Midnight Mass

As far back as I remember... Christmas Eve service has been in my blood. 

But ever since coming to SJCAC, 12/24 has been on and off. There was one year where SJCAC did not have a Christmas Eve service and I took NN to a service at River of Life.  The next day was the infamous ER day. =(((((((((((((((((((((((((((((((((((((

This year... Big Bro and I aptly decide to take mom to a Chinese Christmas Eve Mass.  It wasn't a Midnight Mass.  But it was still very special.

The scent of frankincense.  The adoration of baby Jesus. The script of the Liturgy.  Everything was still there.  I loved it. 

I have to say... the entire Liturgy... is biblical.  Everything said...every song sang... every sacrament practiced... I can't rebut.  I loved the homily.  The priest was 99% on point...up until he mentioned the adoration of the Virgin Mary.  That part... I cringed.

I also cringed at some of the practices the people did...to a point where I pissed mom off.  Why were ppl bowing to the altar????? At 9 out of 10 churches...the Tabernacle resides behind the altar. Not at this church.  Mom's comeback was... this is where Jesus had his last supper. Poor to piss poor response mom.  And she knew it... to a point when she left, she genuflected to the actual tabernacle. 

I liked how the powerpoint said, "Due to Flu Season, we won't be shaking hands."  I told mom that... and her response was, "It's still acceptable."  Heh... she didn't get it.

I liked how the priest said to kneel during the Nicene Creed... mom didn't kneel... and I asked if she wanted to.  She said, "It's not required." She doesn't know.

I was raised a Catholic.  I'm still a Catholic.  There may be fundamental beliefs that are different.  But what will always ring true.... Jesus is the Messiah.  He came and saved all of us. Will you accept His act of Salvation and believe in Him?? If you do... then you too... are saved. 

42 years in the making

And 42 years later... the Skywalker Saga ends.

My initial reactions: 3.5 out of 5 Stars.

It wasn't good. It really wasn't.  JJ Abrams is suppose to be all that and a bag of chips.  Bullsh*t.  So many things that could've been done better.  Simple things.

Ppl flocked to End Games over and over again to complete the Avengers saga, or Harry Potter, or even Frozen.  But Star Wars???  They're overdependent on the original trilogy to sell tickets for this one.  And if I step off the pyramid of pride for a second... and worry only on the story alone... this movie isn't good enough to sell tickets on story alone.

My heart sinks on how my beloved Star Wars end this way.  Plot holes? Closed.  But as my buddy at work asked, "Is your cup full or empty?"  My answer... "My cup is full.  That cup is a beer mug... but it's full of Bud Light."

Let's Proclaim

NN has a class presentation tomorrow.

Last night... she showed me her charts.  I couldn't help it... I had to change her slides.
Tonight... she went over her presentation with me.  I couldn't help it... I had to change her script.  I had to persuade her to add pauses... slow down... and add hand-motions.

She'll knock it out of the park. I know she will.

There are two things I look for her on her report card.  Bible and Behavior.  Let's add a third thing (if it even exists)... public speaking.  Heh...

12:16

Even when the dark comes crashing through... when you need {{a friend}} to carry you...

【百感交集】

Pastor Ted knew it... he knew I was gonna get choked up.  On stage.  In front of everyone.  But he did it anyways.  I've heard his testimony a thousand times.  And on the thousand and first time... it still tore me apart.  I was a mess that entire morning.  Then when my emotions finally settled down...

The Niners blew it.  I got so pissed.  To a point where even when my kids came to console me and hug me... I sent them away.  To a point where... I had to take a walk outside... only to punch a wooden column and bruise my knuckles.  So stupid of me.

And yet.. .that's who I am.  I hate it sometimes, how I literally where my emotions on my sleeves.  I wish I can be more stoic sometimes.  Wish I didn't have that big of a heart.

Oh.... to feel.

The Art of Ordering Food

A few things I take interest and dare I say pride in... is ordering food for the table.  It takes practice... it takes knowing your audience.  It's knowing what's good... knowing what's filling... and knowing the general way chef's cook. 

At a big church party... I had the pleasure and honor (and even a little guilty pleasure) in ordering food for 3 tables of adults and 1 table of kids.  I think I could've done better... shouldn't have taken the easy way out and ordered 4x the food.

At a family dinner... I once again... had the chance to order.  I love having control... love reading the menu... love conversing with the waiter... love debating with them when they recommend something that's expensive but impractical.  I love ordering weird stuff that normal families wouldn't order... but knowing the kids would love it.  I love it when other tables look at our food longingly and curiously.  I love it when the neighboring table comes and steals our food.  I love it when kids who usually don't eat can't stop eating.  I love it when adults would fight the kids for those off-menu items. Then of course... I love it when the parents compliment me on picking the exact right things at the right time at the right restaurant in the right weather.

Ordering food and pairing it.  It's not just a culinary science.  It's an art.  If I had a chance at a second career... it would be in the medical field.  If I had a chance at a third career... I'd be a chef and open my own restaurant. 

To dream.

Death of a Thousand Dinosuars

"You can hear it... you know it's being made." 

Comment from one barista to another when I ordered the Egg Nog Latte. Heh..

I guess that's another reason why some Peet's no longer carry it.  They don't like make it. 
It's loud.  It's obnoxious.  And one barista even said... "It's the sound of death of a thousand dinosaurs." Regardless of the sound... it tastes ohhhhhhh soooooo good.

Maximizing my Time

On a cross-country, 4 hour flight... I couldn't find any good movies to watch.  Didn't feel like investing 2 hours of my time on any one movie.  So I ended up re-watching a romantic comedy for its mindless enjoyment factor. Then I found a new-found pleasure.  I picked 4 movies... and skipped to the last 10 minutes to watch the endings.

Was able to knock out a bunch of movies I otherwise would never be caught dead watching - even if it's free.  And 4 out of 4... so glad I didn't waste my time building up to an otherwise dismal movie.  

C3PO

久違了的感覺. 不知有多年日能聽到一首令我流淚的歌典、令我全神貫注的一個MV，令我立刻拾起結他邊彈邊唱的歌曲。這首歌是我喜愛的李克勤所唱, 歌詞是克勤用來描述我至小有無限passion的星球大戰。雖然有無比快慰， 但也非常寂寞。遺憾的是，沒有知音人能陪我一起去欣賞。我朋友已經不多. 中文朋友甚少能夠體會到當中歌詞的隱意。喜愛星戰的朋友,沒有一個懂得中文或能欣賞克勤的歌韻。

有很多細節上的事是難以捉摸難以解釋、就如：

• 莉亞永遠是公主殿下, 潔白裙上是絕代芳華 - 完整地交代了Princess Leia的性質
• 但我是鋼鐵外殼妳介意嗎, 我沒時尚造型但落力護花 - 無缺地形容了Artoo 和Threepio一生的使命
• 冰山就是描述Hoth。
• 激光劍充心表明了Han Solo轟烈的犧牲。
• 飾演MV中的何先生的好朋友大隻蕾蕾充滿頭髮帶有鬍鬚便是Chewie.
• 第2段之前能聽到Artoo的叫聲。
• 不能不提就是MV的女主角。在香港娛樂圈也很難找到一位能配得上莉亞的玉女形象，唯有他。他就是周慧敏

當MV到了終站、克勤說了一句"I love you." 對普通人來說, 這是一首情歌完美的結局。 但能夠將完美帶到更高境界, 就是周慧敏回應的一句、”I know.” 普通星戰粉絲來說，戲中最出名的兩句說話就是”May the Force be with you” 和 “I am your father.” 但是一個星戰戀慕成痴的、最感人莫過於 Han Solo 變成 carbonite 前和Leia說的 “I love you.” “I know.” 這句對白。

調查中,得知周慧敏拍MV時是不能當場說出"I know"這兩個字。事關他和克勤的友誼竟然產生到一份莫名的awkwardness. 最後慧敏是回到家中錄了這兩個字,然後寄給導演讓他加插落去。 這個小動作反而產生到一個更超然的效果，就是MV的女主角是從世界的另一邊說出這句說話。

滿意為老婆聽到最後對白時，會黯然落淚，誰知... 沒緊...

12/19日，我等得你好苦呀!!  

A Mother's Sacrifice

Hanging out with SIL... she narrates her adventures of hunting down a Christmas tree with the kids in the rain, hauling it back into the house by herself and oh btw... the kids also wanted to pick up a reindeer made out of firewood.  Why? Cuz it looks nice.  She rolls her eyes a bit... and it brings back a montage of memories...

One of my first (and only memory) of kindergarten was the Christmas Performance.  We dressed as soldiers - apparently toy soldiers - to fit into the story.  To this day I have no idea what the Performance was about.  Except, when I showed up in the dressing room, all my friends had a GI-JOE helmet on and they all had guns.  Well... we didn't know we can bring guns to a church.  When mom saw that everyone had it... she dropped me off, ran back home from SSPP to get it.  That wasn't a short walk, even if mom was in her mid to late 30's.  But she came back in time... so her son won't be the odd boy out.  

Flash forward a couple of years and I can still see mom and her two boys in the streets of Chinatown, trying to haul a fake Christmas tree up 10 city blocks in hilly San Francisco.  She somehow busted out with a little pocket knife to carve little triangular holes so we can grab onto the box.  I have no reference to the weight of the thing, but it mustn't be light.  Nor were the 3 of us mightily strong.  But at the end... we hauled the darn thing up 1090, just like SIL hauled it into her house.

After telling these stories, I said to SIL, "Many years from now... your kids will remember all that you've done to make their Christmas, just a little more Christmassy."

And with that... a bah-hum bug to you shopping season!! 

Leadership Fail

One discussion topic we had this weekend was "How do you nurture trust as a leader?"

My answer - "Let go."  Empower someone. Delegate. Trust that the person will do something.. though not in accordance to your plan.. but ultimately will achieve the same goal.  Easier said than done.

I had my doubts when I first asked Roy to lead the Vision Sprint exercise. My initial thoughts were, he's actually been to a Start Up Weekend and knows what it takes.  But in our discussion...and then during his execution... I felt the the exercise was missing the target (aka MYtarget).  So I couldn't help but step in.

