From dream...to nightmare...

After so many years at SJCAC... Amy c-mo gave me one of the best Christmas presents ever.  She gave me the opportunity to lead worship.  (all the other worship leaders were out of town... and she didn't want to do it herself)

The practices were great! The worship team was formed perfectly for a newbie like me. But when it came time for the real deal... ohhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhh.... So many mistakes.  I missed the beats.  I entered at the wrong place.  My mouth and throat were dry. I went waaaaay too long.  And I don't think I really had the worship effect I wanted.  In a way... I think I was seeking the results of the worship from the congregation instead of from God, Himself.  Shame on me.

That was me, living my dream, for one day.

Then came the time for me to live (or relive my nightmare).  After watching Moana with my mom and family, we had some time to kill before dinner.  So we went to Union Square in SF - the very site where I put my precious daughter in the emergency room last year when I skated over her thumb which resulted in 7 stitches.  (Posted here)

When we first arrived... she did not recognize the place.  Nn was enjoying herself as any child would - sucking in the Christmas atmosphere.  Then she walked ahead with grandma while I stayed behind with SW to watch a street performer.  When I caught up with them... I saw her eyes.  I saw her face.  She remembered.  She stared straight into me.  I couldn't look away.  All I could do at that moment was.... open up my arms and invite her to run towards me.

She ran and jumped into my arms and said, "I never want to talk about this again."  This.... while she pointed to her thumb.  And at that moment... I had to relive one of the worst nightmares I've never forgotten. Not one day goes by...where that moment doesn't haunt me and send chills down my back. 

Merry Christmas.... and may God's joy and peace come upon you and your family.  I hope His peace can finally come upon me where I can find forgiveness within myself. 

Bah humbug!!

It's been one of those Christmas Seasons.  No matter how hard I try... just not in the Christmas Mood.  More than any year... I'm soooooooo disgusted with gift exchange for the kids.  Party after party... we buy gifts for our friends/relatives kids.  They buy it for our kids.  Each party... we come home with 6-7 presents that the kids don't need or want.  Then come Christmas Morning... the kids finally open the gifts we buy them.  And by that time, they're so desensitized to gifts they won't even cherish it.  What is the true meaning of Christmas....?!?!? 

Next year... I want to ban gift exchange.  I want to ban white elephants. 

My dream (far fetched) is for my family to go caroling - at senior centers, at gas stations, at street corners, in front of our neighbor's homes.  Spread the good news... share the joy... experience the true meaning of Christmas.

Joyce says, "This will only last for a few more years."  A few more years of this crap?!?!?! I don't think I can handle it.  

膝頭上嘅功夫

幾日前， 難得可以同長老，長老太食晏。 臨別時， 她說了一句湊仔金句： 膝頭上嘅功夫唔少得㗎！

12 years!!

Just realized... that I've been writing this blog for almost 12 years.

12 years!! Over 1000 posts!! That's no small feat!  And if this website continues to hold up... I will continue to write.  I know only 1-2 people read this.  But I'm excited that I've been able to do something consistently for over a decade.

(Reaching arm over shoulder... patting self on back)

Advent and Family Altar

One of my goals of 2016 was to be able to establish a Family Altar.  A time of prayer with the family.  So many times we succeeded...and so many more times we failed.

During the time of Advent, Joyce bought a book that Sandy C-mo recommended.  It's a pretty lousy book in my humble opinion.  The writing is convoluted and hard to read.   The message is decent, but forced.  And if an adult has to read it 3-4 times to grasp it, how will little kids understand? And I have to translate it to Chinese too!!

The first two nights were horrible.  The kids not only disliked it... they hated it!!  Both nights, we ended up scolding them.  What was suppose to be a holy, sanctified time, turned out to be the exact opposite of what God finds pleasing.  The third night... I literally wanted to give up.  I told them... "I don't want to do this anymore.  God will not like this."  And it wasn't to scare them... or play mind games with them... I literally did not want to spend my time arguing with the kids.

God is faithful.  After that one night... the kids have changed their attitudes.  They now know... there will be 2-3 minutes of reading and daddy talking.  They know that before they can advance the snowman's nose one number (before it gets to 25), that we will need to spend time as a family.  They know that we will do this, every night, for the rest of the Christmas season.

I spent all year trying to establish a family altar.  And guess what... a family altar has always been there.  I just needed to bring my family to Jesus. 

Happy Thanksgiving

8 years.  It's been 8 years since we've been to a CS retreat.  The excuse is... we have kids.  The real reason... we rather spend time with family (one night) and not have to rough it.  This year was different.  Our kids are old enough now.  It's time to go back....  and this year... my dad came with us.

He who's gone to a handful of religious services... including me and big bro's First Communion.  My wedding.  And.... that's about it. 

I knew he just wanted to spend time with the grandkids.  My hope was... he can come to accept Christ and find salvation. 

The first night... after the speaker was done speaking about "Our Roles in the Work Place" dad pulled me aside and asked a million questions.  I went through Apologetics.  I went through System Theology. I went through Christian History.  Alas... I went into Salvation.  And in the end... I was too timid to push.  I didn't ask if he was ready to accept Christ.  Maybe I was scared.  Maybe it wasn't the right timing.  When will be the right timing......?

The next morning.  We had our traditional TWA.  I specifically went to Daiso and bought him a notebook and a 4 colored pen.  I had a bible for him, bookmarked to all the right pages.  And thankfully... it was Brother Danny who was leading him.  The thought of my dad... reading the bible... copying the bible... brought me to tears. Was I dreaming? Was this really happening??

Throughout the rest of the weekend. I was worried about one thing.  His hard of hearing. He's going deaf in his old age and he hasn't gotten his hearing aid yet.  There were times he couldn't carry on a conversation with others.  There were times he couldn't hear me speak... and I was 2 feet away from him.  But I believe...whatever he was able to hear from the speaker... more importantly he heard the Spirit in his heart.

Saturday night... the speaker had a calling.  It wasn't quite appropriate withe the crowd and with his message.  I was praying hard that dad would raise his hand.  Alas... will have to wait till next time. 

Next time....?  I can't keep waiting for "next time" or "the right timing."  Otherwise... there won't be a next time or the right time. 

Happy Thanksgiving. 

Oh... and... wow.... what an amazing weekend.  Thank you Jesus!!

Nightmare

Woke up in a cold sweat last night.

It just occurred to me that Nn and Sw... both attending private school.  Second Generation, Evangelical Christian, middle class family.  They're both going to grow up and become.... Republicans. 

She needs glasses...

It was out of the blue.. I wanted Nn to read a random sign on the streets.  She said she couldn't see it.  I first thought she was kidding.  Then I thought we were blocking her.  Then it got serious. 

She couldn't read the license plate in front of us.  We got to Costco... she couldn't read the prices. 

Then the waterworks started flowing.  She got scared.  "Will I need surgery? Will I need glasses? And most importantly... Will I still be pretty?"

Joyce and I were pissed.  We told her.  We told her to not rub her eyes.  We told her to not read in the dark.  We told her this and we told her that.  But ultimately, we we are pissed at ourselves, but we directed our anger at her. 

True... she doesn't take good care of her eyes.  But she's 7!!!  We need to be accountable.  Maybe it's genetics.  Both Nn's parents have glasses.  All of her grandparents have glasses.  Maybe it was inevitable.  Guess we'll never know.

