The Case of the Dual Personalities

When Jesus was on earth during those 33 years... the people He despised most were the hypocritical Pharisees and Sadducees. Those who say one thing (parochial) but act another (wordly).

I've made it my mission in my Christian life to not be that "brood of vipers."  Say what I practice and practice what I say (I try... doesn't mean I succeed).  Taking the spotlight is social injustice... specifically... homosexuality.

Earlier this evening... I was invited to be a panelist for a bunch of College and Young Adults on the subject of LGBTQ+... to present a Christian view in a worldly environment.  I quickly responded... based on my personal political views, I may not be the best candidate to speak on this issue.  To which the inviter said... an Elder from church recommended me.  

This Elder... either he knows me VERY well or I have him fooled.  I'm hoping for the former. 

Unbinge-worthy

There are some things you can binge... like Friends... HIMYM... Breaking Bad... Survivor.

There are some things you can't binge.  Chicago Med.

I started watching it cuz it was recommended by someone.  On a quiet, lonely, helpless night... when I had no one to turn to... I found Dr. Rhodes... Dr. Connor... Dr. Choi... who started curing my many depths of illnesses.  Love the light it shines on our front line workers revealing they're not just health workers, but they're also humans.  They have fear.  They have pain.  They want a beer after work. 

But there's only so many times you can watch an actor pretend to intubate someone.  So many times you can hear "Charge to 200. Clear!" So many times there's an ethical vs medical dilemma. 

The formula was not meant to for binging.  And yet.... it's 2:30AM and I just got done with another episode!! #BOOM!! 

Near normal

Day 13. Still positive. But I'm walking around the house now with a mask on.  More so... I'm doing stuff around the house while wearing gloves. Gives me a chance to clean... and cook meals.  Joyce finally gets a break. 

For lunch... I tried to clean out the fridge.  And indeed I cleaned it up.  The 5 day old Chipotle leftover.  Tossed.  The 6 day old Nachos.  Tossed. 8 day old gnocchi - I ate it.  And I got sick.  May not have been from the gnocchi... possibly from the milk and cheerios which got me sick last Thursday. Half-meal after half-meal... I cleaned up the fridge.  Gosh it felt good... but it killed me that I'm wasting so much food.

Zihuatanejo - Day 11

"All I want is to be back where things make sense. Where I won’t have to be afraid all the time. Only one thing stops me: a promise I made to Andy.”

Day 11 - or is it Day 10.  

Whatever.  It's the day that, per the CDC, I can break from quarantine and escape isolation.  Why?? Why do anything?? Why not hide in my cave... my cell.. my prison? Warm meals are served 3x a day. I get coffee in the morning and tea in the evening. I now can take a stroll up and down the stairs (with a mask on, mind you) and be with the family.

What is it... that the first thing I do this Saturday morning... is drive 20 minutes to someone's house, to help her fix her iPad and fill out a bunch of low-income housing forms?

Then after lunch and some Mario-Kart... from 2PM - 7PM sharp... I gutted and sweated under the sun.  Lifting. Carrying. Setting up A/V. Directing traffic.  Taking control of the carnival games. Then breaking down everything I set up. More lifting. More carrying.  To a point... where my muscles were screaming, "Take a damn break!!  You just recovered."  And to which I slapped back, "Shaddup...."

Why not ease back into society? Why?  Cuz I made a promise.  I promised 小嫻 I would. I promised 大家姐 I would.  

Shaws-HANK 2022 - Day 10

 "Same old sh!t. Different day." 

Shaws-HANK 2022 Day 9

Today's quote... brought to you by Red who misses his friend, Andy.  

“I have to remind myself that some birds aren’t meant to be caged. Their feathers are just too bright. And when they fly away, the part of you that knows it was a sin to lock them up does rejoice."

Around 10:15AM... Joyce texts me, "Omg.  It's the worse.  Worst!" 

Apparently... a bird flew into our garage yesterday.  SW thought he saw it fly out.  Or maybe there were two birds. But this morning when she was in the garage, she saw the bird banging into window trying to fly out.  (Birds aren't that smart).  

She hates birds.  Afraid of them.  No matter how big or small.  She summoned the kids and they ended up scaring and cornering the bird underneath the dryer. The next two hours were video calls and texts on how to lure and free the bird.  Oatmeal. Water. Cheerios.  They just couldn't get the bird out.  

And then... at 12:52PM, "We released the bird."

Turns out they let the bird alone of a bit.  When NN snuck back down to the garage... she saw the bird on the garage window sill.  She "scoops" it into a box... traps it... and then liberates the beast.  Some birds... aren't meant to be caged.  When will I be freed??

Shaws-HANK 2022 Day 8

Taking a break from Shawshank Quotes today to bring you.... one of the most intense near-real time texts from a NorCal Little League championship game.

