無名火

 At lunch yesterday... dad once again brought up the issue with my wrath... or as he puts it, 無名火.  90% of the time... I'm the most easy going guy you know. But if you step onto that final 10% and light my fuse... I will blow up on you.  Too many times... I've done it the past decade and taken it out on the kids.  During the day... work eats up all my margin with nothing left for home. 

The past week... I've been regretting those past 10 years. Re-thinking and re-living images of me yelling or screaming at an innocent child.  When their parents are their world... and those towering adults are coming down on them... their world crumbles.  And all they can do is helplessly stand there and take it.  Helplessly.

What happened? Why am I like this? Dad even brought up that Mom once brought up, "點解個仔變成咁?"  I don't even know... 

And as it was scripted on a TV show... I ended up blowing up on NN tonight.  I even scared myself with my anger.  After a long day of driving... I was tired and frustrated.  I was well past my 90%.  I didn't need any more enticement to explode.  But it happened.... and here I am... regretting... every... second... of it. 

死孤寒

Went out to the city to have lunch with dad by the Ferry Building.

Last night... I found parking lots/garages around there to set expectations.  But I was early today... so I checked out the street parking.

About 3 city blocks away... I found meters that cost $3.75 / hour.  Nice!!  3 city blocks... I have time.  Let's see if there's anything closer.

Traffic was bad in front of the Ferry Building.  Took me 15 minutes to move those 3 city blocks.  And as I should've expected, there's no parking in front of the building.  Grrrr.... and there's nothing 3 city blocks the other way.  I made mental notes of what's on the other side of the building.  Can always bust a U.  

As I busted that U.... I was led to some parking spots in a business district that's about a block away.  Woohoo!! I got out...tried to pay by phone.  Only to see that the spots are now $6 / hour!! Geeez!!!  No thanks.

So I slipped out and headed back to the main street.  Voila...!  Some spots directly across the street from the main entrance. $7!!!  Adios....  

Drove back to the original set of spots that were $3.75/hour.  Heh... 30 minutes later.  I started where I began.  But hey... I saved some chump change.  

Why???

Another Executive Announcement came out.  This time... one of my peers made VP.  One of my biggest enemies at work.  Is it my personal bias? I don't think so... I get a bunch of messages with the same sentiment.  There's a pretty big Anti-Fan Club.  And somehow... these people... who step on everyone, chew them up... leave them for dead... continues to climb up the corporate ladder.

Here I am... running in place.  Jealousy? Envy? I dunno... possibly.  Why can't I be grateful for what I have.  What I deserve. 

Times have changed

Times are changing.  

Back in the mid 2000's... when I was hard over on 過大禮, there's a lot of traditional things we can't buy in US.  So we substituted it with 利是。 

Then as I hit my late 20's and 30's.... gift cards started replacing actual gifts.  "The gift that keeps on giving."  We run out of things to give... so why not just let ppl buy what they want.

A couple of years ago... we stopped with the physical gift cards and send virtual, digital gift cards.  There! We save on the plastic also.

And today... SW wants to get a bday gift for his friend.... Minecoins.  Virtual, digital... to be spent in a virtual world.  And y'know what... that'll be the best gift the kid will get for this birthday. 

What in the world...???

Why is it that when a child misbehaves and a parent disciplines him/her.  The kid pouts, throws a fit, starts crying. Then it ends up being the parent that apologizes???  

Ear wax

I wrote about ear-wax a while ago... and how I need to Q-tip my ear despite general warnings of not doing so.  But for my bday... the kids got me a pair of Apple Airbuds.  They're an amazing feat of engineering with it's noise cancellation capability.  What's more amazing... is the soft, white membrane it uses to insert into the ear... always comes out of my ear with ear wax!!! Every time I pull it out... there's ear wax on it!!!  Dude!! How dirty is my ear?? What is the rate I generate ear wax?!?!? It's amazing!!! 

The moment you let your guards down

Went to a BBQ on Sunday. For the most part… we had masks on. But no one was social distancing and of course… we are (without masks) eating. Today… we find out someone tested positive!! WTH?!?!

Thankfully… their aging parents are ok. But what about us!?!?!