I tried... I seriously did.  Twice, during the one hour exercise, I pulled him aside to confer.  But I still couldn't stay in my seat and keep my mouth shut.

In the end... I think I achieved my goal of what I had envisioned. But I probably failed at achieving my goal of gaining trust... of delegation... of empowering.  Unlike PAL... who trusted me to do whatever I wanted.

Sigh... I guess I can only point at myself as being that hypocrite.

The Breaking Point

During a friendly family competition of ping pong where I was the ref and scorekeeper, a very conventional play turned out to nearly split this family apart when I awarded a point to NN.  SW became a completely different person and actually yelled at me, "No!! That was out!! You just want 家姐 to win!"

To which point... I was so hurt, I channeled all that energy into anger.  "Are you calling me a liar!!!"  And I almost flipped the table upside down - I was that beyond myself. 

Kids talking back is expected and is unavoidable.  But having your flesh and bone yell at you - I was not prepared for that day to come so quick.  He wasn't always like this, especially when it comes to games or competition.  The older he gets, the more he's taking after his friends in school.  Arguing and bickering and down right cheating.

I spent a good 5 minutes just staring at him and he didn't dare move.  The house was dead quiet.  Mom and NN knew to stay away.  I think... had he apologized, things would've quickly and quietly simmered down.  But he didn't.  Was it because he didn't want to? Or he didn't know how...? Quite honestly.. he doesn't get in trouble often. 

The night did not end well.  Nor the days after.  I'm still recovering from that moment of piercing pain.  And SW...?? Well... I hope and pray that... in this instance... he does NOT turn out to be like me.

Pre-Thanksgiving

At All-Church Prayer Meeting last night... Douglas had us give thanks to 2 people and bless that person.  Both Mark and Miranda thanked me for my creativity.  Hmm.... is that who I am???

(Starting to think of 5 Things.)

Turning a new page...

Chaperoning the kids to their annual field trip to Kings Academy for a musical.

Last night... we officially removed NN's baby car seat and permanently replaced it with a booster.  She actually doesn't even need a booster anymore.  My Nui-nui Ju.  Growing up to fast.

Today... Mrs. Koch tells me SW was very upset to find out I wasn't driving him. (I ended up driving Nn and 3 of her friends).  She told me that SW can sit with me during the performance.  When I buckled him up in Dorothy's car... his eyes were very teary.  "Why can't I ride with you Daddy??" I gave him the biggest smile... "Cuz you get to ride with all the men!!!" Referring to his friends. To which his friends all shouted... "YEEEEEEAAAAHHH!!!"

At King's, I sought him out and asked, "Do you want to sit with Bah-B or with your friends?"

Of course... SW said.................................................

為罪為義...為審判

When the Holy Spirit wants to come down and stare you straight in the eye... where can you hide? Where can you evade?? Such was the case at this year's CS Retreat - "Entering into the Abundance of Christ." 

The event - in all honesty was almost a chore.
The speaker - in all honesty was average.
The topic - was overused and conventional.
Holy Spirit - He is real.  He is powerful. He was there.

Morning TWA - not a big fan of corporate devotion.  Right away... Pastor Alan asked, "Henry, how do you show your love for your wife?" I wanted to answer "I sing to her."  But I resorted to a safer answer.

Then in that morning's passage... God ridicules those who sing with an empty heart.  Further down the passage... God condemns the sin of 玷污婚姻的床.  I wanted to find a place to hide.  Tears started welling up. 

In the speaker's message... in between dozing in and out of consciousness... he says, "If Jesus came to your house, you can have that one spot in your house that stinks so bad.. that reeks of evil... you would never want Christ to see."  Ohhhh...but He sees. He knows.  And His Spirit was tugging my heart.

Towards the end... there was a time of intercession and prayer.  I could not NOT go out.  It wasn't to the speaker.  Nor to Papa John and Christina.  Standing there... was my beloved 國威 and Connie.  Two of the most unassuming and loving people God created.  I needed to confess my sins.  My impurities.  My sin against God and sin against my wife.  How I've broken my vows.  How I am an unfaithful husband. 

No words of condemnation.  None.  They praised God for my openness.  They celebrated the fact that Jesus' blood has the power to cleanse. They wept and cried with me as we stood in front of our Lord and Savior.  There is no hiding. None.  The Holy Spirit was there.  For sin...for righteousness... for judgement. 

And long gone, much foreign, is the feeling of being filled with the Holy Spirit.  Yeah yeah...we're a charismatic church. No no... do we value any manifestation.  But when the Spirit chooses to tell you... "I'm here..." that feeling is indescribable.

I love my church.  I love my wife.  I love my God.

囡囡豬

囡囡 has been completely consuming my mind the past few weeks.

She's encountering some tweenage friendship issues. Full of drama, full of heartbreaks.  You really don't want your kid to be a victim of bullying... but when you see all her friends playing and she's sitting by herself... it's like putting my heart in a blender, ripping it to shreds to no end. =*(

I started backing up some of my pictures and videos and found some of NN's treasures in the archives.  I spent a few hours re-watching these "moments in time"   How I long to relive those happy moments... and more importantly...change those horrible moments where I completely failed as a dad.

I can still see her eyes.. full of terror when I ripped into her.  She was barely 2.  One time, when she wouldn't sleep and I crashed into her room screaming at her.  Another time, when she wouldn't listen to mom while taking a bath.  And I ripped a whole new one into her. Those deep brown eyes... piercing my soul even to this day.

We met with her teacher to see how she's been doing.  I don't give a sh!t about her grades... I really don't.  But I care about her consistency, her character, her well-being.  The things the teacher said... wasn't the first time a teacher has shared with us.  The most gut-wrenching testimony was... NN crying out of frustration in math class... LAST YEAR!!!!!  Why am I finding out now? Why was NN crying?? Why didn't the teacher tell us? Why didn't NN....

Had a long talk with NN.  And whether I think I'm doing it or not... she feels a suffocating pressure from Mom and Dad.  We're not Tigers.  At least I'm not.  I'm a Monster. 

Been playing tennis with the kids recently.  Whether it's because SW plays more... or he's just naturally more athletic, he gets it.  He can volley with me.  But NN... she's soooooo uncoordinated.  Her mechanics are wrong.  Her anticipation is awful.  Her athleticism is pitiful.  I start out with some coaching... then move into encouragement... but the patience wears thin quickly... and I become Mr. Hyde.  Yesterday was great... I finally figured out a way to get through to her.  She hit two balls perfectly... and she was sooooooooooooooo happy.  Was she happy that she did well? Or happy that Monster Dad didn't come down on her??

Whatever confidence she built yesterday came tumbling down like a house of cards today.  It's two steps forward two steps back.  She couldn't hit the ball to save her life.  Not just hit it straight... she kept on swinging and missing.  Her stance, her footwork, her posture.  I didn't even know where to begin breaking it apart. Of course, I resort to the one thing I know... yelling and belittling.

Then the coupe de grace... we were playing Beyblades... and she wanted to launch.  I was trying to teach her how to hold it with her LEFT hand.  And she grabbed it with her RIGHT hand.  I was so awestruck that she got her LEFT and RIGHT wrong..  I actually slapped the back of her hand out of frustration.  And this was minutes before she left for a sleepover.  I couldn't have picked a worse time.  She started welling up.... having disappointed Monster Dad again.

On our drive to the Monkey's house... I reached out and grabbed her ankle.  I kept a tight squeeze on her... trying to let her know I still love her. I didn't let go for the entire ride.  When we finally got to the house and dropped her off... and wrapped my arms around her and gave her a giant bear hug.  Singing and praying with her.  She hugged back and wouldn't let go either.  To a point where Hody said, "It's only one night.. geez."

And now... on NN's first sleep over... I'm the one that misses her so much that I have her Squishmellow on my bed with me.

囡囡豬, 爸B好掛住您.

Let it riiiiiiiiiiiip!!!!

Finally succumbed to pressure and bought SW his first 2 Beyblades.

Over the past few months, he's shown such deep interest and passion, that it's definitely not 三分鐘熱度.  His ingenuity, his curiosity, his untiring pursuit of building and refining he ultimate Lego Beyblade can make any parent shed a tear.  Especially this parent who finally gained an upper hand in Lego Beyblade designs. Especially this child, my non-chalant, happy go lucky, 瀟灑開朗小華豬.

The joy on his face when he found his surprise... can probably be only matched by NN's face in disappointment, when she found the surprise wasn't a puppy.  Heh...

The passage of time

NN plows through literally a dozen books a week.  She goes through them so fast, I don't even know how much she retains.  Yesterday at the library, she once again said she's run out of books to read.  So I make two recommendations... two of my favorite books growing up as a 5th grader... "The Castle in the Attic" and "Where the Red Fern Grows."

Much to both our disappointments, NN did not like The Castle in the Attic.  I suppose with modern day Junior Novels... and with the rate at which she reads.. the magic that captivated me is ho-hum for her.

Much to my dismay... is NN is showing zero interest in Where the Red Fern Grows.  I would imagine with her love of dogs and her ultra-high sensitivity, she'll be weeping already.  I can't exactly blame her.. I actually didn't like this book in 5th grade either.  It wasn't till much, much later in adult hood that I went back and fell in love with my #3 book of all time.

Are classics truly timeless? Or am I living in my own past a little too long?

What am I doing?

Wednesday Prayer Meetings at church... it happens a few times each month.  And tonight... I got two very endearing reactions from the kids.

NN: "Daddy, you're always so busy."
SW: "Does that mean we can't have a Beyblade tournament."

While driving to Prayer Meeting, I really struggled.  Asking God... what am I doing? Is this really worthed??

I got my answer at Prayer Meeting itself.  A holy, sanctified night of prayer and worship.  In the end... God revealed to me that the 2 hours spent with Him and brothers and sisters, will truly make me a better person and a better dad.  It's worth it. It really is. As much as it hurts to do so...

1 Peter 1:15

"But just as he who called you is holy, so be holy in all you do."

And Nn has an assignment today to write a paragraph on how our culture is NOT holy in accordance to God's will.  She struggled, struggled hard.  Not because it was hard to come up with sins that is incongruent with the bible, but because the topics she came up with will make her friends or her friends' parents feel bad. 