Today... was clearly a bad bad day. 

Democracy - You get what you deserve

Tuesday night..I was literally frightened and scared.

As we watched on TV, and the states that ought to turn blue - stayed GRAY.  That empty feeling.  The math just didn't add up.

We also saw a few more states voting to legalize recreation marijuana.  Almost 2/3 of the USA now have legalized marijuana. The future... is bleak. 

It was about 9PM.  None of the news outlets called it yet.  But we all knew.  I bet Hillary knew.  It was at that moment... I seized my daughter by her shoulder.  I looked her in the eye in the most serious look I can give her, and said.  "Sweetie.  You must stand firm.  In the future, you will go through rough and challenging times.  But you must believe that God is sovereign and in control." 

The next couple of days... I read about protests.  Mass immigration. People nesting for 4 years. Calling for change of the Electoral College in favor of the Popular Vote (which, btw was closer than a major metropolitan city's population).  Sour grapes? Sore losers? Or true patriots?? 

The White House, the Senate, the House... and pretty soon, the Supreme Court.  What will America become? 


One friend of mine said... we survived 8 years of Dubya.
Another friend said... at least we won't have too many gerrymandering. 
And another friend of mine said... it's democracy, you get what you deserve. 

Another Halloween....come and gone...

Yesterday was Halloween.  Another day where I get so nervous about the neighborhood kids coming to Trick or Treat only to read a sign on our door that says, "Our family does not celebrate Halloween.  Have a safe night. God bless."

I can't deny that Halloween has been made to be a fun holiday.  As anti-Christian as it is.... I can't blame people for wanting to dress up their kids for a night of trick-or-treat.  In my facebook feed... I see so many cute costumes.  And kids with smiles on their faces.

But deep (DEEP) down inside... I know this is not pleasing to God.

Thankfully... both NN and SW understand (for now) that we stand firm in our beliefs.  But when I hear those kids knocking on our door and reading that sign... I get goosebumps and cringes that they'll end up throwing eggs at our door.

Another one bites the dust...

Three family deaths in one week. 

One in China.  One in Vancouver.  And one here, in San Francisco.
Went to the funeral service on Sunday and witnessed dad cry.  Part of me thinks he forced himself to cry to grab attention and he overplayed the situation.  Part of me thinks he really misses the departed.  And part of me thinks.... he's realizing that with all his peers moving on... that his number could be coming up.

Kindergarten - Part II

Had the rare opportunity to see SW "play" with his friends after school today.  A bunch of 3rd, 4th, 5th graders were playing Four Squares.  And like any 3rd, 4th, 5th grader... they play to win.  But SW would line up... literally a head shorter than the rest of them... and act like he's part of their crowd. 

These young adults... they play rough.  They play to win.  The ball is traveling at lightning fast speed.  There's no way SW can keep up with them. No way!!  But when it's finally his turn to play... all the other kids flip a switch. 

The server, purposely serves it really easy for SW so that he can return the ball.  Whoever gets the ball next will fire the ball at light speed at the other guys.  But every 3rd of 4th hit... they know to hit the ball very lightly to SW.  So that he can return the ball back to them.  One kid in particular purposely LOST to SW.... and he played it out like SW really killed the ball. 

There are many other little things they do... like if SW gets hit with the ball... all the boys will crowd around him to see if he's OK.  Or they will whisper to one another and remind one another that, "Hey!! Hit it lightly to him!"  And they all know he doesn't speak English - but they don't make fun of him or pick on him. 

These kids.  These young adults. They were raised correctly.  My heart melts to see that there are people out there who are taking care of my son.... my little peanut.

Joyce told me that one of the mom's said, "My son loves taking care of younger kids... as long as that kid is not his brother!" 

Thank you Jesus.... for letting SW experience this. I pray that he will one day, turn into these young adults, and share this love with future young, ambitious children who don't know any better.

Sibling Rivalry

Yesterday Nn said something quite astounding. She complained the whole school cheers for SW when he plays four squares. And he gets preferential treatment and always gets to serve. She ended her rant by saying, "個個人鍾意小華多過我。" Wow!! Did I hear that right??  Nn is jealous of her brother's popularity??? 

I guess throughout her first few years at school, she's always been the center of attention. Huda think her first rival.... Would be her sibling!

Under all the hilarity, I'm super pleased that Nn is willing to share her deepest feelings with us. Before I pass any judgement, first and foremost she is open and honest. And I pray this won't change - ever.

Kindergarten

I can't help but admire and boast about SW... and his leaps and bounds in going to school. 

The principal called me aside the other day and said, "I had him in my office for a chat and he spoke so well!  I was surprised!"  Should I be surprised that he spoke so well...? Or should I be surprised he was called into the principal's office?

SW is 5.... the ripe age for kindergarten.  But everyone in his class are almost all redshirts.  So they've either gone to kindergarten twice... or they're at least a year older.  But the kids will still play with SW and not pick on him.  Is it because they think he's cute? Or do they really bond???

SW says he has two best friends.  One of this "best friends" gave him some Pokemon cards... to which we started playing with at home.  Does SW really have a best friend??? In reality... sadly to say... these are his first group of friends aside from the Fellowship kids...and Han Yi. 

SW is reciting nursery rhymes and singing a bunch of English songs.  When did he advance so much???

And yet.... at the Pumpkin Festival today... he was still mistaken for a girl (due to his long hair).  And he was still thought of as being 3 or 4 years old (again, he's 5).

My son..... the happy go lucky guy who's now suddenly the biggest Star Wars and Pokemon fan in the world.

買豬骨

琴日去大華買豬骨煲湯。 個賣肉叔叔話：「又係豬頸骨？」

我問佢：「你認得我？」

佢話：「你個個禮拜都離買豬頸骨㗎啦。」

佩服！欽敬！

"Lord, wash away my iniquities..."

"...and cleanse me from my sins."

Just got done watching "Spotlight", the Hollywood version of how the Boston Globe unleashed the first domino that would cause the entire Catholic Church to nearly crumble in 2002. Rampant sexual abuse and a systematic coverup scandal by the Vatican. 

I was watching... And soon... I found myself crying uncontrollably. Those were kids. That could've been me or big bro... Or any one of our friends growing up.  

And to think... Most of my childhood heroes were priests. My favorite saint Don Bosco, was a priest... I wanted to become a priest.  Ironically... Don Bosco was known for his work with Youths, particularly young boys. Goodness gracious...

And prior to the consecration and communion of every mass.... The priest will our holy water on his hands, like the priests did during biblical times and utter those words, "Lord, wash away my iniquities and cleanse me from my sins...."

First week of school...

Siu Wah officially started school last week.  The night before, a dear sister of mine asked, "Do you think he'll cry?"  It never, ever occurred to me that he will.  Is this 2nd child syndrome? Just cuz NN was always so easy... we automatically think SW will be the same? Or do we know our son well enough where crying just isn't part of his nature?

As expected... he didn't cry.  As expected... he was very quiet.  Not that he doesn't understand, but because he's not confident enough to speak yet. 

When we picked him up on the first day... his teacher and the principal made a bee-line to us to say, "He did great! He understood very well!" 

