Conflict of Interest

COVID19 - School Closure - Day 157  School Reopens - Day 202

Opening Day - and I couldn't look away.  Refreshing every few minutes to catch up with stats.  Not caring who was winning or losing, so long as my players were performing.  I couldn't put my phone down - for the first two weeks, Yahoo! gives you real time updates to your scores.  And then at night... Giants take the lead into the 8th... just to blow it... just to tie it in the 9th... just to blow it in the 10th.  Nothing has changed.  That's why I quit Fantasy Baseball.  Too time consuming.  Too cut-throat.  Too much of a... shall we say... Conflict of Interest.

Haiku

It's Opening Day

The Giants still can not win

Conflict of Interest

The Passion of Jesus Christ

COVID19 - School Closure - Day 157  School Reopens - Day 201

First night of our Holy Week or Passion Week - leading up to Resurrection Sunday and I get tapped to translate, live, on Youtube.  PAL sent me his sermon a couple days ago... and I browsed through it.  I try not to read sermons ahead of time (unless they're for Celebrations of Life) because it removes the authenticity of the delivery.  But being able to worship... to dance... to jump....to pray.... I did not sing.... that feeling is so foreign, yet so natural.  What was even better.... there was no one in the sanctuary other than PAL and Amy who sat very far away.... the worship team, who couldn't care less.... and the A/V team who was busy with A/V.  It was just me.... and God.  

I didn't realize how much worship means to a Christian life.  To my life.  One year of on-line worship can't be good.  It blocks a huge artery of our connection with God.  While I'm not for regathering at lightning speed... I sense the need and urgency of re-connecting.

Truth be told... it was sooooo nice to see the Tsang's and Jce.  I bump into PAL every now and then.  I see Ken ever so often.  But people in my 2nd or 3rd concentric circles.... very, very comforting.  I didn't dare ask... but I could've sworn Sam lost a lot of weight. Hehe..... Shhhhhhhhh...... 好敏感㗎!


Haiku
Passion of Jesus
He died for us out of love
How do I respond?

Prayer for Healing

COVID19 - School Closure - Day 157  School Reopens - Day 199

"What if I got bitten by a tick?! I could get Lyme disease!?" NN screams as the drama-queen is complaining, yet again, about going hiking.

"No you won't. Siu Wah... can pray for 家姐？"

"嗎哩嗎哩呵....."

唉... And the worst part is... I laughed.  

Haiku

The power of prayer

Moving mountains here to there

嗎哩嗎哩呵

魔高一丈

COVID19 - School Closure - Day 157  School Reopens - Day 198

On the final day of her supposed 2 week grounding... on the day that we were done with writing Psalm 1 a hundred times.... I happen to wake up just at the right (or wrong) moment and hear the door open up followed by no flushing of the toilet at 5:30AM.

I shouldn't have dug... I shouldn't have snooped.  But it was to validate or invalidate something I knew was brewing.  There's just too many ways around things where I can't plug enough holes in a sinking ship.  We block this.  She finds another device.  We block that.  She finds another app we didn't fully block.  It's bound to happen.  We did it when we were young.  In a way... I should be proud.  She's resilient.  She's cunning.  She's shrewd like a snake. 

Fault lies on me for trusting.  Fault lies on me for being too cheap and not clamping down on our Wifi at home.  Fault lies on me... for not thinking a step ahead.  The worst part is... when I found out what she's been doing behind our back... I gave her not 1, not 2, but 3 chances to admit to wrong doing.  She failed.  There was no sound of a rooster crowing... only the sound of my heart shattering.  

What now?? What to do?? When all is empty... when all is lost... when all avenues are tried... what to do?? What would you do?? 

Haiku

Parenting is hard

How come I keep messing up

Fantasy Baseball

Non-conformity

COVID19 - School Closure - Day 157  School Reopens - Day 196

We had to create a Life Mural for this Executive Leadership class I'm part of and the instructions said... "be creative."  And the point was to talk about our Upbringing, our Motivation, things we do outside of work and hope for future.  There was a sample mural - which was cool - but it just didn't feel right. It wasn't "me."  So I put a little creative flare into it.  Why not???? 

At today's presentation...the organizer said she was pulling up all the class member's murals at random.  One after another... they all looked just like the sample.  After about the 5th or 6th one... I asked the organizer... Did everyone follow the sample?  She said "Yes."  CRAP!!!!  

So was it a good thing or bad thing... that out of these 10 high pot, hot shots... I chose to go rogue and went the path of non-conformity???  What was also weird... a majority of the other folks spoke about sports, refurbishing old cars, boats, hunting... and they were peppered with questions after questions.  

