Apocalyptic Shopping

With a 2nd confirmed case of a diagnosed CV with unknown origin... it sent the Bay Area into a frenzy (sorta, kinda).  We go to any dense Asian locales (like Meet Fresh or Ranch 99) and no one wears a mask.  Last night... after dropping the kids off at Awana... I thought we can beat the crowd and head to Costco to stock up on water and staples. (Not staples for a stapler silly!! Staples - like eggs, eat, bread, water).  To my surprise, the parking lot was packed.  We walk into and the lines were huge!!  Slowly navigating to the water and toilet paper section... and we find... this.

EMPTY!!  Wow....

Now that game begins!! Gotta hurry and beat the other nonsensical, hysterical people!!  We race through the maze of shopping carts, which are largely packed with "staples" and pushed by a particular demographic (which shall go unnamed).  We walk past the drinks aisle.  Gatorade - only a few packs left.  GRAB IT!!!  Walk by the rice aisle.  GONE!!  Walk past the pasta aisle.  EMPTY!!  Try to find Spam - all that's left are canned tuna.  Uhmm... we'll pass.  Juice boxes? We stand there and think... Nah.  Soda's... it's funny.  At times like this, you really see which soda people prefer.  There was one and only one brand that was emptied out.

Not panicking yet... but we're feeling the adrenaline.  What next?!?!?  Joyce is on her phone trying to find stuff on Costco.com.  And I'm thinking that...while the world is shopping at Costco (in bulk), people wouldn't have thought of Smart and Final.  We race to our local S&F and voila.... sitting out front... pallets and pallets of Crystal Geyser.  Pssssh......  I almost wanted to head back in the car and go home.  It's just not fun when there's no challenge.

But we needed to get rice anyways so we grabbed two packs of water and head to the rice aisle. It was half empty.  (Or was it half full? Hmm...)  Kicked into high gear again.  Let's go check out the other staples.  Ohhhhh baby.... the toilet paper aisle was flowing in abundance!! Charmin Extra Soft on sale!! And cheaper than Costco!!  As we were loading up and blocking the aisle... we see a man pushing a cart full of diapers.  He sees our cart.... smiles.... and said, "Apocalyptic shopping."  I give him a gentle head nod and we part ways.

Turn a corner and Joyce says... "Let's see if they have clorox wipes."  "No way!!" I thought. Guess what... they had 1 pack left.  Had there been an entire shelf of them... I woulda said screw it.  Then we had over to canned food.  Two packs of Spam left.  And we see another man standing there eyeing the same thing.  I bust out my Timmy Hardaway and make a quick, killer crossover... and snatch one of the two packs, freezing the dude in his shoelaces and breaking his ankles!!  You snooze you lose bro!!!  As we were paying and about to leave... we turn around and see that man with a cart full of diapers and now toilet paper.  We exchange smiles... perhaps for the final time.  And I let out, "We will survive!"  "Yes we will."  "And if we don't... we'll have toilet paper!"

But we weren't done yet.  No no.... we still needed rice.  Headed over to Lucky's.  And like S&F, they were pretty well stocked.  People haven't ransacked them (yet).  We paced over to the rice aisle... which... as I recall... we did this about 15 years ago when Thailand, the major manufacturer of rice for the world was shutting down.  And it set us on a panic.  We bought two 25 pounds of AA rice back then - which resulted in a mockery from my parents.  15 years later... we amble down that same aisle, the same store, the same shelf, the same two people.  But what's different... we're no longer looking for Jasmine or Long Grain.  We're looking for brown rice.  (Cuz we're snobby, health conscious, middle class Americans).  They had four 5-lb bags left.  And now... those 4 bags are in our possession.

Rolling out of the Lucky's parking lot and heading home... you can easily feel the weight of the car.  Need to go home... rest up.  Tomorrow, is another apocalyptic shopping day!

Interview Day

In preparation for NN's middle school interviewed, I spent a couple of nights prepping her and drilling her with questions. I peppered her with a bunch of questions that I thought would be asked... and lo and behold... almost every single one was thrown at us.  I even slipped NN a question to ask for the infamous "Do you have any questions for me?" question... to which our interviewer complimented her on it.  (complimented me).

Then for the typical "What do you want to be when you grow up?" I purposely made a (REALLY!?) face... and the teacher said, "Dad looks surprised."  I made the face so the interviewer won't know we rehearsed it.

