Walk on water...

My company uses the 9x80 work schedule, where employees get every other Friday off as long as they work 80 hours within the first nine days. So I came into work expecting to have a relaxing day. Catch up with some emails, make some phone calls, work on my tare, blah blah blah.... My manager comes over and says, "You gotta have your self assessment in by COB today."

..........GREATTTTTTTTTTTTTTTTTTTTTTTT

I dread this time of the year more than any other time (with the exception of Valentine's Day). It's the time of the year where I have to bust out with 6-syllable words that no one ever uses and advertise myself as the best employee ever to have worked here. Why do we even do self assessments? No one's gonna admit to being subpar. And even if you have the best self assessment, who cares?!? It's not like your raise will be any higher or lower!!! I swear...one of these days, I'm gonna put,

"STRENGTHS: Walk on water and my feet don't even get wet."