A horrible two days

COVID-19 - School Closure - Day 131

for whatever reason... I've been losing my temper and taking it out on the kids - A LOT.  Maybe it's work stress.  Maybe it's lack of sleep.  Maybe it's the SIP syndrome that's hitting really hard these days.

Yesterday - during Sunday On-line Service... SW comes over with a sad face, cuz NN said or did something.  Then as he walks back over to the English service, NN does something again and gets pissed and starts slamming things.  I lose it.  And I scream at both of them.  Uncalled for.  Completely spoil the mood for the rest of the day.

Things get better throughout the day.  

Then at night... we're getting ready for dinner.  Joyce calls out for both kids and I thought, "I should go into their rooms to get them.  What if they can't hear mommy?" As we're about to sit down, SW decides to take a dump right before we start dinner.  He's in there forever with his iPad.  And I call for him to come out.  He doesn't hear me... so I scream, again!! Cuz I'm pissed.  He has the whole family waiting for him.  He comes out looking said and pouting.  Uncalled for. Overreacted again.  Argggghhhh....

Things get better again.

And then today... it was a great day of family time at home.  At night, NN starts singing "Memories" by Maroon 5. And I start singing with her.  She utters something like I'm mocking her... when I'm not.  Then she does a face, rolls her eyes and is completely disrespectful.  I didn't yell this time.  I just sit there for the rest of dinner and I don't eat.  One, cuz I'm not hungry.  Two, cuz I'm seething with anger.  Made it a very quiet dinner.  NN knows I'm mad at her... and she tries to make amends by saying a few things.  I blow her off.  How immature.... as a parent too.

What is it with me???  

At night... I explained to Nn what I was thinking.  I apologize.  But the damage has been done. Worse yet... they'll probably take a page out of their old man's book.  They'll get mad one day and go on a hunger strike, just to prove a point.

Aye..... what am I doing??? What a horrible two days.... Gotta change.  Gotta stop this cycle.  God - please help. 

The Last Dance

COVID-19 - School Closure - Day 129

ESPN made a docuseries of Michael Jordan called "The Last Dance." It finally comes onto VOD and I'm binging it.  Man... he was good.  In so many aspects.  MJ came and clobbered all my biggest heroes and biggest enemies.  One of the oddest thing was.... he grew up in my prime teenage years... but I don't have a lot of recollection of watching him.  I missed out on his glory when it was happening.  I took it for granted, I guess.  Just like I missed out on the Niners of the 80's. 

I've been burned enough times to have immersed in the Giants of the early 2000's and the Dubs of late.  

Jordan.... if anything, is the Greatest of All time.  I know... I know.... there's the Kobe camp.  And the LBJ camp.  But Kobe and LBJ, in all their greatness... will NEVER..... EVER..... be talked about in the same breath as Muhammad Ali or Babe Ruth.  Folks who transcend not just sports, but how we live.  Not Montana... not Bonds... not Rice or Steph.  

The only other American sports figure that comes close (and comes DARN close), but curiously ever gets mentioned.... is Tiger Woods.  The man who made golf cool.  Where everyone and anyone that never imagined owning golf clubs were at the driving range by day and pumping iron by night while wearing a red polo on Sundays.  

"Hello world."  

The Good Shepherd

COVID-19 - School Closure - Day 127

It's a simple reality... I'm not the Messiah. I'm not here to save. Nor do I have the power, the might or the stubborness to change someone. So why do I keep throwing myself out there? Why do I keep reaching out inspite of things getting thrown in my face? Why do I open myself up for ridicule, verbal abuse, emotional distress and worst of all... I can only take it, and can't dish it back??  Ohhhhhh.... how I would love to return the favor.  Tit for tat.  Pong to ping.  Zag to zig.  

But that wouldn't be nice. That wouldn't be Christ-like. No no.... 

I strive to be a Good Shepherd.  Leave the 99 others to find the one lost.  Well dog gone it... what if the sheep wasn't lost but wanted to run away?!?!??!  ARGH!!!!!!!!!!!!  

Family Altar

COVID-19 - School Closure - Day 125

Just one of those days today where we were so efficient, we got done with dinner by 6:15PM.  Some ppl don't even get off work until 7PM, let alone eat dinner, let alone eat dinner as a family.  I felt so blessed that we had the rest of the night to spend together.

Ended up having an amazing Family Altar night.  Neither of the kids wanted to copy today's bible verses... which is cool.  The whole copying thing is controversial and overrated, in my mind.  Rather, we spent the time reading and sharing today's Psalm.  Ended up talking and sharing for almost 45 minutes... about God's mercy, His miracles in our lives, and how he's mercy, compassionate and never failing.  

After that... we played cards.  Played 擋床 (a game I invented) and played the much hated "Four Corners", but I changed it up a bit and played "Four Corners of the House." A wholesome, Spirit-filled, family night.  Counting my blessing every day.  