As I was putting NN to bed... she said that for a bunch of the questions... she said "Uhmm.. " and "I doooooooooon't know."  here or there.  I didn't fault her.  Any normal person would be nervous under those circumstances.  Then NN said.... she was acting.  She could've answered every single question at ease.  But didn't want to give the impression that we rehearsed it.  BOOM.

And now we wait.....

Ash Wednesday

"What is Ash Wednesday?" NN asked during dinner.

Joyce gives me a look...asking for help... and I went off on the history and deep meaning behind it.  How it's 40 days prior to Good Friday.

"Do you know what's Good Friday?" I asked.

To which SW proudly says, "I know what's Black Friday!!!"

Aye..... my son.

Paul's Life and Letters - the Finale

Today was the 3rd and last Final of Paul's Life and Letters.  It was definitely bittersweet to be closing another chapter in my book... in my journey.   As much as I struggled with the Chinese translation... as much as I disliked the structure of the material... I walk away having a deeper and newfound appreciation for the new testament and what the Holy Spirit was doing in the life of a man named Paul.

Today's sermon was quite timely.... it was on the very difficult parable "The Dishonest Manager" where Jesus tells a story of a manager who just got his pink slip.  And to end his term as a manager... he started compensating and changing all the debt owed to his master.  One can say... he was being dishonest.  But Jesus, amazingly, compliments this dishonest manager as being shrewd while saying, "For the sons of this world are more shrewd in dealing with their own generation than the sons of light." I'll leave it up to certified theologians to explain the hidden meaning behind this passage.

What really struck me was... in today's final... I saw so many of my classmates open up their bibles, the only material that we were able to bring with us... and inside their bibles... were pages and pages of hand written notes from all the assignments and quizzes.  One person went as far as writing everything out, photocopying and shrinking it so that it fits inside the margin of the bible.  Was that cheating???  Well.... the rules were, you can bring your bible and nothing else.  No where did it say you can't write notes in there.  And just like college...where we often times are allowed one sheet of notes... it's the process of writing out that 1 sheet of notes where the material actually goes through our minds and onto a paper, thereby, helping the student remember the details.

I envied those people.  Kicking myself, even, for not having that forethought of doing the same thing.  Cuz ultimately... the goal of the class is to learn the material, digest it, and use it in our own lives.  For those who were shrewd enough to perform that act... haven't they achieved that goal??? I won't say that I'm an angel and I'm a true son of light.  Cuz at times, I did peek at my neighbor's answer to see if we were on the same page.  But I will say... I have much to learn and much to do in order to be as shrewd as the sons of this world.

Now that I'm done with this class... onto my next adventures.  Thankfully.. the next class is the Books of Moses.  After having done that with BSF... I don't think I need to re-live Leviticus and Numbers (in Chinese).  Or do I???

I'm so getting busted....

Tuesday morning... that email had me steaming.  I used up every last ounce of self-control to not rip apart someone via email. But instead, typed what I consider, a professional, glorious respond.  Spent the entire day stewing on the words.  And tried oh so hard to not take it out on the kids. Ended up taking it out on a person I love.  Dang it.......

This morning... I had a long talk with the individual.  It started with a calm "What happened..." and quickly elevated to a shouting match.  I yelled at him like I've never yelled at anyone at work.  I'm sooooo getting busted with HR.  Probably gonna be suspended for a week or two... if not fired.  Geez....

Mother Son Day

Picked mom up from Lawrence Station on Sunday and took her on a trip to the Happiest Place on Earth - Costco.  Man, did she make a killing.  If she wasn't so interested in seeing Clark, we could've kept going.

Come Monday.. after the exhaustive audit... we had lunch at her favorite South Bay Restaurant - Sweet Tomatoes.  I then took her home, fixed her computer issues and sat down to watch the Two Popes with her.  Amazingly... there were Chinese subtitles.  Caught her dozing off here and there.  She admittedly popped a tylenol and the subtitles were too fast for her.  So I told her to nap when I ran some more errands for her.  Perfect timing too... cuz I made a quick stop at Pineapple King (and almost PollyAnne's... sigh....).  

Made it back to her place and finished the movie.  This time... I did the word by word translation.  And I'll pause the movie to help her catch up, especially the part where Benedict and Francis were going at it in the Sistine Chapel.  She still dozed off... but we finished the movie together, first time in who knows how long.  I then took her out to dinner at a Korean restaurant, where she polished off a bibimbap all by herself. (WOW!!) 

