Spent a good portion of today studying the SSAT's with SW. We went over the Writing section... of how he'll be given two prompts to choose one... and how he should brainstorm, outline before drafting and finally proofreading. Then we dove into Analogies... to which he scored 50% both times he tested... and to which I could've done at most... 10% better.
But the alarming thing was... I was brought back to 2 years ago when I was doing the same thing with NN. I was impatient, short-tempered and literally made my daughter cry when I drilled her in the very same exercises. Conversely, 2 years later, SW and I are laughing and giggling the entire way. I quickly walked over to NN, apologized and gave her a hug. She aptly returned the hug... but raising the question, "Why didn't I get that same treatment?"
Ohhhh how far I've come as a person and as a father.
Celebrated our 23 year dating anniversary with a dozen roses and a box of chocolates. Why you chose me… I will never, EVER, understand. But I look up to the heavens and thank our loving God that you did.
By 9PM, she was curled up in bed in the fetal position. I ask what's wrong? She says, "I'm sad about basketball, daddy." Then the next hour... it's me listening and trying to console my crying baby of why she got demoted.
Sometimes, there just aren't any reasons. Life is unfair. The system was unfair. You may not have been the worst skilled player. But sometimes, a decision needs to be made. There are many silver linings. It's a learning experience. You go from a mediocre player to one of, if not, THE best player on the team. You're going to be their leader, their captain. You'll grow more from this than being on Team A. So many things that logically make sense, but emotionally... will never penetrate that iron shield around her heart.
I couldn't be a coach. I needed to be daddy. I needed to listen. Words won't console that tiny, little shattered heart. Only time will mend these wounds. And of course... in my heart... I'm screaming out for Jesus.
Ohhhhh.... just when you think you've bottomed out. The lowest, just got lower.
At practice yesterday... Coach Mike asked if I wanted to run any drills. I was not prepared. Not at all. I've never played organized hoops... nor did I think I was going to be asked that question. But as practice went on... it seemed like Coach Mike wasn't making that connection with the players. He was more despondent than anything about the quality of these players.
So I made a commitment... I will rise up to be not just an Assistant, but an Assistant COACH. All night last night, I poured over Youtube for coaching advice and drills. I read countless articles on how to run a practice. I took notes. Ran over them in my mind. Pictured my players getting better and better... and rehearsed speeches I would give to keep them going when the going gets tough.
After all that studying... I truly realized... how lacking I was in the fundamentals. All of my basketball skills... came from playing playground games and imitating Bird and Hardaway and Kobe. I didn't know any of the terms. Any of the reasons for doing what is taught.
I am.... tired.
There's nothing worst in life... to go from the highest of highs... to the lowest of lows. And as a parent... all you can do is say "That's life" and watch.
NN... today... for some unexplained reason... got moved from Team A to Team B. How humiliating that was. I learned...from the Musical experience... to not be overbearing. But she learned... from the Musical experience... it's ok to show your emotions.
"Why did I get demoted?? I'm better than some of the 7th graders!?!?"
For some odd reason... I do think that me... as an Assistant Coach.... I factored into the decision making. That it'll soften the blow that I can move with her from Team A to Team B. But that doesn't make life easiser.
Life -- that's it. Life is unfair. Learn to deal with it now while you're young. So you can be resilient enough to deal with it when... you don't get into the school you want. Or get the job you deserve... while watching your peers excel.
As a parent.... it rips your heart out. Logically... she didn't deserve to be in Team A. She really, truly doesn't have the fundamentals other than her attitude and leadership skills. But rules are rules... and you have to abide by them.
But rules...suck. Life... sucks. Jesus... this bitter cup... sucks. Take this away from me. Please.
Not a teaching moment....but a life lesson. Is she too young to learn this!? Sooner or later... I simply didn't expect it to be now.
It was no-cuts basketball tryouts today for JH Girls Basketball. With the number of girls trying out... the coaches had to split it into 3 squads... Team A - the most advanced, competitive players. Team B - developing players. Team C - new players.
8th grade automatically gets into Team A. 6th grade automatically gets into Team C.
So the question was... where do 7th grader girls fall into?
"I got into Team A, Daddy...."
My response, "Why didn't you get an A+?"
A couple of weeks ago when most of the schools restarted but SW was still sitting at home waiting for school to commence... I picked a Netflix show for him to binge. Thundermans is a Nickelodeon, TV-G show about a family with super powers hiding out in suburbia. Huda thunk that our entire family are all enthralled with this goofy show that proved that regardless of network... there are some productions that transcend all ages and generations. Nickelodeon, no less.
A day after I blog about "The Sin of Over Admiring", I go on a walk by myself and think of a famous story of the Martha and Mary... where one sister wants to sit at the feet of the Lord to listen to him while another feels indignant while bustin' her butt. And the moral of the story is we oughta choose to be with the Lord vs. do-do-do. Biblical contradictions? Heh... The scripture is so rich.