Truly.. a lesson behind the lesson.

Snips and Snails and Puppy Dog Tails

Stayed after school today.  The boys were either playing tennis or football on the field.

The girls - the cute and sweet girls - were playing tag using the four square lines.  They were innocent, independent and having the time of their lives.  Then 1 boy started creeping over and joining them.  Then another.  And before long... all the boys came over.  They were rough, crude and loud.  Within a blink of an eye... all the girls ran away and left the boys to themselves. 

Sigh... so dominating and rude.  In a few years... the boys will learn.  They'll learn. 

But those girls... are simply sugar and spice and everything nice.

走錯成功路 - Week 1

With everything that happened... that came together... that fell apart.  The one thing that stands out among all (for me)... Joyce did translation.  Imagine that.  I can't.  God is good.  God is amazing.  I'm soooo in love.

大家姐

Once again... I'm butting heads with 大家姐 when planning church events.  We're cordial and profession and absolutely respectful -- all for the Kingdom of the God.  Then it came to an abrupt moment of realization.

Saturday afternoon I showed up at church and I see her there sitting alone at a foldout table in front a make-shift office (really a broom closet).  She's accepting tuition and running her Chinese school -- all by herself.  No help.  No team.  No 同路人.

I walk up and probably say the last thing anyone should've have said... and then she covers her face and starts to weep.

"Why am I so dumb?? Sitting her on a Saturday afternoon by myself?? Why???"

I didn't know what to do... but sit by my dear Sister-in-Christ and say, matter of factly... "because you are crazy... crazy of Jesus."

大家姐... RESPECT.

Pumpkin Spiced "Naughty"

一年一度嘅秋季離到, 就係Pumpkin Spiced Latte (PSL) 出現嘅時候。
今日出奇地去到星巴克飲咗一啖 PSL, 覺得南瓜味唔夠, 叫barista哥哥整個杯。等左成年都為咗呢幾個禮拜。點可以出錯呢？

入口, 非常之和美, 非常之滿足. 結局同上幾次一模一樣 - 屙到七彩。屙到"fee-lee-feh-leh." 若然可以, 屙到黃膽水都屙埋出嚟。條大腸有咁乾淨得咁乾淨，全靠一杯 PSL。可以開個口號

"若然便秘, 飲杯Lah-Tay!"

咁仲飲唔飲???  當然飲啦!!!  飲到抑鈪拿鐵出現為止!

Garlic Bread

I'm usually very careful... but today I failed.  I ended up buying Sourdough garlic bread instead of French bread garlic bread for dinner. D'oh!! 

Why is something sour anyways??? Geez....

我係死八公

I don't like staying after school and mingling with the moms.  But I guess there's a reason why I do.... man.  The stuff you hear!! The stuff you learn!!  Wonder what else I've been missing out on.  I needa turn my charm onto high gear if I want to stay on top of things. 

Paul's Life and Letter Final

I missed the final class.  I hadn't had time to study.  I wasn't ready.  But there simply was no more time.  I did it anyways... and boy was it hard.

I hate that feeling.  That feeling of knowing that you don't know it.  It's completely foreign.  Did I even learn this???

I hate that feeling.  Where you see a question and you know you've seen it.  But you choose to overlook it while studying, guessing it won't be asked.

I hate that feeling.  When people around you who showed up after, gets up and leaves.

I hate that feeling.  Where you put down the right answer.... change it...  come out from the test and learn that the first answer was actually right.

I hate that feeling.  I hate that feeling of shame... where I did not live up to my full potential.

I'm thinking to myself: 但求合格、不求高分.  But I still like crap, knowing I could've done better.

LEAD Summit 2019

LEAD Summit officially came to a close today.  Some of my major takeaways....

• Be present
• If you haven't failed... you haven't risked
• WHO AM I? WHAT DO I WANT?
• There are things that are unknown to me... that have hurt others
• What are your "YES" moments?
• And most importantly, "What a tragedy... when you spend all your life trying to climb that ladder of success, only to get to the top and realize the ladder has been leaned against the wrong wall."

Weeks and weeks of preparation.  This is definitely one of those events where I was not emotionally and spiritually vested.  I did it cuz I was asked.  And I certainly did not feel go all-in on this event.  It's hard... I was distracted... so much going on these days.

But personally... being able to Emcee this event... has brought newfound validation to my style.

• Auntie Kin came up to me and said, "Have you thought about a 2nd career in stand up?"
• One of the speakers made a point to come up to me and say, "I've been to many of these events.. but you have redefined the role of emcee-ing.  I have never seen someone connect with the audience like you."
• Cheryl said, "How are you so funny? Is it natural?"
• In our survey response, one person said, "The MC was amazing. Very smooth. Great job!"
• Sandy said, "The speakers were all in awe!  They're not use to San Jose humor!  They never get this in Redding." (what is San Jose humor??"
• Elder Daniel said, "Thank you for the weekend.  You were, like, the 8th speaker!"

I can eat all the humble pie in the world. But it feels so nice to be recognized.  Dunno how I do this... but I'm glad God put me in the position to do what I do.  

I made my daughter cry...

Been one of those weeks.  And today was one of those days.

It was my turn to pick up the kids cuz Joyce has afternoon meetings.  But around 2PM, I had a feeling the meeting was going to run long.. so I told Joyce we might have to send the kids to after care.  I should've, but didn't, send one extra text, "Can you let the school know?" 

When I got to school 30 minutes... the kids were angry and frustrated... for obvious reasons.  It turns out Joyce did not let the school know.. so the kids were just sitting at aftercare waiting.  They walk to the car and one of the parents came up to me and asked if NN was ok, she's crying.

I didn't know what happened... so I gently asked her. 

"You had me so scared and worried!!!" 

Ohhhhhhh.... NN.... Bah B is so sorry. =( 

I couldn't stop her from weeping and balling.  My little baby just lost it.... Shame on me, not for being late, cuz it happens.  Shame on me for not calling.  Sigh....

Back on track... but not quite...

Took the kids running after a week off... and boy did we all feel it.  Also happens that NN is coming down with a cold... and she barely made it past the 1st half mile.  She complained of being tired, out of shape, and her throat hurt when she breathed.

We ended up walking two laps and she was done.  Didn't want to push her too hard.

SW, on the other hand, was Speedy Gonzalez-ing around the track like he's made of feathers.  

We're back on track... oh...but not quite. 

That's just wrong

Went up to the principal today and asked, "Mrs. D, when is the Christmas Performance this year?"
I hardly ever go up to the principal to ask anything.  She must've been shocked when I did.

Her response was, "the 13th."

Me, "Yes!!!  The 19th wouldn't have worked... cuz that's Star Wars opening night.

Principal didn't miss a beat, "Well, that's just wrong."

And that... was the start of a great day (to an otherwise abysmal week).  Couldn't wait to text Gonzo and Anderson.  We're on on for Opening Night!!

I can't help it!!

If you were to ask me... "What's one of my values that will lead to my downfall?" I gotta say... it's my sense of humor and my ability (or curse) of finding humor in all sorts of things.

Case in point... was laughing uncontrollably at {someone's} way of enunciating some words.  Not laughing at that {person}, just found it cute... and then I couldn't stop laughing at the fact I was laughing.

Case in point... was watching Agents of S.H.I.E.L.D. with Joyce... and there were so many corny lines and cornier scenes.  Like how a person with a handgun can clean out an army of folks with AR-15.  Probably not a time for jokes about guns in this day and age.  The show was so funny (to me), it got to a point where Joyce said, "Stop it!! Why do you have to ruin it for me!!" 

It was hilarious!! I can't help it!!

仍然在這裡找到一點點光

Had the opportunity to step foot onto SJSU for Mock Interviews.  (題外話,一代不如一代)

Though I'm not an SJSU alum... there's just too many connections to not have a flood of emotions rush at me.  As I was leaving campus... was aimlessly led back to the College of Business.  Made a 90 degree turn and there it is... old faithful.  The monument.  The watch tower.  Our rendevous point for so many years. All those years of college outreach... this Wells Fargo ATM was where we'd always meet.  

About 20 feet away, was a block of cement I sat on with 文靜妹妹 during one of our outreach.  She just came back from Hong Kong and while we were sitting there waiting we suddenly saw a stack of steam come out from one of the boilers where I sarcastically said, "雲柱呀!"

To which she didn't miss a beat and said, "去囉."

這校園、這班房、這走廊、這禮堂... 告别时 是我心的家乡...

Overconfidence

Went running with Nn again this evening.  When we were leaving the house... she boldly said, "Let's go for 6 laps this time!!"  Mom and I said... let's take this one step at a time.  Baby steps.. no need to over-exert ourselves.  And as expected... she got tired after lap 2 and had to walk. 

This time, we got to talking about Private School vs Public School and why we made the decisions we made.  Then she said, "When I go to public school... I'll probably be a lot more advanced then the other kids, huh?"  To which I took the opportunity to ground her a little...  "Don't be the hare that was overconfident.  Slow and steady wins the race."  

Where's everyone?

今晚祈禱會只得五個人,啲人去晒邊呢?  But it turned out to be very sweet and intimate... Praise God!!

奔跑不放棄

Went running with NN today... just the two of us.  She really excelled from the first time we ran a week ago. Such a precious time.  We were able to talk about her friends, competition and what I would call mindless chit-chat.

At the end of our run... as we were stretching and cooling down, I gave her a goal.  By the end of 5th grade, she'll be able to run a 10 minute mile.  That's actually pretty easy for a youngin.  But it's a goal.   And I shared with her... one of my Project 21 goals.  Together...as Father/Daughter, we can accomplish this together. 

醜婦終需見家翁

Friday night rolled around and we asked the Tat's... "What are you going to do?"  We've been avoiding it avoiding it avoiding it... and Hody finally said it, "People will stop by and ask why your kids not joining Arrow?  我哋好似夾埋. 離羣." 

Saturday - SW had a party so we showed up late.  Good.. I didn't have to deal with the initial awkwardness of our kids being in fellowship with us.  But after fellowship... that's when the questions started coming.  I got a few... I'm sure Joyce had to field the other ones. 