As the week progressed... we find out from NN that all the older girls are "spying" on him.  I guess he's the "cute" kid.  All the girls like the "cute" kid. 

The principal made a point to mention that "He's so small.... we're all looking out for him." Indeed he is.  He's at least a head shorter than the rest of his classmates. 

First week - a scratched elbow and a bump on his forehead.  The teacher said, "I grew a ton more grey hairs this week than I have over the entire year."  Poor kid... probably too goofy to know that his body is destructible.  That's what happens when you live at home the first 5 years of your life. 

How's dad doing?? I'm doing fine.  He's going through exactly what I went through at Sts. Peter and Paul when I didn't know any English and I was the short, chubby, cute kid. 

How's mom doing?? She's a complete wreck. =)

歲月不饒人

最近發現多咗好多白頭髮，連鬍鬚都是白色的。

嫻姨

Today was Han Yi's last day with us. 5 years. She's been with our family for 5 years. From the day Joyce went back to work after maternity leave to SW entering kindergarten, she's been part of our family. This morning as we were leaving our kids with her for the last time, I can see the tears welling up in her eyes.

This afternoon, I had the fortunate / misfortunate chnace to bid her final farewell.  She sat there... And said, 「五年啦。真係唔捨得。」And the waterworks were turned back on. Amazingly, my eyes were dried. Until....

「嫻姨，我從來都冇當我係雇主你係工人。我只當你都係一個好願意幫我地嘅好朋友。 」


And when I said that.. It suddenly got really dusty in the room.

In our minds, she is our 大恩人。 She took great care of our son. When he did not transition to a bottle from nursing, she spoon fed him milk from a spoon. A three month old!! She spoon fed him milk!! She taught my children how to sing 上海灘。 She turned down multiple more lucrative job offers to stay with us because she would never leave us hanging out to dry. 

She says that she treats us as a younger sibling. But in reality, she is old enough to be our mom.   

天下無不散之宴席。 And this is no exception. 

病咗

由細到大都係抱住佢「慳」字去做人。

我其中最討厭嘅就係浪費食物， 所以就習慣咗每晚食剩嘅餸都用保鮮紙包着擺雪櫃。我最開心的莫過於禮拜六禮拜日晚可以將成個禮拜嘅食物炒成一碟。 最討厭嘅就係清理雪櫃要丟晒成個禮拜啲餸。 

有人話貪就變咗貧。今日我慳變咗病。

尋日食咗上個禮拜買嘅隔夜燒肉同埋隔夜菜， 到晏晝時，我好想咬好頭暈。 

怕怕了。

（真係可以親身體會到一班孕婦需要經歷嘅morning sickness. 真係難為左佢哋）

Ruffled Feathers

Nothing turns me on more than a bargain... nothing pisses me off than someone ripping me off.

Took my car to L**** H****** Honda in Sunnyvale for service.  We've been there for about 5 years since it's convenient.  We know they make a lot of money off of us... but whatever, you get what you pay for.  It's the car service industry.

Yesterday, I get assigned the service agent "Benny."  Who rattles off a bunch of stuff I need. 
I fire back, "I don't want this I don't want that." 
Then he rattles off some technical stuff saying, "You'll probably need this.  I saw your brake fluids, it's green.  It goes from juice to black to green.  And your records show you've never had it.  You pay $129 today.  If you skip it, you'll come back in 3 months and pay $500."

I'm puzzled.  This doesn't sound right... but whatever. 

After a 4 hour wait (which should have been 2 hours, as he promised), I get the car back, pay my bill and ask the cashier to print all my records.  She reluctantly does so... probably cuz she knows someone's about to get into trouble.  I review my records and question "I had a brake service in March 2015, and now I need another one? 
She said she'll get "Benny" for me.

I sit down, start flipping through all my records.  "Benny" finally comes back from his lunch break and asks me what he can help me with.  I show him the record and he immediately says, "I owe you money."  There was no, "What?? Really?" or "Lemme see that."  Almost as if he was ready to admit it... almost as if he knew what he gotten himself into.

I had already paid with a credit card and he said, "Don't worry, I'll take the brake service off."  I asked him, "What about the rest of my payment.  The credit card payment already went through."  He said, "Nah, I'll put it on hold."  I asked, "On hold?? Can you do that?"

Round and round.  He said it was an honest mistake that he missed it.  It was a "new" system. Fine.
Then I quietly asked, "So if you guys did my brake service 16 months ago.. why is the brake fluid so green? Your service must suck!"  He didn't answer, or couldn't answer.  He said... "Ok, I'll give you everything at cost."

He goes through screen by screen like a virtuosi with his piano. This wasn't a new system. He knew exactly what he was doing. 

I questioned every step of what he was doing.  Scrutinized his every click and every letter typed.  He was either embarrassed, pissed, or both.  I didn't care.  He finally asks, "Is this all you want?"

I thought about it.  His question was very well asked.  He made it sound like he was doing me a favor.  In my mind, I was thinking "lawsuit" and "legal action" and "NBC Investigation." 
I went on to say, I want something in writing that you will "VOID" my previous payment. 
"We can't do that", Benny says. 
Then I say, "Then I want you to sign in blood, in YOUR BLOOD, that if even a penny shows up on my credit card, that you will personally pay me back.  You have zero credibility at this moment. I don't believe a word you say.  I will NEVER come back here and this is the last time I want to see your ugly face." 
Then he gives in, "Fine.  We won't charge you for the other stuff we did today."

We go to the front desk to have the payment reversed.  At the front desk, I asked the cashier, "Wasn't my payment put on hold? That's what "Benny" said.  Why do you need my credit card." 
The cashier gives "Benny" a look, "We don't put anything on hold. The payment has been processed.  We have to reverse it."

"Benny, that's not what you just said. Why do you keep lying to me??"

I finally grabbed my key, took my car, and drove off their lot for the last time. Shame on me for not keeping good records of my car. 

Old Glory

I am an American.  I love my country.  But every 4 years, come Olympics times, I find myself rooting for the country of my roots.

And yet... I dare not raise the flag of my root country outside my home.  Too many misunderstanding.  Too much politics.

So disappointing...

I'm so disappointed in myself.

All week long, I've been looking forward to the Santa Clara County Fair.  After struggling through an entire day of overpriced, undervalued spending... After keeping all those irritating moments of spilling drinks and popcorn... the kids had one of their "best days ever." 

I really wanted the day to end well.  But while we were looking at the pictures on my phone... Nn said something that struck a nerve.  And off I went... I ripped a new one into her and ended up sending her to her room.

What was her "best day ever" will now forever be tainted cuz i couldn't hold my anger in for one brief moment.  I'm so disappointed in myself.  How easy I'm able to hurt my children.... and for such simple and little things too.  

So entertaining...

The past week and this week's RNC and DNC have been so entertaining! 


I don't care which party you side with... but I've been following this more closely than I'm following sports!  It coincides with the Giants losing 10 of the last 13. HA!!


Ohhhhh Hillary.... you're so NOT a good orator.  We shouldn't judge you as commander in chief based on your public speaking skills.  But man.... in spite of how crazy and unorthodox the Donald is... he's still "in the race."  You can't use conventional ways to battle an unconventional enemy. 


At times like this... I turn to the one and only source of truth which is 99% correct on everything.  Vegas. 

So sweet...

So satisfying...

