Finding a church... when did it get so complicated???

I'll say it... I'm a Protestant.  I'm not a Catholic... therefore, I must be a Protestant, right?  I can hide behind the term "Evangelical Christian", but in the end, it is what it is.  Not a big fan of that word.... even though it's just a label. 

And as a Protestant.... one of the most complicating things is finding a church!  I've seen people come and go at our church.  Church Hopping or Church Shopping as one would call it.  And too many a times... including my recent trip to Florida... I've had problems finding a church.

Go to google. 
Search for "church." 
Too wide of a search (Presbyterian? United Chuch? Baptist? Methodist? Pentacostal?....)
Narrow the search....
Hope for a website.... no website... no chance.
Check out website.... what kind of church is it?
Is it an all-white church? all-black? all-Asian? Mix?
What kind of worship....traditional, contemporary?
Do I have to dress up? Can I go in jeans?
What are the times...? Does it work for me?
Don't like mega churches... but don't like small churches, cuz I'll have to talk to people.
Uggggghhhhh.......

In the end... I come across a website.  The background is a guy with a guitar.  (contemporary - great!)  The website even says, "You can dress up....or dress casual.  All are welcomed." 

I get there.... I feel welcomed. I can blend in, cuz the Associate Pastor is Filipino.  There's a drumset, electric guitar, bass and keyboard.  Folks of all ages.

Ok...time for worship.  Great...can I clap?? Can I raise my hand?? AHHHHHHHHHHHHHH!!!!!!!!!!!

Why's it so complicated!?!?!?!?!?!?!?!??!?!

As a Catholic... you find a church.  You find the time.  You show up.  You know exactly what's gonna happen.  The liturgy doesn't change....even if you're in a different country!! It's formulaic.  So much simpler.

Blood thicker than water...

As much as we don't want to use the word, Nui-nui is indeed shy.  It takes her a huge amount of effort to say "hi" to folks - even people she sees week in and week out.  We coax, we threaten, we plea.... just to get her to break out of her shell.  Eventually... she'll warm up to you and be the ever warm and jolly kid.  But it takes awhile....

But for whatever reason.... every time Nn sees mom or big bro... she doesn't hesitate to warm up. 

Case in point... big bro visits once or twice a year? At most? But last time when he came over for a brief visit... Nn sees him walk through the door and immediately smiles and waves.. welcoming him. 

The other night during dinner, Nn wanted to sit next to Grandma... and she enjoyed the entire evening laughing and playing with Mah-mah. 

Alas... blood is thicker than water. 

"You've Got Mail..."

Spent last night watching the 1998 classic "You've Got Mail", starring Tom Hanks and Meg Ryan.  Back when we had cable... I'll always stay on it whenever it came up on TBS or TNT.  Those days are long gone.  Anyhoo.... it's funny how 15 years ago, a movie was made about how big corporate stores were demolishing mom & pop shops like "The Little Bookstore Around the Corner."  Or back in SLO, "The Novel Experience."  15 years later... I'm waiting for a movie where these giant corporate stores are forced to close due to online shopping. 

I wonder if those stores that were forced to close chuckled every time they see an empty "Borders" and soon to close "Barnes and Noble."  What do they call that...? Vindication?

Horrible Parent

Just realized...once again...that I'm a horrible parent.  At Nn's first soccer practice... I was that parent who wouldn't let go of her hand.  The coaches even said it's ok for parents to run with the kids the first day.  So that's what I did... I wanted to make sure she felt comfortable.  But after the first 10 minutes... Nn still wouldn't let go.  I got that cold, icy look from Joyce.  So I gave up and said... "Fine... you ditch your daughter.  I want no part in this."  And I took SW and walked away to the swings. 

I come back 5 minutes later.. and Nn was off on her own with mom on the sideline cheering.  How did she do it?? I don't know... but I just know that I'm a horrible parent... HA!

Man of Steel

First time in 3 years that we've gone to a movie theater... this time to watch Man of Steel.  For whatever reason, I'm much more attracted to Superman than other superheroes... including the all-popular Batman.  Can probably write a whole blog post on "Why Superman is my favorite superhero." 