I don't know what I said... there were some truth to it.  Some stuff I didn't necessarily bring up.  Round and round... in the end I get the feeling that we won't be the last two families to take this step.  We shall see....

"What's the dream?"

After all these years, still one of my top Youtube moments... when Simon Cowell so famously asks, "Ok Susan Boyle, what's the dream?" 

Dream...
  to dream...
    to have a dream... 
      to have a dream come true...
        to have a dream come true but to never dream again...

Trying to relive the dream from 18 months ago.... but the inspiration just isn't there.  The focus is gone.  The ideas are dry.  The creativity is shot.  The dream is lost.  I want to, I really, really want to.  But I simply can't write another script again.

Exercise keeps you healthy

Nn has a cold.
Sw is running a fever.
I have a friggin canker sore.

Why????  Cuz we went running the other day!!  I pushed them too hard.  Their body wasn't use to it... and they physically collapsed, succumbing to the germs that's infested them since the Florida trip.

Lesson learned..? Yeah yeah...

Burn

Met with a mentee today and at the end of our meeting, I asked if he had any questions.

He said, "How's your new year's resolution going?"

(BURN!!!)

So with that... I took my kids out running tonight.  Started cramping after the 1st quarter mile.  It did not feel good.  NN had a hard time keeping up also... as expected, she's not very athletic.  SW outran all of us... and then some.

Maybe... just maybe... I can get back onto my pursuit of Project 21.  Unlikely to finish... but oughta give it a Boy Scout's Effort.

What is a covenant?

From: https://overviewbible.com/covenant/

When the Bible mentions a covenant, it’s referring to a strong, solemn agreement between two parties. However, biblical covenants are very different from the kinds of agreements we make nowadays:
1) Covenants make two into one
2) Covenants involve promises
3) Covenants involve families and bloodlines

4) Covenants are spiritually charged
5) Covenants are not easily broken

There are two main kinds of covenants in the Bible:
Covenants between man and man.
Covenants between God and man.

My editorial: There's the other covenant... that is between God and man and woman.  

Happy Anniversary Honey Bunny!!! 

I don’t mean to complain but…

Our hotel texted me while I was in line… obviously pissed cuz, well, I was waiting in line.  They asked how I wanted to rate them out of 10.  So I gave them my honest feedback… 8 out of 10.   They quickly texted back and asked why.  I tell them the real reasons... Two minor blemishes.  No biggie.  So out of consolation… they apologized and credited me….. $20!

That night… I had a question.  The front desk pulls up my file and asks, “Does this have anything to do with the complaint earlier?? We gave you $20 already.”  Oh geez…

Then when I checked out… the lady said, “And we already took care of the little incident.  And we credited you $20.”  Wow…

After checking out… I get another text, “We’re sorry things didn’t go well.  Hope you noticed we credited you $20.”  Hehehehe… comical. 

And now... I really do have something to complain about.  But I wait till after I leave so I don't have to deal with the slap in the face. Oh no... 

Tip Etiquette (Revisited)

Day 1 at Disney… we forget to tip the cleaning lady.  Oops!!  No harm no foul.  We were running off too early in the morning to notice.  Gotta get to Star Wars land! 

Day 2… left a two hole dollars.  Cuz…well, that’s what I leave for the Denver hotels.  Ouch! 

Night 2… our conscience hits us hard.  We looked online and see that general practice is $2….. PER PERSON!!!!!!!!!!!  For a higher end hotel…. It’s $5!!!!!  Gwwwwwarrrrssssshhhh!  Who wrote this website?  

Night 2… they only gave us 3 towels.  So we called and asked for another towel. The lady brought it for me…and stood outside obviously waiting for a tip.  Hehe… I wasn’t gonna tip!  They’re fault.  They knew we have four people, why give 3 towels?  Is it to make an extra buck??  Cuz they suspect that’s the only way to get something from us??   I didn’t have any cash.  So I grabbed the towels and shut the door.  Hehe… 

Day 3 and 4…. We decided to drop a $5.  Still too cheap??  I’m soooo blacklisted. 

A Family Moment

I love vacations. Cuz I love planning. I hate vacations. Cuz I love planning.

Hate it when people don’t do it my way.. the right way. Hrmph!!

 Today… got schooled when we come off Big Thunder Mountain on a last minute fastpass… just for Joyce to say, “Ok, we got Jungle Cruise.” And then we walked right past Pirates…with only a short 15 min Stand By after it just reopened. BOOM! BOOM!! BOOM!!!

 I can get use to enjoying vacations where I don’t plan at all. That’s a lot of faith which could lead to a lot of disappointment. But do I trust her?? I think 14 years ago, I said, “I do.”

A Magic Moment

Disney has many things… pricey pretzels… insane serpentine lines… the cleaniest of clean… and of course, the one Disney Moment. Is it the magic? Is because you paid an arm and a leg and suddenly the ice cream tastes sweeter. The jokes are funnier. The princesses are prettier? Haven’t found our Disney moment yet… 

But what came close was certainly watching a young man get down on his knee to pop that one question. To which the lucky lady’s answer was… “What?! Did you know about this??” (see was asking her parents… who were smiling ear to ear). I think she was buying her time… who doesn’t live for a moment like this?

But what came close was... riding on Big Thunder Mountain... and the grandma sitting behind us was cackling and laughing with her granddaughter like she was a kid again.

But what came close was... the end of Fantasmic when Mickey rode out as steamboat Willie with a full cast of Disney characters on top of what was a fiery lake moments ago. 

Or perhaps... Disney World is so big and commericialized, the Magic Moment got lost in between those dozens and dozens of Disney Tram rides. 

Tolls

Read an article that in a few years, all Bay Area bridge tolls will be purely autopay. With technology where it is, it makes sense, especially in the Silicon Valley. And they save on paying the attendants’ salaries.

Here in Florida… they also took a step forward into the future but two steps back #SMH. They removed the attendant. Ok… but they only accept cash in a little basket (who carries cash!?!?!) And they charge $0.75!?!? Who carries exact change? Throw a dollar bill into the basket, maybe? Tried it in DC… didn’t work. Sigh… what to do? What to do?

18th Anniversary of 9/11.  "We Remember."

P-A-S-S-I-O-N

Flew down to Florida with the family and the entire organization for our annual offsite. Two and a half days of non-stop small-talk, fake laughs and complaining about the Florida weather. One of the biggest highlights is catching up with the gang at the hotel bar for Monday Night Football. Those Michoud guys sure have passion. A simple penalty and the entire Nahwlins gang screamed like someone killed their pets. Geez…. Take it easy!! Life is too short to have that much passion over some meaningless ball game…. Wait a second....

Consumerism Christianity

Had a chance to sit down with Pastor Ted tonight over coffee while shooting the breeze.  Never really get to talk to him other than the 2 minutes of "hi" and "bye."

We talked about raising young teens.. we talked about 2nd languages... and we talked about church development.  How the future generation is expecting something very different from us... different from the previous.  He struggles with it... but at least he's opened to embracing it.

Then we talked about visiting churches.  How the first thing we do is go online and look at their websites.  Long gone are the "Doctrine of Faith" because all churches use the same set of bible verses.  But in fact... we look to see if their worship is Traditional or Modern.  We see if they have a guitar, drum and keyboard vs a pipe organ.  Next thing... we check to see if their church has a children ministry program.  If they don't fit our "wishes", we move onto the next church.

"It comes down to marketing."  So true... so so true.

I can't wait till the day...when I hear someone say, "I went to their website and found they lack in XXXXXXX. So I decided to go to their church and help them build up their XXXXXXXX. "

Will that day ever come?? Or rather... will that be me??  Should that be me??? 

When stars misaligned

This may have happened 1 other time in my entire life.  I was peeing today... and all of a sudden, I needed to sneeze!  It was a blur after.  I don't know what I ended up doing.  I was in the middle of a phat piss... so you can't just stop, like a water faucet.  If it flows...it goes.  So I tried to sneeze as gentle as possible... to exert as little force as possible to not disrupt the lower body.  I think I stopped peeing momentarily to ready myself for the sudden gush of air out of my nose.  But when you sneeze, your abdomen naturally flexes and pushes things outward... and things start coming out of any and all orifices.  Now that I think about it.. I'm kinda glad that pee didn't come out of my nose.

Hmm... I wonder if other people have blogged about this.  Maybe there's a name to this phenomenon.  Sneeze + pee = "snpeeze."    Pee + sneeze = "pneeze."  I'll work on it...

So tell me what you want what you really want...

"So tell me what you want what you really really want..."
"I'll tell you want I want what I really really want.."
Awana... Awana...
"I wanna really, really, really wanna zigazig ah..."

2 weeks into Awana... and the kids are flourishing.  They WANT to finish their "TNT Assignments" and they're absolutely blowing me away with the memory verses.  It takes them an hour...if not minutes.. to memorize a bible verse.  And it's taking me an entire week.  Sigh... but I'm doing it!! 

My memory isn't what it use to be... but with enough practice and determination... I'm reclaiming what I missed out when I was a kid. 

Praise God!! 

Major Failure and Major Triumph

I've been so moody and loopy lately... I'm appalled at myself.

For some small and petty reason... I got really mad at SW.  To a point where I threatened to delete his Pokemon account.  He knows Bah-B very well... so he challenged me.  Saying I won't do it.  I really wasn't... and wouldn't... but because he challenged me, I didn't back down.  So I went all outs to make him think I deleted it.  It shattered him for the rest of the night... I broke my baby's heart.  And I wasn't about to give in....

After 30 minutes... NN came in and pleaded for her brother.  I stood pat and wasn't going to relent.  She said, "Ok.. .then you can delete my account too."

WOW!!!  Go Nui nui!!!  有骨氣!

She was just as sad.... to a point where, as I was putting her to bed... she said, "You deleted the app, but can we have our login? So we can play on mommy's phone." 

I said, "No.  You asked for it to be deleted, so I deleted." 

She said, "yeah... but I can't go through life enjoying the game knowing SW is miserable.  It doesn't make me happy, but it's the right thing to do."  (She was in tears.) 

My Nui-nui... so selfless.  She cares for her baby brother so much. 

I failed. She triumphed.   I need to learn from my daughter.

Still looking...