Still remember a few months ago when we went bowling with the kids... and Nn was crying because she couldn't bowl as well as SW. 

Everything came to pass today.  Last Saturday.. I found a nice little Groupon for $18 at Homestead Bowl.  I practically had to beg the kids to go.... cuz I knew Nn wanted redemption.  But at the same time... she feared "losing" to SW again. The final enticement I can offer was... they have bumpers, so there won't be gutter balls. 


SW was once again, his happy go lucky self.  He set the ball down and gave it his best push... and even then, it took the ball 10-15 seconds to slowly waltz down the lane after bumping the bumpers once or twice.  But he was having fun all by himself... cheering himself on with every roll!!  Love his attitude.

NN was once again overly competitive.  She wanted to combine scores with me... so she won't lose to SW.  She came up with a million excuses that this was just practice and not a game.  She didn't even want to keep score.  And I didn't help with things... I was helping SW roll cuz he really didnt' have the strength.  As for NN.... I taught her the proper form (for a 7 year old) and she was doing it via trial and error. 

About the 7th frame... I finally noticed that she wasn't smiling anymore.  She was dead serious after every roll.  Mad at herself for not doing better.  I looked up at the score and finally realized why... she was losing.  Not just to mom... but to SW (again).  At that moment, I caught myself praying... praying that she would do better.  And as horrible as it sounds... I prayed that SW would not do as well.  Ohhhhhhhhh.... the thing a parent has to go through.

Alas... my prayer was answered.  Nn rolls a SPARE.  She was sooooo happy.  Jumping up and down... bouncing around.  Sure...the ball ricochet off the bumpers a few times.  But it was still a SPARE.  More importantly... she was able to beat SW.  And did SW give a hoot....? He just wanted to go to McDonald's. HA!!!

The Groupon was for 1 hour...so we had time for another game.  And during the second game... my daughter rolled her first (assisted) strike.  That was it.  That did it.  BEST DAY EVER!!! 

As we were walking out... she said, "Thank you Bah-B for bringing us bowling.  I had a lot of fun." 

I love my kids...

And the most satisfying thing of all.  I looked at my receipt and saw $49.00 followed by GROUPON DISCOUNT - $18.  $31 saving.... I win!!

So fast....

Geez louise... it's already July 22.  Over half of 2016 is gone.  Time flies by too fast.

Pretty soon... Nn will be off to college.  SW will be taking his SAT prep schools.  And me.... I'll still be peeved and angry about anything and everything.

So impressed...

One of these days... I think I will make a top 10 movie scenes.  Scenes that you can watch over and over again and it still makes you laugh, makes you cry, or makes you want to dance like no one's watching.

If there ever was a scene... and I'm not quite making it my top 10.. one of my favorite scene is from Sister Act.

Yes... it is a reverential song to Mother Mary, which is counter to what Christians (Protestants) believe in.  But I've always loved this song for what it was written for... especially during those crazy days of May Crowning for St. Mary.  I've always loved how a hymn can be transformed into a modern day rock song.  And the best part... THE BEST PART of the scene.... was when the priest waves his hand and welcomes the riff-raffs from the streets.

How we can use worship and praise to bring everyone to God.... that is the best part of this movie scene.

Now.....can we use Pokemon Go and bring people to church?!?!?!

So pissed...

Came home late tonight. But decided to award the kids with some TV. They've been awfully good the past week. After the show was over.. I noticed Nn had some puffy eyes. And after some inquiry... Found out she was crying today cuz our Nanny poured away some of her science project.  That's fine... Accidents happen. 

Then I found out Nn yelled at the Nanny. Then I found out SW hit our Nanny. WTF?!?! What kind of kids have I raised?!?! I wanted to rip a new one into them.... But wanted to talk to the Wife first to see what she's done. To which she answers, "I've spoken to them already. Get over it."

Hold the F up. What the heck has this world come to?? 

Had I not inquired about the puffy eyes... No one would've said anything. This past Saturday, I lecture SW for punching his grandfather... To which everyone gives me the stink eye and says, "He's only playing."

And now tonight..."Get over it?!?!"

Why am I the only one that gives half a damn about respecting your elders and keeping your hands to yourself?!

I'm so pissed right now...I can punch a hole in my wall. And I nearly did... Had we not remodeled. Arghhhhhh!!!!!!!

So proud...

Big bro threw the 100 day party for Clark last week.  I was this close to attending.  Had mom's situation fallen apart, I would've dropped everything here to represent the family.



Mom sent pictures of the party.... wow!!  It was an extravaganza! So many people. So many tables.  Even though I believe most of the people were Ah So's friends and family... I also believe, I know, that a lot of those were there cuz of Big Bro. 

He went to Beijing 6 years ago... leaving everything behind... with no certainty of his future.  And here he is... 6 years later.  With a family.  He's now a father.  With a 江山。  He's the VP of a big time company.   He did the exactly what dad did coming to America with nothing and building a family.  Except... dad remained a blue collar worker all his life.  Big bro took his status.. and raised it a new level (or two). He is my hero... My idol... My 虯髯客。



To top it off... mom sent a video of Big Bro making a speech all in Mandarin.  Wow.  We make fun and take jabs all the time about speaking in Mandarin. But when it comes down to it... we know that we can never speak in our own language, in our own country. And no...speaking Cantonese is worth nothing in the grand scheme of things.



We always think grass is greener on the other side.  Big bro is envious of me... and my life here in the Bay Area.  Whereas I'm jealous of being able to go off, launch myself into the big-big world and know what I'm made of. Ironic... isn't it.

三國演義

早排無端白事講起「草船借箭」故仔， 小華同囡囡都好鍾意。

我自問對中國文學同歷史實在太膚淺， 要去圖書館借番啲兒童書習學返三國演義啲故仔。


唉！中文程度實在太淺， 竟然要借啲中文翻譯英文嘅漫畫書睇三國。 點都好啦。起碼少華同囡囡可以學到三國演義裏面嘅故仔。

The Name of God is Mercy

Saw this book at the airport a few months ago and really wanted to pick it up. Ran across this book at the library and couldn't resist. Finished the book (speed reading mind you) in two days. 

Was a bit disappointed that it's actually an interview and not his holiness' own pen. There is a 30 page appendix that is about "mercy" written by the Holy Father himself. 

Some good points and very biblical based. But in terms of breakthrough or level of impact... Probably a B or B- at best?? If he wasn't the Pope... Probably gets a C. 

Buy or Skip?? I'd borrow... And experience the papacy. 

It wasn't suppose to end this way...

 My heart is weak. 

Tonight did not end the way it was suppose to end. It's Fathers Day. I went out and had dinner and a beer with dad in our Warriors Gear. What happened?! 

Too many things happened... And at the very end, not enough to happened. F*****!!!!

So close!!! It was ours for the taking!!! But we didn't finish the job. So what... If it's a 73 win season?! So what if's a unanimous MVP?! All of that is meaningless without that title. 

F******!!!!!

This one will be hard to wear off. Especially after the Sharks lost in 6. Henry is now back in Eff-You mode. Look out world.....

Vowels

Was teaching SW some vowels last night.  Don't really have a curriculum for him... we just bought a "Summer Assignment" book from Costco and we go with whatever the book shows.

