無名火

 At lunch yesterday... dad once again brought up the issue with my wrath... or as he puts it, 無名火.  90% of the time... I'm the most easy going guy you know. But if you step onto that final 10% and light my fuse... I will blow up on you.  Too many times... I've done it the past decade and taken it out on the kids.  During the day... work eats up all my margin with nothing left for home. 

The past week... I've been regretting those past 10 years. Re-thinking and re-living images of me yelling or screaming at an innocent child.  When their parents are their world... and those towering adults are coming down on them... their world crumbles.  And all they can do is helplessly stand there and take it.  Helplessly.

What happened? Why am I like this? Dad even brought up that Mom once brought up, "點解個仔變成咁?"  I don't even know... 

And as it was scripted on a TV show... I ended up blowing up on NN tonight.  I even scared myself with my anger.  After a long day of driving... I was tired and frustrated.  I was well past my 90%.  I didn't need any more enticement to explode.  But it happened.... and here I am... regretting... every... second... of it.