Saturday, March 19, 2005

Great America

"Henry we're ready."

It's 10:25AM Saturday morning. I told Francisco I'll pick him up at 10:30 and take him to Great America. When was the last time he called me to tell me he's early?? Little rascal....he wouldn't stop bugging me about the rain.
"Why it stay open if it rains? Will the rides go faster if it's slippery?"
I never knew I had this much patience.

So we get there and decided to stay in a group. His fault for picking girls to come with him. We rode the Vortex, Demon, and Grizzly. I kept on mocking him for being scared of DropZone, even doing the "chicken" routine. He finally gave in. We lined up for DropZone while Joycie waited with the girls. Boy was he scared. Poor kid didn't say a word when we were strapped in. Had his eyes closed, his lips were pale. But man!! Once we got off, he woudln't stop bugging me to do it again!!! and again!! and again!!

The weather report said there was 100% of rain. Lucky for us, it rained for about 5 minutes and the rest of the time was sunny. Must've made a lot of kids happy.

I still remember back in the Sts. Peter and Paul days when Great America was the ultimate bomb. Every year, we'd look forward to that one day when we can skip school and go to this magical kingdom of fun. I'm much too jaded to appreciate that now. But while Joyce and I stood on the outskirts watching the kids go up on down on a stupid kiddie ride, laughing and giggling like there's no trouble, it made me realize how special that very moment was. For them, and for myself. 10-15 years from now, those kids probably won't even remember me or my name. But when it's their turn to take their kids to Great America, they may reminisct their child hood and vaguely picture a tall skinny Chinese guy offering them the time of their life....even if only a day.

Friday, March 18, 2005

AMEN!!!!

My flesh and my heart may fail, but God is the strength of my heart and my portion forever.

Psalm 73:26 (NIV)

Tuesday, March 15, 2005

...am I awake??

Sometimes, blessings come and it happens so fast you don't realize it. I was late with my rent last month so when I wrote the check, I automatically included the $100 late fee. Several days later, the property calls me back and says the rent was postmarked on the 5th...so I didn't need to penalize myself. The 5th of March is a Sunday - no way the post office was open that day. I think she was just being nice cuz I've never been late in all 3+ years. $100!! WOOHOO!!!

Last week, I really need more time to work on my project for school. Out of the blue, Francisco is sick and stays home from tutoring. I tell Wayland that I'm going to skip out on tutoring that night. Got a few extra hours of work in. Made a big difference too...cuz Thursday night I made a huge breakthrough.

Didn't get home till 3AM that night though. Woke up at 6AM Friday morning for class. Stayed out late Friday night for the Deeper Life Conference. Woke up early Saturday morning for the Deeper Life Workshop. Dozed a little bit here and there...but stayed awake for the most part. Saturday night, I worked from 4PM to 4AM Sunday morning. Was so involved with the work I had to miss the third leg of the Conference. Finally, woke up at 7AM Sunday morning for the Morning Service. Sunday afternoon, I went back to finish the project. Worked from 3PM to about 9PM. Ate dinner, showered and started finishing up my project writeup. Decided to take a nap from 1130-1230. Woke up at 1230 and I literally couldn't think. I sat in front of the computer with a blank mind. "Where was I?" "What am I doing?" "Why am I awake?" I knew it was time to call it quits, throw in the towel and put in the finishing touches tomorrow morning. Finally was able to finish up the project, despite a lot of explainable bugs, and finish the write up to a certain degree. Given a few more weeks, I don't know where I could have gone with this project. That's the problem with a lot of engineers, knowing when to quit. But geez....the past 4-5 days I averaged about 3-4 hours of sleep.

Took last night off and went to the Warriors game with Jeff. Caught up with each other's pathetic lives and enjoyed a great game. We were about 15 rows from the court....there's no better way to watch a game than upclose. It's like watching an opera, musical or the symphony. Pay the extra $50-$100 and sit up close...it makes the world of a difference.

Finished all my dental work. Totalled up to about $700. Not too bad..just gotta remember to keep flossing at least once a day. Next trip will be in 6 months. Let's see how long I can keep this flossing thing going before I get lazy again.

