爸爸生日快樂

Unassuming Tuesday night... I drove out to SF by myself to have a Bday dinner with dad.  Originally, we were going to hit House of Prime Rib... without reservations... but by the time dad got there at 5, it was already a 2 hour wait.  I thought we could hit the bar and have a quiet dinner.  But the bar was packed... and everyone and their mothers were ordering dinner there.  Shucks.  So instead... we mozied over to Harris... which is amazingly still open!!! I thought they shut down years ago.  They sat us down right away... Dad looked at the menu and said, "You order."

It was a wonderful dinner... deep, meaningful conversations... pretty decent food... exceptional service.  And their gin martini... ohhhh soooo yummy.  We talked about this..and that... and everything else. He has so many stories.  New stories.  Lots of old stories.  Lots of 怨氣 that still bothers him.  He even admits that he's getting old and senile... and is becoming a grumpy old man.  So much drama.  So many old scars.  So much pettiness.  But you can see where his values lies.  And I can't fault the guy.  I just hope that he can learn to let go.

After dinner... we're walking to our car.  And he starts talking about the HK protests and his thoughts on Communism.  He loves his country... but he hates Communism.  Communism took away his chance for a college education.  Communism forced him to go be a farmer in the middle of nowhere.  Communism threw his dad into jail for 20 years - all because grandpa made a few jokes and some unfiltered comments. 

Then all of a sudden, dad stops.  He says.. for 20 years, when dad was in jail, never once did I cry.  The one time I cried, was when your 偉叔 told me his dad just took him to watch a Russian movie in a theater.  At that moment... I felt so lonely, so abandoned.  Dad started hyperventilating.  It wasn't from the cold... nor was it from the uphill walk.  He started to cry again.  Those years of pain and anguish was rushing back into his 70+ year old self.  I quickly put my arms around him... trying to embrace him... trying to let him know, "It's OK!!  You may not had a father... but you were a great father to me!!" 

He did not hug me back.  He's a man who never experienced love.  He's never felt another man's embrace.  He didn't know to reciprocate. To him... emotions are weak.  Tenderness are for sissies.

I had a most wonderful evening with my dad... my father.  Just the two of us.  How many more years do we have left to do this??? Geez..... I hate to even think about it.

Snake can't walk without a head

After 5 minute of online research... we ended up picking a church to visit on Sunday.  It was a beautiful church with a wonderful story of how it started as a bible study of 30 people and continued to multiply.  Driving into the parking lot and stepping into the lobby.. you immediately feel welcomed.  Things are organized, people are stationed at their booths.  There are greeters that say "Hi."  The worship team was angelic!!!!  The AV was superb.   But something didn't feel right. 

And after the pastor started preaching... and you heard some of his words here and there... you start putting one and one together.  We searched online some more afterwards to realize their lead pastor is on indefinite leave due to unforeseen circumstances.  I can't imagine how much pain this church is going through right now... this time of uncertainty... perhaps some feel betrayed??   Some feel lost?? Some feel like it's times of turmoil where we really need to lean on Christ (and not man).

I can't judge. I don't know what happened. I can only go by my feelings from being there for 1.5 hours.  Boy do we need to pray for our pastors and shepherds.  And with that... I bless my dear Pastor to find peace in his time of mourning. 

Promises Broken, Promises Kept

Ever since we watched Frozen 2 and saw the trailer to Little Women... I made a promise to NN that not only will I watch the movie with her, I will finish reading the book before watching the movie.  I tried... I really did.  I took that book wherever I went.  Carved through 1/3 of it at PCS.  But alas... I had to keep by promise by breaking my promise. 

We were at SLO this weekend and the only place showing this movie is the vintage Palm Theater situated in the original Chinatown. We lined up... old skool style... and waited for the box office to open 30 minutes before the movie started.  No advanced ticket sales.  There was one guy, sitting behind a 1.5' x 2.5' hole in the wall with a piece of glass, a circle in the middle and a little box in the bottom to exchange the money/tickets.  We ended up sharing a large popcorn and a medium Sprite (no ice). There was one popcorn machine, one fountain and the lettering on the menu were those black letters with a tab that pokes into the cushioning cream colored backing. The seats were circa 1975, designed for humans that were probably at most 5'10" at 175 lbs. 

The audience had a definite demographic - gender and age.  Overheard a few men who were there trying to figure out what was going on.  Overheard a few women giving compliments to strangers for scoring points by coming out.  As we were leaving the movie... my neighbor asked, "So does this mean she has to watch the Niners playoff game with you?"

Little does he know... I'm the one that's honored and blessed to go on this Father Daughter Date with my 囡囡豬.

Looking back at 2019...

One of my favorite posts of the year... I thoroughly enjoyed this year's Looking Back post.  This year, I wrote a whopping 183 posts.  That's an average of 15.25 posts per month, 3.5 posts per week, or 0.5 posts a day.