"This is my beloved son... "
Twice this words rang in the gospel... when Jesus was baptized and at the Transfiguration, when Peter wanted to build three tents for Moses, Elijah and Jesus. So much can be read from this... including the take where Peter was sooooo enjoying his heavenly experience, he didn't want it to end. To a point where God the Father spoke up to remind him... "Wooooaaaahhhh cowboy... don't halt him from his mission to the cross!"
Then we have the apostles staring up as Jesus ascended to the heavens in Acts 1 and a couple of angels said, "Why are you staring at the sky?"
How dare I say that we spend too much time admiring God's glory.. that maybe we are actually using that as an excuse to not move on with our ministry and mission?
Maybe it's a speaker? A pastor? Stream of Praise? SJCAC worship teams? Do we...as self proclaimed Christians... tip the balance to a point where we use the comfort of God's presence and neglect bringing God's presence to the unsaved?
Blasphemous.
Love the fact that almost all the CS fellowships are now establishing daily prayer altars for the 40 Days of Prayer Journey. I can't shake the feeling that this was because Eden proved that this can be done.
Prayer is a blessing. Prayer should be sweet. Prayer "where 2 or 3 are gathered in His name, I am in their midst."
Pray Until Something Happens - P.U.S.H.
What do we want to happen, though?
Spent about an hour in SW's bed today... reading Peter King's weekly article on football. I thoroughly enjoyed that "me-time" but was quite guilt-ridden. I was on my phone and not spending time with family. Then a thought occurred to me... Been having trouble reading books lately because of that exact reason... during the day... whenever there's downtime, I spend it with family. Is it so wrong to curl up in bed and read??
My favorite post of the year... Looking back. Every year... I've had the luxury and honor of looking back at 365 days of highs and lows to recount the 10 moments which shaped my year. How I love to re-read my own blog posts to remember, re-traverse, reminisce, and by God's grace, relive those moments in time.
2021
I famously kicked off the year by saying, "For the first time in human history, we can truly say that hindsight....is 2020." Unbeknownst to us... 2021 kicked our butts the same if not harder than 2020. It was the year some of us welcomed a new president, but along the way, experienced one of the most shameful moments in US history when protesters stormed our very own US Capitol. 2021 saw Cancel Culture bloom and Wake Culture blossom, taking along with it... statues, monuments, street names, school names and household names including Dr. Seuss, George Washington, Thomas Jefferson, Diane Feinstein, and Mr. Potato Head. Ironically, it was the year where an impeachment was unsuccessful, nor was the California recall of Gavin Newsom. In the midst of all that... we found a glimpse of justice in the verdict of the death of George Floyd...finding little relief in a societal imbalance that can't possibly be nullified with one trial. That courtroom, along side other courtrooms, came into the spotlight, most notably with the topic of Abortion where states like Texas passed the Heartbeat Act, and with a Conservative Supreme Court, might actually, finally, overturn Roe v Wade. (never in my lifetime...??). After an endless time of occupation... 2021 was the year American troops finally withdrew from Afghanistan... only to see the paper government collapse and offered us a modern day version of the Fall of Saigon. Speaking of fall... who can forget the ominous rise (and fall) of banal stocks like GameStop and AMC... as the people (via Reddit), dished it to the top 3%, causing a frenzy and halt in "free"-market trading. The world united as one during those few weeks of the Olympics as Japan limped to the finish line or the podium stand... while goliaths such as Simeon Biles announced to the world that "it's OK to not be OK." Humankind shot to new heights... as numerous NASA missions blasted to Mars, to the moon to an asteroid and even launched the first of several leisure space travels via Virgin, Space X and Blue Origins. A historic season of 107 wins by your mediocre San Francisco Giants... in the midst of vaccine roll outs... only to be punched in the face by Delta (July) and then again Omicron (November). To that fateful date in June... when at work I found myself taking a piss... with another man.... taking a piss in the same bathroom. Whoa....
Moving to my own personal top 10.
10) 270
9) 遙距居家令風雲
8) Audit to Quality - After 4 years of being in Audit... I was moved into my current role of Quality Assurance. Another dicey career move, I must say. Those first three months were brutal having to rebuild my production stamina. Where will this path lead???
7) Tahoe Trip
6) 68,000 Steps
5) Tweenage daughter - Not one event that stands out but they're all little strands of thread, interwoven into a tapestry of fatherly failures but Godly grace.
3) Relocation
And deary me... as I'm crossing my eyes and dotting my tees... I just realized I didn't do a "Looking back at the 2010's" post, like I did with "A look back at the 2000's". Dare I try???