After 2.5 years, I finally get to move into another group. But now is definitely the worst timing. My current manager needs me to get him through this crunch. And to be honest, I really want to step up to the challenge. It's the challenge of meeting the impossible schedule that's attractive to me and not the work itself. I lost interest in this line of business over a year ago. Still didn't give him my two week notice...wonder what his reaction will be. I'm trying to work my darndest to get this project to a good handoff point. But I have no drive to work....not since the day my manager said, "You got an exceptional rating this time, next year's evaluation, I'm gonna need to spread the wealth around." I thought that was a bunch of bull. If I work hard all I get is a pat on the back..then I'm not going to work hard.

How's this for an idea....instead of going to Australia/New Zealand or Southeast Asia for my honeymoon....maybe I can head up over to China for the short term mission I've been longing to go to and work at the orphanage for a few weeks. Wild and crazy idea...not sure how Joycie will react.

Still internally debating whether or not to get baptized again.....I better decide soon otherwise this round will pass me up. Be awesome if I can get baptized on Easter Sunday. But it doesn't feel right....not sure what it is. But it just doesn't feel right....ugh...... oh so depressing....

Monday, March 07, 2005

Wedding Counselling

First night of wedding counseling on Tuesday and already Alan is giving us an assignment. List 15-20 reasons why you want to marry the other person. Like all people in the Internet Era, I jumped right onto google to and typed in "Reasons to get married." All the hits that came back were "Reasons NOT to get married." Ironic huh?? Must be a sign...HAHAHAHHAHAHA

I hate Februarys. It's only 2 days shorter than the rest of the months, but it completely threw my bill-paying cycle off. I was late on rent, for the first time in over 3 years. I didn't even ask my property manager to excuse me. I just paid the penalty fee. Sigh.....older I get, the more absent-minded I get. Feel so occupied right now that it's suffocating. But if you ask me why I'm busy...I can only come up with, "y'know...the usual." Maybe I'm not really truly busy...I just like to occupy my time so I don't have free time to clean the house.

Weather was super duper nice this weekend....I sooooooooo wanted to go play golf. But I have just too much work to do...had to bypass the sun.

Sunday, March 06, 2005

Tears of Joy? Sadness? Fear? Loneliness? Longing?

I tried to keep it in, but the harder I tried, the faster tears rolled down my face. The more I tried to hide it, the weaker I became.
Everytime our worship team sings that song, my manliness, my machismo, my testosterone all seem to fade away. The entire song, I was only able to utter the first few words of the first verse. I couldn't bring myself to sing the refrain...my voice was trembling too hard. The refrain must've struck a nerve inside me. This nerve that I protect with a false outer shell - pretending to be strong and indestructible. But the wall came tumbling down today when we cried, "I WANT TO SEE YOU! LIKE A CHILD LONGING FOR HIS FATHER!!" It also didn't help that the worship team kept and repeating and repeating the chorus.

Men love to hide their feelings cuz "feelings" is a sign of weakness and vulnerability. It's not so much we love it, but we're forced into it by the taboo of society. Women often complain that they're not treated with equality, that the world is against them and they're second class citizens. How little do they know what men have to go through day in and day out. At least women are able to voice their pains and sorrows. Men? We must hold up a front and pretend everything is fine. We must fortify ourselves and let people know everythign is under control. In combat, even if the battle is lost, the losing general can show no fear in front of his troops. The general knows that all his soldiers are depending on his leadership and guidance. If the general gives up, then the whole army has gives up.

I'll be first to admit that I put up this front all the time. If Joycie and I are vacationing somewhere, and we're lost, I'll keep my cool. Even if I'm scared stiff inside, I act as if I know exactly where we are and I pretend everything will be just fine. Women don't have to do that. If they panic and complain, then that's just women being women. If they're cool and try to compromise the situation, then they're heros and are taking charge. Either way, they win. For men? We only have one way to go.

