Taking it personally

It's an amazing feeling when your student, your disciple, your direct report SHINES in public, in front of the customer, in front of senior management.  In a way, you can share in the spotlight for being a good manager, coach, mentor.

But when it's the opposite.... the feeling is so overbearing.  I'm so lost right now... on how to help folks that are underperforming.  I like... no.... love them personally.  I vouch for them... fight for them... defend them....Then I go around and help them... nurture them... encourage and admonish them.  And when they fail publicly again, I take it all too personally.  It's me... it's my fault. I failed as a manager. I failed as a coach.

PAL and C-leung warned us in Servant Training that we are NOT the messiah.  Whether the person fails or succeeds, we shouldn't take it personally.  I honestly don't have the wisdom to see it happen.

Luke 16

The Parable of the Shrewd Manager.  A tough parable to explain.  Here's how Pastor Ted explains it.

1) Be creative. Jesus praises the shrewd manager's ingenuity. Not to say what the manager did was right... but he definitely was creative.
2) Have foresight.  You can help shape your own future in light of what's happening currently.

Funny how every time I listen to Pastor Ted preach... it's always one of those controversial verses in the bible.  Heh...

Is my daughter Chinese?

At Lucky's today... we were shopping for macaroni.  Nui-nui picks up a 2lb bag of macaroni and wants to buy it.  But it costs $2.18.  Right next to it... was a different brand of macaroni, also a 2lb bag, but it costs $1.98. 

She was adamant in getting "her" bag of macaroni, whereas I was trying to get the better deal.  So I slowly explained to her....

"Honey, these are the same size.  Your bag costs two more coins than my bag.  With those two coins you don't spend on my bag of macaroni, you can use that money to buy someYan-yan cookies!!  So can we buy daddy's macaroni?"

(she thinks about it for a few seconds, then says)

"No." 

How can she not get it?!?!? She must not be pure Chinese!! ARGH!!!!

The stress is back...

The next two weeks will be crazy.  Already, everyone at work is feeling it.  Every meeting is the "Number 1 priority on the program."  Every where I turn, people are walking zombies.  The morale is so low it's suffocating.  There's so much I want to do! So much I want to change.  But then the big boss man lays down the smack down and reality strikes.

The stress is back.  A few weeks ago, I committed to not yell at Nui-nui again.  My streak was going so great. I was scolding... I was demanding... I was stern.  But never raising my voice.  The past two days... that has all gone away.  Surely I notice it... and definitely Joyce feels the tension is back. 

My dearest daughter.... if you're ever old enough to read this or if this blog still exists when you do...

 Daddy loves you. I'm so sorry for yelling at you all those times. I'm an incomplete and horrible father.  But thank you for loving me despite how harsh I treat you.  Thank you for smiling at me.  Thank you for running into my arms when I pick you up from daycare.  Thank you for reciting my favorite poems and bible verses. Thank you for not liking mushrooms.  Thank you for bringing so much joy and happiness into my life.  Thank you...for letting me love you. 

A typical day....

The alarm goes off at 5:30.  I snooze till 6AM.  Then like the NYSE Bell... once it rings, the day doesn't stop.

Jump out of bed.- 6:00AM
Rush to shower (if lucky).
Hurry to make breakfast for Nui nui.
Get Nui-nui cleaned up.
While Nui-nui is eating breakfast... make lunch for her. 
Also make breakfast and lunch for wife if there are no leftovers.
Shower, if didn't shower earlier.(unlucky)
Shave. 
Get dressed.
Pack lunches and put it in car.
Go outside and warm up my own car. Run back inside.
Pack my own lunch...or at least grab a yogurt or banana.
Pray for my kids and kiss my wife.
Dash into car and try to beat traffic (hardly ever works)
Get to work, hopefully by - 7:45AM. 
Non-stop working until 5:25PM.  Any later, and I won't get to Daycare before they close at 6PM.
Perhaps challenge a few traffic regulations to rush to Daycare. 
Pick up Nui-nui.... barely make it.
Sometimes need to go grocery shopping.
Force my way through traffic again.  On days I don't pick up Nui-nui.... I don't have carpool and traffic is worse.
Get home around 6:30PM.

Get Nui-nui cleaned up and start dinner.
Haphazardly kiss my wife and son.
Fight through dinner for whatever fit Nui-nui decides to throw that day.
Perhaps have dessert.  Perhaps have soup.
Time - usually around 7:15ish.

From the moment I wake up till now.... I don't stop.  And after eating a half decent meal.... I need to unwind.  But I make the biggest mistake of being a husband and a father.  I unwind by leaving my family at the dinner table to watch TV or surf the net.  It's not time to unwind yet.  Gotta push for another hour or two.  Spend those few quality minutes with your family.  Do it right... and they'll calmly go to sleep by 8:30PM. 

Then I can unwind..... 

I thank my lovely wife for lovingly reminding me.