A very special Mother Son Day.... slightly tarnished... when she showed me an election ballot and asked why Trump isn't on there, and if she can write him in.  I tell her (through gritting teeth) that this is the Democratic Primary Ballot.  She tossed it away and that was that.

Sunavabooch.... who knew.  Hmmmm.... Sunava..... I don't think I can use that term in this instance, can I?  

有時俾人讚吓都幾開心

Another Sunday... another day of translation.  I dread translation for Daniel Lui.  His English is so poetic and strong in diction.  But I hunkered down and did it.  A few ppl praised me after service today.  Doesn't matter.  Whether they did it out of manners or they meant it... it slides off like teflon.  But when 文靜 texted me saying, "By the way, I love your translation you did on stage." I melted like butter.  Heh... I don't care if 100, 1000 people say I did well.  When it's those 1 or 2 people, it means the world to me.  I don't know why... that's just the way it is. 

有時俾人讚吓都幾開心...

提摩太後書

Today was the last class for Paul's Life and Letters.  I was really looking forward to this class because 2 Timothy was the last letter/book that Paul wrote before his martyrdom.  I knew we were going to end this journey with a bang.  And I was especially looking to savor the last few hours with my table-mates, who's company I have come to really enjoy. 

In all my years of reading the bible... 2 Tim comes after 1 Tim, but not chronologically.  2 Tim, as morbid as it is, is like Paul's will or trust.  His final words before he knew he was going to be beheaded.  While going through the lesson today in our class discussion, more than a few times, I started to tear up.  These past few week's emotions crescendo-ed together as we re-lived Pauls' final moments himself. 

Not long ago... Paul wrote to the Philippians about his goal in life. The famous words of  "我只有一件事，就是忘記背後，努力面前的，向著標竿直跑" (But one thing I do: forgetting what lies behind and straining forward to what lies ahead, I press on toward the goal)  That was his personal goal.  His mission in life.  To press forward... towards his goal of evangelism, at all costs.

And in his final days... as he's in jail... waiting for his time for execution... Paul writes in 2 Tim, 那美好的仗我已經打過了，當跑的路我已經跑盡了，所信的道我已經守住了" (and the time of my departure has come. I have fought the good fight, I have finished the race.."  What a glorious way to bookend one's life. On my deathbed... can I say the same??? 

Tonight... we went to Erich's memorial.  Back to back weeks.  It's almost like 10+ years ago when we kept on going to weddings.  Then 5+ years ago when we kept on going to ginger and egg parties.  Now... it's taking a weird, weird turn. Erich did not finish his race... I don't think.  He did not see his son grow up to be the man he will be.  He did not finish his duties as a father.  And I'm sure, he set out to do a lot more for the Lord.  But are we really in control?? Obviously not.  

I wept.  A few tears rolled down my cheek.  I did not know Erich well, but I will never forget him. Until we meet again.  Just like you were my constant at all those kids' gatherings and only moms showed up... I can maybe hang out with you when I see you again in heaven.  

A lesson learned

Valentine's Day... a day where more candy is exchanged in the Leung Household than Halloween.  Every year, we buy valentine's and candy for the class, this year was no exception.  But Joyce texts me around 8:30...that NN left hers at home.  I said... Good, let this be a lesson learned.  Joyce says... she's going to get her another box.  The lesson she'll learn is, mom and dad will always be there for her.  (sigh... Joyce is right... I think).  Hopefully, NN won't think that mom and dad will always be her safety net.  Ugh....

During dinner tonight.  Joyce asks where the leftover lollipops were.  NN said she threw them away, she didn't have room in her backpack.  Joyce was disappointed.  Upset.  Sad. 

Me....? I ripped NN apart. 

I love cooking!!

I'm no where near a great cook. I'm not even a half-decent chef. But I love doing it. Particularly because I love eating. The other side of cooking is when someone you love tells you what you just made is 好好味。Being able to bring joy to someone's life... sparks joy in mine.

How to expand my culinary skills...?

舊地重遊

Found myself walking up and down the aisle of H-Mart today.... the same aisles I was walking up and down on Super Bowl Sunday.  An immense shroud of depression suffocated me again.  Sh*t... this is gonna be a long road for recovery

Philanthropy

NN and SW came home so happy cuz they got to go shopping at the Awana Store - buying slime and trinkets and a bunch of useless junk with Awana bucks they've earned.  I asked NN... did you give any leftover / extra money to little kids who may not have enough? She promptly said "Yes."  So proud of her. 