A few weeks ago... I was famished.  So I bought a bucket of KFC and scarfed down 4 pieces.  Not long after... I felt so sick.  Was in that tricky spot between hurling and fainting and being lackluster the entire afternoon.

Fast forward a few weeks... I did this again.  Only, this was at Popeyes.  Did I learn my lesson?? Heck no!!  This time, I was trapped between hurling, joint pains and being lackadaisical. 

Conclusion.... cuz life is about drawing conclusions... I need to find the next Fried Chicken place that'll let me down 4 pieces without feeling sick.  

525,600

How do you measure, measure a year?

In daylights, in sunsets
In midnights, in cups of coffee
In inches, in miles
In laughter, in strife?

In truth that she learns
Or in times that he cried
In bridges he burned
Or the way that she dies

It's time now to sing out
Though the story never ends
Let's celebrate
Remember a year in the life of friends

*chuckle*  sigh..... *chuckle some more*

International News

I haven't been paying much attention to the Hong Kong protests.  Nor have I been keeping up with the Trade Wars... but I'm enamored by the news of China opening it's first Costco!!!!  I will never complain again... Hehe..

飯後散步

一家人飯後散步是一件又健康, 又溫馨的事.  可是, 最近我們的散步演變成我當馬夫他們三個坐在冷氣車箱內一家人到處捉怪獸。 去gym? 去raid? 去搵Poke-stop? 甚至乎為咗生蛋，要我漫無目的的地左兜右兜，為咗是要多一兩公里的步行。多麼無聊，但10分溫馨！

Awana

After 5 official years of Children Ministry... we finally took the plunge and enrolled NN and SW into Awana. You drive around the Bay Area and 9 out of 10 churches have a giant sign hung out in the front offering this program - not our church.  I never got the full reason why.  Anecdotally, I've heard that because it uses an award system and could systematically ostracize our kid for not memorizing verses, it didn't fit into our church's DNA.  Well... after many years of evolution and trial and error... we felt it was time to step out.

Still too early to tell if I like this program.  And each church does things differently.  Of course, I did a bunch of online research.  And at tonight's parent orientation night, I was perfectly fine with the principles that were described - up until the "Award" section.  The kids eyes grew as big as pepperoni's. Call it reward system... call it motivation and encouragement... call it whatever you want... my gut twisted when they described the "Awana Bucks" and the different awards you can get.

Can't deny though... that the kids were engaged. And if it leads to more bible reading, scriptural discussion and even memorization... who am I to stand in it's way? NN is an academic overachiever.  She'll be fine.  SW... though not as ambitious...will hold his own.  But is this truly the right move?

The heart melting thing is... SW arrived..  and he found his friend right away.  He was as happy as a clam.  NN on the other hand... just missed "the crowd."  She was the only 5th grader.  Turns out a bunch of folks graduated into youth last year... and the upcoming group are only 3rd grade girls.  Once again... we missed the year of having kids.  When everyone had boys... we had NN.  When everyone had girls... we had SW.  How precious it'll be when both of them can find peers that they can struggle with, triumph with, grow up with.

God... will you provide??

"Why so serious?"

Sitting around a dinner table... playing an ice-breaking game of answering a simple question.  Why put so much thought into it? Why care about how people will judge you? Why care about measuring up to everyone else's answers? I am who I am... and I am a child of God.

Some sample questions during the dinner...

• Toilet paper - over or under? Over! 
• Toothpaste - squeeze from middle or the end? The end - so my wife can have the pleasure of squeezing from the middle. 
• Last meal on earth with $20, what would you get? - Big Mac Meal at McD's with stinky tofu from Hong Kong
• What is your Favorite movie? - the Notebook (that wasn't my answer, but that became the running joke)
• What is ONE super power you would pick? - superhuman ability to love (followed by ability to heal, because someone's daughter is autistic, followed by ability to provide basic means to 3rd world country, followed by time travel...)
• What's your favorite ride - the original batmobile from the Adam West TV Show 
• What's your happiest time of life - 16, full blown puberty, beginning to be sure of my self, finding out the opposite gender isn't as disgusting (and vice versa).  

My favorite question... which gave me a chance to provide my favorite answer

• What makes you happy? - Seeing people come to the Lord and accepting Jesus.  

My genuine answer.  Which opened the doors for others to share and witness.  Was it inappropriate proselytizing at a workplace environment.  Maybe... or it was just my answer, because that's who I am.  An equally good answer - because it comes from the heart, and because really, almost anyone can identify with... "When I'm riding on a swing."  

What an answer...  So pure.  So true.  So simple.  Yet... so hard to achieve.  Funny though... that answer who never have made it out.  Either we truly have no time to have fun and be happy anymore.  Or we're too worried people will say "That's dumb" or "That's childish."  To which my final question to the table will be.... "Why so serious???" 

A breath of fresh air...

There’s been a major change at work recently. I walk into the men’s room... and omg... it smells “fresh!!” Almost like walking into a Ladies Room. (Heh...) Turns out, we’ve installed a bunch of air fresheners in there - including each stall!!!!  Underneath each TP dispenser is a motion activated air freshener. I’m mildly amused... and highly appreciative.

Oh... and another year... Kinda puts things into perspective, aside from family, how many people sent me a message.  Can count them all on one hand.. 

“我赤身出於母胎， 也必赤身歸去。 

賞賜的是耶和華，收回的也是耶和華； 

耶和華的名是應當稱頌的。” 

~約伯記‬ ‭1:21‬ ‭CNV‬‬

Man's Best Friend

Yesterday morning... as I was pulling out of the driveway, I saw a blur of yellow dash behind my car.  My first reaction... is it a mountain lion? Gotta get the kids to safety.  Turns out.. .the blur that I almost hit is a Labrador - with no collar.  What's a dog doing in my neighborhood without a collar?

If this was a cat... I wouldn't think twice about it... but for some reason, I stopped, got out, and instinctively reached out my hand so the dog can sniff me.  Not that I can tell or anything...but the dog looked old.  Specks of white shining out of the coat of gold.  The kids came out and got so excited it scared the dog... so I told them to run back inside to get mommy to bring out a dish of water.

Upon closer look... you can literally see the rib cage sticking out.  Further signs she's a stray... that hasn't eaten in a while.  But why? Where? And why was it so clean? NN noticed her nails need filing... I have no idea what that means.  I have no idea what to do.  Call animal control? Call a pound? Bring the dog inside and post pictures on NextDoor? What if the owner isn't a user? What if the owner... is "in-transition" and doesn't have a home?

We're not dog people so we ran across the street and explained the situation to our neighbor who owns a dog.  She knew exactly what to do.  The moment she led the dog away... I wanted to stop her.  As if this wasn't suppose to happen.

When we drove away to lunch, the kids kept saying the dog was sent by God.  They came up with a dozen names for her.  And started saying that for Christmas, that's all they want.  Then it became more creative... for MY birthday, they'll get ME a dog.  In all honesty... my heart was moved.  My mind was thinking... maybe this IS a sign.  Maybe this dog was meant for us.  She's an older dog... meaning she's due to die soon.  But since we don't have a strong emotional attachment, no big deal? I started thinking of the bills racking up from the vet.  I started thinking walking the dog later that afternoon and having to pick up poop.  I thought about stopping by Costco... and finally becoming a true red-blooded American by spending gobs and gobs of money on dog food and cat litter.  In that waking moment... Joyce says, "We can't take care of her."  And she's right.

During lunch, I get a text from our neighbor saying the dog is doing well... asleep on the rug.  And a couple hours later... she texts me again saying they've found the owner.  But for those couple of hours... I think I was closer than ever to getting a dog.  To find what I've been longing for all these years... to find my best friend.

Beyblades

Back in my younger years... there was this toy, this fad called "Pogs."  Where you buy little circles about the size of a silver dollar.  You stack them up... and you slam them with your "Slammer."  If they're flipped one side, you keep them.  If you they're flip the other side, your opponent keeps it.  Not since Pogs, have I faced a toy so utterly imbecilic!!!  That toy... is Beyblades. 

They've been around a few years... but I think with the animated series, it's picked up a second wind.  Or maybe, it's appealing to boys around the age of 8.  Course... we're not going to spend $10-$20 on these little tops.. just so we can watch them spin.  That hasn't stopped the kids though.  They're thoroughly impressing me... to a point where they've busted out with their old lego sets and started creating their own Beyblades.  A $100 lego set, which SW hasn't even opened... finally has the seal broken. 

And the best part is... SW's dad is getting into it with them.  Neither SW or I are Lego maniacs.  We don't like it... we don't build it.  But when it came to building our ad-hoc Beyblades... we were digging through the boxes of leftover lego's unleashing creativity I never knew we had.

The worst part is... no matter how hard I try... I can't build a Beyblade that can beat SW's Champion. =) 

回憶起當天的歡笑

我自問與小孩子沒有緣份。 有很多人都認為我與小朋友很投契, 很受歡迎. 但這只是軀殼沒有內涵。 我不是討厭小朋友, 只是他們很快就吸納了我的精神, 我的精力, 我的耐性。有得選擇, 我是不會與小孩子一起玩耍的. 甚至乎是自己的親戚, 外甥, 或侄兒。真是不知道我我怎樣能養大家中兩位小寶貝。

昨天, 哥哥有事的緣故, 我有機會與侄兒共度4小時的時刻。 起初是出於責任。 當我在YMCA與哥哥道別的時候, 發覺要與侄兒一起坐25分鐘. 我突然心跳加速, 心不耐煩，很想帶他到一個小樂園消磨時間。最好就是不用我費心去娛樂他。到了最後都是坐在椅子地等。怎料侄兒非常生性。比起一般三歲大的小男孩定得很。他不會嘈雜, 不會喊悶,很端正地坐在位置觀察四周圍的環境. 我有與他說笑與他唱歌與他玩，他只會哈哈大笑, 帶給我無窮的喜樂。 坐在泳池旁邊, 當水撥到我的腳, 令我當然警醒「血濃於水」這四個字。坐在我身邊的不是我親生兒子, 豁達的說, 他是我梁家的骨肉, 也是我的骨肉。 這份親切咁是無法形容的。 隨了{{小天使}}之外， 這是我第一次諗， 我們應否生第三個。(苦笑)

游泳之後與他更衣, 帶侄兒回家首次與他獨自進晚膳, 與他玩耍。他沒有投訴, 沒有大喊大叫, 有沒有半分令到我討厭。侄兒玩得樂極忘形，在他的小世界內他小小的玩具兩三本的連環圖就是他的Happiest Place on Earth!!