Last night... we were looking at tomorrow's homework and it was teaching him the vowels.  Long A and Short A.  Long E and Short E.  After about 10 minutes of teaching, I ask SW.

Me: Tell me what is short E.

SW: "Ehhh."

Me: Very good!!!  Now tell me what is long E.

SW: "Ehhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhh."

Me: (bit my lip from laffing)

Past our prime..

Went to dinner with Anderson and the Short and Stubs last night.  Originally, we planned to relive our glory days and do some damage at Hot Pot City.  Only to find that it's permanently closed!! Much to our surprise and probably a blessing in disguise to our tummies.  Instead we go over to a little Penang restaurant.  Followed by milk tea at a yuppie/techie joint in Milpitas Square. 

Man!! I felt so out of place.  The place was bright... noisy... stuffy. Rather go to some lounge or wine bar and sip on a cab. 

And the night ended with Anderson getting a text, "Crap! I gotta go! Wife is gonna kill me." We have curfews. HA!

Exhausted

Got done with my buddy's Memorial Service.  Everything is still sinking in.  Ironically, I was his Wedding Coordinator.  And today... I Coordinated his Dad's memorial service. 

The days leading up to it was very murky.  Even the day of... everything was semi-chaotic.  The theme of the day was "play it by ear."  Couldn't get a lot of details from him... let alone the funeral home.  

The moment that truly struck home... At the burial site when the casket was being lowered... The mother of the deceased started wailing. Screaming. Crying.

Luckily most of what she was saying was in Shanghainese and I couldn't understand it. But one thing that I did understand and will forever echo in my head...."阿瑞啊！我生你出離架！你點可以咁走啊！？"

Even the most heartless person can feel the pain of a mother watching her son being buried. Who.... I say who.... Didn't shed a tear of compassion?!

And after all was said and done... I am exhausted. More tired than when I coordinated their weeding!!! Geez... Then again... Their wedding was over 8 years ago. I was a much younger lad then.

Remodel - Day ????

A newly remodeled home.  I move home on March 26th.  And we get hit with the first heat wave of the year.  I turn on the AC.... ahhhhhhh.... cool air.  But after a few hours... I wonder to myself, "Why am I sweating?!?"  and "Why is the air still blowing???"


I walk outside to check the A/C system.....  #*$(!($)@$@!!$ - the A/C doesn't work!!! 




This morning... I leave for work.  While wearing socks, I step into my garage and BAM!!! I step into a pool of water.  My garage is flooded.


WTH!!!!!  Where is the leak?!??!?!?!


A newly remodeled house.  AC doesn't work. Plumbing doesn't work. 


I give a call to the GC cuz I supposedly have a 1 year warranty on all the work. 
He replies... "You can call XYZ Plumbing.  And you can pay them directly."


#smh

What really matters...

Friggin Sharks and Warriors both lose Game 1 of the Conference Finals. And right now... None of that matters as I mourn with my friend. 

I finally saw the Program for the Memorial Service... And it really hit home. This is real... In fact it's surreal. 

I love sports... I love politics... And I love food and entertainment. But there comes a time when everything else doesn't matter and you have to focus on what really matters.

Goodness... And this isnt even my parents. What will that day be like when the inevitable strikes?

最心痛是，愛得太遲

Saw a text this past Monday morning...  a close family friend said her father in law passed away suddenly on Sunday night.  Details slowly became available and tho things are still uncertain and unsure, my close bud is definitely in mourning.

I called him on Tuesday to lend him some support and he wasn't able to talk yet.

Then on Thursday... he was finally able to share a little.  The thing he kept repeating is the deep sense of remorse of not spending more time with his dad.  Of not reading the bible with his dad.  Of not telling his dad he loved him.  And it was a wake up call....

Being on the other side of the line... I had no clue what to say.  How do I console him? Do I say, "It's ok..." when things are truly not ok? Do I tell him, "You gotta be strong...the whole family is looking at you."  What do you do?  Have no friggin clue....

Mother's Day 2016

Joyce rarely makes any requests for Bday, Vday, or Mother's Day.
But today - she specifically said she wanted brunch -- at Stacks. 

After church, we call ahead to try to leave our name.  They don't do that.

We get there... and it's 1.5 hour wait. 

We put our name down and walk over to Starbucks.  I call them and say, "Can I leave my number for you to text me?"  They say, "We don't do that.  You can come back and check if you want." 

She still wanted brunch.  We could've gone to the Campbell Brewery and had lunch.  But no... she wanted brunch at Stacks.

We ended up ordering to go and ate at home.  But she got what she want.

For dinner.  She wanted TGI Sushi.  I tried calling ahead and they wouldn't take my call.  I finally got there and the waitress said, "It's a half hour wait." 

I thought about it... and realized she wanted TGI Sushi.  So I waited.  The waitress said, "You'll wait?!?!" 

Yes... I waited.

I love my wife.

Cancer

Cancer - a horrible and a mostly incurable disease.

It has stricken so many of my friend's parents.  And finally... it hits home.

Joyce's step dad was diagnosed with liver cancer.  According to Cecy... it's not something that can't be treated with chemo or radiation.  But as "luck" would have it... it was discovered early enough where removal of the tissue is enough.

And as a survivor of liver tumors myself... I know that the liver is the one organ where it regrows and regenerates.

Aging parents.  That's gonna be a tough ride for the next 20-30 years.

And then in... I dunno... 40-50 years....? My turn.

Reality Check!

對基督徒非常有幫助的29條建議
1.下次如果覺得自己了不起時，試試行在水上。

2.當魔鬼提醒你的過去時，請提醒牠的未來。

3.你不是幸運，而是蒙福。

4. 若想要得著復活的生命，就要知道自己是已經與基督同死了。

5.機會也許只敲一次門，但試探卻總是在按門鈴。

6.我們常在強壯時，忘了神。

7.那些只在星期天呼喚"天父"的人，在一星期餘下的日子裏活得像孤兒。

8.不要以自我為中心，要以基督為中心。

9.沒有基督，沒有平安；認識基督，得到平安。

10.為什麼我們不常向朋友提起 神？因為我們不常向神提起我們的朋友。

11.當把你的一切獻給基督，因為祂把祂的一切都給了你。

12.你現在所追求的，值得基督為它死嗎？

13.使你向 神靠近的人，是你真正的朋友。

14. 神愛我們，不是因為我們是怎樣一個人，而是因為祂是怎樣一位神。

15. 神的應許像夜空裏的星星。夜越深，星星的光芒越亮。

16.沒有基督的生命，是無望的盡頭。有基督的生命，是無盡的盼望。

17.我雖不知道未來掌管著什麼，但我知道誰掌管著未來。

18.把你的重擔交給主，讓它留在主那裏。

19.不要畏懼明天，因為上帝已在那裏。

20.當你除了 神，一無所有時，你將知道神就是你全部的需要。

21.放手交給上帝，別再向神講述你的風暴有多大，當向風暴講述你的 神有多大。

22.能夠滿足人心的，是造人心的那一位。

23.請常常保持著你心裏的光，因為你不知道，誰會藉著這光走出黑暗。

24.當我們只顧工作的時候，我們獨自工作；當我們祈禱的時候，神工作。

25. 神無所不在，所以我們可以隨處禱告。

26.一個沒有需要的人永遠見不到神跡。

27.敬拜提醒我們生命的價值，但世界卻使我們忘記它。

28.步履艱難的時候，別一味的禱告，卻不邁向神要你走的路。

29.禱告會為我們作很多事，憂慮同樣可以。

Sportmanship

Nn and Sw are wired so differently.