Who are we trying to show off to? Why can't we admit that we're all weak inside? And the only fortification comes with our Father? If we put our trust in Him, then He'll grant us strength and bless us with real courage; not some false front we conjure up.

This morning, I shouted out for help. I longed for His presence. I submitted to Him. In doing so, I crumbled. But in crumbling, He rebuilt me - only now I'm stronger and better than before. Still got ways to go.....

Friday, March 04, 2005

Son of a gun...

Borrowed from Karen... I always had a feeling I'm borderline Metrosexual. But the results are rather disturbing...






Your Brain is 53.33% Female, 46.67% Male



Your brain is a healthy mix of male and female

You are both sensitive and savvy

Rational and reasonable, you tend to keep level headed

But you also tend to wear your heart on your sleeve


Tuesday, March 01, 2005

...blah blah blah

You fight and fight. You gnaw and you bite. But in the end, I caught the mercurial cold. During the entire winter I was extra extra careful. Everytime I felt even a twinge of a cold I'll chug a gallon of orange juice. I'll even succumb to using Bath and Body works' hand sanitizer despite the unbearable scents. As the saying goes, "You can guard all day and all night. But it's your family member you can't guard against." The culprit responsible for the heinous act of spreading their disease on to me is my beloved Joyce. Her along with Andrew and PeterNorman. I was surrounded at lunch that day, sitting in the way of the wind. Every time the restaurant's door opened, their germs would bombard me like the Germans bombarded France. Trying to suppress this cold to a mere cough...but the battle is not swinging my way. Even resorted to good ol' Chinese Herbal Medicine. Probably need another dose or two, or three.

Did my Academic Projection for Masters Program. If I'm lucky and get all my classes, coupled with work being as laid back as it has the past year, on top of me finding the studiousness to take on what I ought to take on, I can get out by end of 2007. Oh Mylanta!! That's another 2.5-3 years at full load. Only saving grace in being a student is I can tell people I'm still in college - it makes me feel young. *wink* Plus I can use my Student Discount without feeling guilty. HA!

Went to the dentist for the first time in 2 years. Have over $700 worth of dental work coming up...boohoo.....=( $700 can get me a new clutch! $700 can get me back to HK! Chumps like me really oughta do my research. Who's to say this dental office isn't scewin' me over? After my little exam, this gorgeous lady comes over with a very warm smile to go over my costs. They show you two columns of numbers - What it'll cost you without insurance and What it'll cost you with insurance. Who's to say they don't jack up their prices? I didn't do any comparison shopping. Besides that, I want to see what the costs are if I have Delta as opposed to Cigna. Blah blah blah....I'm too lazy to actually do my research, but not too lazy to complain.

Headin' over to the Laser Eye Center today to get my LASIK evaluation. I wonder if I even qualify for LASIK with my heavy astigmatism. And what kind of dent will it do my wallet? Been a prisoner of my glasses since I was 6. Theory has it I may have needed it before that....my parents were just ignorant. But for the past 20 years I've learned to hate (yes, HATE) having to depend my entire life on two pieces of plastic. During Sunday School, Alan asked us, "What in life can you live without." I told my group, I can't live without my glasses. One time, I woke up and my glasses weren't on my bedstand. I must've knocked it on the floor during the night. But when I woke up, I was soooooooooooooooo lost!! Was on my hands and knees feeling around for my glasses. That feeling of being lost and desperateness was far too overbearing. Course...that wasn't what Alan was expecting, heh...but I could've easily transformed that into an analogy, "Being lost without the Light."

School and work is starting to get overwhelming. So why am I not doing either one, but instead updating my journal? Heh......shame on me.

Monday, February 28, 2005

Random thoughts....

Had dinner at Guy's house last night. Quite a meal I must say, four entrees with soup. Real soup, not Chunky's or Campbell. Then we had fruit, ice cream and redbean pie for dessert. Absolutely amazing. Great food, great environment, but most importantly great company. Where you see Guy, you're bound to see Rebecca (more often than not). TallKen was also there, and just like the former two, wherever you see TallKen, SoChi is probably within a 10 foot radius. Not to mention Guy's new family member, Sao Tao. BTW, rumor has it that the main course for Thanksgiving dinner is rabbit meat. Hrm.......curious.