2019... was a special year.  To 50% of the population, it marks the end of the decade, the decade that shall be known as the Naughts or the Tens.  It's actually NOT a prime number.  It was the year we embraced the end of the Skywalker Saga. A year where I can't find a list of top 10's for the year, but a bunch of videos.  A year where our USWNT took the nation by storm while Tiger roared back and dawned another Green Jacket. A year where I can't bear to see another child's blood shed.  A year of civil unrest and protests (Foreshadowing my Looking back at the 2010's post).  A year of natural disasters (Foreshadowing my Looking back at the 2010's post). And it was the year that we saw an impeachment. 

That was for the world... but as for me... here is my top 10 for 2019.  Starting selfishly with the Honorable Mentions - surely there will be, with 183 posts!!!

1. 溫婉嫻靜 - my Nui Nui Ju... as penned by her Chinese School teacher.  No compliments have come close to shadowing these four characters that I can't even fully comprehend. 
2. Nui nui woes - my heart aches as I type this knowing that it'll get worse before it gets better. 
3. Awana - 4 months into the program... I can barely recite one bible verse.  Both kids have it rolling off their tongues. 
4. Summer Nomads - week after week, we took the kids to a new camp.  They found new friends. Their normal...as simply chaos.  And in the midst of all that chaos... we had that one day at Lucky's where we had a beautiful scavenger hunt.

And without further ado... in reverse order....

1. Let's Proclaim 2.0 - yet, another 10 weeks of leading kids to question their faith and ultimately give a speech about why they believe in Christ. And I'm still at awe of how I was able to lead that one boy and teach him public speaking... in Mandarin.
2. Reconnecting 2019 - a promise I made to someone where I reconnected with the Fab-5, Nancy and my Coach.  I originally set out to reconnect with my ex'es... but in the end.... some hatchets are probably better left buried. 
3. LEAD Summit - Luminate.  Elevate.  Activate. Duplicate.  "Conversion comes after discipleship."  To be a pioneer of this effort... with zero experience... with even less expectations... in the end... it was my standout SJCAC moment of the year.  
4. Bed Bugs - "Good night.  Sleep tight."  OMG... Just when we thought we cleaned and tossed everything... Just when the exterminators nuked the house... Just when we thought we can buy everything we can buy...   
5. Project 21 - Of the 21 things... I may have accomplished 2-3 of them? And when I apologized to NN for not helping her accomplish her goal (running a 10 minute mile) and me failing on my 21 projects... she gladly offered up, "That's ok Bah-B, we can do it before the end of the SCHOOL year!"  BOOM... just extended Project 21 for 5 more months.
6. Family Fads - we come about 5 years late to these these fads, but boy did it transform our family.  
1. Beyblades - SW was so addicted, focused and dedicated, he designed multiple blades out of Lego, to a point where his blades were able to transform with just a few touches, so he can make instant upgrades.  He'll wake up and start tinkering.  Come home from school and modify it.  He'll spend hours designing, testing and enhancing his blades.  The opportunity finally presented itself culminating in our recent succumbing / spoiling of the starter kit... followed by a half dozen new blades for Christmas.  Rarely does a day go by where you don't hear "Let it RIP!!!!!!!!!!!" 
2. Pokemon Cards - SW got his first set of cards 2 years ago, not cuz he knew what they were, but because everyone else in school had it. 2 years later... we dive head first into the game.  And then the game exploded when we got the Costco expansion decks.  And started reading the graphic novel and watching the show on Netflix.  To this day, we still don't know how to play the game the real way... *shrug*
3. Pokemon Go - What started as a treat during a half-day resulted in days and nights where I Uber my family around looking for raids, gyms and poke-balls.  Mo liu?? Yes... very much so.  And these mo-liu moments will last forever in our family's memories.
7. The Shaw-HANK Redemption and Kintsugi - ever crawl through 5 football fields of sh!t smelling foulness? Ever repair the unrepairable? (Looking up to the heavens...and still wondering...)
8. PCS 2019 - haven't written a post about this yet.  The two biggest things out of this experience... is 1) I need to repair my relationship with mom and 2).....
9. Transformation Continues - A year where she led worship with me at Prayer Meeting... a year where she sacrificed her body (literally) for her daughter at camp... a year where she stepped into the hidden spotlight of translating a sermon... this was yet another year where I find myself in love, more than ever, with my wife.  
10. "Where dreams come true" - By itself... it already stood on the Mt. Rushmore of 2019.  But it came as a pair... how can the mouse ears not rule the year? A year where we not only go on a Disney Cruise, we also visit the "Most Magical Place on Earth."  In all honesty... I'm not a fan of either of these trips.  But when the love of your life has her dreams fulfilled.... and the kids echo saying "best vacation ever", you can only smile... nod... and not look back...

Midnight Mass

As far back as I remember... Christmas Eve service has been in my blood. 

But ever since coming to SJCAC, 12/24 has been on and off. There was one year where SJCAC did not have a Christmas Eve service and I took NN to a service at River of Life.  The next day was the infamous ER day. =(((((((((((((((((((((((((((((((((((((

This year... Big Bro and I aptly decide to take mom to a Chinese Christmas Eve Mass.  It wasn't a Midnight Mass.  But it was still very special.