Best thing about the film isn't so much Clark and his struggles with his identity.  But the farmers in Kansas who knew no better. 

Quite touching is the scene where Ma Kent runs to school to save a young Clark in distress.  And only the soothing voice of a mother can reach a young boy locked in a broom closet... trapped in a forest of uncertainties.  Not a friend... not a father... but only a mom. 
 
Or the amazing line spoken by Pa Kent, "We've done our best....and maybe our best isn't good enough."  as a young Clark was being a typical rebellious youngin'.  He surrenders... he gives up... he knows his limits... and they're all so true.  Just as I see myself telling my kids the same thing in umpteenth year from now.

Hopeless.... helpless... that's not just the feelings going inside the head of a growing teenager.  It's exactly what parents are going through every minute...every day.

Now Jor-El.... that was a bit over the top.  Stick with Marlon Brando please....

Misunderstood

Just found out tonight that there's been a misunderstanding.  Not just any misunderstanding... but one that's so deep, so intimate, so personal... yet... so oblivious to us. 

Four years now... it's been four years.  She thought one thing.  I thought another. 

I went back in time... I looked at history to find evidence.  And in the end... it doesn't matter.  Regardless of what the evidence says, I can't get those past four years back.  The thorn that's been lodged in this relationship for four years will forever leave a mark.  Never again, will it be the same. 

Am I glad I found out about this misunderstanding? I don't know... ignorance is bliss, right?

Makes me sick to the stomach...

Altar Boys...Altar Girls....Altar Servers

It's been years since I've stepped foot in a Catholic Church.  The last service I went to was Cathleya's baptism... and I think Nn may have just been born if not still in the womb.  The last full-up mass I remember going to was probably Chris and Mel's wedding (lo and behold...Cathleya's parents!)

A few weeks ago... Mark invited us to Gabriel's baptism.  I got there a bit early (actually...it was right on time per the invite) and the previous mass just ended.  As I stood in the baking sun waiting for the parishoners to depart so we can enter.... out streamed a marching band of neatly dressed, uniformed altar servers.  Being unbiased with agenda... they were all girls.  Each and everyone. 

A girl held the cross.  A bunch of girls followed with torches and candles.  Then a girl walked behind them holding a book.  Where were the boys?!? 

Knights of the Altar....as we referred to ourselves.  It was once a glory...and prestige...an honor to dawn the cassock and surplice.  For me, personally, I truly thought serving a priest was serving Jesus.  I genuinely felt that I was much closer to Jesus and the tabernacle....the bread and wine...than the common folks who sat in the pews. 

It's been around 18 years since the melo-dramatic departure of big bro and I from SSPP.  And throughout the years... I sometimes think back and realize... I was just a pawn in the whole chessmatch.  I was too young and naive to really have stance.  And without the passion or tendency... I didn't really fight one way or another.  It was just...the thing to do, to oppose authority.  But was it really worthed...was it really the correct thing to do? I think deep down... the answer is No...and Heck No.  I think I was mislead... misguided with my agenda misaligned.  It's not about us... it's not about this little fraternity.  It's about serving God, giving Him all the glory, and at the same time...being submissive to our ordained leaders. 

A lot has happened in 18 years.  The whole Catholic Priest sex scandal.... my own maturing and conversion to Evangelical Christianity (still can't bring myself to say I'm a protestant...HA!)... realization that tweenage girls actually are better suited for mass and serving... and the fact that nobody cares.....

If only time travel were real..... if only.....

UN-Happy Birthday!!!!

It was around 12:15AM.... I'm sitting in the living room couch reading and turning down when I hear Nui-nui's door open.  Then I see a pair of shimmering and sparkling eyes.... followed by an enormous moon-crescent grin.  "I see it..." Nui-nui whispers.... and she points with her tiny fingers at the princess bike sitting in the middle of the living room.  15 minutes into being 4 years old.... and she found her birthday present. 

Joyce was happily sleeping already...so she missed that moment.  And from that point on.... it was downhill from there. 