After I was done sharing my faith... one VP asked, "Uh... how old are your kids?" Heh.... 

Haiku
My life at a glance
To become fisher of men
I'm not of this world

Turn the other cheek

COVID19 - School Closure - Day 157  School Reopens - Day 195

Another night of Monopoly... and I got pissed.  I was clearly winning and NN knew it.  Rather than lose and let me win... NN did all she can do to help SW win. She gave SW a full monopoly where she got next to nothing from the trade. It was wrong. It was unfair. I was so pissed, there was a point where I was near bankrupt... and I threw a $10 bill at NN out of frustration.  And it was icy cold in the Leung Household. Then.... I needed to go to Wednesday Night Prayer Meeting, to pause... and it was the best thing to happen.

During Prayer Meeting, Amy C-mo had us pray Proverbs 11:27 "Whoever seeks good finds favor, but evil comes to one who searches for it." And immediately... I felt remorse for the way I treated the kids.  My desire to win masked that fact this is about family fun. It should be about me demonstrating to the kids that it's not about winning, but about having fun. At that point... I vowed to apologize, first.  And I vowed that when we resumed... I would hand out whatever I had to the kids.  It wasn't about winning anymore.  And when I did... that's when thing turned.

I made some money... then I unmortgaged my properties and I started giving things away to both kids so now they have monopolies and can start building. Even though they had the monopolies and all the money in the world... the dice kept falling my way.  I showed further mercy to them again and I never looked back.  I won convincingly. I destroyed them.  I annihilated them.  All because... I showed mercy and kindness.  The same night... we prayed against Anti-Asian Hatred and we need to turn the other cheek... to show love, when given hate, as Jesus did on the cross.  

Haiku 

Life is like a game

You need to demonstrate love

To love is to win

Beginner's Luck

COVID19 - School Closure - Day 157  School Reopens - Day 194

SW was enthralled with our Monopoly play yesterday and he wanted in on the action.  And of course... he beat me.  This time... the dice fell his way.  He would always land on that ONE spot between my properties.  He would always go to jail and hide.  And I would always land on his properties.  Then I realized... I wasn't playing to win.  Or playing to push. I was playing to NOT lose.  Heh... I kinda knew this would happen.  And it was sooooo much fun.  NN was watching... and was sooooo jealous. 

Haiku

Life is like a game

Where you win some and lose some

Siu Wah always wins

Somehow

COVID19 - School Closure - Day 157  School Reopens - Day 193

A follow-on to my post of No Mercy... NN is so sick of copying Psalm 1 that anything to distract her is welcomed. And that reason... came in the form of Monopoly. But somehow... I couldn't stop winning.

Every time she was 1 away from a monopoly... I'd somehow land on the last piece of property. When all I had were Boardwalk and Park Place... which statically is the worst place to invest in... she somehow kept on landing on it. If all I could afford was one house on monopoly... I somehow always picked the one that she'll land on. We played the second game.... which I also won. Then a third game. I gave her all the advantages by trading two for one monopolies... but whatever she did, I somehow scathed by. Yet, she somehow kept on landing on my big ones. Joyce even chastised me... “the fact that you’re not trying and still winning makes it so much more frustrating!!”

Out of all these loses... can see that ultra-competitive NN still hates losing... oh so much.. but she's able to control her emotions and go with the flow. And through this grounding... through our times of copying Psalm 1 together... through these little father daughter moments in time... we've somehow grown so much closer together. Thank you Jesus for your mercy and grace. 

Haiku
Life is like a game
The dice falls in your favor
Some way or Some how

Going Strong

COVID19 - School Closure - Day 157  School Reopens - Day 192

One week into NN's grounding and additional punishment and I have to say... it's been going as well as can be, especially when it comes to copying Psalm 1 one hundred times. NN is now able to recite Psalm 1 in Chinese... and also translate it into English. And it's not just for her... but for me also. Meanwhile... SW has been enjoying both weekends where he has full ownership of the TV.

Today... we successfully reached out 50 times mark. And on the 51st time... I decided to lighten the load by introducing her to simplified Chinese. Initially, she was reluctant to change and learn something new. But after copying it just once... she realized how much easier Simplified Chinese is and she can't stop herself. Heh...

She's able to learn so much more Chinese this way. Did I just blindly walk into something that'll actually seizes the moment?? Carpe diem.

