An honest mistake

Was hurrying to a team potluck at the atrium... and really needed to go pee.  So I rushed to the bathroom on the 1st floor to relieve myself.  That bathroom has always been a bit strange.  There are two general openings with sinks on both sides of the wall when you walk into the 'outer' bathroom.  Only for you to pick two doors before going to the 'inner' bathrooms.  

I pushed through the door and was met with a bathroom... with no urinals!!  Maybe it's like those airport bathrooms where the urinals are on the other side of the wall... nope.  No worries... LM is weird like that.  I pop into the first available stall and start paying the water bills - ahhhhhh..... until all of a sudden... it occurred to me.  Wait.  Did I check the sign on the door?? 

What if..... this isn't the Men's Room!?!?!?!?

I look down at the door.... the stall doors go the bottom of the floor.  Thank gawd!!! People can't see my feet are facing the toilet.  Immediately I thought... I need to get out.  But I'm in the midst of watering the plants... I can't just stop.  Out of the corner of my ear.... I ear from the far side of the facility a light, silent tinkle. Sh*t!!! Someone is in here.  And the noise they're making is but a trickle... and here I am... pouring out from my loins.  Creating splish and splash and echoes.  I need to quiet down.

So I try to slow the flow, as they say, and I squeeze my urethra muscle... only to make things worse in forcing more out.  Now splish and splash has become a full spitter and spatter!! I normally try to aim for the "hole" and collect as much as I can in the bowl.  But the aftereffects are anything but... north, east, south, west.... the downpour is leaving a mark everywhere.  And I am the embodiment of every stereotype against men and our poor aim. 

I need to get out of here.  But need to flip to ninja mode.  No one can see me.  What if I get caught?!?!?!

• My pronouns are They/Them!!!
• Diversity and Inclusion.
• It's an honest mistake.
• the SJSU Volleyball Team that's been winning by forfeit.

A surge of thoughts rush through my mind as I think of an exit plan... to get off the stage... to dodge being labelled as a pervert.  

I'm listening... has the door opened? Has my colleague on the other side of the facility gotten out yet? Do I wait for her to leave? I hesitated... but she's not moving.  Probably on her phone or something... 

It's time to go.  Time to run.  Time to GTFO of there!!!!  I look down... and it's a mess.  Droplets everywhere.  The toilet seat is us.  This isn't new... happens all the time at home... and I aptly clean after myself.  But no time now.  I can be anywhere... BUT HERE!!!!  

I flush.  

Bust through the door.

Give a courtesy rush of water over my hands.

Grab a paper towel.

And out of the corner of my eye.... and the far end of the room 6 sinks away... I see a basket of feminine hygiene products.  Where was that a few minutes ago?!?! I didn't see it!!! Why didn't they put it by the door so folks like me won't actually be like me.

Crashed through the big wooden door... and there it was... bright as day.  A sign that says "WOMEN." 

Hey... no one saw.  Maybe someone heard and suspected.  It was nothing... but an honest mistake.