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Later that night... Joyce tells me that NN may have done a little more than give money out.  It turns out... a little girl was 20 Awana bucks short.  So NN lent her some money, provided she return 24 Awana bucks.  WHAT?!?!??!?  我個女收貴利!??!?!?!?! No no no.......

You shall not charge interest on loans to your brother, interest on money, interest on food, interest on anything that is lent for interest. - Deut 23:19

Knife piercing and gut wrenching

The story his mom told me was gut wrenching, knife piercing.  A little boy... not being able to wake his dad up.  And when the paramedics arrived... found him lying in bed with dad who was permanently asleep.

Friday after school... was hanging out with the kids.  He comes over... grabs my hand and says, "You're my daddy.  You're my daddy now."  What was I suppose to do...or say?

Saturday, ironically, I had the distinct honor to translate at a Memorial Service again -- translating a eulogy or a personal sharing from the first-person. Every time I do this... I'm an emotional wreck.

But before I had time to marinate... I picked dad up from BART... and hurried to "his" soccer tournament.  Got there just in time for the 2nd half.  A parent organized it so his entire class can be there to cheer him on.  SW wanted to be there.  Joyce... not so much.  She didn't want NN to break down in public. 

At night... went to dinner at a burger place. And they were showing the Giants/Patriots super bowl on their big screen TV's.  I look up.... and all of a sudden... I see the infamous KC 3rd and 15.  I quickly grabbed my napkin wrapped utensils and wanted to break them in half.  I didn't even say anything... my expression said it all.  Dad quickly said, "Stop watching."  Big bro said, "Let's switch seats."

Ugh..... knife piercing.  Gut wrenching.

"Why are u so quiet recently"

An unassuming text from one of my dear sisters.  She's the 2nd person to ask me that recently.  Since the turn of the year... I have been relatively quiet in my chat channels.  Partially... it's cuz I've been so physically drained.  For whatever reason... I'm sleeping earlier... waking up earlier.  Partially.. it's cuz there's so many things going on in the world that I'm distracted.  Partially.. it's cuz of the freakin' Niners.  I've been mummed.  Partially.. it's cuz I've been sick.  Perhaps... partially... it's 中年危機? HAHA...But out of all this.... I find myself realizing...

1. That there has been only 2 people asking about me... how about the rest?
2. By me being quiet... the world keeps turning, time keeps on ticking, 多我一個唔多， 小我一個唔小
3. I really talk and text way too much.  Hardly anyone listens anyways. 
4.  I'm in 110% F-You Mode cuz of the Super Bowl!!!!!  ARGH!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

To those two sisters that reached out.... I am genuinely touched.  I am.  You two will never read my blog and these words.  But it means a lot to me that you care enough to reach out.  Thank you H and C. 

Thy will be done

What is happening in 2020????

Got an email from the principal today... "It is with profound sadness that we inform you about a recent loss to our school community."  SW's classmate's dad unexpectedly passed away.  The boy is 8.  EIGHT!!!!!

One after another.  Friends from work are losing close ones.  Kobe Bryant... passes in a helicopter accident.  Joyce's grandma. Carlo...who's been battling cancer. 

Fires in Australia.  Coronavirus. The locusts in Africa.  What is happening?????

I can easily type and say the words... that in the midst of a storm that You still reign.  But what is your will, God?!?!  What is it that You want done?????

Not Dr. Jekyll

Ever since the end of last year... coinciding with PCS... I can proudly say I have kept my temper in check.  I really found conviction that raising my voice and losing my cool is NOT the way to raise a family.  I want them to listen and obey out of LOVE, not out of FEAR. 

Tonight... I finally broke my own rule.  My two young, joyful, boisterous, rambunctious kids were having a tad too much fun at home while I was preparing for, ironically, Prayer Meeting.  How about that.  They were loud.  Very loud.  Screaming, piercing loud.  I gave them a couple of warnings.  I asked them to have fun, but keep it down.  And then... the camel's back broke with that last scream.  While I was given the task of being a priest... that was the moment I fall to temptation. 

And then the anger came out.  No, it was wrath.  The words slowly crecendo'ed.  "Can. YOU. PLEASE. QUIET. DOWN!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!" 

That earned me about 30 minutes worth of golden silence.  I finally got done with preparation.  And as I was making dinner and reviewing my slides (double duty-ing), NN came in and machine-gunned about a dozen questions.  I volleyed the first two... but after about the 6th one... I needed to let her know it wasn't a good time.  With a 50 / 50 chance of doing the right thing... of course I picked the wrong way to go 100% of the time. 