Haiku
Simplified Chinese

Makes life so much easier

There are no shortcuts

Faaaaan-tasy

COVID19 - School Closure - Day 157  School Reopens - Day 188

After a 12 year hiatus... I'm back!  Coinciding with NN's birth, I retired in 2009 with a lifetime winning percentage of .692 in Fantasy Baseball.  Throughout the 2010's.... I more or less stayed in touch with baseball through the NL West.  It helps that we had 3 World Series runs.  But aside from my KNBR fix... reading up on local writers on Twitter... and occasional Giants games on NBC Bay Area... I completely lost touch with baseball.

Back in 2002, when I first dove into the world of fantasy baseball... the differentiator was the additional research you did.  Looking at depth charts.  Researching playing conditions and splits.  Being calculative of how many points you need to win on a Friday night before a new week takes over.  Then it became apparent that you didn't need any skills or baseball knowledge to manage a team.  Fantasy Baseball was overtaken by Big Data and analytics. I hated the fact that people who had no knowledge of the sport was trouncing me in the game... because fantasy baseball is nothing but numbers and more numbers. 

Fast forward 19 years.  I find myself picking my keepers.  The available data on any given website is 100x better than what I had in 2002.  And being away from baseball for so many years... I found myself totally relying on numbers and analytics.  Draft is now 9 days away.  I have 9 days to overanalyze and psycho analyze who I will pick... and who my opponents will pick.  Ohhhhhhhh Happy Days!!!!

Haiku

How can I begin

In explaining this romance

Write poem about you

Strict

COVID19 - School Closure - Day 157  School Reopens - Day 186

"Bah-B... you're kind of strict."

"Really? How...?"

"You don't let us watch TV.  I didn't even know who Elon Musk was."

"Ohhhh.... that's not strict.  I'm just cheap." 

Haiku

What's on TV now?

That they don't show on Hulu

Aside from live sports

Betrayed, Shattered and Buried

 COVID19 - School Closure - Day 157  School Reopens - Day 184 (Happy Coronaversary)

We shared with her our disappointment. We grounded her.  We explained to her why.  We prayed.  We moved on.  Saturday morning... after Chinese School ended, she remained in her room just a little bit too long.  I walk in unannounced and ask her what she's doing. "I'm checking Hangouts..." she says as her lowers her head.

Of course she was checking Hangouts.  I knew she was because I saw her text her friends from her other device.  The temptation is too large.  The consequence too light.  The naivety.... still there.  Last night I contemplated blocking EVERYTHING.  But I soon come to realize that unless I spend some hard earned dollars... the default Apple tool is very easy to skirt around.  So I became the naive one and thought.... "She won't succumb."  How wrong I was. 

Like fine wine... age really does make a difference.  I didn't have the fire (or the strength) to yell.  Quickly called for mom.... and she was helpless (useless?) All she did was give NN a disappointed look.  So I pivoted quickly.... "Not only do you have no device.  No more television." (She nodded)  "And copy Psalm 1 one hundred times."  (Her shoulders slumped) "....in Chinese." 

We've used Psalm 1 as discipline many years ago.... and for some reason... that was the first thing that popped into my mind.  If my words can't teach her... maybe copying God's words can help.  Ohhhh.... and she's not doing it alone.  I'm going to co-punish myself.  I'm going to copy Psalm 1, one hundred times, along side her.  

Will this help? Will this work? We shall see.....  

Haiku
Planted by water
Meditating on his law
Yields fruit in season

Get in / Get out

COVID19 - School Closure - Day 157  School Reopens - Day 183

My garage door opener busted yesterday.  It was here when we first moved in... and even then I thought it was old.  It was a Sears brand.  Not gonna find a replacement anymore.  Thought about heading over to Home Depot to pick one out and install it myself.  Then I remembered the time I had to replace the chain and what a pain it was to go back and forth to find the right parts.  

Decided to "Yelp" it..... and of course...  dozens of places popped up.  That's when I remembered a few years back, the springs to my door broke and I had to blindly find a garage door maintenance guy.  That experience was amazing... I even recommended it to a couple of friends.  So I promptly searched all my texts for "garage door" and lo and behold... the place I recommended just so happens was the first place that came out on my Yelp search (which only has 75 rates???)

I checked out their website for 10 seconds... and decided to call.  The lady was.... nice.  Not the most professional... but it felt like I was talking to a neighbor.  After about 30 seconds... I got the information I needed...I said "Y'know... I'm not even gonna shop around. When's the earliest you can get someone out here?"  

Lucio was great.  He came, he replaced, he left.  And when I gave him a little tip... he was genuinely surprised.  "Wow... I really didn't expect this."  He was speechless.  

