老太食晏。 臨別時， 她說了一句湊仔金句： 膝頭上嘅功夫唔少得㗎！

12 years!!

Just realized... that I've been writing this blog for almost 12 years.

12 years!! Over 1000 posts!! That's no small feat!  And if this website continues to hold up... I will continue to write.  I know only 1-2 people read this.  But I'm excited that I've been able to do something consistently for over a decade.

(Reaching arm over shoulder... patting self on back)

Advent and Family Altar

One of my goals of 2016 was to be able to establish a Family Altar.  A time of prayer with the family.  So many times we succeeded...and so many more times we failed.

During the time of Advent, Joyce bought a book that Sandy C-mo recommended.  It's a pretty lousy book in my humble opinion.  The writing is convoluted and hard to read.   The message is decent, but forced.  And if an adult has to read it 3-4 times to grasp it, how will little kids understand? And I have to translate it to Chinese too!!

The first two nights were horrible.  The kids not only disliked it... they hated it!!  Both nights, we ended up scolding them.  What was suppose to be a holy, sanctified time, turned out to be the exact opposite of what God finds pleasing.  The third night... I literally wanted to give up.  I told them... "I don't want to do this anymore.  God will not like this."  And it wasn't to scare them... or play mind games with them... I literally did not want to spend my time arguing with the kids.

God is faithful.  After that one night... the kids have changed their attitudes.  They now know... there will be 2-3 minutes of reading and daddy talking.  They know that before they can advance the snowman's nose one number (before it gets to 25), that we will need to spend time as a family.  They know that we will do this, every night, for the rest of the Christmas season.

I spent all year trying to establish a family altar.  And guess what... a family altar has always been there.  I just needed to bring my family to Jesus.