I have (at least) two sides to me.  And Mr. Hyde... can come out of hiding.

LIV.... or dead....

A leftover burrito and a can of Sapporo is what accompanies me.  No... I'm not dead.  If I'm dead, I wouldn't be hungry.  If I'm dead.. I wouldn't be in such pain.  If I'm dead..  if.... big if.  But perhaps... this is worse than death.

This one hurts.  It hurts differently than 2013.  And it hurts a little less than 2002.  Maybe cuz.. I was prepared for it this time.

At approximately 3:30... I drove off.  Took my little Miata and just started driving.  Had no destination, had no goal.  Just driving.  I didn't want to turn on the radio for music... for fear of any local DJ's giving any highlights.  So I relied on old faithful... the cassette tape deck.  And ironically... the only tape I had was 學友's "不老的傳說."  Couldn't help but smile (snarl) when 怎麼捨得你 came on.  Followed shortly by 冷靜.

Drove up 85... up 101... across 92.... and came back down 880.  I was careful to not look at my phone.  What if Anderson and Gonzo texted me?? For a moment there, I saw a barrage of texts.  I ignored it.  But I couldn't really.  Every now and again... I'll peer over and there'll be more texts popping up.  Who was it?!?!?  What were they texting about?!?!?


About 5PM, I finally pulled over to see which text group it was coming from.  Blah... "Eden Fellowship."  What could they possibly be saying right now?? Then I saw something that I shouldn't have seen, "It's only halftime."  What does that mean?!??! Does that mean we're in the lead???? And we shouldn't underestimate the enemy??? Does that mean they're ahead??? And we have 2 quarters left to come back?!??!?  My mind went flying!!!!!

I couldn't handle this.  I went grocery shopping.  Went to an Asian market to escape any mentions of sports. Took extra long strolling up and down the aisle.  The only person wearing red... was someone with an old-skool Nintendo shirt.  I dragged out my time there and it was close to 6.  So I walked across the lot to 85 deg for some bread...when I passed by a Hot Pot restaurant.  They had a TV.  The TV was showing the game. The game was showing the score.  13-10 Niners.  3rd Quarter.

SH*T!!!!  We weren't losing!!!  It's a close game!!! Low scoring game!!!  Then I started timing myself.  How much longer do I have to stay out??

I started driving home.  Then I realized... I needa go to Costco.  Since 2010, driving to Costco has been our good luck charm.  I drove to Costco halfway through Game 6 of the 2010 NLCS.  I drove there in Game 5 of the NLDS against the Reds when Posey hit the Grand Slam. So I made a detour to Costco.  Then I needed a place to sit for an hour.  Where to????  Philz Coffee. Perfect.

I drove back home... found Philz. Was hoping to sit there and read for an hour.  But when I pulled up, the place was packed!!!  For sure there'll be people watching the game on their phone.  I can't go there.  So I pulled out and found an empty bank.  I pulled into the lot and saw another text fly by.  "That's the game.  I'm calling it!"  What!?!? What just happened?!??!

I couldn't wait anymore... turned on my phone and saw, 20-10 Niners, with 11 minutes left in the 4th!!  OMG.... is this happening!?!?!?  But I can't get ahead of myself.  I can't go home yet.

I drove home... parked and just sat there.  It was around 6:25.  I laid my car seat down and rested, saying I won't check my phone until 6:30.  Closed my eyes... and after what seemed like forever.... I check my phone.  6:27.  TWO MINUTES?!?!? TWO FREAKIN MINUTES?!?!?!?

This is nuts... I'm going nuts.  Too intense.  I tossed. I turned.  I put SW's jacket over my head.  Checked my phone again... 6:28.  That's it.... needa check.  20-17 Niners.  We had the ball.  There was 6 minutes left.   A few days ago... I told Carole the final score was gonna be '20-17." Am I going to come down as prophetic????  Is this going to happen??!?!

I can't sit here.  I can't wait 6 minute worth of football.... or 30 minutes worth of real time.  So I went for a walk.... in 45 deg weather.  I had my Niner jacket.  My Niner beanie.  My Niner scarf.  Wearing my TO jersey.  I was strolling up and down the streets of my neighborhood.  Popped in my headphones and started walking.  I was shivering... from nerves or from the cold?  I needed to walk strategically.  Can't walk by a household with a viewing party.  Then out of no where, I hear a ROAR.  Was that a good roar or bad roar?!?!?? What happened?!?!?

