拾不回来，只能慢慢回味...

COVID-19 - School Closure - Day 134

Going through my old videos on my phone and I come across one from 2013.  We were at Gilroy Outlets and for whatever reason... I was out of character... and actually paid cold-hard cash for them to ride those moving machines (don't even know what you call them).  The only time I would ever pay for "rides" like this was at Chuck E' Cheese.  Heck... growing up in SF Chinatown... I remember there was a carousel on Stockton outside of Woolworth.  And I would push it while other kids sat on it.  All the parents will be smiling cuz I saved all of them $0.25.

Capture on the video.... was me uttering... "唉... 咁就七毫半子喇."  Hehehe.... really captured the spirit of the moment.  Story of my life... if you may.

I usually stop the video there cuz the rest of it is watching the little spaceship go up....and down.... up.... and down.  This time, I watched till the end and in the midst of the sound of the motors, I hear NN cry out... "爸B我高過你呀!" 😢

拾不回来，只能慢慢回味...

Evening Stroll

COVID-19 - School Closure - Day 132

After dinner tonight... I asked NN to join me on an evening stroll.  The sun was hanging with a slight southwest wind.  She and I wrote T-shirt and shorts.  It started out chilly but once we hit our stride, the chill subsided.  We walk out the garage with me awarding her with a piece of gum...something they only get on Saturdays.  (I was buying my daughter's love with a treat.)  About 10 steps away from our driveway, I reached for my baby princess's hand, which she instinctively slipped into mine.  Her hand is much larger now. It doesn't quite fit into an adult hand, but it's taking up more space than years, months, week's past.

I open up with the topic of stress.  Work stress.  Cabin fever.  Taking it out on the family.  I apologized.  She's quick to forgive.  Is that a good thing? I share a bit about work-crap.  And she schooled me on "having grace... on listening... on understanding the other person's point of view."  I listened.  (If she only knew).

Our discussions quickly veered to puberty.  And how she's ready to get her first period.  It was.... nonchalant.  Like talking about the Giants' heinous offense.  

We talked about middle school... how she'll find new friends and she expects it to be drama free.  I reality checked her and said "Sometimes it's not you... it could be your friends."  And like the wacko father I am... I said, "What if your friend likes a boy... and the boy likes you???"  Ohhhhh what kind of father am I?

About this time... her little hand slipped away so she can show me how thin her waist is.  I'm sad... not cuz my daughter is thin, but cuz my NN let go.  I thought about grabbing her hand back... but I hesitated and finally gave in.  It's time to let go.

We talked about boys... how she doesn't hate them anymore.  And I said... "You'll learn that boys are funny and drama-less." She agrees.

The discussion went from boys... naturally... to dating.  How mommy won't let her date until college.  When I pressed why... she said "Mommy doesn't want me to be broken hearted."  I put some ideas into her head... that she might end up be the one breaking a boy's heart.  This set her off on a series of scenarios... and how she really doesn't want to hurt anyone.  All the while... I'm mimicking Mortal Kombat - reaching into someone's chest, grabbing their heart, throwing it on the floor and stepping on it.  Over and over again.  

We finally make it around our block... 1/2 mile.  We either go home or go for more.  I had a feeling she was done, but I asked anyways.  She said... "Let's walk more.  I want to chew my gum longer, there's still flavor."  The gum worked.  It was amazing.

While walking... we hear some bikes blaze by - our neighbor's 2 daughters and dad.  He was having some father daughter time too.  Good for him.  

Around this time... NN finds my hand again.  It was a little cold at this point... and this cold little limb was hot enough to melt the coldest heart.  My daughter isn't old enough to not want to hold her old man's hand.  

We turn the corner... only to see the mother of those daughters' carrying one of them.  I saw a bike lying on the ground, wheel still spinning.  Further up the street, I see dad and the other daughter biking back.  Something happened.  It wasn't major.  Poor dad now had to push both his and his daughter's bike home.

On our second turn around the block... we continued our mindless chit-chat.  How special... MCC.  Where has that gone as of late???  We started noticing on the cement sidewalk, a stamp that says "1959."  Probably a seal of when these streets were laid down.  Geez.... almost 60 years ago?  One after another... I kept pointing it out.  She thought I was being funny.  I was just counting. 