當然, 我每隔幾分鐘就望一望我的錶, 等哥哥回家。就好像, 看着牆上的油漆凝固, 看着前院的綠草生長, 漫長的時間終於到到高潮，哥哥終於回家。 與侄兒共渡4小時是非常之快樂, 但是不及得能夠將一條小生命, 完完整整交回他的父母, 那份感覺快樂。

愕然地. 當哥哥一回家, 首要做的就是將iPad交給侄兒讓他看YouTube。早知是這樣我就不會那麼辛苦了!! 經一事, 長一智。 我下次知點做！

唉..... 生第三個?? 回憶起當天的歡笑, 是光陰沖洗不去, 在這一生中 這一生中沉醉...

Sexuality

It's taboo to talk about it.  And it's taboo to ignore it.  I don't know what to do anymore... and it's hitting me smack in the face.

A few months ago... I found out that a childhood friend of mine is now living with a partner.

Yesterday... NN tells me that one of her camp counselors recently broke up with her girlfriend.

And lastly... NN tells me that one time, she was playing Truth or Dare... and they dared one of her girl friends to list out who they have a crush on.  Her girl friend listed out a bunch of boys... and a girl.

It's so real.... so so real.

Dodged a bullet

3 days later... all is quiet on the western front.  Some of the medical articles were right.  Your first contact with poison oak won't amount to much.  It's your second and third encounters where you'll have a strong reaction.  Other than a few bumps and some occasional itching... SW went relatively unscathed this time around.  But the next time... and I hope there won't be... it's probably gonna be bad.... ugh.... Bubble Boy? Or Danger Ranger?

How many times did Neo dodge the bullets?

Playground Rules

There's this structure at the playground that's kinda like a zipline.  Kids grab hold of a handle bar and zip down this rail... until they hit the bumper at the end and bounce back.  Many playgrounds have this but this playground is different.  The starting point is angled higher, so there's an initial slanted drop that adds to the speed and hence forth momentum of the zipline. 

Kids, of course, want to play this.  For someone of smaller stature, they can possibly touch the handle bar at the tail end of the ride while standing on solid ground.  But as they push the bar up the rail... and as it starts angling up... the higher and higher it gets, to a point where even full grown adults can barely touch it. 

So I stood there... observing different sets of kids try to conquer this trickery. They try all sorts of things.  Including climbing on the rail itself... inching themselves down to the end of the rail... but when they get there, there aren't enough hands to hold onto the zipline handle and then inch back up the rail.  Some of them jump... and slap the handle up the rail... but they don't have enough time to run to the ledge and catch it.  So the handle naturally falls back into position... down stream.

Finally... these 3 girls figured something out.  Three girls... two medium sized and one small size.  They lift the small girl up... so she can grab the handle.  Then the two hold her feet and walk her up stream.  This solves the "height" problem.  Then... they take turns riding the zip line.  If it's the small girl... the two medium sized girl lets her fly.  If it's one of the medium sized girls' turn... the other medium sized girl holds up the small girl just long enough for the other one to climb the ramp and step on the ledge.  I was truly amazed.  I smiled.  These girls... they figured it out.  Playground rules... where you have to work together, get creative, solve the world's problems one at a time.

I don't see boys doing that... I simply don't.

Poison Oak - Day 2

Woke up at 6AM this morning to hop on a 6:30AM call.  After I was done... I open the door and Joyce was standing there waiting for me.  "SW has bumps on his legs."

And thus it begins....

Had to reschedule things left and right.  Then sped to Lucky's to get calamine, an extra ice pack and some snacks.

Poor kid's staying home with me... and here I am.  Working my butt off at home while he's enjoying Pokemon on TV.   We shall see....

Poison Oak

"It's summer!! Let's go do an outdoors camp instead of all these VBS and Science camps!!"

I love it... I love the outdoors. I want my kids to appreciate nature and experience God's creation.  More so than I did when I was a kid.  And there's probably a good reason why... I never got infected with poison oak!!  Geez....

So not only does SW touch it.. he stepped all over it.  Both legs.  We had to throw his socks away.  Not sure what to do with his shoes.  According to the counselors... there's nothing to do, but wait.  You'll start seeing the reactions and bumps and rashes in 12-36 hours.  Geez.....

Hunkering down... waiting for the storm to hit.  Such a surreal feeling...

In memory of...

Today was Helena's Memorial Service.  I was honored to be asked to read from Scriptures, translate the sermon and translate the Eulogy.

I met Helena in 2016... when she came to our church.  Her son flew down from Canada to accompany her mom as she went through surgery and subsequently cancer treatment.  I was able to befriend Whitman... and came to know Helena.  I never got to know her well.  But she was always the mother of my friend... which made her so much closer.  Over the years... I saw her grow in Christ.  Her faith.  Her love.  Her servant heart.  I was delighted to see her volunteer for the ESL ministry.  And I was blessed to have taught the Beginner's Sunday School class.

Late last year... after her cancer was in remission... she was rediagnosed.  Cancer came back.  I hate cancer.  I really do. I remember hearing about her.... and how she came to church the next day.  She was an instant celebrity.  Everyone went up to her... to ask of her well-being.  I went up to her.  And immediately embraced her... like she was my own mother.

During Gospel Sunday last year... she came out to share her testimony.  "I have no fear.  I know God is with me."  Her words echo like it was yesterday. "And I look forward to worshiping with you all again when I am healed."  That day... never came.  She came to our Sunday Service twice.  In a wheel chair.  She was half the person she use to be, physically.  But I can sense... her spirit was more than alive.

Last Saturday... she went home to be in the arms of our Abba Father.  Today... we bid our final farewells.  A rush of emotion came over me as I was standing there translating.  I was at a lost for words.  I couldn't think.  I couldn't speak.  I couldn't do it.  I pressed on... finished my job and sat back down.  Then came the eulogy.  I wasn't prepared for that.  Whitman came last minute and asked me to translate.  I did it in first person.  Speaking as if it was my turn... I couldn't hold it in.

Helena... I didn't know you well.  But I will never forget you.  Thank you for making a last imprint in my life.  Until we meet again....

Ready - Set - Hunt!!!

Last week while driving home, we started playing the alphabet game using the category fruits and veggies.  We got stuck in the letters "Q" and "U".... so on our way home, we stopped by a local supermarket to check out their produce section.  Since it was uber hot... and I didn't want to head home yet... I devised a scavenger hunt game and had the kids race to find me, first, two things that start with the letter "Q."  (Quakers and Quinoa). They ran up and down the aisles... rummaging through this and that.  Then I had them find something that starts with the letter "Z."  (Zesty and Zingers).  Finally... the ultimate challenge.  I handed them both a basket and had them go find something that begins with the letter of their first names.

Two years makes a huge difference.  NN immediately attacked the produce section.  We just finished the alphabet game and went shopping there.  She knows exactly what to look for, where.  SW on the other hand... was frustrated to the point of tears cuz he couldn't find something that starts with "U."

"It's not fair, daddy!"

NN...being the loving sister... finished her challenge, picked up SW's basket and helped out her little brother.  I grabbed SW's hand and started up and down the aisle with him... while he tried to hide his tears.  Awwwww.... my baby. =(

What does a father do at that point?? You turn yourself into the common enemy... so they forget they're competing against each other.  The final FINAL challenge... find 5 things, that begin the first letters of my name.

They had so much fun... they were planning the next Scavenger Hunt, which happened to be today.  I pick them up from Summer Camp and they wanted to head to Target to "play that game."  I thought SW meant he wanted to play with the Nintendo Switch there.  Turns out.. .they've been jonesing for another round of scavenger hunt.  I was running on near Empty already... didn't have the energy and focus to do this.  And boy was it taxing....

Target is so big... I easily lost them.  It was almost irresponsible.  NN is borderline old enuf... but SW???  And the store is sooooo big, they didn't know where to go to find things. Once again... two years make the biggest difference.  I ended up giving SW a lot of advice.  He really didn't know where to start looking... but wander aimlessly up and down the aisles.  So I said, "Where do you see a lot of gift cards?" "Ohhhhhhhhhh!!!!"  And then "Pixar DVD".  "Where do you see a lot of DVD's?"  Immediately... it clicked and he ran to the DVD section.  Poor guy... he doesn't know what Pixar means.

Once again... NN won.  BUt as we were walking out... NN started saying that, "One thing I found out, there are signs above each aisle that give you clues."  SW said, "I didn't use those clues."  NN responded, "I didn't either, until it realized how much easier it was."

Who knew... this little game... is actually a school of hard knocks.

And dad.... I was exhausted.

Signs of Old Age

Someone once told me... that no matter how much plastic surgery you do to hide your age... just look at their hands and that'll tell you how old they are.  I'm gonna add to that... look at their feet. 

For whatever reason... modern society has made feet into something that's a little sacred or hidden or personal.  To a point where it can get mysterious. 

Today... I had the opportunity to put socks on for my mom.  She had an outpatient procedure (10 years ago - "Outpatient Surgery" and 20 years ago - "Surgery.")  When we left the recovery room... I took off her "Hospital Socks" that has all the traction and put on her regular socks.  Man.... her feet.  They've lost their "chubbiness." What were once chubby and healthy feet.... are now old, decrepit and skinny feet. What happened???

What happened?? Mom got old.  That's what happened.  Sigh....

Hitting too close to home

There was an active shooting incident at the Gilroy Garlic Festival.  Seemingly a random guy.. going to a random festival... doing some dirty deeds.  It shatters my heart knowing that one of the victims is a 6 year old boy and his father can only utter the words, "Worst day of my life."  During moments of despair, sorry and confusion... I remember some words someone once told me.  "In the midst of a crisis or tragedy, look for the helpers." There will always be people stepping up and bringing a glimpse of hope.

I salute our first responders.  Thank you.

