LIV Eve

Super Bowl eve. I'm not nervous. I'm.... numb. I'm.... hopeful. I'm... listening to what I want to hear and shunning what I don't. In about 20 hours... I either be on cloud nine and be able to rest in peace (literally) or I will re-enter into F-you mode for another who knows how long.

This moment in time....

I am: preparing for the worst
I think: it will be a low scoring game
I know: sports is an escape, not life
I want: the Niners to win
I have: so little faith
I wish: we weren't playing the Chiefs
I hate: losing
I miss: the glory days of the past
I fear: kintsugi has been re-shattered...
I hear: the humming of my HP solid state harddrive
I wonder: if there really can be "one day"
I regret: not taking a bolder move to look elsewhere
I love: my Niners
I ache: when I think back 7 years ago
I care: about myself, and myself only!!!
I always: have regrets, even when I shouldn't
I am not: in an emotional stable place
I dance: far less than I use to
I sing: 90's Canto-pop
I cry: far more than I use to
I do not always: put God first
I fight: the wrong fights
I write: in hopes that {{you}} can one day understand...
I win: when the Niners win
I lose: "F*CK!!!"
I confuse: my kids when I'm bipolar
I listen: to Maroon 5
I can usually be found: humming or whistling
I need: to make 2020 unforgettable
I am happy about: how NN is blossoming
I should: get a new job