Sw is so non-chalant.  Nn is ultra-competitive.  To a point where her 1st grade teacher wrote something along the lines of "She's exceptional in every aspect. I would like to see her improve in sportsmanship." 

All her life... Nn has been an overachiever.  So she hates not being the best at something.  Probably gets that from the mom's side of the family.

Case in point... this past Sunday was Geoff's Birthday Bowl-a-Rama.  Every year for the past 10+ years he'll have a bowling party on his birthday!!  This year... both kids are old enough to go bowl... albeit.... using a ramp that's set up for them to push a ball down the lane. 

SW was so happy go-lucky, he just wanted to push the ball and see it roll.  But as luck would have it... that's the type of personality that's awarded with great results.  He not only got a Spare... he rolled a Strike.  Part of it was... because his favorite color is Yellow... and the Yellow ball weighed 13 pounds.

Nn on the other hand... loves Pink.  So she picks the 6 pound ball.  And for some reason... her ball kept going into the gutter or she'll get 1-2 pins.  At one point... she was almost in tears cuz all of my friends was cheering for SW for rolling a STRIKE.  And she was not "good enough."

I tried to keep her tears from rolling by taking all the blame.  "It's Bah-bee's fault!! I'm not setting up the ramp correctly."  or "It's Bah-bee's fault... I held it too hard for you."   But no matter what I said... and what I did... she kept going back to the pink, 6 lb ball.  And she never got more than 8 pins. 

In some way... this is good.  We need her to go through the experience of losing.  Cuz in life, you'll likely lose more than you'll win.  But man....when you see tears coming out of your baby's eyes.... you want to do everything and anything to make things better.

Men's Group

Been a while since I've taken part in a Men's Group.  And tonight...met up with a couple of brothers for dinner and book discussion.

There was a lot of traffic, so people arrived late.  And we spent more time talking about ourselves than diving into the book. 

But looking forward to a 4 months journey with these brothers.. where we can encourage one another, learn from one another, and grow together in God's grace. 

Birds and the Bees

We don't watch a lot of TV. But we make an exception with the "Amazing Race." And even then, we watch it on CBS playback to avoid the commercials... Some of it. They still play 2-3 commercials - it is capitalism after all. Nothing is free.

Recently they've been showing a Viagra commercial. The pictures and images are healthy enough, probably nothing to worry about. But they do have commentary... And the other night, nn finally asks, "What is this??" And "What is sex?"

I should have quickly deflected and said"Mom!!!! What is sex??"

難成大事

我自問是個平凡良善，行得正企得正嘅小人。得罪人小，稱乎人多。抱著仁者無敵，僕人領袖，柔和謙卑的心態去處事。

但當身邊的同事一次又一次的踏過界，take advantage of 我呢個好人，我不得不大發虎威，擺平局勢。 我要他們知道我不是好惹的。

但好可惜、當我露出嚴肅的一面，揸正來做，身邊的同事就會當我是仇人。甚至乎是對我不瞅不睬。

公私分明，我不認為這小事而擔憂。但當我發現因為我處事的方式而傷害到別人我就會忐忑不安。

太顧及必人的感受，而不以大事為重，我又怎能成大事呢？

齊天大聖

I'm an uncle!!! 

I mean.... I was an uncle 9 months ago, upon conception.
I've been an uncle for 3 years with my brother/sister in law.  But this is my nephew by blood. In Chinese culture, he is my "son."  He is Nn and Sw's "little bother" or 堂細佬. 

His name..... surprisingly..... is 齊天.  小名： 大聖.

Of course.  It's the year of the Monkey, afterall. 

梁齊天 - Clark Leung

Never in a million years, would I have named my kid those names.  But that's the one special authority a father has -- naming his child. An extremely special name and quite fitting.  Big bro would never name his kids Luke and Leia. Nor would he base his children's name on the Bible.  That's just not him.

And in the end.... it was too perfect. 

For the rest of his life... when we call my nephew's name... we will literally be saying "He's equal to the sky" or he's the "great big saint."  Literally.  That is simply calling out his future...calling out his potential.  Love it!!! 

At the moment 齊天 was born tho... SW lost his place as 長子的孫 and lost his place as the next male in the Leung Family.  But frankly... who the heck cares. 

I have a nephew.  SW has a little brother.  Nn...as much as she wanted a little sister... is totally in love with her little brother.  And big bro.... he finally realized his dream above all dreams.

Remodel - Done (or is it?) Day 259

Finally moved home today. Now we'll really start seeing the flaws of the remodel job. 

Never An Unanswered Prayer - 21 Day Prayer Journey

With a blink of an eye... another year's Deeper Life Conference has come on and gone.  In preparation for this year's event, church encouraged us to take part in a 21 day prayer journey with a prayer partner.  For 21 straight days, my partner and I engaged in at least 15 minutes of steadfast prayer.  We prayed at our house, we prayed over Facetime, we prayed over the phone, WhatsApp, and even when we were both driving!!  Towards the end, we both ended up having business trips. He went to Mexico and I went to Denver.  The WiFi at our hotels were so spotty, we couldn't hear each other over IP.  And thus, we didn't quite complete the journey.

A lot can be said about this "nearly" completed journey.  I can testify the breakthrough in my prayer life.  I can share about God's faithfulness in answering prayers.  I can describe how prayer is so much easier if we spend half our time listening instead of yapping. 

But the one single biggest takeaway from the 21* days is.... I felt like I totally and utterly cheated on my wife; and not just your typical tabloid sexual rendezvous with a call girl.  This was cheating was on a spiritual level.  For 21* days, I set aside 15 precious minutes with another brother to engage in intimate prayer.  15 minutes, in this day and age, is worth it's weight in gold.  15 minutes, in this era of information superhighway, is like an eternity.  I don't even remember the last time I prayed with my wife for 15 minutes straight... let alone 21 days* of 15 minutes.  My helper.  My better half.  She who completes me.  Yet... I can do something with a brother who has an extremely odd work schedule, but I can't do it with the person I lie next to every night??  

Earlier this year... I had a time of meditation with God.  And His revelation to me was simple: To achieve more godliness and holiness... I must start with my wife.  Love my wife more!!

A couple of months ago... during a time of intercession... we prayed for "New Beginnings" and "New Wineskin."  My prophetic revelation at the time was, "For all the times we tried and failed to establish our Family Prayer Altar, we will NOW succeed." 

Those two revelations, though causally separate, is mutually inclusive.  Along with my realization of needing to pray with my wife, I think the confirmation is here.  In order to establish a flourishing and lasting family altar, I can not start with the entire family and have the kids join us.  I must start with my wife and only my wife.  5 minutes... 10 minutes... 15 minutes.  Pray with my wife every night and let the kids watch.  Let the kids see that mom and dad are doing this as part of our daily lives.  Slowly the kids will get curious, "Why are mom and dad yelling?" "Are they arguing?"  Gradually, they will sit down and listen... and before you know it... prayer time between the two will be come our family altar. 

