A Man's First Love and Your Future In-law

One of my close friends conspired in me that he's been having some marital problems between his wife and his mom.  This is probably one of the most common areas of friction in any marriage.  And as I was doing the dishes... inspiration started coming to me... leading me to document the following.

A Man's First Love and Your Future In-law

From the moment we are born... we've been loved unconditionally by our mother.  The first person to hold us, the first person to feed us, the first person to coo us to sleep.  They were there when we fell off our bikes, when we got our first B+ in math (ouch!), when we needed someone to drive us here or there.  For the average man that gets married at 30, there are 20+ cognizant years of your life that have us put our mom as the number one woman in our lives.

Asians are raised under Confuscianism of "忠孝仁義." Throughout our childhood, we are taught to sing "世上只有媽媽好."  Americans, likewise, offer Mothers as the dominant parent of honor.  Mother's Day this...Mother's day that.  In the 90's, before cell phones were prominent, the #1 thing that happens on Father's Day is long-distance phone calls... children didn't even bother buying a card or sending flowers.  Catholics are taught to worship Mother Mary.  Christians, Jews and even Muslims have the 10 Commandments drilled into us throughout our childhood - "Honor Thy Parents."  It isn't until we are young adults, perhaps college years, that we start studying Ephesians and Colossians and learning about "submitting to your husband" or "love your wife as God loved the church."  And even then, it's still scratching the surface.


Men are emotional creatures, contrary to popular belief.  Ask any Giants fan about 1962 or 2002... and see if you see a grown man weep?  Or walk into bar that is showing Manchester United playing Chelsea.... and I'll show you men hugging like there's no tomorrow.  But interestingly... it takes men a while to fall in love.  And it takes us a while to fall out of love.  If we are committed to a person, place or thing... we go all in.  And it's hard to pull ourselves out.

Now, how can wives even begin to expect their husbands to "leave your parents and be one with your wife" after 2-3 years of courtship, 2-3 months of pre-marital counseling and a set of vows?  The answer is... WE CAN'T.  Not that we don't want to... but we don't know how. 

So does that mean wives need to just step aside and wait another 20+ years till their husbands come around? No no no.  This is where the grace of God comes in.  It is in His will that you two are together.  And it is through His love, that we can love one another.  Without even getting into the theological definitions of eros and agape... I can summarize it that God will work wonders.  And wives - you must never stop praying for your husband.  Pray that he will continue to be a God fearing man...and a God loving man.  A man that loves God... will learn to love his wife.

It's taken me 5 paragraphs to describe the first four words of the title.  It'll take me one to finish it up.  Instead of waiting for the wife (or spouse, I should say) to pray for the other spouse... parents, start praying for your children now.  Pray that their future spouse will be that God fearing and God loving man.  Why wait until your son or daughter walk down the aisle and commit themselves to your future son or daughter in law.  Now's the time.

We always want the next generation to have it better than us.  If your parents weren't able to pray for your marriage throughout your life... you can make a difference in your children's lives.  Remember... learn to love God more, learn to receive His love... and He will faithfully reward you with more love to love your husband or wife.

-H. Leung