6:17PM: 4-1

6:17PM: We're losing

6:20PM: 4-2

6:51PM: T scored

6:51PM: 5-3 I think

6:52PM: Or 5-4

6:55PM: 5-4

6:55PM: He (T) had an amazing hit

6:56PM: Pass 1st 

6:58PM: It was a triple

7:09PM: 5-5

7:10PM This message was deleted

7:19PM: 5-6

7:20PM: Bottom of the 6th

7:20PM: They're batting

7:21PM: 6-6

7:21PM: 😬

7:22PM: Swamping in another pitcher

7:23PM: No outs

7:23PM: Aye

7:23PM: Runner on 3rd

7:23PM: Aye

7:24PM: They won

7:25PM: Kids crying

Then I started crying.... sports.  It can be so lift you to cloud nine.  Or rip you up apart into shreds.  So real.  So pure.  

Shaws-HANK 2022 Day 7

 Andy: I understand you're a man that knows how to get things.

Red: I'm known to locate certain things, from time to time.

Depending on when you start to count "1", today is Day 7.  Or is it Day 8?  Does it even matter?  

Was scheduled to take a COVID test at the Wellness Center so I can get back to work.  But when I told the lady I failed an at home test... she said don't even bother coming in.  Now... I'm cleared to go back after the 10 day period.  Again.  When do you start with "1?" 

Moving the spotlight away from me during a depressing day... we focus on New York where Nita and Brandon are suffering, but in a different way.  They're battling a vicious cough where they've gotten zero rest.  Worst yet... they don't have any meds at home.  They don't have friends or neighbors nearby.  And they're reluctant to walk to their nearest drug store.  After being on the receiving end of so many care packages... it was time to pay it forward.  

It was a simple gesture, really.  As long as you're willing to pay a little.  Got on Target.com and had them deliver some meds, Pringles and Swedish Fish to their townhouse.  The price, indeed, was a little steep.  Probably 2x what you would pay in person.  But if there was ever an instance where you can feel joy seep through Whatsapp.... it was today.  

I don't have everything up my sleeve.  But I can locate certain things from time to time.

Shaws-HANK 2020 Day 6

Parole Board: "Please, sit down. Ellis Boyd Redding, your files say you've served 40 years of a life sentence. You feel you've been rehabilitated?"

Red: "Rehabilitated? Well, now, let me see. You know, I don't have any idea what that means."

Day 6.  Finally slept through the night - with the help of a little Nyquil.  Not like I didn't take Nyquil the first few nights, but this time... I don't have to wake up to bouts of sweat or chills.  In fact... woke up to the familiar feeling of being over-medicated and not fully flushing the meds out of my system. 

Joyce shows up with a wooooooooonderful breakfast of instant noodles.  And what's even more wonderful is an Abbott Anti-gen Rapid Test.  This is it!!! 5 days since initially testing positive. My symptoms are clear.  I slept well.  Time for a negative test so I can be free from this life sentence. 

If it took a full 10 minutes for the line to come up on the first day.... this time, it took 10 seconds.  And the line was bold. And red. And bold.  My viral load is still off the books.  

Parole? DENIED!!!

Shaws-HANK 2022 - Day 5

“Zihuatanejo. It’s a little place in Mexico on the Pacific Ocean. Do you know what the Mexicans say about the Pacific? They say it has no memory. That’s where I want to live the rest of my life — a warm place with no memory.”

Day 5 of Quaratine.... It's like I'm in trapped in a heinous experiment... where some scientist is observing me and measuring my level of joy by turning on that light at the end of the tunnel... then shutting it off.  On.  Then off.  On.  Off. 

The Giants game started at 8:35AM PDT.... a day game in the East Coast.. sunrise game for us. Had you slept in... you woulda woken up to a no-hitter through 5.  After the game ended... after ended up streaming Sunday Service... I was stuck with the rest of the day with nothing to do.  So I jokingly... (unjokingly) try to test my memory by memorizing the Greek alphabets.

15 minutes.  It took me a whole 15 minutes to do it. COVID fog? Old age?  But I did it....

Then... for whatever reason... patriotism... memorial day... I felt like memorizing the New Colossus, the poem on the dedicated to the Statue of Liberty.   24 hours later.... I still don't have it.  Is that where I'm headed? Or am I at my destination... a place where I now have no memory.

 

Shaws-HANK 2022 - Day 4

“I guess it comes down to a simple choice, really: Get busy living, or get busy dying.”

Day 4 of Quarantine. Fever finally broke.. I think.  I scan myself every 15 minutes to see if it'll bounce back.  Holding steady at 97.  Yes - I run cold.  Maybe I'm a reptile - cold blooded. 

The day started out with a pleasant surprise.  One of my dearest friend IM'ed me to see how I was doing.  Now I get a glimpse of what a prisoner feels like to have a visitor... even if even through a glass wall.  To have some human contact. 

Then we find out... not only does B has it... but Nita finally succumbs to it too.  Now they're both quarantined.  But at least they can be in common areas together. 

Fourth day in a row... salty food still tastes bitter.  But citrus tastes fine.  The verdict on Orange Chicken is still out. 

Had the Giants game on the radio in the afternoon to keep me company. But after the game... it was back to my lonesome self.  Trapped.  In solitary confinement. In an asylum.  Desperate for some outside connection. Every 4-5 minutes, I would check Whatsapp to see if there is a new message. And just like 4-5 minutes ago... there will be none. Of course not. People have lives. They're busy working. They're busy living. While I'm busy dying.