Yes it is awkward.  Yes it will be "time consuming."  And there will be nights where I'll just want to finish the chores, put the kids to bed and crash.  But three times... three times the Lord has reached out and spoke to me.  Dare I say No?  Or should I whisper the famous words of Samuel, "Yes Lord, Here I am." 

Christian Living

As part of my new year's resolution, I wanted to read one spiritual book every 3 months (4 books in a year).  Seeing how Q1 is coming to an end... I went shopping at the airport bookstore.  The selection is sparse.  A lot of Christian Living books.  Joel Osteen, Joyce Meyers.... all these famous pastor/evangelists. 

And while I'm thumbing through them... do I realize these books are all the same!!  Same topics... same angles... same realizations.  Positive attitude... know you are God's child... finding your gifts/talents, etc... etc....

Then it hit me.... I can write these books.  I might not be living these lives... but I certainly know exactly what to write, if I had to. 

Then it hit me even harder.... I can write these books and I know all these topics so well... it's because of SJCAC.  This church family truly shapes you in so many ways, spiritually, soulfully, physically.

I put the books back on the shelf... walked out of the bookstore and mockingly laffed.... "What a waste of money." 

The one book I did want to buy, but didn't cuz it costs $26, was "Mercy" by Pope Francis.  I'll order it on Amazon when paperback comes out.

Priestly prayer

Took a twist to a typical Sunday... instead of grilling...or asking the kids what they did in Sunday School today, I started the conversation by telling them, "Wanna hear what I learned during Adult Sunday Sermon??"

Told them about Leviticus 14:14, "The priest is to take some of the blood of the guilt offering and put it on the lobe of the right ear of the one to be cleansed, on the thumb of their right hand and on the big toe of their right foot." 


I asked them... why? Why the ear?? Why the thumb?? And why the big toe??


Without missing a beat. Nn says, "The ear... because you have to listen!! And the thumb...because the hand is for doing things!!"

And Siu Wah without wanting to be left out, chimes in, "The big toe because you have to walk!! To go places!!"

Wow.... they weren't even there.  And they hit the nail on the head, on exactly what Pastor John preached. 

Lesson learned #1 - kids are amazing
Lesson learned #2 - When they hear you share... they can't wait to share what they learned in Sunday School with you...

林嘉怡 - Part 2

(a few weeks late...)

Only twice, have I dedicated a post to a woman other than my wife.  One was for my beloved Sandy Jeh.  And the other was to 林嘉怡.

This weekend, we had the rare opportunity to see two of my spiritual children -- the two who happened to marry one another. In some ways, they can be ranked as my eldest spiritual children.  It was around the time they came that I started emerging as a spiritual brother / spiritual parent.  I was actually a little annoyed to see that they were in the Bay Area, and didn't notify us.  How dare they!!

Then, on President's Day Monday, I happen to take the day off to take the kids to the city to visit their grandparents.  And while we're in the city, via Facebook, I see that Kayi and Daniel are a few miles away. 

We somehow found one another in Golden Gate Park on one of the busiest days of the year.  There were a million and one people trying to find parking, trying to get to the same destination we were aiming for.  And has luck would have it, we park across the street from one another.  Amazing.  Divine, even. 
They're married.  Oh my goodness.  They're married.  These two young naive kids.  They're full grown adults.  Both have jobs.  They're homeowners.  They're citizens and leaders of society.  But still... in my eyes, they will always be "kids."  Part of the reason is cuz they don't seem to age. HA!!!  Kayi...as beautiful and glowing as the day we met.  Daniel... with that same goofy and naive smile that always calms any situation down. 

We chatted for over an hour... while waiting for Brian and Cecy.  Home life... church life... work life...  and just when we needed to part ways, they got a notice that their flight got delayed.  So we got to hung out longer. 

All good things must come to an end.... as was our rendezvous.  I got a little teary-eyed when I had to bid them farewell, once again.  But I hid that under my sunglasses.  I'm so proud of them.  So so proud of them.  For what they stand for...and for what they've accomplished.  In due time... they will have their own spiritual children.  And they too, will write a post like this one...   

Remodel - Day 236

Yes we passed final inspection.  Yes we won't charge him a penalty fee.
But man... as we're walking through the house for our own final inspection... they have soooo many flaws!!  How do they ever turn the keys over to an owner?!?! 

We are soooooo at odds with the GC... i don't care if I don't ever see him ever again.  But I know I will.  The "come to Jesus" meeting will be historic if not legendary.  We should probably do it in a public place.  If we do it at home... who knows what kind of language will be used.  We'll need witnesses, just in case.  236 days into this.... and the worst is yet to come. 

CNY 2016

CNY2016... Will have to write my after thoughts later. But what I can't skip out on writing is the scene where b&s and even new guests all pitching in to clean up the sanctuary. It got really dusty in there when I saw that....

Remodel - Day 231

231 days later.... we pass San Jose City's Final Inspection. 

Just one more day... we could've charged the GC another round of penalty fee! 
Amazing how much money is a motivator. 

Let's start planning how we move back home.....!!

Remodel - Day 227

On Saturday, we finally came face to face with the GC again.  We hadn't seen him since our huge fallout over a month ago.  After a month of avoiding us... speaking to us behind his secretary, his son, his foreman... he finally had to show up.  And you can sense his level of frustration that he's stored up the past month.

The silver lining in all of this... I wasn't there. It was just Joyce.  Otherwise, this post will probably be littered with F-bombs and cuss-words. 

A couple of notable quotes from him. 

"For you, it's emotional.  For me, it's all about money.  I'm spending so much money. I don't have a dime!!"

"I've never had a client as picky as you two!" 

"You've made me re-do everything twice!!"

"I'll hire a Licensed Contractor and he'll agree with me... everything's fine!"

"That contract you wrote... it's not worth what you're making me do for you guys."  

"Don't get me wrong. I'm not mad at you.  I'm mad at them! (pointing to his crew) 

According to Joyce... he walked with her around the house TWICE.  Pointing to this and that... and how we've caused him pain and suffering.  And how we've delayed his schedule. And how our architect set up him up in a losing position. 

Man oh man oh man... had it been me, and not Joyce, I would've let him have it.  I wouldn't have been the polite, well-mannered, composed Christian.  She is such a great testimony for Christ.  Me.... not so much.  I would've been a 100% hypocrite of what I claim to be and what I'm actually doing. 

And now... .we wait.  Cross our fingers and hope we pass Final Inspection on Tuesday.

Remodel - Day 218

Went to officially inspect the paint job today. Ohhhh gawwwwd. It looks like something I would've done myself. Joyce and I spent over an hour putting tape in spots that need touch up. In summary... They need to repaint the entire house. 

How is this even acceptable to the GC? Why would they even bother showing it to us?

Anyhoo... The GC's son ended the session with "Thanks for not yelling at me."

Really?! Is that how they view us? Ha!!

Roles and Responsibilities

Joyce gets to buy presents from Amazon and wrap them for Christmas.

I get to go line up at the bank with the rest of all the Asians in the Bay Area... Get crispy cash.... And spend a couple of hours stuffing 利是。

Not sure who wins... 

A good day

I got off work early today and came home to play with the kids. We rode our bikes, we played badminton, played baseball and just had a great time. That is what I call a great day... A Day when I can be "a dad."

Remodel - Day 207

The final stretch... it's so close we can almost taste it.  And it's at this most crucial point where things start falling apart.