The sun got tired.  It started nosediving behind the Santa Cruz Mountains.  The temperature dropped only to be combatted by the rise in our body temperature.  We both run hot.  She commented on how she doesn't like the colors of the houses.  How the windows look nice on the outside, but inside, the house is a mess.  She talks about her hair.  Her torso.  Her legs.  How she will one day... possibly...be as tall as Bah-B.

And before you know it... we made it back home.  Two times around our block - which ironically... is 1 mile long.  Hmmm... when was the last time we went for a run? Who cares? I just spent the best time with my one and only Nui nui.  Best part of my day.  

A horrible two days

COVID-19 - School Closure - Day 131

for whatever reason... I've been losing my temper and taking it out on the kids - A LOT.  Maybe it's work stress.  Maybe it's lack of sleep.  Maybe it's the SIP syndrome that's hitting really hard these days.

Yesterday - during Sunday On-line Service... SW comes over with a sad face, cuz NN said or did something.  Then as he walks back over to the English service, NN does something again and gets pissed and starts slamming things.  I lose it.  And I scream at both of them.  Uncalled for.  Completely spoil the mood for the rest of the day.

Things get better throughout the day.  

Then at night... we're getting ready for dinner.  Joyce calls out for both kids and I thought, "I should go into their rooms to get them.  What if they can't hear mommy?" As we're about to sit down, SW decides to take a dump right before we start dinner.  He's in there forever with his iPad.  And I call for him to come out.  He doesn't hear me... so I scream, again!! Cuz I'm pissed.  He has the whole family waiting for him.  He comes out looking said and pouting.  Uncalled for. Overreacted again.  Argggghhhh....

Things get better again.

And then today... it was a great day of family time at home.  At night, NN starts singing "Memories" by Maroon 5. And I start singing with her.  She utters something like I'm mocking her... when I'm not.  Then she does a face, rolls her eyes and is completely disrespectful.  I didn't yell this time.  I just sit there for the rest of dinner and I don't eat.  One, cuz I'm not hungry.  Two, cuz I'm seething with anger.  Made it a very quiet dinner.  NN knows I'm mad at her... and she tries to make amends by saying a few things.  I blow her off.  How immature.... as a parent too.

What is it with me???  

At night... I explained to Nn what I was thinking.  I apologize.  But the damage has been done. Worse yet... they'll probably take a page out of their old man's book.  They'll get mad one day and go on a hunger strike, just to prove a point.

Aye..... what am I doing??? What a horrible two days.... Gotta change.  Gotta stop this cycle.  God - please help. 

The Last Dance

COVID-19 - School Closure - Day 129

ESPN made a docuseries of Michael Jordan called "The Last Dance." It finally comes onto VOD and I'm binging it.  Man... he was good.  In so many aspects.  MJ came and clobbered all my biggest heroes and biggest enemies.  One of the oddest thing was.... he grew up in my prime teenage years... but I don't have a lot of recollection of watching him.  I missed out on his glory when it was happening.  I took it for granted, I guess.  Just like I missed out on the Niners of the 80's. 

I've been burned enough times to have immersed in the Giants of the early 2000's and the Dubs of late.  

Jordan.... if anything, is the Greatest of All time.  I know... I know.... there's the Kobe camp.  And the LBJ camp.  But Kobe and LBJ, in all their greatness... will NEVER..... EVER..... be talked about in the same breath as Muhammad Ali or Babe Ruth.  Folks who transcend not just sports, but how we live.  Not Montana... not Bonds... not Rice or Steph.  

The only other American sports figure that comes close (and comes DARN close), but curiously ever gets mentioned.... is Tiger Woods.  The man who made golf cool.  Where everyone and anyone that never imagined owning golf clubs were at the driving range by day and pumping iron by night while wearing a red polo on Sundays.  

"Hello world."  

The Good Shepherd

COVID-19 - School Closure - Day 127

It's a simple reality... I'm not the Messiah. I'm not here to save. Nor do I have the power, the might or the stubborness to change someone. So why do I keep throwing myself out there? Why do I keep reaching out inspite of things getting thrown in my face? Why do I open myself up for ridicule, verbal abuse, emotional distress and worst of all... I can only take it, and can't dish it back??  Ohhhhhh.... how I would love to return the favor.  Tit for tat.  Pong to ping.  Zag to zig.  

But that wouldn't be nice. That wouldn't be Christ-like. No no.... 

I strive to be a Good Shepherd.  Leave the 99 others to find the one lost.  Well dog gone it... what if the sheep wasn't lost but wanted to run away?!?!??!  ARGH!!!!!!!!!!!!  