I can't keep up

COVID-19 - School Closure - Day 124

6 weeks into summer vacation and the kids are still holding strong, all things considered. NN spends a lot of time on her iPad. She's either coloring... or writing her book... or chatting with her friends. SW is a little more disciplined, depending on who you look at things. He can't sit still.  Today... he kept coming by seeing if I can play badminton with him in our front yard.

Ended up playing for 1.5 hours.  And he wasn't tired.  Me on the other hand... I was running on fumes.  I love it though...every last minute.  Some quality father/son time -- doing stuff.  He's just a tad over 9... and I can't keep up.  How am I gonna play with him when he hits the teenage years??  Joyful... and a bit sad at the same time.  

80's Sitcoms

COVID-19 - School Closure - Day 122

Been roughly 1.5 weeks and the kids plowed through all 8 seasons of Perfect Strangers. Unbelievable how it still holds up today when most comedies don't stand the test of time.  As they were well into Season 6.... I got nervous.  Cuz the inevitable question was coming up.... "Bah B..what do we watch next??" 

I searched Prime, Netflix, Hulu.... even asked my team for a "wholesome, family comedy."  Family Matters? Growing Pains? Cheers? Happy Days? Three's Company? They all just don't fit.  The more I think about it... the more I realize... Perfect Strangers really stands on it's own!!! 

I finally had to pull the trigger on something... and ended up picking Full House.  

Started watching season 1 last night and............ How did I ever get through that show????  I'll give it the benefit of the doubt cuz it did survive 8 seasons of it's own.  

And for 3 other reasons....

1. SW and NN actually think baby Michelle is cute
2. They enjoy Joey.  
3. I, too, miss the baby stage of being a parent.  

Seeing Uncle Jesse make a high 5 to a little baby and she high 5's back - "Have mercy." 

Duel of Fates

COVID-19 - School Closure - Day 121

After almost 20 years... NN finally watches Episode 1 - The Phantom Menace. She had to break it up into 2 nights. And the first night... she could'n't finish it cuz of the cringy lines and the unpalatable Jar Jar.  Tonight... she "finished" it.  Finished in quotes because.... “We cringed at the cringy part. Laughed at the funny part. And skipped all the bad parts”

She also added...

“I’m upset Qui Gon died”

and lastly...

“Anakin and Padme. That’s just wrong. I’m sorry.”

Ironically... it's Joyce that's watching Star Wars with her right now.  I guess that means I get to watch it with SW when his turn rolls around. 

4 Months

COVID-19 - School Closure - Day 120

It's been 120 days since that fateful day we got an email that school will be shutting down - Friday the 13th.  

The following Monday - Santa Clara County issues the Shelter in Place order starting at 7PM the night of March 16th.  That afternoon, Joyce texted me to run out and get some groceries.  

I ran over to Lunardi's that day... and fought through a sea of people to grab what was left at the butcher store, including this whole chicken - which tonight, we took out of the freezer to defrost, so we can bake it tomorrow.  

Green with envy

COVID-19 - School Closure - Day 119

One at a time... all my peers from long ago are making Director.  Don't get me wrong... I'm truly happy for them and it's much deserved.  They put out a lot and have given up a lot.  It's just...  when will it be my turn???  天時地利人和.  So many factors... so many chances... so many missed opportunities.  

I claim to be a Christian.  I claim to be a child of God and know He is my provider.  I make these empty declarations because when the rubber is hitting the road.... I feel like this.  

Didn't even want to work tonight after I found out.  Just curl up in my fetal position and sulk. Sulk sulk sulk..... 

PG-13

COVID-19 - School Closure - Day 116

What makes a film PG vs PG-13?  Well... for one (or two), PG-13 can show boobies.  Case in point, Titanic and Kate Winslet.  And another, as I found out through Alexander Hamilton and tonight, via Instant Family, you are allowed one F-word.  

You can push the limits of profanity with "Sh!t" and "B!tch" and "D@mn" and "H3ll" all you want... but you're allowed to say one and only one "Fuck." And tonight... my kids had their ears tainted with their first "Fuck."  

Joyce and I both cringed and gave each other a look.  The kids... didn't even blink.  Either that word is as foreign to them as is the word "masturbate" which was also in the movie.  Or it's already part of their vocabulary where it doesn't faze them. 

婷婷玉立

COVID-19 - School Closure - Day 114

She's on the phone...er... Google Meet for hours.  She hates taking showers, but when she does, she's in there for 45 minutes.  She is wearing adult undergarments.  And today... my 囡囡豬 revealed her first pimple.  And of course, it's gotta be on the nose.  

She ain't a little girl anymore.  And yet... she'll always be daddy's little girl.