For 6 months... Joyce and I got into 1, maybe 2 arguments over the remodel.  I've heard stories where people get divorces over remodeling.  And now today... I ripped into her like I'm cursing at my worst enemy.  I screamed into the phone so loud... I couldn't even believe my own ears.

Whoever was right... whoever was wrong... in the end, I was wrong.  I should have never yelled.  Should have never raised my voice.  And in all ways, even if she was 100% wrong, take her side. 

Ughhhh...... the enemy is seeing how we're growing in Christ.  And the enemy is not happy.  I know he will continue to ambush us and make false accusations.  Must stand firm.

In technical sense... things are falling apart.  The electrician... who we spent so much time instructing and care-taking when he wired the house, is finally putting on the lights.  And of course... they're wrong.  With the walls being up now... short of removing all the walls and starting over... there's nothing we can do.  Uggggghhhhhhhhh......................................

Livid!!!!!

One of the scariest texts I've ever received came from Joyce earlier today:


J: People telling sw he looks like a girl, now he chops off his own hair.
J: People need to mind their own business
Me: Who?
J: Don't know who.  He says someone says he looks like a girl
Me: He cut his own hair?
J: Yes


To some... this may seem funny or cute.  But to me... this is a horrifying of what may happen.  I was scared.  I was angry.  I was livid!!!


Horrified and scared because my little baby fell victim to peer pressure.  People (and I have a good feeling who) keep telling him he needs to cut his hair.  People that he trusts and loves.  And the more he hears it... the more he loses his self-confidence and self-esteem.  He's 4!!!!!  If people can manipulate him like this now... what can possibly happen to him when he's a teenager? or in college?  Absolutely horrifying.


I was anger and livid.  I let it out on Joyce.  I told her... "This is a wake up call!!! Just cuz you think he looks cute... and you like it... you have to understand you put him in this situation!!  You (and here's where I caught myself and said, "We") can't dress him up or shape him into something we want... but serve him up for ridicule.  He's not old enough to know how to deal with this!!!" 


This time, he cut his hair.  I can't imagine what else kids these days will do to themselves......

I am Cain

Cain - the eldest son of Adam and Eve.  The older brother of Abel and Seth.  The one who committed the first murder in the written history of man.  The motive - jealousy? The background... God did not find favor in his offering.  I am Cain.


Monday night... I am full of jubilance.  I just came from a wonderful Servant Leadership Training course taught by Derrick.  He reminded us that we are all priests and need to bring prayer back to our homes.  I was so encouraged I even went to Sunday Intercession, first time in over 5 years.  Monday morning, I got up a half hour early and did TWA. Monday night... I was determined to have Family Altar time.  And here's where it fell apart.


Instead of true worship with guitar or piano.  I lazily found two songs on Youtube. Instead of finding words / phrases of Praise / Thanksgiving / Declaration.... I had the kids listen to me read from the bible. Instead of giving them a chance to pay full attention...they were restless and wanted to play.


Halfway through our Family Altar time... Joyce scolded Nn for chewing her hair. 
Halfway through our praise and worship time... I take a toy away from Siu Wah... and he starts pouting.


What was suppose to be a wonderful time spent with the Lord... turned out to be a total failure.


You get what you put into it.  Garbage in, garbage out.  We did not put any effort or heart into our worship.  And what came out... was exactly what we put in there. 


So sorry and disappointed in myself....

Remodel - Day 196

Gawd when is this gonna be over??

I'm so sick of negotiating with the GC. Joyce keeps putting me in these tough positions... And I get all worked up.  I feel so anal retentive and petty... and I'm the very person that I personally detest. 

Ughhh..... I know.  I know that whatever I have to endure for 5 minutes every now and then is nothing compared to what Joyce has been through the past 7 months.  But still.... haggling is just not my thang.

I'm sure the GC does this all the time. And if we don't negotiate... he'll just run all over us.

Counting down the days.. 

Or maybe..... I'm actually really good at this.  And I should just get use to it and maybe make a career out of it.  (pause to think)  Naaaaaaaaaaaaaah.......

Looking back at 2015

I'm almost 11 months into 2016.... time to write my "Looking back at..." post. 

Since it's been so long since I drafting this post, I'm just gonna whip through it and call it DONE.  Top 8 events in ascending order.... why 8??? I have no idea.


8.  Wine Cork Way - After 10 years of living on Theresa Lane, we finally remodeled.  Through the weeks and weeks of frustration in looking for temporary housing, we were about to move EVERYTHING into storage and rent a hotel. When on a fateful Saturday, we find the perfect condo. Truly divine intervention.  And unlike the 20 other places we looked for, this place wants a short term lease!  No 9 month lease...or 12 month lease with a penalty clause.  Originally, the landlady had someone else lined up.  But for whatever reason, the first choice fell through and we were next on her list.  When applying for the place, I even went as far as sending a family portrait to her... to show her how cute my kids are.  Not only does it have central AC (for one of the hottest summer ever!!!), it had a private washer and dryer, a 2 car garage... AND we had a swimming pool.  This cozy little 2 bed 2 bath condo sorta became our vacation home.  It was also the place that Nn learned to ride a bike. And the best thing.... it was only 0.5 mile away from home.

7. Nui-nui - PTC/graduation - Parent Teach Conference, I cry. Graduation - valedictorian. 

6. Star Wars - Episode 7.  Waiting in line for 4 hours.  Why? Cuz I love Star Wars.

5. Wanting to Quit - I hate my boss' boss.  The devastation is too much to bear.  Took my authority away.  Then gives it back to me.  Then takes it away.  I can't stand it. 

4. Warriors Champions - another one bites the dust.  One more Bay Area team wins a championship.  And it was beautiful.


3. Big bro gets married / becomes a father - Finally. 

2. Remodel - after two redraws....we finally start.  Part of the worst nightmares we've had to go through.  Never had we collectively hated someone so much.  But alas... it's done.

1. Christmas Day Incident - Nn's finger.  Carved up my baby's finger.  Got her into the emergency room.  And almost a year has past and I still get shivers every time I think about it.

Remodel - Day 187

Been almost 3 months since I've talked about remodeling.  The job is finally coming to it's last weeks.  But the past couple of months have been horrible, absolutely horrible. The silver lining in this whole ordeal is... it's coming to an end.  

We're so tired with the GC.  His lies... his undermining... his nickel and diming (when it's to his advantage)... the lack of quality and pride in their work... the lack of following directions.  It's insane. There's no love lost.  We absolutely hate each other and there's no hiding it.  

Joyce is absolutely sick of this relationship and all I want to do is make life miserable for the GC.   But I also know that if there's anyone you can't piss off, it's the guy who has your baby in their hands.  Who knows what they can do.  So every time we deal with them... we pray for God's grace to come upon us.  

Maybe it's us... maybe Joyce and I are just too anal retentive.  And we actually have a semi-decent memory of what is said/written.  And we can't stand anyone who backs off on any word they say -- and we love calling them out on it.  But I have a feeling this GC has never dealed with customers like us. 

Anyhoo... counting down the days. 

 I guess things are looking half-decent.

 

The kitchen is coming together.

As a reminder, this job was suppose to be done in October.  Then Christmas.  Now it's looking like Chinese New Year.