I told myself... I'll go into the house with 5 minutes lead and if we're leading.  I'll go in the house by 6:45PM.  I told myself... 2 more songs.  Just 2 more songs.  Got through the first song... then the 2nd song started... and I found myself starting to pace... then jog... then run.  I needed to keep moving.  I couldn't stay still.  Why was the 2nd song so long??!?! GEEZ!!!!!

Finally... the song was over.  Time to check.... and then... the world fell silent.  My heart stopped beating.  My lungs stopped moving.  For a brief second there... I was numb, without thought, without feeling, without consciousness.  That brief second past.... and I was blasted by a 100 poisonous darts.  Poking my eyes, my arms, my legs, my stomach.  I couldn't breath.  I felt dizzy.  I needed to lean on something solid.  24-20 Chiefs.  2 minutes to go.

In my mind... "We don't have the Offense.  We don't have the Quarterback.  We don't have what it takes."  Yet... in the far reaches of forgetful realms... there was the image of Montana to Taylor in XXIII.  So I collected myself... prevented hyperventilation.  I ripped off my beanie and scarf cuz I was soaked with sweat.  I needed a radio.  I need to hear this LIV.

Got to the car.... turned it on just in time to hear Jimmy G to Kendrick Bourne. Threw it high!! But he hauled it in.  Jimmy is nervous.  He's throwing it high... AGAIN!!!  Then 1st down (batted).  2nd down (tipped, nearly intercepted).  3rd down..... he overthrows Emmanuel "Effin" Sanders who was wide open.  The one guy we traded for in mid-season to bolster our receiving core.  The one guy that was the missing piece of this offense.  It was the perfect bookend to a perfect story.  And alas.... the perfect story fell to Andy Reid.  4th down.... sacked/incomplete pass.  Game Over.

The last words I heard from Greg Papa were, "This ain't over yet...there's a minute left on the clock."

Turned the ignition off.  I was a man walking without a soul.  Went to the trunk, grabbed the groceries and made the final 10 steps into the garage.  Walked in the house... dropped my bag and the groceries... and head to my room.  "Did we win?!?!" Nn asked.... I ignored her and kept walking.  The longest... loneliest walk since....... .  

"We'll win next year Daddy."  I didn't look back.  I didn't have the heart to tell her.... "No, NN, there is no next year.  It's this year and that's it.  You don't know how hard it is to get here.  How many strokes of luck we needed.  Lightning in bottles.  Other players getting hurt.  The ball bouncing this way or that.   No, NN.  7 years ago.... if you said "next year", that too would have never happened."

25 years since XXIX.  Scratch that.  Make that 26.  I don't have many years left in me.  I can't do this anymore.  I hate sports.  I hate Jimmy G.  I hate the Niners.  I'm going to give up my season tickets.  The heck with this.  I want my life back.  I want my dignity back.  I want my Sunday afternoons back.  I want my money back.  I want.... a freaking Lombardi Trophy damnit!!!!!!!!!!!

LIV Eve

Super Bowl eve. I'm not nervous. I'm.... numb. I'm.... hopeful. I'm... listening to what I want to hear and shunning what I don't. In about 20 hours... I either be on cloud nine and be able to rest in peace (literally) or I will re-enter into F-you mode for another who knows how long.

This moment in time....

I am: preparing for the worst
I think: it will be a low scoring game
I know: sports is an escape, not life
I want: the Niners to win
I have: so little faith
I wish: we weren't playing the Chiefs
I hate: losing
I miss: the glory days of the past
I fear: kintsugi has been re-shattered...
I hear: the humming of my HP solid state harddrive
I wonder: if there really can be "one day"
I regret: not taking a bolder move to look elsewhere
I love: my Niners
I ache: when I think back 7 years ago
I care: about myself, and myself only!!!
I always: have regrets, even when I shouldn't
I am not: in an emotional stable place
I dance: far less than I use to
I sing: 90's Canto-pop
I cry: far more than I use to
I do not always: put God first
I fight: the wrong fights
I write: in hopes that {{you}} can one day understand...
I win: when the Niners win
I lose: "F*CK!!!"
I confuse: my kids when I'm bipolar
I listen: to Maroon 5
I can usually be found: humming or whistling
I need: to make 2020 unforgettable
I am happy about: how NN is blossoming
I should: get a new job