Family Altar

COVID-19 - School Closure - Day 125

Just one of those days today where we were so efficient, we got done with dinner by 6:15PM.  Some ppl don't even get off work until 7PM, let alone eat dinner, let alone eat dinner as a family.  I felt so blessed that we had the rest of the night to spend together.

Ended up having an amazing Family Altar night.  Neither of the kids wanted to copy today's bible verses... which is cool.  The whole copying thing is controversial and overrated, in my mind.  Rather, we spent the time reading and sharing today's Psalm.  Ended up talking and sharing for almost 45 minutes... about God's mercy, His miracles in our lives, and how he's mercy, compassionate and never failing.  

After that... we played cards.  Played 擋床 (a game I invented) and played the much hated "Four Corners", but I changed it up a bit and played "Four Corners of the House." A wholesome, Spirit-filled, family night.  Counting my blessing every day.  

I can't keep up

COVID-19 - School Closure - Day 124

6 weeks into summer vacation and the kids are still holding strong, all things considered. NN spends a lot of time on her iPad. She's either coloring... or writing her book... or chatting with her friends. SW is a little more disciplined, depending on who you look at things. He can't sit still.  Today... he kept coming by seeing if I can play badminton with him in our front yard.

Ended up playing for 1.5 hours.  And he wasn't tired.  Me on the other hand... I was running on fumes.  I love it though...every last minute.  Some quality father/son time -- doing stuff.  He's just a tad over 9... and I can't keep up.  How am I gonna play with him when he hits the teenage years??  Joyful... and a bit sad at the same time.  

80's Sitcoms

COVID-19 - School Closure - Day 122

Been roughly 1.5 weeks and the kids plowed through all 8 seasons of Perfect Strangers. Unbelievable how it still holds up today when most comedies don't stand the test of time.  As they were well into Season 6.... I got nervous.  Cuz the inevitable question was coming up.... "Bah B..what do we watch next??" 

I searched Prime, Netflix, Hulu.... even asked my team for a "wholesome, family comedy."  Family Matters? Growing Pains? Cheers? Happy Days? Three's Company? They all just don't fit.  The more I think about it... the more I realize... Perfect Strangers really stands on it's own!!! 

I finally had to pull the trigger on something... and ended up picking Full House.  

Started watching season 1 last night and............ How did I ever get through that show????  I'll give it the benefit of the doubt cuz it did survive 8 seasons of it's own.  

And for 3 other reasons....

1. SW and NN actually think baby Michelle is cute
2. They enjoy Joey.  
3. I, too, miss the baby stage of being a parent.  

Seeing Uncle Jesse make a high 5 to a little baby and she high 5's back - "Have mercy." 

Duel of Fates

COVID-19 - School Closure - Day 121

After almost 20 years... NN finally watches Episode 1 - The Phantom Menace. She had to break it up into 2 nights. And the first night... she could'n't finish it cuz of the cringy lines and the unpalatable Jar Jar.  Tonight... she "finished" it.  Finished in quotes because.... “We cringed at the cringy part. Laughed at the funny part. And skipped all the bad parts”

She also added...

“I’m upset Qui Gon died”

and lastly...

“Anakin and Padme. That’s just wrong. I’m sorry.”

Ironically... it's Joyce that's watching Star Wars with her right now.  I guess that means I get to watch it with SW when his turn rolls around. 

4 Months

COVID-19 - School Closure - Day 120

It's been 120 days since that fateful day we got an email that school will be shutting down - Friday the 13th.  

The following Monday - Santa Clara County issues the Shelter in Place order starting at 7PM the night of March 16th.  That afternoon, Joyce texted me to run out and get some groceries.  

I ran over to Lunardi's that day... and fought through a sea of people to grab what was left at the butcher store, including this whole chicken - which tonight, we took out of the freezer to defrost, so we can bake it tomorrow.  

Green with envy

COVID-19 - School Closure - Day 119

One at a time... all my peers from long ago are making Director.  Don't get me wrong... I'm truly happy for them and it's much deserved.  They put out a lot and have given up a lot.  It's just...  when will it be my turn???  天時地利人和.  So many factors... so many chances... so many missed opportunities.  

I claim to be a Christian.  I claim to be a child of God and know He is my provider.  I make these empty declarations because when the rubber is hitting the road.... I feel like this.  

Didn't even want to work tonight after I found out.  Just curl up in my fetal position and sulk. Sulk sulk sulk..... 