Took a rapid test and it came out negative. But still… to be safe, I’m gonna WFH for a bit. 

Sweet 小華

Some time ago... SW was upgraded from regular SW to Sweet Siu Wah (SSW).  A title he truly deserves. 

Ever since he was young... he was simply likeable.  Non-competitive and always your biggest cheerleader.

When we went bowling.. NN would be steaming if she's trailing.  SW, on the other hand, would watch his "opponents" bowl.... then cheer, scream, beg!!! for each roll to be a strike.  

The past few nights.. we've been playing Monopoly.  You would never know which side he's on. He'll call out the number of steps that'll benefit you when rolling the dice.  He'll grab his head in playful disgust if he lands on your property.  And he'll be first to console you if things don't go your way.  I told Joyce it's just so much fun playing with him... he doesn't care who wins or loses.  He's there to have fun.  Then Joyce told me... "He came up stairs with tears coming down his eyes after you bankrupted him."  He didn't show me those tears.

Yesterday... we had a hang-out session at Mini-Golf.  And when his friend putts... he'll be screaming "Go No No!!" (Noah's nickname).  Again... not about competition.  Just good ol' fashion fun. 

The cherry on top of the sundae comes with the dreaded Claw Game at the arcades - where you are under a timer to position a claw to grab some tantalizing prize that's nearly impossible to get.  This claw machine basically had these cardboard rolls with numbers on them...representing tickets to exchange prizes.  And as statistics would have it... SW won 150 tickets.  His friend (No-No) followed... and he also grabbed a "150 ticket" cardboard roll...but as the claw was returning home to dispense the prize, the roll fell!!!  Without missing a beat... SW goes, "It's ok... I'll give you half of mine. 75 / 75."

Where does he get this from???? Rumor has it... that was me before I turned 10.  Hopefully (prayerfully), this stays with him forever, unlike me. 

Father Daughter Moment

Was at Golfland today... and while chaperoning/babysitting SW and his friend... I saw a dad and his 1.5  - 2 year old daughter playing a Wheel of Fortune game.  The goal is to spin a giant wheel and you can win anywhere from 5 to 1000 tickets.  The girl obviously wasn't strong enough... so dad spun it for her.  The girl had no idea what was going on... but when the wheel stopped... the music went off and the lights started blinking!!  She was ecstatic!! Overjoyed!! She had nothing better to do but give her dad's knees a giant hug!! She was on cloud nine!! The tickets the wheel landed on... 5.  

Everyone wins - even the weird stranger spying on them. 

That familiar feeling

Game 5 NLDS...and we came up short.  Hate this feeling.  Hate writing these posts....

I am: amazed we got this far
I think: this was our best chance, this half of the decade
I know: I can't take 2010, 2012, and 2014 for granted
I want: a Super Bowl more than a World Series
I have: so much to do... but not sure how to do it
I wish: we could've sprayed champagne tonight
I hate: that the Dodgers won on our home turf
I miss: the days of MCC
I fear: that I won't ever make Director
I hear: the dripping faucet in our bathroom
I wonder: what someone is doing
I regret: not going into medicine
I love: a nice hot shower
I ache: when I hear of cuts, sore knees and shoulders without any rest coming ahead
I care: about NN's well-being
I always: point out people's faults
I am not: a strategic thinking
I dance: and get winded
I sing: Alexander Hamilton
I cry: when someone's tapped out of CMPW and can't take OT
I do not always: tell it like it is
I fight: those to point their fingers at us
I write: because it is a relief
I win: when another soul comes to Jesus
I lose: when I cause others to stumble
I confuse: my kids with my dual personalities
I listen: to the BS Podcast
I can usually be found: in a White CRV
I need: a new project
I am happy about: NN's academic excellence
I should: fix or sell my Miata

To combat the smell

There's a certain smell in this house... whether it's the paint... the mildew... the leftover scent of curry.  It's in the carpet.. in the walls.  We try to combat the smell with a little dish of baking soda everywhere.  We light candles in all the rooms.  And to rid our house of the smell of curry... we launch a war using good ol' Cantonese cooking... hot pot.  The house now...for the next few days... smells like Little Fat Sheep.  HA!