I was so impressed with the overall experience... I gave them a 5 star rating on yelp.  Then I started looking at my previous ratings.  Turns out... I wrote one for them back in 2017.  And as I read all my other posts... I realize there's one term I love to use when it comes to 5 star rating...."Get in / Get out."  Hmmm... 

Haiku

So many options

Good service is hard to find

My garage door works

Betrayed and Shattered

 COVID19 - School Closure - Day 157  School Reopens - Day 181

This day was bound to come... they're too smart.  Technology is too fast.  And we're too trustworthy.

At around 4:30AM... I woke up and couldn't fall back asleep.  After tossing and turning for an hour... I heard the other bedroom door open.  Hmm..... what are they doing up at 5:30?  I waited for the sound of a flushing toilet...that never came.  Suspicious... I decided to go outside.

I found NN curled up on the sofa under a bunch of throws.  She looked comfy.  It's another one of those mornings where she's so restless she can't sleep.  I ask her to come lie down with me and try to get some shut-eye.  She said, "In a bit..."  I went to look for her tiny hand... and that's when I saw it.  Mom's old iPhone slipped out.  And on the screen was the one website we forbade her to go on.  We blocked that website on her personal devices.  Never would we have thought... that the old iPhone6 that we use for mirroring movies onto the AppleTV will be her outlet to breaking and betraying our trust.

I didn't yell.  I could have.  I was hurt.  I was crushed.  I was shattered.  

Today is sneaking around our backs to surf the web.  Tomorrow? I can't even imagine.  No... I can.  I'm too scared to.  

What happened to my little girl????  She's not so little afterall.... 

Haiku

Sooner or later

Promises made and broken

They grow up so fast

姑姐

COVID19 - School Closure - Day 157  School Reopens - Day 181

In my life... aside from mom and dad... the person who has selflessly loved us the most is 姑姐.  My first memory of her was when I was 3 or 4... and we went back to Hong Kong with mom.  On our way there we visited China.  I some how remember 姑姐 and 姑丈 secretly handing me a box of chocolate in their upstairs bedroom.  Over the years... she was a constant in our lives.  She was close.  Real close.  Yesterday... we found out that she and the family are moving to Houston - for good.  

I called her... to say "Hi"... to check up on things... and to shoot the breeze.  We talked about the cost of living here.  The rat race.  How Houston's real estate is booming like Vegas in the late 90's.  After all the small talk... after all the reality checks... it was time to hang up.  That's when a sudden surge of emotions rushed over me to where I started weeping as I uttered the words,  "我好唔捨得你呀姑姐."  And she started crying also.... 

Later this evening... I told dad about it.  And he uttered 5 simple words, "這就是親情." 

俳句
臨別的慰問
突然湧流的眼淚
這就是親情

Study Up

 COVID19 - School Closure - Day 157  School Reopens - Day 180

Went running around the neighborhood with SW... but he got uncharacteristically tired. So we ended up walking around a few times. I started quizzing him on his 藉貫.... making him repeat, "廣東省，開平縣， 馬崗鎮， 嶺嘴村."  Heh... like he'll ever use it.  But whatever....

After about 7-8 minutes... I turned the tables around and said he can quiz me!  SW immediately launched into Pokemon, and had me build my Dream Team of Six.  I just rattled off any 6 I can remember with no apparent reason or logic.  Then he rattled off his 6.  And then he wanted us to battle!!!  He started to name their abilities and their moves. I was clearly out of my element... in fact, I was so far off the element... I'm not even on the periodic table!!  I started frustrating him by creating these moves that make zero sense... but I kept claiming were more powerful than his movies.  

When we got back in the house... he promptly came over... slammed (I use that word for dramatic effect) his Pokemon Super Deluxe Essential Handbook on my desk and said, "Study Up!" 

Haiku

Pokemon Battle

Have no clue what I'm doing

Siu Wah I choose you

I now know you so much better....

 COVID19 - School Closure - Day 157  School Reopens - Day 179

For the past few years... me and the kids have playfully "wrestled" with each other.  By wrestling... it's none other than giving each other the "Stone Cold Stunner" or the "Diamond Cutter."  We'll sneak up on each other at the weirdest times.  And we'll walk around the house with both hands cupped around our necks to protect ourselves from others sneaking up on us.  This has gone on for years.....!!  

Tonight was no different.  I was able to sneak up on NN and Stone Cold Stun her.  But she was relentless.  She was out for blood.  Seeking revenge.  She would not stop.  I playfully dodged her in the beginning...but as the night wore on.. it was apparent she would not rest till she got her revenge.  At around 9PM... as I was reading...she unsurreptiously snuck up on me.  I did not budge.... I did not dodge... I did not scoot.  And I waited... counted to 3.... to see if she would do it.  