We both took the day off spend the day with Nn. 

But around 5:30AM.... Nn wakes up vomiting her dinner out.  It was all over her bed and her clothes.  We clean her up...and she felt good enough to down her breakfast.

So instead of San Francisco Zoo... we stay local and go to Happy Hollow.  The entire morning... the only thing Nn wanted to do was ride her new bike.  But we kept toying with her...trying to surprise her with Happy Hollow.  We finally got there and Nn was cordially surprised.  Maybe she's old enough to know it's polite to act surprise??

Her one favorite ride was broken.  I forced her onto a ride she got really scared of.  And she was tired from not sleeping well.  By 1130AM, we were done.  We left Happy Hollow and headed for lunch, but Nn fell asleep in the car.  Moments later... she threw up all over herself. 

We didn't have any extra clothes....except for one of Siu Wah's onesies.  So we cleaned her up... made her wear a onesie as a t-shirt and went to lunch. 

During lunch... before the food arrived... she made me run to the bathroom again... where she hurled all over the bathroom floor.  I ended up cleaning up the men's room bathroom floor.  Ewwwwww....... Thinking she was better, we gave her some porridge. 

We get home...Nn lies down in bed...and within minutes...she barfs all over herself again.  Emptying the porridge she just ate.  This goes on and on for about 3 more times.  We had it.... time to take her to her pediatrician.

And that's how Nn spends her 4th birthday.... drenched in her own vomit while sitting in a doctor's office.
The weird thing was...everything she threw up, she was as lively as any normal 4 year old.  So she wasn't exactly sick... she just couldn't keep down any solids.

Poor baby... she blew out the candles on her birthday cake.  But the cake went right back into the fridge.  What else does a kid look forward to other than cake???? sigh....

That night... Grandma...Grandpa...and surprisingly... Dai Bak came to visit.  I guess the night ended well on a high note.  But what an UN-Happy Birthday.

That's why I don't do Children Ministry...

I love children.  I totally respect teachers, care-givers, educators.  I see every child at our church as my own children... we are one family.  But I'm just not cut out to be a full time children ministry servant.  There was a time and there may be a time... but geez.... you give me a bunch of obnoxious brats and I will discipline them.

Hey... I've been there.  I know the joy of being class clown...to make everyone laugh to gain attention... to "have fun" on a Saturday night. Maybe on any other Saturday night.  But not when Teacher Henry has you for 30 minutes.

Driving home last night, I was wondering if the kids will complain to their parents who will complain to our administrators... And they'll dis-invite me from serving in the future.  I wonder....

Mind your own soy sauce!!

There are these unwritten rules in life... where common courtesy over-reaches into rudeness.


Don't look at my wife for more than 3 seconds. I know she's a hottie.. that's why she's my wife.

Don't add cream and sugar into my coffee.  Let me ruin my own cup of perfectly good java.

Don't pour soy sauce into my sushi dish.  When I eat sushi... I'm not dipping into soysauce, but rather a wasabi paste with a bit of soy sauce.  Ok... now if you so cordially pour a dish full of soy sauce for me... I'm left with eating "soy sauce fish...." or you just forced me to use up all the wasabi. So now I'm the one that looks rude.  C'mon....

Just a few nits....

Another one of those moments....

Last time... it was watching Nui-nui brush her teeth.... this time it was watching mommy give her a shower.  Why does it always happen in the bathroom?

As she's standing there....fighting to keep the water out of her eyes.... it suddenly hits me how tall she is now. 

And I say to her, "囡囡呀，可唔可以唔好大得咁快啊。可唔可以做我嘅小囡囡?"
She replies, "我大得咁快，因為我食好多野。我會好似你咁高！"

Can't argue there...  So I turn around and walk out...knowing full well my little princess will never be that precious child captured on my iPhone.  That's when I hear Nui-nui scream, "It's Ok Bah-Bee....  我大個咗都係你個小囡囡. 永遠都係你嘅小囡囡, Ok??"

唔知呢D係唔係安慰嘅說話，但兩行熱淚不知不覺係面上躺下。