PG-13

COVID-19 - School Closure - Day 116

What makes a film PG vs PG-13?  Well... for one (or two), PG-13 can show boobies.  Case in point, Titanic and Kate Winslet.  And another, as I found out through Alexander Hamilton and tonight, via Instant Family, you are allowed one F-word.  

You can push the limits of profanity with "Sh!t" and "B!tch" and "D@mn" and "H3ll" all you want... but you're allowed to say one and only one "Fuck." And tonight... my kids had their ears tainted with their first "Fuck."  

Joyce and I both cringed and gave each other a look.  The kids... didn't even blink.  Either that word is as foreign to them as is the word "masturbate" which was also in the movie.  Or it's already part of their vocabulary where it doesn't faze them. 

婷婷玉立

COVID-19 - School Closure - Day 114

She's on the phone...er... Google Meet for hours.  She hates taking showers, but when she does, she's in there for 45 minutes.  She is wearing adult undergarments.  And today... my 囡囡豬 revealed her first pimple.  And of course, it's gotta be on the nose.  

She ain't a little girl anymore.  And yet... she'll always be daddy's little girl. 

Oceans rise. Empires Faalllllllll.......

COVID-19 - School Closure - Day 113

And a Happy belated Hamilton Day to you!!  Almost a week since July 3rd when the musical that took the country by storm finally landed on Disney+.  Still remember the first time I came across it... when Geoff told me that I can listen to it on Hoopla for free.  I didn't even know it was a phenomenon back then.  On and off... I'll listen to the songs, but they were never catchy.  Unlike your typical musicals.

A few years back, Hamilton finally premiered at SF Best of Broadway... and boy was it hard to get tickets.  When the pre-sale went live (what the heck is a pre-sale anyways?!?! everyone has equal access!!!), the queue was in the THOUSANDS....for HOURS!!!  And when I finally got to my spot... nothing except for nosebleeds or way off to the side for hundreds if not thousands of bucks.  Ouch!!!

Feeling defeated, I gave up.  I didn't get caught up in the hoopla (heh...see what I did there?).  Then I found out that ppl signed up to be a BoB Member, just so they can get Hamilton tickets.  So when news got out that Hamilton was coming back for a 2nd tour... I jumped on the bandwagon, almost.  The lineup wasn't all that.... and a buddy told me... you can pay aftermarket for that one show... and you won't waste money on the other shows you won't even have time to go watch.  Such wisdom.

Time goes on... and before you know it.... Hamilton is back.  I didn't even realize it until {{someone}} won lotto tickets to it [again]!!!!  Then I started searching for tix....for Christmas, Valentine's Day, Joyce's Bday, Anniversary....  Man..... there were soooooooooooooooooooo many available seats.  And with most supply and demand curves... once there is plenty of supply... I lose interest.  

Flash forward to July 3rd.  It's late.  Kids are asleep after a long, tiring day of chillaxing.  I pop open a cold one (or two) and immerse myself into this cultural revolution (pun intended).  Was it worth 2 hrs and 40 minutes of my time? I love history.  I love art.  I love it when I see a genius at work.  A virtuoso painting his masterpiece.  Yo yo Ma carving his cello.  Federer carving down Nadal.  Lin Manuel Miranda..... carving down American culture as we know it.  

Did I like the musical? How do I rate it?  To measure the success of this musical in the Leung household... I guess you can look at what happened the days after.  The next day... I redownloaded it on hoopla.  Kept on playing it.  Kept on singing (trying to) the songs. Was explaining what the lyrics meant in context and that night...............  Joyce and NN kicked me and SW out and watched it on their own.  It's PG-13 and SW showed zero interest.   So is that good or bad.... when during dinner, I'm playing "My Shot" and the whole fam is bobbing their heads to the beat.  Heh....

And I swear.... by the moon and the stars in the skies.... if I ever get an opportunity to write another musical.... it'll be in the style of Hamilton.  There....that's how I rate it.  #BOOM 

“Even when the dark comes crashing through....”

滴滴仔 , 滴滴女

COVID-19 - School Closure - Day 111

Tonight as we were going to bed... we did our usual round of  今日有咩開心, NN unsurprisingly said... "我今日好開心， 因為終於贏咗小華。"  For whatever reason... NN is simply unable to beat SW in ping pong.  SW has an unconventional way of playing... but it works.  And it kills NN that she can't beat her little brother.