The moment of truth.  The test of all tests.  Would she pass? Or would she fail??

Whatever she did.... I told her pointe blank, "Thank you.  I now know you so much better."  

"God's Not Dead"

COVID19 - School Closure - Day 157  School Reopens - Day 180

Watched a coming of age Christian movie tonight that was rated PG.... but probably could've been PG-13.  The story is about a college freshman who chooses not to succumb to his philosophy professor's pressure to admit that God Is Dead.  He spends the movie researching, defending and ultimately asking the class to be the jury.  

That part... in it of itself.. is already tough for children.  They've been fed bible stories and theology all their lives.  To watch or hear someone challenge the core of their faith is a dangerous thing to do.  The screenwriter does a pretty good job defending it... but it's over the top for even me, let alone a 9 year old - which galvanizes why I think environments like "Let's Proclaim" is so important for our young minds.

The part that really struck a cord... was the subplot of a Muslim girl coming to Christ and her conservative father finding out.  In a very cinematic prepared scene, he throws her out of the house.  But not before he slaps her across the face... only to hear her scream "Baba!!! Baba!!!"  I peer over to SW... and he's in shock.  His eyes are wet.  He's shaking from fear... from confusion...   Later on in the movie... we find out about a young boy who loses his mom.  That was the straw that broke the camel's back.  He couldn't hold in the waterworks anymore. 

For better or worse... Joyce forced him to articulate why he was so sad.  In a way... that's good.  This way...he can try to... in his own way... formulate the reason for this grief and sadness.  I personally thought you could've waited till a different time. 

Makes me think back to these emotional ripping movies that I watched as a kid... that probably was a little too before-my-time.... 法內情... 阿朗的故事... to name a few.  How did mom and dad let me watch those movies?!?!?  And I remember I had to hide my tears.... cuz that was a sign of weakness.  No weakness in my household.  Tears are welcomed.  Tears show you have emotions.  Tears.... are a sign of strength!!! 

Ohhhhh...SW.... 

Best Alarm Clock

COVID19 - School Closure - Day 157  School Reopens - Day 179

Nothing works better as an alarm clock...then hearing the rumbles of the street cleaning truck in the morning. I'll bounce straight from bed into my car... so I can move it. Cuz if I don't... I'll have to wait a month for the truck to come back.

Nightmare like none other

COVID19 - School Closure - Day 157  School Reopens - Day 178

Y'know how some of the most popular recurring nightmares are... forgetting to study for a test... or falling.... or drowning?  Well... the odd thing is, in all those scenarios... you never really perish.  You might see the exam... not know the questions... but the nightmare never plays out to where you get the grade back.  Or when you fall... you never hit rock bottom.  Or when you drown... (hopefully) you're not drowning in your own vomit. (Can happen).

Last night... I had the oddest dream / nightmare ever!!!!  And it....sorta doesn't end well.  

To start off... I'm in someone's backyard.  When off in the street... I see a gun fight.  And this dude is shooting and murdering people.  I quickly duck and hide, hoping the maniac will go away.  Of all the places, he walks over to where I'm hiding - I'm lying face down, not breathing, playing dead, hoping he'll go away.  But then I feel it.  The first knock to the back of my head. A bullet. Deep pressure.  Then another jab.  And another.  And another.  Four bullets to my head.  And I'm thinking to myself... so that's what it feels like to be executed.  There is no pain.  I'm dead already... no pain to be felt.

And then... I wake up in a hospital.  My eyes open up.  First thing I do... wiggle my fingers and toes.  I'm alive.  Not paralyzed.  I get up.  Look around and I see Anderson and Kit Yuk.  My head is a little numb... but there's no pain.  Someone, I find out it's 11:30AM the next day.  I was brought to the emergency room and saved.  The dream / nightmare continues to play out... and Stella shows up among others.  

Man.... to be shot and killed, execution style.  Let's not wish for a dejavu, yeah??  And I guess you can argue... the pattern continues.  I didn't die or perish.  

A good day

COVID19 - School Closure - Day 157  School Reopens - Day 178

"Today was a good day!! I wake up and beat you and 家姐 in Speed. Then we have Spam and 公仔麵 for lunch. And then... mommy runs a lap with me. And tonight... we're having carnitas and tacos!! Such a good day!!" ~小華

NN was making excuses of not wanting to go run... and I told her that Mommy went.  "She what?!?!"  I guess iron sharpens iron.  Mommy sees NN pushing herself, thereby inspiring her.  And Mommy's inspiration rubs off on NN.  It's perpetual.  Meanwhile...