Not even sure how to capture this in words... but the past couple of weeks have been tough. It's been weird. It's been.... complicated. So many things I want to say... so many ways I can say it... yet...the words just don't seem to be manifesting themselves right now.
Couple of things I can preflect on....
1) Handling relationships. I am a novice at best when it comes to relationships. Looking back at my life... I've had 3, maybe 4 relationships that I have truly wasted due to my immaturity, my inexperience, my insistence of doing things according to my terms. Selfish, is really what it is. And here I am, yet again, going through a similar experience.
2) The power of my tongue and the consequence it can cause when misused. The Book of James is easily one of my favorite books in the bible. It's so practical. A modern day "How-to." It's the only book in the bible that values works as much as faith. And it also admonishes the tongue.
5 Likewise, the tongue is a small part of the body, but it makes great boasts. Consider what a great forest is set on fire by a small spark. 6 The tongue also is a fire, a world of evil among the parts of the body. It corrupts the whole body, sets the whole course of one’s life on fire, and is itself set on fire by hell.
How true it is for me. When I let loose my tongue...and the sarcasm and jokes flow out... how easily it can hurt others. It is better, if I never even open my mouth. Ironically... I've been complimented as being "articulate", "well-spoken", and even "linguistic" (though I think that's misnomer) Of all the things I get complimented on... it also is one of my greatest weakness.
2018 is coming to a close... how I long for these issues to also come to a close. This feeling of uncertainty, of mystery, is suffocating. I hate not having control of my feelings...of my thoughts. But one thing is constant...and that's change. If given enough time... these feelings will go away. Right??
Mood: Confizzled
2018 is coming to a close... how I long for these issues to also come to a close. This feeling of uncertainty, of mystery, is suffocating. I hate not having control of my feelings...of my thoughts. But one thing is constant...and that's change. If given enough time... these feelings will go away. Right??
Mood: Confizzled
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