For better or worse

 COVID-19 - School Closure - Day 147

Approximately 15 years ago... I made a vow in front of God and man that I will stand with my wife.. for better or worse. And today... I broke that vow.  

It's been over a month since Joyce and NN had a blow up... but it happened today.  And once it happened... I made a choice, a wrong choice.  After their initial fight, which I dutifully stood non-partisan, I strongly suggested that the parent reach out to the child in hopes of peace.  Well... that didn't happen.  What happened was a bigger blow-up than the initial squabble.  I was so pissed.  So pissed that I threw the ...... and smashed it to the sink.  The echoes of my action is still ringing in my ears right now.

The results... a sobbing, weeping tweenage daughter.  And worst yet.... a wife who sits watching Netflix, deflated, defeated, in shambles.  Today... I chose something else other than my wife.  I chose my daughter.  Not with my words but with my actions...of which.... I will regret for the rest of my days.

There I saw... the love of my life... my mate... my best friend... hopeless... full of shame... too hurt to even cry.  And me... the man who once vowed to stand beside her in all circumstances... betraying her.  Breaking my vows.  In good times and in bad... I chose the easy way out.

I'm shamed.  I'm humiliated.  I'm..... a sinful man.  And I.... today... broke my vows to God and man.  I'm sorry Hunny.  I apologized... but it was too late.