Insecurity

One of the biggest insecurity of men...husbands and fathers in particular... is the ability to protect and provide for your family.  Today... I experienced that first hand. 

At our church nursery... Joyce was chatting with some other moms when Nui-nui saw one of the boys in there open up a Rice Kripies treat.  Her eyes were bigger than a vinyl record and credit to that boy... he chomped on that rice krispie like it was his first meal in days.  I did all I could to distract my daughter... but almost magnetically... her eyes will be drawn back to that treat.  I hungrily searched our diaper bag for anything... anything resembling a snack...a treat... sustenance.  Nothing.  Failure. Utter and total disappointment.  With a last resort... we asked the nursery for a cup of stale, tasteless...HEALTHY!!!... Cheerios. 

Nui-nui reluctantly took it.  She stared at the cup of round lifesafers.  They seemed to be tasteless... un-crispy... and nothing at all like that rectangular piece of sugar rush that the boy has now inhaled. 

Nui-nui will surely experience more of these as she grows up.  Heck... every time someone speeds by my Civic with a 3-series or a Lotus... I go through it too!  But as a father... as a provider... as a typical, old fashion male.... I am the one that feels like a failure for not being able to make my daughter happy.

I don't even want to think of the day when I'll have to resort to force to protect my loved ones... it won't be pretty in all accounts.