The scent of frankincense.  The adoration of baby Jesus. The script of the Liturgy.  Everything was still there.  I loved it. 

I have to say... the entire Liturgy... is biblical.  Everything said...every song sang... every sacrament practiced... I can't rebut.  I loved the homily.  The priest was 99% on point...up until he mentioned the adoration of the Virgin Mary.  That part... I cringed.

I also cringed at some of the practices the people did...to a point where I pissed mom off.  Why were ppl bowing to the altar????? At 9 out of 10 churches...the Tabernacle resides behind the altar. Not at this church.  Mom's comeback was... this is where Jesus had his last supper. Poor to piss poor response mom.  And she knew it... to a point when she left, she genuflected to the actual tabernacle. 

I liked how the powerpoint said, "Due to Flu Season, we won't be shaking hands."  I told mom that... and her response was, "It's still acceptable."  Heh... she didn't get it.

I liked how the priest said to kneel during the Nicene Creed... mom didn't kneel... and I asked if she wanted to.  She said, "It's not required." She doesn't know.

I was raised a Catholic.  I'm still a Catholic.  There may be fundamental beliefs that are different.  But what will always ring true.... Jesus is the Messiah.  He came and saved all of us. Will you accept His act of Salvation and believe in Him?? If you do... then you too... are saved. 

42 years in the making

And 42 years later... the Skywalker Saga ends.

My initial reactions: 3.5 out of 5 Stars.

It wasn't good. It really wasn't.  JJ Abrams is suppose to be all that and a bag of chips.  Bullsh*t.  So many things that could've been done better.  Simple things.

Ppl flocked to End Games over and over again to complete the Avengers saga, or Harry Potter, or even Frozen.  But Star Wars???  They're overdependent on the original trilogy to sell tickets for this one.  And if I step off the pyramid of pride for a second... and worry only on the story alone... this movie isn't good enough to sell tickets on story alone.

My heart sinks on how my beloved Star Wars end this way.  Plot holes? Closed.  But as my buddy at work asked, "Is your cup full or empty?"  My answer... "My cup is full.  That cup is a beer mug... but it's full of Bud Light."

Let's Proclaim

NN has a class presentation tomorrow.

Last night... she showed me her charts.  I couldn't help it... I had to change her slides.
Tonight... she went over her presentation with me.  I couldn't help it... I had to change her script.  I had to persuade her to add pauses... slow down... and add hand-motions.

She'll knock it out of the park. I know she will.

There are two things I look for her on her report card.  Bible and Behavior.  Let's add a third thing (if it even exists)... public speaking.  Heh...

12:16

Even when the dark comes crashing through... when you need a friend to carry you...

【百感交集】

Pastor Ted knew it... he knew I was gonna get choked up.  On stage.  In front of everyone.  But he did it anyways.  I've heard his testimony a thousand times.  And on the thousand and first time... it still tore me apart.  I was a mess that entire morning.  Then when my emotions finally settled down...

The Niners blew it.  I got so pissed.  To a point where even when my kids came to console me and hug me... I sent them away.  To a point where... I had to take a walk outside... only to punch a wooden column and bruise my knuckles.  So stupid of me.

And yet.. .that's who I am.  I hate it sometimes, how I literally where my emotions on my sleeves.  I wish I can be more stoic sometimes.  Wish I didn't have that big of a heart.

Oh.... to feel.

The Art of Ordering Food

A few things I take interest and dare I say pride in... is ordering food for the table.  It takes practice... it takes knowing your audience.  It's knowing what's good... knowing what's filling... and knowing the general way chef's cook. 

At a big church party... I had the pleasure and honor (and even a little guilty pleasure) in ordering food for 3 tables of adults and 1 table of kids.  I think I could've done better... shouldn't have taken the easy way out and ordered 4x the food.

At a family dinner... I once again... had the chance to order.  I love having control... love reading the menu... love conversing with the waiter... love debating with them when they recommend something that's expensive but impractical.  I love ordering weird stuff that normal families wouldn't order... but knowing the kids would love it.  I love it when other tables look at our food longingly and curiously.  I love it when the neighboring table comes and steals our food.  I love it when kids who usually don't eat can't stop eating.  I love it when adults would fight the kids for those off-menu items. Then of course... I love it when the parents compliment me on picking the exact right things at the right time at the right restaurant in the right weather.

Ordering food and pairing it.  It's not just a culinary science.  It's an art.  If I had a chance at a second career... it would be in the medical field.  If I had a chance at a third career... I'd be a chef and open my own restaurant. 

To dream.

Death of a Thousand Dinosuars

"You can hear it... you know it's being made." 

Comment from one barista to another when I ordered the Egg Nog Latte. Heh..

I guess that's another reason why some Peet's no longer carry it.  They don't like make it. 
It's loud.  It's obnoxious.  And one barista even said... "It's the sound of death of a thousand dinosaurs." Regardless of the sound... it tastes ohhhhhhh soooooo good.