I don't remember the last time a friend invited me to their house for dinner and the dinner wasn't a potluck.

Didn't realize the broad spectrum of age within our fellowship. Now that I think about it.... we cross three generations: Generation X, Generation Y, and that generation raised between Baby Boomers and GenX - who are so often unidentified cuz they just flew underneath the radar. I don't particularly see any pros or cons with this, except when the subject of inter-church dating came up, we had a plethora of gossip coming up. Including even, cross fellowship activities and events involving SFCAC.

One of the cross fellowship events that's coming up is the Singles Retreat in July. Makes me wonder if there's a double meaning behind the "retreat." =) Stuck in Tahoe for three days with a bunch of single girls.... *sigh*...to be a bachelor again.

Another possible event that is less thought provoking is good ol' team competition. Turns out some of the girls in the English Young Adult fellowship are pretty gung-ho when it comes to volleyball. Some of the peeps in Joseph know a thing or two about bunt, set, spike. We'll see where this goes. Maybe we can bring some people from the different fellowships and form a SJCAC team.

Speaking of volleyball, we had the playoffs in our league tonight. We won our first match, beating the #5 seed, but eventually fell victim to the #4 seed, barely. It took 8 weeks for our team to jive...I think if we keep this team going, we can actually be a force to reckon with.

On another note, Ken and Guy were talking about discipleships for our church. I started wondering, that's great!! But who's going to disciple Joycie and me?? We have a couple in mind...but they're super duper busy. On the flip side of the coin...if they discple us well enough, we can possibly inherit some of their work and ease up their bandwidth. HA!! I tried that one time when crashing a class freshman year of college, "Dr. Bailey, your class is already full with 150 people. What's another one or two? With me in your class, I can tutor students on the side and ease up your office hours." It worked....she let me crash. But I never tutored anyone...heh heh heh....

Liar? Nah...I'm just a natural businessman....

Sunday, February 20, 2005

Where a kid can be a kid....

TV commericials are great. You see kids playing with two or three GI-Joes, but it'll be the most fun you've seen anyone have! You buy the same toy, open it, and realize, darn...this is stupid. You don't get all the cool mountains and background that was on TV. Or a stinken Hot Wheel race track. The dinky little car goes round and round. That'st dumb!! Why are the two white boys on TV having the time of their lives?? I'm sure everyone's fallen for that trap...and eventually learn their lesson.

Not the case with one particular commericial - Chuck E. Cheese. Oh no. There aren't any sceneries to enhance the fun. The pizza that rolls across your screen is the juiciest pie you've ever laid eyes on. The Chuck E. Cheese mouse DOES exist and is your best friend. The plastic ball pool is the size of Arkansas and it's bottomless. But with my upbringing, I had to settle for the fact that places like is for rich families only. I do not deserve to play in places like that...the world was created with a hierarchical structure and I wasn't anywhere close to the top. I wouldnt' even know how to ask mom and dad to take me there...cuz there's absolutely no justification to go to a place like that, when we can do the same things at a public park.

This Sunday, Joycie and I took Francisco and Issac to a local Chuck E. Cheese. For $35, we had a large pizza, four sodas and over 60 tokens ~ with some coupons I found online. The kids standing by the token dispenser were looking in awe as the coins kept dropping like it would at vegas when you hit jackpot. I literally had my entire coat pocket full of coins - felt evil...that I was spoiling the kids. They oughta learn the value of a dollar..that it takes a lot of hard work to enjoy themselves. Anyways...so we sat down, I passed out some of the tokens and they were gone within a second. 10 minutes later, they came back and started hanging out with me and Joyce. Now why would they choose to hangout with us?? Oh...I get it...they needed a refill. =)

Joyce and I couldn't fight off the wave and wave of kids running around. They'd run into you, cut in front of you, steal your Skeeballs. I guess when you're small, you keep your eyes focused on the big shiney lights...and disregard everyone else around you. Best part of Chuck E Cheese wasn't the arcards, nor the food...but seeing the kids squirming their ways around each and every corner in that Jumbo Maze thingy that I can longer fit into. =(

We were there for about 2 hours and amazingly, the tokens lasted us for the entire time. We ran out of things to do and just played games that won us tickets. The prizes they had available were the absolutely ugliest POS in the whole wide world. How anyone can afford to win those prizes is beyond me.