Well.... tonight, something finally clicked.  Her serves are better.  Her returns are sharper.  Her attitude... still the same ol' competitive sore loser.  

I do admit...that whenever they play... deep down... I want her to beat SW.  Favoritism?? Perhaps.  Or maybe it's cuz I know SW can take a loss in stride while NN really wears it on her sleeves.  Plus... this will now make SW want to improve his game and try to beat 家姐.  Momma is already the 4th best player in our family... and isn't even close.  The odd thing is... I'm starting to have a hard time beating them.  Need to up my game too!!  

"Hello!" "Hello!"

COVID-19 - School Closure - Day 110    

Enduring hardships together.  Sharing a credit card or bank account.  Obviously being parents. But something that's overlooked when talking about a strong relationship is to be able to share a heavy dose of laughter.  Such was the case today... when I was once again VSA-ing for something to watch.  And on Hulu... I found one of my childhood faves - Perfect Strangers.

I started with the infamous episode where Larry has temporary amnesia and he has to meet Jennifer's mom for the first time.  And the scene where Anderson and I would repeat over and over again.  Strangely enough, Joyce never watched it while growing up in America.  And today... she finally got a dose of what got me through life for a good 4-5 years (6-7 years if you include syndication).  I was actually surprised that she was laughing so hard.... to a point where she's singing the theme song and now repeating those very sacred lines.  We ended up binging on the first season - with 7 more seasons to go.  Even the kids are into this mindless, family oriented comedy.  

"Hello!"

"Hello!"

"My name is Cousin Larry Appleton!"

"Hello! My name is Cousin Larry Appleton."

"How are you?"

"Fine." 

A dilemma

COVID-19 - School Closure - Day 109

NN just turned 11.... and God bless me, she still lets me lie down next to her and tuck her in while putting her down [to sleep].  In the past.. I'll tell her one of my epic stories and she'll zonk out after a long day at school.  And then I'll use the next 30 minutes or so news-ing.  But since SIP, she's been staying up later and later.  To a point, where she'll talk to me.  

A few weeks ago... I realized that every time she starts to talk, I'll give her a one word answer and say, "Good night."  After a few tries, I'll get a little stern and say, "Time to sleep."  When will a daughter ever want to talk to her dad again...???  

Since that realization... I've had to force myself to to put the phone down and listen, and respond.  I'm tried.  I'm not up for small talk.  And half the time, I'm not even listening.  We'll talk for 2-3 minutes... and I'll want her to stop.  Cuz it IS getting late and she should sleep.  But do I want it to stop??  A few minutes of silence and I get to news again... and she'll turn around and ask me more questions and start small talk.  Ashamed to say it... I'll get annoyed.  But I've been pushing through it.  How I want to tell her to "Go to sleep" and be done with.  I know I'll regret it if I do that... even just one more time.  Cuz that one more time... could be the one last time.  

Favoritism

COVID-19 - School Closure - Day 108

I don't blame mom for showing favoritism to CT.  She's spent more time with him in his 4 years than SW and NN in their combined 20. But seriously... she made the instant noodles for SW.  Come time to spoon some soup into their bowls... SW, who was waiting for his lunch, gets second billing.  CT was still working on his chicken... his bowl was farther away... and he wasn't even showing signs of hunger.  Pissed me off to a point I had to say something, "Mom, you have two grandsons."  

Can't blame the recipient.  Not their fault.  Can't blame the giver, not their fault.

I never cared if Grandma or Dad liked big bro more.  That's just the way it is.

I never cared if mom liked me more (past tense).  That's just the way it was.

NN is spot on when she accuses Joyce of being partial to SW.  She doesn't help her case either.

I don't blame big bro... or CT... That's just the way it is.

I personally claim to be impartial to SW and NN.... but I also claim it's not totally impartiality, they're just different.  They get different types of affection.  Ok... fine... I'm partial to NN.  Happy???? 

Favoritism is just a way of life.  Just wanna say... Keep it up. You reap what you sow.    

Live by Example

COVID-19 - School Closure - Day 106

It gets really annoying when NN and SW won't eat their food cuz of onions and garlic. They would either pick it out... or just not eat that dish. Don't know why they're so picky....

Until....

I take a bite of the soondubu jjigae that Joyce made... and immediately spat it out.  BLEAH!!!! What's that taste.  I look down.... oh crap.  菇.  I start picking it out and it occurs to me... "Oh. That's where they get it from."  Heh.....