欲窮千里目

Was offered a job today at work... internal transfer.  Back to design, production, delivery.  I'm enjoying what I do now... but how I long to go back to delivering hardware.  So many things crossed my mind... the pros and cons... the wins and losses... the victories and defeats... the past, the present, the future.... what I WANT vs what I NEED....  Was restless the entire day.  Just couldn't concentrate on any one task.

Got home...and shared with Joyce my latest angst.  Her immediate physical reaction already gave me the answer.  But nothing prepared me for her verbal response.

"You keep wanting to go back to hardware.  Well... I don't.  When you were doing hardware. You were not good to us." 

We both started tearing up.  Really?? Was I really that bad of a husband? That bad of a father?  Nothing mattered at that moment.  No job. No promotion. No future. No retirement.  What mattered... was my wife, stood in front me, hurt once again.

"人若賺得全世界，卻喪了自己、賠上自己，有什麼益處呢" ~路加福音 9:25

Mood: 悔