If someone were to ask me what I think heaven is like... Chuck E Cheese would be a valid valid answer.

Another dream down....another million to go.

Monday, February 14, 2005

Happy Valentine's Day

Once a year, I along with the other 50% of the human race (rough estimate - nothing scientific like the election polls) would flock to the closest florist, Tiffany's, Victoria Secrets, Sanrio in an attempt to not be typecasted as the modern day "Al Bundy." How much money have I spent on Valentine's Day since the inception of the concept in my adolescent mind?

Not counting the dumb 2x4 Valentine Day cards sold at Walgreens for $2.99 a box, I remember my first Valentine's Day present being around 6th grade. The night before Valentine's Day, I went to Walgreens (hrm...that worked out well) to buy a $5 chocolate heart. It was a red box, about the size of a binder, with the word "Love" handwritten across it. I was tiptoe-ing all night that night...worrying that mom may discover my miscalculated investment. And to think, I didn't even have the courage to give it to the girl. I made my friend deliver the package for me. Sixth grade...that must've been when I was 12?
Many moons later, when I was a sophomore in high school, a $2 investment was made on a rose sold by one of our school clubs. The recipient, my first high school love. The deliverer, "Secret Admirer." I didn't even have the ballz to let the girl know it was me. I wonder if I should let her know now??
Then there were the next 5 years that I've successfully eliminated from the memory banks, for better or worse. Ah...how I wish I was single...
Just the past 6 years with Joycie can singlehandedly lift our nation out of the red. Give or take a billion here and there. Our first Valentine's Day was the first time I sent a dozen long stemmed fully blossoming roses in a vase. That's when I truly experienced the pain and agony of being a man..aside from having a baseball hit me smack in the balls. The last several years, I've eased up on the flowers and gone with handmade flowers - whether they're ribbon or orgami. This year, I've completely skipped the traditional dozen roses. Am I getting less romantic and more mainstream humdrum...or is it just wise-cash saving?

Come to think of it, I haven't spent a Valentine's Day - single - for the past 10 years. And what have I gotten out of it?? An "EXCELLENT" on my credit score.

What do I have planned for this year? With all that's been going on lately, a night at home with a nice book and a hot cup of tea would be more than I can ever ask....

May the Lord bless all who seeks love, and may love fill the hearts of who have seek the Lord.


And may my poetic phrases actually make sense....

Saturday, February 12, 2005

Chinese New Year's Celebration

Oh Mylanta!! The performance by Carmel Fellowship blew the rest of the competition out of the water!!

It was the most entertaining amateur performance I have ever witnessed. From concept to deliverance is way beyond one's imagination. And here I was thinking Joseph Fellowship's commericials were going to steal the spotlight from everyone. Only to see that Carme's commericials were not only funny and nostaligic, but was technologically sound! The older the ginger, the spicier the ginger.
To extend that saying further...Faith fellowship consisted of a few elderly women. They didn't do anything extravagant like Carmel, anything funny like Bethel, or anything hip like Joseph. They merely stood up there as a group, sang a New Year's Celebration song, and wished everyone a Happy New Year. More is Less. They had the simplest of performances, but won the hearts of everyone by their demonstration of sisterhood and fellowship. We have so much to learn.

It was the first time Joyce and I took part in a Cantonese Congregation celebration since we never go to Prayer Meetings. I was actually amazed to see that our fellowship are the babies of the church. Not counting the real babies. There were but a few teenagers and adolescents. I guess all the "kids" are ABCs and tend to flock towards the youth fellowship - done in English.

A Happy New Year to all...and to all a Happy New Year.