Oversharing

I volunteered to be a Driver for NN's 7th grade field trip.  We got there early and was standing around shooting the breeze with the teachers.  The teachers started talking about how they dread having both boys and girls in a vehicle and the drama they actually see.  And one teacher even admitted to purposely sitting a guy and girl next to each other in class cuz she knew they liked each other!! How cruel... demented... and absolutely worthy of praise!! Hahaha... 

中間分界

NN was going through some of her old pics when she said, "Oh geez... I use to part on the side?? That's soooo millennial!"  

"So where should you part?"

"The middle, daddy!  Ugh... don't you know?"

And I'm thinking... 中間分界!?  It's back...? Again??? 

"C"

NN was chosen today to be one of two Captains for her volleyball team.  I wasn't there... but it seems like the coach pulled them aside and said, "You may not be the most talented, but I've seen your leadership skill rises above the rest."

BTS

It's not stopping.  I keep running into people and talk to them about BTS's concert in Vegas!! It's every where!! Colleagues.  Parents.  Parents from kids that use to go to school with NN/SW.  They....Are... EVERYWHERE!!!!

Inadequate

A swarming wave of inadequacy suffocating me right now.  

At work on Friday.. I'm realizing how much of my job I have no clue on what to do.  Every aisle I traverse.. every corner I turn... there's this new world that I am completely alien to.  Gwarsh I hate that feeling.

Then on Saturday... I take NN to her Beach Day trip with the volleyball girls.  And for whatever reason.. she doesn't fit in.  She's not with the "popular girls."  She's not with the 6th grade girls.  And then within her own friend group... she didn't fit in either.  But whatever... we survived it.  

We get home from the beach and I take her to rec basketball that's run by the JV coach.  She sees a bunch of friends there and she's happy again.  When I pick her up... first thing she said to me was, "I got demoted again."  Turns out this time, the JV coach put her with the less talented bunch.  You can't cheat the eye test... she really does not compare with the talented group.  Maybe... you can say she's the bad, good-player.  Or you can say she's the good bad-player.  Either way...she didn't fit in.

On the car ride home.. she started complaining about her friends only talking to her when no one else is around.  

Geez..... she had a crappy week.  She had a crappy day.  And now... there's nothing I can say or do to lift my daughter up.  I felt like such an inadequate dad. 

Everyone's a suspect

Two days after my bike gets stolen from my garage... I'm on the look out.  When I'm driving around my neighborhood and I see someone on a bike... I slow down and check if their bike is my bike.  I don't care if it's a kid... it's a senior... everyone's a suspect.  What are the chances I'll get my bike back.

I have renter's insurance.. but the deductible pretty much zeros out the cost of the bike.  Ugh... still kicking myself. 

Another sport... same results

NN's first game with volleyball season... another sport... another season... same results. 

They won the 1st game with their starting rotation.  Then their 2nd rotation gets blown out of the water.  And by the time it's the 3rd game... the ball drops the other teams way.  Another loss.  Another... dang... loss.  

When will NN register her first win????? When that day comes... I'll celebrate more than she does. 

Violated

For the umpeenth time since we've moved in... the garage door did not close.  And this time... something finally happened.  I go down to the garage after everyone's asleep and something's different.  Something is out of place.  It's out of place... cuz it's not there.  Someone stole my $800 Cannodale bike.  Ugh... feel so stupid.  So violated!!  I naively walk around the city block hoping to find it lying in the streets somewhere, abandoned.  

Thankfully (glass is half full), that was the only thing accessible and went missing.  It could've been a lot worse.  Grrrrr..... so stupid!!! So.... so stupid!! 

Heat of the Moment

So many times... we make choices in the Heat of the Moment that we regret... as revealed at the Oscars tonight.  

It could be an ill-timed tasteless joke.  Or it could a reaction to the said ill-timed, tasteless joke. 

All it takes is one moment.. one regretful moment.. that can crumble the pedestal that took a lifetime to build.  Are there regrets? Perhaps too late.  Are there apologies? Perhaps unacceptable. Is there forgiveness? The answer is textbook.

How do you explain to a 12 year old what transpired tonight? The path I chose was the safe path.  There will be three camps.  One that cheers.  One that jeers.  And one that simply doesn't care.  With any path that is chosen... well... there simply is no answer, especially if you choose to answer in the heat of the moment. 

What Dreams May Come

What is it about dreams? Is it a recollection of things that have happened and is a replay? Is it a premonition of what's to come? Is it... as Zhuang Zi said, "I once dreamnt of a butterfly.  Or a butterfly is dreaming of me."  What about... the deceased visiting us in our dreams?  Are dreams a channel of communication with the supernatural that happens when we subconsciously open up our minds and thoughts? 

"B visited in my dreams last night. The only detail I remember is that he was smiling." 

*Tear

Razzie

Oscars this Sunday... only to be preceded by the annual Razzies (Raspberry Awards) for the Worst in Film.  Sandra Bullock famously showed up at Razzie and handed out DVD's of her so-called "Worst Movie" and challenged the audience to watch it.  Halle Berry showed up one year to mock-receive the award.  The Rock recorded his acceptance speech.  If I can hand out a Razzie for 2021.... West Side Story 2021.  Do yourself a favor.  Skip it... skip it and pass the word on.  Ohhhh... sooooo... baaaaad.