Gotta catch em all!!

Friday night... SW and I got kicked out of the house cuz NN had a sleep over.  So we ended up catching Pokemons.  We first went to a Raid...which we lost horribly cuz our Pokemons weren't powerful enough.  Then we went to fill up our bellies... then headed to a local park to start powering up.  By that time, it was sunset and time to head home.  Instead of going straight home... I ended up driving through downtown Campbell at a snail's pace... so SW can collect some Pokeballs and catch Pokemon's.  We had a blast.

Sunday night... we were heading home after a long day.  And now both NN and SW were sitting in the air conditioned car while I drove around hunting.  The best part is... we convinced Mommy to get into it too!!  Cuz we needed more Pokemons at our Raids.

So here I was... half asleep on a Sunday evening, driving through the suburbs of Silicon Valley, pulling into random parking lots of churches and coffee shops so they can find gyms, raids and look for badges and passes.  Make odd U-turns, pulling over by bus stops, circling over and over again just to get closer.  How mo-liu.... right??

5-10 years from now... we'll look back and say this was one our best quality family moment... this moment in time...

On the Go!! Pokemon Go!

Kids didn't have camp today... so I ended up getting both of them for a day.  The day started out slow... I logged in to polish off some lingering emails.  Gave the kids a break and let them get some iPad and Netflix time in.  Then we headed off to shoot some hoops.  One wanted to walk.  One wanted to bike.  One wanted to drive.  That was me... I lost.  We ended up biking to a local playground... while I followed along on a scooter with the basketball in a bag around my shoulder.  They're too fast now... I can't keep up.  It was fun getting there! It was fun shooting hoops.  It was fun watching them try to "Beat that Wall!!"  (SW still can't do it... shucks).  Then it was time to head home... and boy did they not like the trek. HA!!  Told ya we shoulda driven!!!

We get home... headed over to get some ramen... then I was out of ideas.  What to do now???  Lo and behold... SW sees that I downloaded Pokemon Go!  I installed a couple months ago when he started to get into Pokemon, but I've never played it myself.  Course, with one phone, they'll never learn to share.  Ended up spoiling them.. and installed it on my other phone.  So now... both kids are at the park... running around outside, getting some fresh air and sunlight, much needed Vitamin D, while looking down at a screen.

Me?? I didn't have a phone to play with... I ended up having to look around and observe/enjoy nature while singing to myself.  How absurd!!!  Sigh... to be without a phone.  HA!

I am, another he

As if it was yesterday... I vividly remember that time when our family went on an outing many many years ago.  We ended the night looking for food (dinner).  Walking up a city block, we see a donut shop from afar.  That's all I wanted... a donut.  Something sweet.  Something unhealthy.  Something temporarily filling.  To my dismay and disappointment, my dad found a Chinese restaurant across the street.... and we had a traditional Chinese dinner.  My dad... the one who must eat Chinese in order for it to be considered a meal.

Fast forward 30+ years.... on my business trip.

Day 1 - I go to a Chinese restaurant and order 2 lobsters with white rice.
Day 2 - on my way out of Denver to Huntsville at the airport... I coulda had anything for dinner.. but I picked Orange Chicken with rice.
Day 4 - on my way home from New Orleans... I picked an Asian fast food place and ordered fried rice with orange chicken and broccoli beef.

In those moments in time... I only wanted Chinese food.  At those moments in time... I find that I am he.

Nomads R Us

This summer has been fun but challenging for the kids.  Week after week... we move them from camp to camp like nomads.  They enjoy camp.  They come home happy.  And they also come home with a lot of sh-tuff.  It's almost like these camps measure their own success by the amount of stuff the kids take home.  But alas... it's different every week. 

Monday it's chaotic.
Tuesday they get acclimated.
Wednesday they build a rhythm.
Thursday they make a friend (or 2).
Friday it's time to say good bye.
Redo...

Breaks my heart to have to move the kids around like this.  Finally... we found some structure and consistency with this local church who ran a VBS, then back to back weeks of science camp.  3 weeks is a millennium for them.  And next week... it's back to Galileo.  Then it's outdoors camp. 

Sigh... it's great that the two play together, otherwise they'll be loners in a new world each week.  And slowly and surely... SW is developing his social acumen to make friends.  C'mon.. he's a boy.  How hard is it to find other boys who want to play.  It was especially cute that at this church... in his grade level... he wasn't the shortest boy!! Awwwwwwww...........

So now... it turns out that I worry more about NN and her social abilities.  She's nearing that age where if you don't have friends going in, it's hard to make friends from the outside.  Sigh... and next year, it'll be 5th going onto 6th grade.  What to do... what to do...

In today's TWA... we're reminded that  這稱為我名下的子民，若是謙卑、禱告、尋求我的面，轉離他們的惡行，我必從天上垂聽，赦免他們的罪，醫治他們的地。 Must humble myself before the Lord... and align my heart with His. 

囡囡

On travel this week... and for some odd reason, I really miss my kids.  It's only day 1 and I'm miserable from homesickness.  On the plane ride from DEN to HSV, I saw a dad traveling with this little girl who was maybe 4 or 5.  She was very well behaved.  Played with her toys.  Colored. Her dad drew little mazes for her.  She spilled some stuff.  Her dad didn't give her the "Tssssk" sound that I probably would've made.  And after 2 hours on the plane while waiting out a thunderstorm and overall an hour delay into HSV.... while we landed... she started singing.  Brought huge smiles to every one around her.  I miss my 囡囡.


Then when I got to the hotel and started to wind down... I watched a little Netflix.  The show had woman who just found out she was pregnant. She walked by and saw a beautiful outfit in the window for a little girl... a yellow cardigan over a dress that had bumblebees on it.  Cue the music and the amazing artistry to capture that moment.  Then change scene to that mom opening the bag at home and pulling out that sweater admiring it.  Almost makes me want to go shopping with 囡囡 and get her a cute little outfit.  (Almost).  And to think.... until I have a granddaughter... I won't be able to relive those moments anymore. I miss my 囡囡.


And to top it off... good ol' dad sends a text tonight that basically says daughters (henceforth 囡囡) has no place in this family.  He blames it on the old family tradition.  I soooooo wanted to tell him off, and say, YOU can change that tradition if you want to.  Decided to protest silently.  Yes... my daughter is born disadvantaged cuz of a different chromosome.  But I'll be darn if I let her get picked on without going down with a fight... even if it's against thousands of years of tradition.  I miss my 囡囡.

The Feeling of Vulnerability

Was woken up this morning, not by any alarm, but by my house's fire alarm.  It was loud!! There was a lady's voice that said something along the lines of "Fire. Fire. Evacuate. Evacuate."

I sat up in bed... groggy.  Looked at the clock - 5:30AM.  What was happening!?! Was there really a fire?? Did I leave the stove on?? Did Joyce burn something in the oven??  I got up... grabbed my phone... of course... and proceeded into the hallway.  *Sniff*Sniff*.  No smoke.  The kids got up and started walking out of their room.  Do we really evacuate like we do in school and work fire drills?

Right, wrong or indifferent.  I ensured their room was safe... and I walked around the house to check it out.  Nothing was out of the ordinary.  Front door.  Living room.  Kitchen.  Garage.  Dead and still as night.  What triggered the alarm??? Was it smoke? Carbon Monoxide? Maybe we have critters in our attic that cause the line to jump? The alarm stopped and I tried to get the kids to bed - but they were too excited or amped up.  They talked and talked until it was 7AM. 

Tonight... we had a little family meeting.  We talked about what to do in case of an emergency.  The kids then volunteered what they would bring with them.  A piggy bank.  A blanky.  A pillow or squishmellow.  I told them I would grab our documents, my wallet, my phone and the car keys.  If anything, we can drive to somewhere else. 

Then at night... after we turned off the lights... and I was telling my bed time story, SW was standing up doing stuff.  I wasn't sure what he was doing.  Right before saying goodnight.. .he said he was scared.  Scared that a fire can burn our house down.  **How do you reassure someone to NOT be scared?? By saying, "唔洗驚?"**

After they fell asleep and they started snoring away, I got up and there was a mess on the floor.  I shone my phone on the bedroom floor.... and it was a giant quilt.  In the middle of the quilt... was their piggy bank, a blanky and a squishmellow.  He made his bug-out bag and was ready to split at a moment's notice.

How long will my kids have to live in fear...and to live with this feeling of vulnerability?

A Tale of Two Pineapple Buns

Went out yesterday to meet up with Dad at Peet's.  He didn't know we stopped by Pineapple King on the way there... so he ordered a blueberry muffin.  When he saw us bust out with the heavenly pillow of pleasure, he says, "早知有菠蘿包我就唔哎muffin啦."  I took his muffin and saved it for another day.  Was able to break bread (not just any bread) with dad.  It was a good morning.

This morning... the kids could choose between 85 deg C bread and a pineapple bun.  They picked pineapple bun.  They have chosen wisely.  It is a good morning.

大哥

Started watching some of Jackie Chan's movies with the kids recently.  Of course... picking the ones that are family friendly.  Some of this martial arts ones... or 警匪.. or even the American / Hollywood ones are too mature for them. 

Naturally (for me), the first one I started out with is 龍兄虎弟.  SW and NN loved it so much... they couldn't stop talking about it or even re-enacting it.  It was a splitting image of myself.  That was my reaction when I first saw it too.  But it goes downhill from there.  We then hit up 飛鷹計劃, which was bad when I first saw it.  Followed by the third installment in this trilogy 十二生肖, which is total garbage.  But the kids know something is good when they see it... and they wanted more.  So I went with one of the all time greats....奇蹟, which isn't an all time great Jackie Chan movie, but an all time great HK Cinema movie.  Much to my disappointment, they didn't come to appreciate the storyline. 

Tonight... I ventured to something more basic or raw... 快餐車.  Within 20 minutes, I had to stop it.  Even I couldn't stomach it anymore.  When will I proceed to 警察故事? A計劃? Or at the very least... 五福星?  Actually... the real question is... when do I introduce them to 金庸??

It's not a deal... it's a steal!

With Prime Day around the corner... it makes me think how my day can make or break if I can find a good deal.  Finding a 30% coupon at Sweet Tomatoes instead of a 20% coupon.  Finding a Family Size Lays for the same price as regular sized Lays.  Or just about anything at Costco - the happiest place on earth (outside of DL). 

There comes a time though... when you need to be careful. 

Case in point, at any restaurant, the highest marked up wine is generally the 2nd most expensive bottle.  Why??  Human nature... we will be priced out of the most expensive thing on the menu.  But we like to keep up with the Jones', so we aim high..... but not too high.  It's actually very predictable. 

Case in point... this past week at the Happiest Place on Earth.  I saw a bottle of wine, priced at $27 marked down to $18.  That's 30% off!!!  Didn't even hesitate.  Everything at Costco is already above average.... but to save 30%!!!! 

Right when I was walking away, a young man came shopping with his elderly parent.  The parent also saw the deal.  Not the wine label.  Who cares which winery it is... it's on sale!!  The son... didn't even think twice, and grabbed the bottle next to it, priced at $37.  He could've bought two of my wine for his one bottle!!  The elderly parent lingered.  Looked at the bottle in her hand.  Looked at the price.  Looked at the bottle she was cradling.  Looked at the price.  And the son... was pushing the cart and leaving.  Sadly... the old lady had to return the bottle.   I shake my head.  What an imbecile!! Not only are you spending more money... you're dishonoring your parent!! HA!! 

I popped open the bottle this weekend.... and Ohhhhhhhhhhh.....   I should've known better.  There's a reason why it's marked down 30%.  There's a reason why it's a deal.... cuz it's not just a deal, it's a steal.  I had $18 stolen right out of my wallet!!! ARGH!!!!!!!!! 

論金庸 - 談倚天

自小就喜愛金庸筆下的故事。 最初接觸金庸就是1984年台灣所拍下的神鵰俠侶。 雖然當時不是太懂得國語,但是看公仔看圖畫和媽媽加以解釋之下,都明白故事的大綱,些少細節與及高潮。 楊過拜師,斷臂遇神鵰,暗然銷魂掌,這一切，並向我這一生種下金庸世界的熱枕。

由於中文程度差, 對金庸的認識大部份都是嚟自無綫電視劇集。直至到大學畢業後,第一份工被人裁員,有一段的空間我竟然可以慢慢回味一番我自小的喜好，一連幾個星期不眠不休看完他的小說。 接觸金庸的故事在乎天時地理人和包括自己的內心世界, 當時生活中的過程, 人生中的點滴與及如何面對人生的觀點。

最近看了大陸製作的最新倚天屠龍記。 能夠有少少認識到這故事其實是源於黃玉郎的如來神掌裏面龍劍飛的故事。當時香港還沒有版權的意念. 黃玉郎左抄右抄將很多小說帶入了漫畫與連環套的世界，給了一班不羈的青年能夠踏入金庸的世界。

不知東南亞如何宣傳這套劇，但海外的我, 最認知的就是最美的滅絕師太 - 周海媚,。觀看了多套倚天屠龍記, 心裏的滅絕師太就只有李香琴那一位。其他滅絕師太不是比她遜色, 而是不夠他的bitchiness，好有可能李香琴飾演的滅絕師太, 遠遠不及金庸筆下的滅絕師太. 但在我心目中，只有他能夠稱得上上滅下絕。可惜可惜。 今次這套製作有一點兒像星球大戰前傳一樣、錯失好良機。 劇本有了，演員嘅陣容強大，科技的發達，但最終出來的結果真是食而無味，有點漏氣。 但倚天畢竟是倚天。 尤其是86倚天是我親手借回家的，有一個前所未有的專理權。倚天是屬於我的。

要睇倚天, 其實只有三四個情節要睇. 其餘的可以當作廢物拋諸腦後。例如誅九真的那一段, 每次想起我都毛管動。又或者是萬安寺, 趙敏如何欺負六大牌高手, 我都覺得甚為討厭。第一就是張無忌接下滅絕屍體三掌,拯救銳金旗，第二當然就是大戰光明頂. 第三在武當山重遇張三丰、而第四就是揭開整個故事的秘密,帶到故事的劇中。

這次的倚天特別之處, 就是拍下了金庸最新改編的結局。在互聯網翻查之下發覺原來最初第一版的結局出現在明報,這結局甚少在電視劇拍出來,因為沒有大團圓的感覺,亦沒有羅密歐與朱麗葉浪漫的情景。還記得第一次閱讀小說時, 最後的結果與我對86倚天的認識差別竟然令我大吃一驚。可能說因為我天生專一, 情有獨鍾,不能理解到一位英雄怎樣可以同一時間擁有多一位紅顏知己， 終身伴侶。

2001吳啟華倚天的結局也相當之令人滿意，因為兩大女主角都同樣尋找到好的歸宿。雖然宋青書與周芷若能夠在一起是有點勉強, 但曹永廉與佘詩曼都是無線的小生花旦, 一句冇所謂就算數。

從哥哥口中, 知識在大陸, 每當你問男士們喜愛那一位金庸的女主角, 問10個有九個半都回答是趙敏。金庸他本人答案會是小昭。你問我, 我個答案就是萬安寺前的周芷若。可能是因為鄧萃雯先入為主令, 我產生周芷若後遺症。 她的身世, 她的單純, 她的委屈, 她的抉擇, 她的結局都令我很想走上前把她擁抱着, 保護着, 安慰着。 趙敏的不可一世，千金小姐, 自把自為的態度, 令我非常之討厭。有很多人是欣賞, 但是當周芷若作稍為同一樣的事的時候, 她就比辱罵為大惡， 毒婦惡婦. 。 她在被逼之下, 沒有真正的思考之下, 情緒控制不到之下, 把珠兒殺掉了。不是殺人滅口， 是她在執行任務時被發現， 愚蠢的珠兒， 在芷若三反四次勸誡之下沒有收聲！但是趙敏所殺的不可勝數。趙敏的狠毒, 趙敏的奸詐, 趙敏的處心積慮, 應該就是張無忌的正, 剛剛相反的邪！

周芷若是想光復峨嵋派, 成全他師傅的遺訓。這有錯嗎？雖然她是行了捷徑, 從九陰真經中學到最惡毒, 最簡單敗絮其中的九陰白骨爪，但這不是尊師重道的精神嗎？周芷若外表可能是冷酷，但內心仍是柔軟, 仍然是在愛痛等候着她的無忌哥。

小昭, 怎能不談及小昭呢, 可憐的她要回到波斯當成女做，波斯明教教主。人在江湖身不由己，有時是沒有得揀的。中原明教波斯明教可說是平等。嚴格來說波斯明教應該是高於中原明教一等、按次序按輪班、小昭是大過張無忌。非常之感人就是金庸筆下寫到小昭將聖火零還給張無忌的那封信裏面，永遠稱無忌為公子，稱自己為婢女。

最後都應該談及我對張無忌的如何看法，但是這個篇文章已經太長了。留下下一次再次從我心目中裏面論金庸吧！

I am he

Many years ago... when I was a lowly IC2... I would see my manager use his laptop.  And slowly and methodically use the little button in the middle of the keyboard for his mouse.  Then he'd tap the pad to select and click-n-move.  Drove me nuts!!!  So slow and inefficient.  I prefer having an actual mouse so I do work at twice the speed.

Guess what... nowadays... I find myself doing the same thing.  Using that little track pad and mouse buttons.  Even if I have a USB mouse attached. 

Sigh... I am now he.

"Who Was?"

"Bah B...can I ask you a question? Why do so many Christians call themselves Christians, but don't act like one?"

Wow... this question sure came from leftfield.  I gave her the modal answer - that we're all sinners and we fall short of the glory of God.

Moments later... she asks, "Does God hate rock-n-roll?"  ****SCREEEEEEEEEEEEEEECH!!!****

Who was feeding her these questions!?!??!  It turns out... she's getting these ideas from the "Who Is/Was" series that she's been reading since 2nd grade.  And this one in particular is "Who Is Bono?"  Two folds... I'm glad NN is wise enough to read something from a book... and have the discernment to come to us for questions.  Also... she is sooooooo ready for Let's Proclaim.  C'mon!!!! One more year!!! Let's do this!!!!

The Flop... The Turn... The River...

Had a Men's Night Out the other night.  There were 5 of us... we expected 8.  Anderson brought Settlers... but turns out the pieces were incomplete.  We ended up playing Texas Hold'Em and 5 Card Draw.  We didn't necessarily "gamble" per se... but our wages started out with Giving an Elder A Ride to Leading Worship.... to eating watermelon and drinking beer with Sriracha Sauce.  HA!!

The unsaid bet... was for all the losers to arrive to service on-time.  Not only on time, but also stand in the front during worshi.  Heh heh heh...

What started out as a little bet... huda thunk will warrant such attention from PAL.  Maybe this little game, can turn into a tradition... and maybe we truly can bring some sort've minor revival to CS.

Amazing Race

Since who knows when... Amazing Race has become our 1 and only network TV program that we watch together.  Not Netflix.  Not Cartoon Network.  Not Food Network.  Not even sports. 

When SW was young... he'll watch just cuz it's television, not fully understanding the emotions, challenges and relationships involved.  Now that they're older, they have more skin in the game.  NN always picks the all-girls team.  SW picks the all-boys team.  Joyce and I generally pick the older couples or any team with someone that's seasoned.

Last night... we finished, yet, another season of Amazing Race. The winners were **SPOILER ALERT** a returning couple from season 3. Why they were picked to return...? Shrug.  Maybe cuz they were infamous for having a short temper and easily became the most hated team in the history of the game.  To a point where they'll berate other team members, cuss like sailor, and as legend has it... block a "little person" from going through the door, just to gain some advantage.

To the whole Amazing Race world's surprise, this couple has transformed into the ideal couple.  Never losing their cool.  Always glass is half full.  Silver linings oozing out of every orifice.  And the part that struck me the most... in the final, most stressful moments of the race, with $1M on the line and the other team neck and neck (neck-in-neck??) with you.... the man did NOT yell at his partner. 

If it were me and Joyce... I would have ripped her into shreds, put her back together, and rip her again. I'm such a horrible husband. But as God would have it... we are life partners, running this Amazing Race.